Angel Girl, never forgotten

Chapter three

Jason woke hours later on the sofa in the loft, he hasn't left and he didn't see himself going anytime soon. He rose from the spot and walked over to the window in the bedroom area, he wouldn't let himself look at the bed.

Rain trailed down the glass filling the dark night. The rain, always a turning point in their life, where it began and where it ended.

"Because I couldn't help myself, just like now. That's never happened with anybody else. You know, if it's a bad idea, I stop. If it's a mistake, I learn. If it hurts too much, I quit feeling. Except with you. Courtney, we -- we're not ending tonight. Ok, we ended I don't even know how long ago. Maybe it was when we signed the divorce papers. Maybe it was when I took my ring off. Maybe it was even before that. Maybe we ended the night we began."

"You think that we were always going to end up here?"

"Didn't you?"

"God. I think that we had a lot of chances to make things different. And we didn't take them, Jason, and now it's too late."

It wasn't too late; he had just been too stubborn to forgive her for trying to save him. Now he realized it was stupid and in the long run they just wasted time, too much time. All she did was love him too much and made a mistake he couldn't forgive, she wanted to save him and maybe she did. She saved him in so many ways he couldn't even think of right now, she gave him everything. Then he threw it away and swore he found true love with another but no it wasn't love, it was lies the same reason he did push true love, Courtney, away.

He walked away from the window and sighed heavily, walking along the loft with his hands in his pockets. That's when he glanced at the mirror and saw the reflection. "You again."

"Is that anyway to great your grandmother?"

"How do I know you're real?"

"You don't, you have to believe. I don't remember you being this cynical Jason."

Jason scoffed. "Can you blame me?"

"It's not your fault."

"You don't know that." Jason didn't want to hear how it wasn't his fault; he didn't want to feel better. This is what he deserved; endless pain for pushing away the only true person he ever loved.

"Courtney died because of a virus."

"No it was more then that, it was a chain I started that led her there, to her death. And even then I couldn't be bothered, I knew she was sick but I didn't go see her, I thought everything else was more important. And she died, I wasn't there and now I can never be there again." Jason tightly explained to the ghost in the mirror, clinching his jaw as he fought back tears.

"She understood Jason; she had people around who loved her."

"They weren't enough, I should've been there. She needed me….I need her." He looked down as his tears fell, he needed her so bad.

"Does this help? Beating yourself up and pushing your family away?" Lila demanded.

"What family?"

"Sonny, Carly---"

"They understand they knew how much I loved her. Carly tried to make me see that it wasn't over but I lashed out."

"And Sam? You love her."

"I thought so but we were together for all the wrong reasons, it wouldn't last, it wasn't enough. I wanted out long before this but I tried to do the right thing and stick by her like she did for me. I was trying to do the right thing for the wrong woman." Jason expressed, he'd always regret that putting Sam before the people that really mattered. "Why am I seeing you now?"

"You need help my child and I'm here to do so. If you keep going the way you are you're going to end up dead yourself."

"Would that be so bad?" Jason softly asked as the idea seemed very appealing.

"Jason Morgan!" The ghost of Lila gasped. "Don't you dare speak like that again. You have a lot to live for and you need to believe in that and focus on the good."

"What good!"

"Courtney. You still love her you miss her focus on the good times with her and less about the mistakes."

Jason looked back up into the mirror reflection. "Do you see her?" he asked with his voice still as soft, fearing what he'd learn.

"No I haven't."

"I heard her before, was it her?"

"It could've been."

Jason sighed. "You're a lot of help." He flatly said.

"Jason I can't give you the answers and tell you what to do to make this right. You have to do it."

"How?"

"Believe."

Jason grit his teeth. "I'm getting sick of the believe riddle, believe what?"

Lila smiled, the whiteness around her glowing. "In love."

She was gone again; Jason was really getting sick of the games, why couldn't all this just make sense. He ran his hand through his hair and tried to figure this out, believe in love? In what love? He questioned as he sat back down on the sofa.

His cell phone rang in his pocket; he pulled it out, a habit he couldn't break. He looked at the screen, it was Sonny. "Yeah?"

"I checked your place but you weren't there." Sonny said, worried for his friend but tried not to let on. "Where are you?"

"I'm fine Sonny and you can tell Carly the same thing, stop worrying. I'm where I need to be." Jason closed the phone after that and tossed it down on the table before him.

With Courtney's death he didn't know what to do with himself anymore, nothing was important, nothing mattered. Work was the last thing on his list, there was no one in his life he wanted to be around.

But there was a new feeling in his chest, he felt a great need to figure out what his grandmother was telling him.

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Isabelle A.