This chapter is dedicated to Patches.

SUPERFIC

I'm not sure if I've mentioned this before, but I hate my alarm.

So, the following morning, it was with malice and hate that I smashed the snooze button as hard as I could. Sunlight was streaming into my room, making me one unhappy camper. I am so not a morning person.

I reached up to scratch some of the sleep-dust out of my eye, and almost gouged it out.

My fingernails were not that long last night. Cracking an eye open, I examined my hand. Okay, scratch that. Last night, I had normal fingernails. This morning I had claws?

Well, Sakura wasn't joking when she said this universe wasn't supposed to make sense, that was certain.

Scratching my head (and taking care to not give myself lacerations) it dawned on me that my room had changed, AGAIN. Same basic layout, yes, but my bed was facing North instead of east. I could tell by the sunlight streaming in.

If I were a morning person, I would have been more prepared to see Inupapa standing in my doorway. He probably noted my slack-jawed stare, and raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm almost POSITIVE I didn't have a daughter yesterday. Or ever."

(Current state of Rei's brain: not functioning. Running morning wake up routine. Wake up failed. Situation does not compute)

A confused, half-asleep "huh?" was all I could manage.

Then I noticed it. My hair was not its usual brown color.

White. Oh god, not white. Oh no, oh no, oh nonononoooo…

"I'M A SISTER SUE!" I wailed leaping out of bed and staring at my reflection. Yup. White hair, doggy ears, fangs, the whole bit. To my relief, my eyes were still the same pale hazel they've always been, but it wasn't much of a comfort to suddenly find myself related, not only to Inuyasha, but Inupapa and Sesshomaru as well. I flopped down on the floor.

Inupapa came over and sat beside me. "You know, I should have told Housenki to not take the shard into the afterlife with him. I had the sinking suspicion having the boys trample all over my grave a second time would do this."

I looked at him sidelong. He was not making sense.

"What I mean is, when Youkai die, they go to the afterlife. If they can't rest peacefully, they're condemned to roam the fanfiction universes until they can rest. So… I'm stuck here. Which, wasn't too bad until the authors caught up."

"Wait, so… you're the real Inupapa? From the show?" I gasped, relieved. Well, as relieved as one can be upon discovering that she has incestuous feelings for her "family."

"Show?" he puzzled, glaring at me.

"Uh, in my universe, your story, Inuyasha's, Sesshomaru's… it's a TV show."

He nodded. "And I take it you don't belong here either?"

I shook my head furiously. "I was supposed to be a Yorozoku yesterday, and I'm none too pleased to be…"

"A sister-sue?" he finished.

"Yeah."

Inupapa stood. "Well, I'm willing to keep up appearances, if you are. Izayoi and Inuyasha are eating breakfast, see you in a few minutes." He began to exit, but I called after him.

"Inupapa? What's your name? There's been a ton of speculation, but no one knows for sure. Mind telling me?"

"Sure, its (AN: HAHAHAHAH! I'm so mean! I'm not telling yuo lusres what it is!1 LOL desu ne)"

"Wow, a family name, huh?"

"Yeah, it was my grandfather's name. I'm leaving now, get dressed."

At breakfast, sure enough, Izayoi was cooking and Inuyasha was cramming pancakes in his mouth as fast as he could. I sat down across the table from him and grabbed some bacon. If there was one thing being some form of canine was doing for me, it was reminding me how much I love bacon. And boy howdy, I love bacon.

"Oh, dear, Sesshomaru just called. He says he's coming to visit tomorrow!" Izayoi beamed from by the sink.

Inuyasha spit his orange juice out (and onto me, I noted with distaste) and shouted "HELL no! Sesshomaru is always such a jerk when he comes over! I'm not going to cater to that jerk again!" He whirled to face me, as I was stifling a giggle. "What's gotten into you? Don't you remember what he did last time he was here?"

Actually, I didn't. Cramming more bacon into my mouth (hot damn, I love bacon!) I mumbled something incoherent.

Inupapa stood abruptly and cleared his throat. "Kids, off to school with you. Rei, you're driving today."

"What?" Inuyasha snapped. "She ALWAYS drives!"

"That's because she's older," Izayoi added.

"Yeah, by five minutes," Inuyasha retorted. Oh god, not only was I a sister-sue, I was a TWIN sister-sue.

I grabbed the car keys, and when Inuyasha had his back turned, I looked over at Inupapa and made slicing gestures across my throat. "Kill me," I mouthed. He gave me a sympathetic look, and ushered us out the door.

Shoko, Hez, and Sakura were waiting for me when I arrived. "Er, Rei? Was that Inuyasha in the car with you?"

"Oh noes, Rei's now a sister-sue," Sakura immediately added, before I could reply.

"Really? What clued you in? The hair? The claws? The ears?" The minute it was out of my mouth, I regretted mentioning my ears. Without warning, all three of my friends were on top of me, trying to tweak them.

"Hey, hey! Get—agh—off me!" I swatted their hands away. "Besides," I huffed. "Sakura has ears too. Why aren't you playing with hers?"

There was a long pause.

Then a loud shout. "KAGOME!"

Figuring that we had nothing better to do, we rushed in the direction of that shout.

And there she was. Kagome, in all her gosurori glory. Except she had sprouted a tail. And cat ears. And had a weird birthmark on her leg. Her hair was a strange mix of white, purple, green and black. Her eyes glowed with yellow and blue light.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha breathed, excited. "You're a hanyou, too! We're perfect for each other! Come on, let's mate right now! I gotta mark you!" And then they dove to the floor and started going at it.

"Oh JEEBUS!" Hez screeched. "We're in the middle of the freaking HIGH SCHOOL! Can't you at least find a janitor's closet or something!"

Apparently the four of us were the only ones in the crowded hallway that noticed the two hanyou on the floor… mating…

"I am now scarred for life," Shoko puffed as we ran into the gym to escape the madness.

"I will never read another lemon, as long as I live," Sakura added, pale.

"That had to be way worse than Kouga and Ayame," Hez agreed.

The three of them looked at me when I didn't respond. Instead, I was staring rapt at the ceiling.

"Um, Rei? Are you feeling all right?" Shoko asked, concerned.

"Betsey…" was my only reply, as I pointed a clawed hand towards the rafters.

The others followed my gaze to see what was making me so happy.

Betsey, my beloved Betsey the Fanfiction Flamthrower, was suspended from the rafters.

SUPERFIC