AN: Ok how great was today? Jason remembered the first journey rain kiss, I'm so happy. I'm at my JaSam site giddy over journey, yeah wrong site but my site so who cares. I've been in a real journey mood lately; they were the first couple I ever loved so I'm not gonna feel bad and not express my love for them today. Thanks so much for the feedback, I'm glad so many of you are liking this idea and giving it a chance. I also loved that today the PH was dark and Jason went to the window, I wrote that in the one shot.

Also there's talk of Jax and Courtney's son, I'm sticking to the show on that, and I won't touch on Nikolas being the father, you'll see why in the end of the fic.

Angel Girl, never forgotten

Chapter two

Jason looked like the walking wounded; Sonny had never seen so much pain inside of one person at one time. His own guilt began to rise; he had fought so hard for them not to be together but in the end what both Courtney and Jason needed were each other. "Do you want work? Something to take your mind off of it?" he offered his best friends as he walked inside the living room.

"I can't take my mind off of it, that's what I did before and now look at me. I'll be ok." He kept telling his close friends but inside his own mind he wasn't sure he'd ever be ok.

"I'm going to the hospital to see Courtney's son, do you want to come?" Sonny knew seeing a part of Courtney still alive, her child, might help in the long run. Jason didn't say anything but Sonny knew the answer. He led his best friend out of the house and outside. They rode to the hospital in silence.

"What is he doing here?" Jax demanded at the sight of Jason.

"The baby needs all the support he can get, Courtney would want her son to know Jason." Sonny tightly said trying not to snap at the man he hated with a passion.

Jax wasn't happy but he wanted to honor Courtney's wishes the best he can. He nodded and let Jason through.

Jason put on the paper hospital gown and pushed the cold door open. He saw the little boy's tiny body fighting to live, tears stung his eyes. "This isn't how it should be." He whispered as he sat down. "This was all she wanted to have a child of her own and now you're here and she didn't even hold you. It's not fair." He wiped his tears away before touching the glass. "You had a sister," he began unsure if he could continue. "Your mom is with her now, watching over you. There are so many people who loved her and will love you, they'll tell you about her but none of them know the side of her I did. She gave herself to me whole body and soul and I didn't cherish that. You don't want to hear my sad story huh?" he smiled slightly at the sleeping boy.

He sat there for minutes longer and thought of Courtney as he looked at her son; yes she would always be alive in him and in Jason's heart.

"Carly is coming over to have dinner with the boys, they'd love for you to be there." Sonny said as they walked back to the car.

Jason understood what they were doing, they were worried about him and wanted to help but nothing could help him. "Maybe another night." He couldn't be around anyone for too long, it was just too much to bear.

He ended up back in his penthouse again, alone. His solace seemed to be the window; there he remembered in peace, the pain wasn't as bad as her face played along his eyes.

But in that moment there was somewhere else he wanted to be, needed to be. He grabbed his jacket and rushed out of the penthouse.

He remembered their first night in the loft, all the special memories no one but them new about. In the loft nothing else mattered, the world faded away. He saw glad after all that happened she still kept it, it was home to her, and him. The penthouse was more like an office, a place to crash, but the loft was home.

He walked inside and it was strange but he smelled her, the scent of her shampoo and perfume. He closed his eyes as his ears filled with her words and her sweet laugh and smile.

"You don't stop kissing me. And when we do decide to sleep together, we communicate by notes because I -- I can't imagine myself running up to you and announcing that I'm ready to---"

"By note? You want to fax me or---" she always brought out the lighter side of him, the joking side.


"Don't make fun of me." She laughed and smiled then they kissed.

Jason could still feel her kiss on his lips now as the remembered their first day in their loft. He walked along the space, it didn't matter who she shared time with there or what other memories were created; the loft belonged to them and only them.

He sat on the soft and grabbed the blanket that was even stronger in her scent.

"I love you."

Jason quickly opened his eyes to the voice and looked around. "I'm really losing it again." He said to himself but this voice was different. As he began to cry he knew who's voice it was.

"I never stopped."

"It's in your head." Jason told himself. "It's just what you want to hear."

"Do you still love me?"

Jason rested his head back on the sofa and sighed. "Yes."

"Why couldn't we make it work?"

He heard sadness in her voice now, she began to fade. "I didn't know how."

"Jason---"

"No." Her voice was gone and he knew that was it. "Damn." He felt her presence so strong. He had never believed in an afterlife or angel's, he figured once you were gone that's it but now he knew that wasn't the case. She had been there, he was sure of it, now he wished she had stayed. It could've been his chance to tell her everything he hadn't before, to make things right.

He stayed in that spot for hours, he couldn't leave.

-

Isabelle A.