Sometimes Mukai wasn't the best listener.
Or maybe Sho wasn't the best teacher. He hadn't realized that teaching someone to swing was so complicated. Sho couldn't even remember being taught how to swing. It was like one day Mom had just stopped pushing him…wait, now, he remembered now. He had told Mom that he was big enough to push himself, that he knew how, that he did it all the time when she wasn't around.
He had lied.
He had been…he couldn't remember. Mukai's age, maybe. Little. Little enough that he still needed a step stool to be able to reach the sink. Small enough that he hadn't been able to put his shoes on by himself. Small enough that he still used a nightlight when Dad wasn't home. He had been little…but he hadn't wanted to be.
It hadn't been fair.
Big Sis knew how to push herself. She had figured it out on her own. That was because she went to school and he didn't, back then. She had learned at school from the other kids…something else that he hadn't been able to wait for. He couldn't believe how much he'd wanted to grow up. How sick he'd been of being little.
If he could have gone back then…then he wasn't sure.
"No, Sho, no. I can do it all by myself!" said Mukai as Sho pushed her. She was too little to push herself. She might have even been too little for this swing. She hadn't wanted to swing in the baby swing since she wasn't a baby anymore. She said that she was a kid now…and she was…
But a little one.
"I know you can, but let me help you. You might fall." Said Sho as he pushed her. He couldn't push her as high as he normally did. She wasn't in the baby swing, she could fall out. Even now she was leaning too far forwards. He used his powers to get her more on the swing. She was maybe too little for this…
But he was here.
He wasn't going to let her fall out. When he had told Mom that he had been big enough to push himself she had told him, no, that he wasn't…but he hadn't listened. So she had stepped back and let him do it himself. It had taken a minute to get going, he had known that he had to kick back and forth but not with both of his legs at once. Big Sis had told him about that. She had told him, too, that he had to lean forwards and backwards with his entire body.
She had been swinging on her own for a while, by then.
"I won't fall! I won't!" said Mukai as she kicked her feet back and forth like she was trying to swim. He kept on pushing her. He wanted her to swing on her own…but he didn't want her to fall. That was what had happened to him. He had fallen. He had leaned forwards too far and fallen…but barely. Big Sis had caught him.
She had caught him with her powers.
He had been pissed off at the time. It had felt like she had been showing off. That was before he'd had his powers…when he'd been like Mukai. She barely had an aura and didn't really know how to do anything yet. She could sort of make things shake and that was about it. She couldn't catch herself if she fell. She was too little to hold herself up with telekinesis.
She wouldn't be little forever.
"Come on, Mukai, let me push you. It's not about you. It's just…I don't want you to fall, ok? I fell when I was your age and it…it kind of sucked." Said Sho. He was going to use his words. He wasn't going to freak out and get upset…even though she was letting go. She took one of her hands off the rope.
Not good.
"Mukai, come on, you have to hold onto the swing." Said Sho. He held her in place. She kicked her feet…but that wasn't going to do anything. There was no way that he was going to let her go, not when she was being all…like that. Dangerous. Swinging with no hands was too dangerous and if he let her do that then he would have been a bad big brother.
He couldn't let himself be a bad big brother.
He took her hands and put them on the sides of the swing. She shook her head and crossed her arms. He was not going to get upset. He was a good big brother. A good big brother didn't get upset about his little sister not listening. He had been just like her when he'd been little. He'd been a complete and total dickhole to Big Sis. Maybe this was payback, like the universe was getting even, or something. Big Sis had been really bossy, though, when they'd been little…but it had been for his own good.
Sho felt old.
He was twelve and eleven twelfths. That was too young to be old, wasn't it? He was old compared to Mukai but she was only three. Three years…that used to seem like a long time. If someone told Sho that he had to wait for three years for something he would have been pissed off. It was a long time…but also not. Mukai had been born three years ago but sometimes, when he looked at her. He expected to see a baby. She wasn't a baby anymore, she was a kid. A little kid.
A little kid who wanted, more than anything else, to be a big kid.
"No I don't!" shouted Mukai. People were looking at them now, a lot of people. Sho looked around with his aura. He couldn't feel any other espers…but it was normal people that he had to worry about. Hatori had been shot by a normal person. Big Sis had said so. Hatori had actually been shot…but he was fine. Fukuda made him better. Sho wouldn't have let him get shot if he'd been there. Unlike Dad he actually knew how to protect his friends.
Unlike Hatori he knew how to put up a barrier.
"No colors, Sho! None of those!" said Mukai. She was still kicking her legs. Sho wasn't going to push her again, not until she held onto the rope. She was so little that if she fell she could have gotten really hurt. Sho could take care of her. Sho could protect her from falling or getting shot or…or whatever else people wanted to do to her!
People were real dickholes sometimes.
"Don't talk about stuff like that so loud? Do you want people to hear?" asked Sho
"Yes!" said Mukai
"Oh…well you shouldn't! That's all secret, ok? Auras and powers and stuff. Normal people can't know." whispered Sho. His eyes darted around. People were looking at them…but maybe it was because they were being loud, or because they both had red hair, or because they both had blue eyes, or maybe because they both should have been in school right now. There were some moms with babies and really little kids, even littler than Mukai, but around here it was mostly just old people and people with dogs.
Normal people.
He had never given them much thought before. They were people, they had no powers, and that was it. They couldn't know about espers and Claw and all of that, it was a secret, so Sho had never really bothered to get to know them. Even back when he'd gone to school. When he'd been little it had been like there was this…this thing between him and the other kids. A big secret he had to keep…one which he was going to keep on keeping.
One which he was going to have to teach Mukai to keep.
"I know secrets, lots of secrets." Said Mukai
"Ok, but-" said Sho
"Mama stolen Mine's juice. I saw." Said Mukai
"Tsuchiya stole?" asked Sho. Did she have brain worms or something? He was all in favor of stealing from Minegishi, they were kind of ok but also they could be kind of a bastard sometimes, but Tsuchiya didn't steal things. She was a mom and moms didn't do stuff like that…wait, was she getting tired of being a mom? That happened sometimes. What if she left? Well that would have made his life easier but Mukai would never have gotten better. It was so horrible to wake up and your mom was gone and-
"I know more secrets, lots more secrets. I know where the ham-hams go!" said Mukai
"Mukai…what did you do to my hamsters?" asked Sho. She was always trying to play with them, which he didn't mind, but she was always either playing too rough with them or letting them out…and there was the one time she had tried to take them swimming in the bathtub…
Mukai wasn't a good pet owner.
"I opened the door and all the ham-hams run away. They run to the couch, underneath, and they eat the snacks. I take the snacks and put them in the shoes." Said Mukai
"What in the hell did you do that for?" asked Sho. He knew he had fewer hamsters when he woke up this morning than when he'd gone to bed! What did she…why didn't she just wait for him to wake up? He had told her so many times before…ok, ok. In for four and out for four….in for four and out for four…he couldn't get mad. He couldn't freak out…even though his hamsters were loose in the house…with the cat…
But Mukai was little and didn't know things yet, so it was ok…right?
"The ham-hams like to be free!" said Mukai
"No they don't! Well, ok, they kind of do…but they can't be free, ok? They're too little to be free. They're going to get stepped on or lost or…or eaten. Ok? Cats eat hamsters, they eat everything. They even eat people after they die, I heard. If you let the hamsters out then the cat could eat them and then…and then that's just being a bad hamster Dad." Said Sho
"Ham-hams are good people." Said Mukai
"Yeah…yeah, they are. Just don't fu-mess with them, ok?" asked Sho
"Ok! Now push me! Please and thank you." said Mukai. Sho got back to it. He wasn't going to get mad. He wasn't going to freak out. He was going to push her on the swing…for as long as he could. She was letting go of the rope again. He didn't know why she did it, just that she had.
He didn't know why she did a lot of the things she did.
But that was just how little kids worked. He'd been kind of weird, too, when he'd been a little kid. He remembered the time he'd tried to climb the castle walls even though he knew it was too high…or the time he'd thought that he'd get a watermelon in his stomach if he ate a bunch of the seeds…he even remembered how much he'd loved Dad…
Little kids were crazy.
"Mukai, stop it. You're acting crazy." Said Sho
"I'm not! You're crazy! And bossy! And Sho!" said Mukai. He wasn't sure what she had meant by that last one…but he was not being bossy! He hadn't said something like-like she wasn't allowed to swing or anything! He'd just asked her to swing like a normal person and not someone who was trying to fall and break her head opened like a watermelon.
"Come on, stop being like this. You know that I have to keep you safe and shit. I'm not being bossy, I'm just trying to take care of you." said Sho
"You're being bossy, right now, over here." Said Mukai
"Am not." Said Sho
"Are too." Said Mukai
"Am not." Said Sho, a little louder. He wasn't going to lose it. She was little. She didn't know what she was saying. She just kind of said things sometimes, like a parrot. Most of the time she had no idea…actually, now, she had learned a lot of words since coming back…and she knew what they meant…but Sho was not going to lose it. He wasn't Big Sis, she never lost it, but he could try and be as much like her as he could.
"Yes, you are too." Said Mukai
"No, I am not." Said Sho, just a little louder. Just on the line between being fine and losing it. He was fine. He was…he was a good big brother. Tsuchiya didn't need to take her away from her family. Sho was perfectly capable of taking care of his own little sister…even if she was kind of pushing him to the edge right now….he was fine.
He had to be.
"Are too! Are too!" shouted Mukai
"No, I'm not! I just want to protect you! Is that so fucking awful!?" asked Sho. He was…just a little over the line. He had just…he had just lost it. Mukai turned around. She was looking ay him like she was…like she was scared at him. She was looking at him like he was Dad…like he used to look at Dad. Not the way she looked at Dad, she really loved Dad, and he had never given her a reason to be scared of him…
Not like Sho had.
He was always doing this, getting mad at stuff, and he didn't know why. He had never been able to figure out why. It was just…just the dumbest things. The littlest things. It was like he was a shook up can of soda, like you opened the top and he exploded, but then when he was done it was like nothing had happened. He was still a can of soda, he'd just made a mess.
A huge mess.
"Mukai! I'm sorry, I really am. I'm really fucking sorry!" said Sho. He knew that he shouldn't have cursed, it was just the way talked. He couldn't help it. He knew that he shouldn't have lost his temper. He couldn't help it. He should have been able to help it, though. He was the big brother here, not the little brother. Being the little brother was so much easier than being the big brother…but he didn't have to go back. He didn't want to go back.
He just wanted to be better.
"You yelled at me….you were mean! You're mean and bossy!" said Mukai
"I didn't mean to-" said Sho
"You were mean!" said Mukai
"I-I know-and I'm so sorry! Really! I shouldn't have been such a dickhole to you and…and I'm sorry, ok?" asked Sho. Mukai's eyes were kind of glassy. She was looking up at him like he was scary and…and he didn't want to be scary. He was her big brother and you were never supposed to be scared of your siblings. Sho had never once been afraid of Big Sis and for as long as he could remember she had been able to squish him like a bug.
She would never have done that.
And he would never have done that to Mukai. He may have looked like Dad, and sometimes acted like Dad, but he wasn't Dad. He was better than Dad. He was better than…than that. Being mean. Being bossy. Being scary. He loved her. He was actually capable of loving someone for them, not for what they could do for him. He loved her because she was Mukai, not because she had his blood or whatever reason Dad liked her for.
He wasn't Dad and he was never going to be.
"Really…I really am sorry." Said Sho. Mukai reached back…and slapped him. She slapped him right on the stomach. He deserved that.
"Now you're sorry." Said Mukai
"I am, I really am. I think you broke my organs or something." Said Sho, rubbing his stomach for effect. He was fine, actually, he'd been through worse…but if it made her feel better then he could pretend.
"Good! Now let me swing! All by myself!" said Mukai, kicking her feet. Sho took a step back. He'd yelled at her, letting her swing on her own was the least he could do. He stayed close enough to catch her with his powers if he needed to. He made sure, though, to put her hands on the rope.
She held on.
He pushed her, slowly, with his powers. Just enough so that she was moving…she started kicking. She was trying to go higher and…and maybe she was ready. He had been acting bossy, before. He had been trying to tell her what she could and could not do…what she was and was not capable of. She was good at things. She was good at all the things that she put her mind to and-and he wasn't Dad! He wasn't…
He was himself.
He pushed her a little harder…and then a little harder…and then a little harder again until she was swinging maybe way too high…but she wanted to. This was what she wanted and…and just because she was little that didn't mean that she couldn't do things for herself. She wasn't going to fall. She wasn't going to let go.
She let go.
It happened in less than a second. She let go and went falling down…Sho didn't think. He caught her. He caught her with his powers just before she hit the ground. He had forgotten where he was, what he was, who he was…the only thing that mattered was Mukai. Keeping her safe. The people around him…he hadn't even been able to remember that there had been people around him.
He could see them now.
He dove down onto the ground and caught Mukai. There he had been, telling her to keep it all a secret,, and then there he went using his powers in person. He didn't want to get kidnapped or shot or blown up or any of the other stuff that had happened to Hatori…that wasn't going to happen. He wasn't going to let that happen. He was….he was going to get Mukai out of here.
He was going to keep her safe.
She didn't want to be carried but he carried her. She didn't want to leave the park but they left the park. She didn't want to go…but they did. Sho didn't want to be bossy but right now he had to be. He had to keep her safe. There was so much danger…he had nearly exposed them. If the normal people knew that they had powers then…then they were fucked!
And that would have sucked!
He went back to Tokyo HQ. It sucked there, everything reminded him of Dad, but it was better than normal people capturing them and dissecting them like aliens or something. Mukai would be happy here. She would…he would bring her Big Sis and then they could hang out all together or…or something. Something where they couldn't get found out or…or hurt. Something that didn't depend on Mukai listening to him.
Because she, like Sho, was kind of a bad listener.