Tsuchiya's feet were killing her.
She had no idea how the kids could do it. They'd been here, on their feet in the heat, for hours. She had said no. Mukai did not need this kind of excitement today. She needed rest and Tsuchiya needed time to process things. She needed to be alone. She needed…well it didn't matter what she needed. The kids were happy, that was what mattered. It was nice to see them, to see Shigeko, happy. She deserved it.
She'd been through a lot. More than a lot. More than Tsuchiya could ever imagine.
She was smiling. She, Sho, and Mukai looked like they were arguing over a ride. She had no idea how Shigeko could have been so happy right now, how she could have just….gone to Disneyland. She was here like it was just another day…just another day at Disneyland. A normal day. There was nothing about this that could even be close to being normal….and not just because they were here, at Disneyland, like it was nothing….
Nothing was ever going to be normal again.
She sighed and popped her shoe off. Her feet were killing her. She wasn't exactly out of shape but standing in hour long lines….none of it was close to what she was used to. Walking was fine, as long as she was moving she was fine, but now she felt as out of shape as Minegishi. They had spent the entire trip, it seemed, sitting on a bench with their nose buried in their book. Normal for them.
She had no idea how they could have been so normal right now.
"What?" asked Minegishi, looking up from their book. It wasn't as though it was anything close a loss. They'd been on the same page for the past twenty minutes. They didn't even know what this book was about. It could have been a history book, a trashy romance novel, or the instruction manual to the waffle maker. They didn't know…it wasn't important. Nothing was important anymore.
Nothing but Mob.
"Nothing." Said Tsuchiya quickly. She looked down and got to rubbing her feet. She didn't want to start with them. She had no idea what she was even supposed to say to them. Their boyfriend had been the one who had…she couldn't even think about it. Minegishi claimed to be Shigeko's best friend but they just…they let this happen…everyone let this happen. Everyone had been thinking that something like this was happening…
But Minegishi was the one closest to Shigeko. They were the one who should have kept her safe.
"Obviously it's something or you wouldn't have been staring at me." Said Minegishi, dog earing their page and closing their book. They made eye contact with Tsuchiya. If she wanted to start then, fine, they'd start with her. They knew that this was coming. Tsuchiya had always had a problem with them.
Not without reason.
Minegishi had never in their life pretended to be good at this. They had never wanted a kid, had never planned on having a kid, and had taken many steps to keep from having a kid. But now they had a kid. Now they had Mob and they had failed her worse than they'd ever failed anyone before. They had let this happen….Mob had said that she wanted to…but Mob was a moron. Mob was thirteen and every single thirteen year old that had ever lived was a moron. Every single person who had ever lived, themselves included, was a moron. Some people just grew into what resembled functional human beings. Others did not.
Minegishi had not.
Mob…she thought that she knew best. She thought that she…she had no responsibility when it came to this. She was thirteen, Ryou was an adult even though he didn't act like it, and he never should have had feelings for her in the first place. Minegishi should have taken him seriously. Ryou was never serious…it was hard to tell when he was being serious….
Or maybe Minegishi just hadn't wanted to tell that he was being serious.
"It's just…it's nothing." Said Tsuchiya quickly. She rubbed her feet harder, attempted to look busy. They were still looking at her. She could feel their aura…they were upset…and they should have been. They were closed to Shigeko, they should have known…Tsuchiya was in no mood for a fight. Not now.
Not with them.
She wanted to kill Shimazaki Ryou. She wanted to tear him apart with her bare hands. She wanted to beat him so badly that by the time she was done they would only be able to identify him by his dental records. She wanted to make him pay. She wanted to make him feel as terrible as she felt right now. She had trusted him with the kids…with Shigeko…with Mukai…and that had been the wrong move. Now she was going to be paying for this for the rest of her life, wasn't she?
No. She wasn't going to be the one paying for this.
Shigeko was. She could see Shigeko now. She was having some kind of a discussion with Sho and Mukai about a churro…and then she threw it out. Good, that was way too much sugar. Shigeko had her hand on her hip now. She looked like a little mother there…it would have been cute if Tsuchiya hadn't known better. Shigeko was a child. She was only thirteen years old. She was a child…despite what people thought. Despite how her father treated her.
She was just a kid.
She was just a kid and she was going through more than any kid should have ever gone through. Someone who she had called a friend betrayed her in the worst way imaginable. The other adults in her life had done nothing to protect her. Her father had run off when she needed him the most. Now she was here just trying to be happy…she seemed happy. To the untrained eye she looked bored, maybe even a little annoyed, but Tsuchiya knew better. She could see her aura. She was happy, if not a little frustrated, but she was happy…the clouds of smoke that drifted away from her every so often made it clear why…
At least she was happy.
"Alright then, it's nothing at all." Said Minegishi. It wasn't nothing, it was everything. It was…they didn't want to get into this right now. This was supposed to be the happiest place on Earth after all, right? They didn't have the energy to deal with this. They had happiness to manufacture. For Mob. Always for Mob. Her plan was to live here at Disneyland for the foreseeable future. Not a goon one but the best one they had. Neither of them wanted to come home. To come home would have been to deal with it. Neither of them were up to it. Mob was embarrassed. Everyone knew about her sex life. That was the worst part of it for her, she had said, everyone knew and now they were discussing it. Well…not the worst part.
The worst part was the fact that she thought that they were mad at her.
Minegishi didn't know what they needed to do to get Mob to listen. They were not mad at her. They were mad at themselves, they were mad at Ryou, and they were mad at her parents. They were mad at everyone involved but Mob. She wasn't going to listen, of course. She never did. When she got an idea in her head that was where it would live until a new one kicked it out. Mob was stubborn as hell, all Suzuki's were it seemed. Mukai was shouting something again. Everyone in that family was incredibly stubborn….
Joy.
They had never managed to get Mob to listen to them. Ever. Even though everything that they said…they always acted in her best interests. She was just too young to listen…but she had to listen. Minegishi opened their book to the page they'd dogeared. They didn't know why. It wasn't like they were going to be able to get any reading done now. Too much on their mind. Mob was over there wrangling her siblings like this was a normal Disneyland outing. But it wasn't normal. Nothing about this was normal…and they had no idea how to get it back to normal. Not if Mob was going to be hellbent on not listening to them. Not if Mob…they had no idea what they had to do to get her to listen. Scream at her? Get down on their knees and beg? Put on an Elsa costume and tap dance with a liter of milk on their head?
Maybe.
They sighed and turned the page. Maybe the next page would have answers for them. Maybe they'd suddenly read some unrelated passage, have a lightbulb moment, and then they'd know what to do to put everything right. Then maybe Ryou would learn to see the error of his ways, Mob would agree to do whatever they told her to do, Suzuki would learn to act like a decent father and human being, and Tsuchiya would stop staring at them so they could have a minute of peace.
They could only pray.
"God…" muttered Minegishi as a bead of sweat fell from their forehead and onto their page. It was too hot for this, even in the shade. It was too hot here, too loud, and just too…too much. They weren't exactly in good company either. They could feel Tsuchiya's eyes on them. They didn't look up. They weren't in the mood to talk.
"Huh?" asked Tsuchiya, looking over at Minegishi. They didn't look well…maybe it was the heat…or maybe the guilt was eating them alive as badly as it was eating her alive. Maybe, she didn't know. She wanted to ask. She wanted to know what was going on in that head of theirs. How could they just sit there and read at a time like this? They were acting like…they were acting like Shigeko.
How Shigeko could have been so happy right now was beyond her.
"Nothing. Just the heat, that's all. Hopefully the next thing that Mob wants to do is going to be indoors. With air conditioning." Said Minegishi
"How can…how can she possibly be so happy right now?" asked Tsuchiya
"Because she's a kid in Disneyland. Who wouldn't be over the fucking moon?" asked Minegishi with a shrug. They didn't feel like going into Mob's long history with this place. They didn't even know the whole of it. Apparently before they had come along Disneyland had been Mob and Sho's babysitter. Minegishi would never have wanted to come back to a place that they had been regularly abandoned at if they had been her but, obviously, they were not her and she was not them.
"Would you have been? If you'd been in her place?" asked Tsuchiya softly. She couldn't have even imagined going to Disneyland after being through what Shigeko had been through. She had never been through anything close to this but she knew that if she had, and at that age, she wouldn't have been able to leave her bedroom. She wouldn't have been able to leave until she had punched down every single wall…a bad habit she had outgrown. Shigeko never turned her anger outwards like that. She never even showed it…but she must have been angry…
Tsuchiya couldn't even imagine that level of betrayal…what it must have been like.
"No. I hate the heat, I hate crowds, and I never gave a dam about Disney." Said Minegishi. No. They were not getting into this with her. They were not going to sit here and go over every single…no. They looked back down at their book. They didn't even know what language they were reading.
"That's not what I meant." Said Tsuchiya quickly. They'd had a difficult life, she knew that, and she knew that it was better that she didn't ask.
"I know what you meant and if you must know I have been in her place before. It's confusing. It's painful. It's not something I want to discuss in the middle of Disneyland." Said Minegishi, not looking up. They were not going to talk about this. They were not going to talk about all the times that they had gone looking for love in the only way that they'd known how. They didn't want to talk about what they had done…what had finally gotten them taken away from their parents. Starve your kid, beat them, make them sleep outside? Sure thing, your freedom as parents. Your thirteen year old gets caught fucking around with a grown man in the park? Oh no, now that was a real tragedy.
"…sorry. I didn't mean to-" said Tsuchiya
"What did you mean, then? Because it sounds like you wanted to know something really personal." Said Minegishi
"I didn't mean to start with you. I don't want to start with you. It's been…it's been a lot already." Said Tsuchiya
"I know. I was there. We were all there. It happened, it's over, and Mob doesn't need or want us to make a big deal out of this. So we won't. We're going to sit here and wait for them to finish…fighting over that churro or whatever the hell they're doing over there." Said Minegishi
"How can we not make a big deal out of this? This is a big deal! Shimazaki-" said Tsuchiya. Not a big deal? Shigeko didn't know what she wanted, she was thirteen. This was a HUGE deal! This was a gigantic deal and…and Tsuchiya could not have been the only one who could see it. She could not have been the only sane person here.
"I know what Ryou did. We all know what Ryou did." Said Minegishi. What did Tsuchiya want from them? What did everyone want from them? They were not Ryou's keeper. They didn't watch him twenty four hours a day. They didn't watch Mob twenty four hours a day either. They had done their best and, yes, they were well aware of the fact that their best was nowhere near good enough.
"How can you just sit there, then? How can you…how can you just sit there and read after everything that happened?" asked Tsuchiya. Sometimes it felt like she had wandered into some kind of wonderland…some kind of insane wonderland. Not the fun one from the movie. If everyone around her was crazy then what did that make her?
"I can just sit here because I know that there's nothing I can do. It happened. It's over. Now we're at Disneyland. Mob doesn't need us to sit her ruminating on it all day. She doesn't want that. She wants some basic privacy, not us sitting here discussing her…discussing what happened. If you really have a problem with it then take it up with Ryou yourself." Said Minegishi
"Or you could take it up with him. He listens to you. He…I trusted him….I can't believe that I trusted him with my daughter…" Said Tsuchiya
"You can trust him with Mukai. Mob's a lot older than Mukai and he never really thought of her as a kid…so, yeah, I should have seen this coming. I'm going to save you a lot of trouble here. Yes, I dropped the ball. Yes, I fucked up. Yes, I should have told him point blank to stay the hell away from Mob…I did. Actually, I told him not to even think about sleeping with her but of course he didn't listen…whatever. It's over. It happened, Suzuki kicked his ass, and now hopefully he learned his lesson. Unless you want to kick his ass too, though I thought he'd hold still long enough for you to so much ad scratch him if you can even manage to get through his barrier, then shut up about it. I don't need this from you." Said Minegishi. They'd beaten themselves up enough over this already. They knew what they wanted to do. They wanted to lay down in the grass and ruminate…chew on this until there was nothing left to chew on. Drink themselves into oblivion as they went over every single mistake that they had ever made in their life…every step down the path of failure that had gotten them to this point…
They couldn't afford to do that. Not anymore.
"Shigeko doesn't need this from anyone." Said Tsuchiya. Shigeko. She was who all of this was about. Shigeko and…and Sho. Mukai too. Mukai was the only one that she could protect. Sho wasn't her son and Shigeko wasn't her daughter. The only one she could really protect, the only person who listened to her, was Mukai…but she couldn't protect Mukai. Suzuki wasn't going to let her…he'd made himself perfectly clear.
There was no getting away…
She was stuck, here, in this wonderland…in this Disneyland. She needed to figure out how to get out of here. Right now she had to figure out…she had to figure out how to protect Mukai. Sho and Shigeko…but also Mukai. She was so young and…and the last thing she wanted to do was let her end up like Shigeko. She was so happy right now…and Shigeko looked happy, too. So did Sho. The three of them were done, now, with whatever they had been riding. They were all so happy and…and she just didn't know how they could have been….
So happy.
"Mama! Mama! I fell out! Now we go see Mickey again." said Mukai as she ran up to Mama. She held her arm close to her chest, it had gotten pinched, but she was ok now. Shigeko kissed it better. Mama had to get up now! They had so much to do.
"You did what now?" asked Tsuchiya as she slipped her shoes back on and reached out for Mukai. She was cradling her arm strangely…she moved Mukai's hand out of the way. The was one hell of a bruise….
"We're going to see Mickey again! Now come on, Mama! Come on, Mine! Up, up, up!" said Mukai as she tugged on Mama as hard as she could. They had to keep moving. They had so much to do! What was wrong with Mama. Why did she have to be all tired and sleepy like this. She was acting like Mine now, all boring…not Mama! No!
"She fell out of her spot but it's ok, Sho caught her before she got hurt." Said Mob as she caught up with Mukai. That had been scary, actually…she should have been the one sitting with Mukai. She shouldn't have agreed to make her look taller. She shouldn't have even wanted to come here in the first place. She just…this was all her fault. Everything was always her fault.
"Good for Sho." Muttered Minegishi, rolling their eyes. They looked up, briefly. Mukai was fine, just a little banged up. They had seen what had been going on, the way they'd taken Mukai's braids down. Making her look taller…they could have told Mob that it was a bad idea. Not that Mob would have listened. Not without a song and dance to accompany their warnings.
"How did she fall out?" asked Tsuchiya, trying her best to keep her voice level. That was…she was not going to freak out. If she freaked out then Mukai would freak out. Shigeko and Sho would freak out too….especially Sho. She could see the way he was squinting…his aura wasn't exactly the picture of calm…Shigeko didn't need her freaking out either. She…she was…Mukai was fine…
It could have been worse.
There was always something worse. Things…things could always be worse. That was something that you just had to keep in mind when you were a part of this group. It could always be worse…she didn't want to live like this. She didn't want to justify, explain away, everything. She didn't want to…she didn't know what she wanted to do. Run. Take Mukai, run, and never stop…or stay. Stay here and do what she could for Sho and Shigeko…she just didn't know what she wanted to do…
What she even could do.
"Clearly she was too short to ride." Said Minegishi. They could hear the fear in Tsuchiya's voice and they could feel her aura. She was freaking out. Of course they were too. Mukai had actually fallen out. They were…they could only worry about one thing at a time. Two things were too much.
"Hey! She was not! Those rules are just made up for, like, normal people or something. Not us! We can do whatever we want!" said Sho. This was not his fault! Mukai just couldn't sit still and-and-and she had barely even fallen out! Sho had noticed and pulled her back in before she could get hurt…before she could get any more hurt than she was now.
"Thank you so much for that rousing speech, President Suzuki." Said Minegishi. That was something else to worry about. The last thing the world needed was another Suzuki.
"Hey!" said Sho, his aura showing…maybe even to normal people. Big Sis reached over and held him back. Tsuchiya stuck her hand out and put it on his chest. He didn't know what everyone was holding him back now. It wasn't like he was going to beat Minegishi up. That was something that Dad would have done and Sho….he was not Dad. He was nothing like Dad…but maybe…did people think that he was like Dad? His heart started pounding. He didn't know…he didn't know what he would have done if people thought that he was like…
"Hey, there's no need to-" said Tsuchiya, putting her hand on Sho's chest in an attempt to hold him back. It wasn't his fault. Nobody had taught him how to control his anger…or his powers. He hadn't had anyone to teach him….and he hadn't wanted to learn from her. Neither of them had…this was the best that she could do….
Shigeko was stronger than she was.
She pulled Sho back and reached into his pocket. It was too hot outside for him to be wearing that coat…and he was too young to have that pen. That was what Shigeko called it, a pen. Not a vape pen. She wished that it had been a vape pen…she let Sho go. There was nothing that she could do to stop either of them…
She hated this feeling. Powerlessness.
"Lovely." Said Minegishi with a click of their tongue. There was nothing that they could do at this point. Sho never listened to anyone, especially not them. Sho didn't even like them…there was nothing that they could do about this. There was nothing at all…nothing that they could do but feel powerless.
Lovely.
"How did you know that Mukai was too small to ride?" asked Mob quickly. She had never been good at changing the subject but she was doing her best. She didn't want Sho and Minegishi to fight…she didn't want anyone to fight. That was a rule she had made a while ago, no fighting, but nobody had ever listened. Maybe Hatori would have told more luck than her. He was President after all…or at least Dad had said that he was...
"I know all your tricks. Did you learn something from this experience?" asked Minegishi, turning away from Sho as he exhaled. They were looking right at Mob, now…she wasn't happy. She was trying to look happy but she wasn't…great. Wonderful.
"That you're an asshole's dick hole." Said Sho, sticking his tongue out. Minegishi just rolled their eyes at him…he rolled his eyes right back at them.
"You're a dick hole! You're an asshole! Want a churro? Let's get churros." Said Mukai. She didn't want to be here. There was so much to do! Not big kid rides, she was just going to fall out, but churros were ok. Churros never hurt anyone. She needed all the churros and then she wanted to see Mickey and then she wanted to have another churro and then she wanted to-to-to-she didn't know but she knew that she'd figure it out!
"Mukai-" said Tsuchiya as she reached over and picked Mukai up. She had been bouncing up and down on her heels. Too much excitement, too much sugar, not enough sleep. It had been a lot for her…if things had gone right she would have been sleeping on a train or plane or…or something. But no, now she was wide awake…she needed sleep…
She needed a lot of things.
"Mob." Said Minegishi keeping eye contact with Mob. They just needed her to listen to them…to listen to them just this once. To prove that she could listen to them, that she was capable of it.
"Too short to ride means too short to ride." Said Mob softly. Minegishi was right to be mad at her. She should have thought this through. Something else that she'd messed up…something else that she'd nearly ruined…she always messed things up….
"Damn straight, now come on. Let's go meet Mickey Mouse once again and raise our blood sugar levels before they get back into normal range. We can't have that." Said Minegishi. There. Mob was listening…maybe. There was something in her eyes, her aura…they knew what was coming up next. She was going to ask if they were mad at her. They weren't. They were mad at a lot of people but not at her…though it was getting annoying to constantly have to explain it to her…
They got up.
Mob followed. Sho cut ahead. Tsuchiya hung back carrying Mukai. They decided to let Sho lead, or Mob, anyone but them. They didn't want to lead, or follow, or even be anywhere other than here. They wanted to be indoors, in the air conditioning. Somewhere that they could just lay down and sleep…and think. Ruminate. That was what they were going to do, ruminate….
They couldn't afford to do that.
"…we can't have a lot of things." Muttered Tsuchiya as she followed them. What else could she do? She didn't want to follow them, she didn't want to lead either. They wanted to go home…back to the Seventh Division….or even before that. Back home…back to the temple…but she couldn't go back. She could only go forward…she just didn't know where forward would take her….
She just knew that her feet hurt.