Disclaimer : I do not own Naruto

OOCness and Alternative Universe

Warning : Some sexual themes, Shounen Ai, foul language, well there's going to be some Yaoi axxxion in the near future or maybe now… we'll never know!

Angelus Eros Weiss here with Chapter 4 of 'Memoirs of a Yakusha', not much people have been reviewing there is only a spoonful of them. Still to those people who have been reading this, I will continue on for you guys!

Chapter 4 : Sorrow and Joy Don't Go Together

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Few years have passed, I was in the age of fourteen, and I was not able to study the arts of Kabuki until then. Neji had progressed a lot; he had already been performing in the theatre as a full time onnagata. While I just do housework, the thing is… I do not get to see my friend perform. I just stayed at home.

I remember at those times, Jiraiya-sama was not able to perform for he got sick. Orochimaru-sama did not continue performing as well but was always at Jiraiya-sama's side. He never left his side, somehow it amazed me, they must have been close.

I always peeked into the room and all I see was Orochimaru-sama sitting at his side even when he was sleeping. He would take care of him and I rarely saw our seasoned onnagata sleep back then. I remember one time; I was peeking in the room, I had a bucket of water right at my side, I was supposed to go and clean the roof when Ukon-sensei caught me. "What are you doing here?" he asked as he raised an eyebrow at me.

"I'm just amazed with how much Orochimaru-sama could endure just for him." I replied softly just to make sure I would not bother the two inside the room.

Ukon sensei, just gave a quick peek and smiled, "Those two are not just ordinary friends." He said as he then turned to me, with the smile still sticking on his face. Well I know that they are not just ordinary friends, they are actually best friends… but I wondered what he really meant by that. "They are what you say… lovers?"

Just the thought of them lovers made me want to collapse. They were both men, how could they be lovers if they were both men? "But they are guys." I said as much as possible trying not to yell it aloud.

Ukon sensei just shook his head, "Kankurou, Kankurou, being of the same sex is not a hindrance for love." He said to me, for some reason this made me scrunch up my face a little bit. I just did not get it back then, they were men, they had looks, they had money, and they had the fame, why not go for some hot woman and not each other? Ukon sensei then tapped my head with a fan, "You will understand it in the near future." He said as he walked away.

I just picked up the bucket of water and proceeded to the roof thinking that I would never understand such a thing. Days later and yes Jiraiya-sama was still sick, Neji called me into his room, being his friend I quickly responded.

"Neji, why have you called me?" I asked him and I saw that he had a smile on his face. Neji had a little something in his mind and I knew it by just looking at him.

"I know that you have wanted to go out for some time Kankurou so this is your chance." He whispered making sure, that no one else has heard it. He then pulled out my hand and said aloud; "Kankurou, I want you to buy the latest magazine of Kabuki for me OKAY?" it was as if he was purposely doing this so that everyone could hear it. He then gave me some money and quickly pushed me out in a way that told me to take my time.

I slipped on my slippers and I thought to first maybe run to the nearest shop then go for a walk just to make sure, all I need were done. I managed to buy the magazine, still had money left which made me think if Neji did that on purpose or not, I know Neji, he knows that I have not been eating normally. He would do something like this but I decided not to spend it. As I crossed over a bridge, I suddenly saw a little girl looking down at the water. She had white eyes just like Neji's; she was so young half of my age I guess. She was so kawaii; I could not help but come close to her and ask what she was doing.

She turned to me in wonder of why I suddenly approached her, she was alone but still she gave out a sweet smile to me, I smile that I would never be able to forget. "Onii-chan, I'm just doing an errand for a geisha at our okiya." She said to me in the sweetest of ways that I could ever imagine that a girl would say to me.

"By the way, what's your name and how old are you?" I asked her, I know that it was unusual to ask for she was so young and she does not even know me. She just gave out a smile and answered me again. "It's Hanabi and I'm only seven years old."

I was right; she was only half of my age. Such an age gap it would be and that would make me a pedophile. I then noticed that she was quite thin and I thought that maybe she had not been eating properly. I decided to take out my money and give it to her. She hesitated at first but I insisted. "A-Arigatou." She said to me, startled by me suddenly giving her money. I noticed that there was some dirt on her face and so I took out Hanna sensei's handkerchief which I kept until now and used it to wipe her face.

"Here." I said to her giving the handkerchief to her as well, "You will need it more than I do, well I better get going, ja ne." I then walked back home as I left Hanabi with a smile on her face.

I arrived, took off my slippers and quickly headed for Neji's room. He was patiently sitting down, looking at the accessories set on his table. Upon seeing me, he stood up and went near. I gave him the magazine, when suddenly my stomach grumbled.

"Did you not use the rest of the money that was left to eat?" he questioned me with a worried look on his face. I just gave out a wide smile, "I could not help it, there was a little girl there, and she needed it more than I do."

He shook his head yet there was a smile on his face, "Sometimes you're too kindhearted for your own good Kankurou-san." He said in a somehow teasing tone, making me laugh. Hanabi reminded me of Neji and Neji reminded me of Hanabi. I told him that I had fun exploring the outside world; still, I preferred to stay home.

Time flew by until we had to say goodbye to one of the best yakushas the world has ever seen, Jiraiya-sama. He was a great loss for us, especially for Orochimaru-sama. He did not even come out of his room nor eat; he just lied on his bed as if he wanted to die as well. Everyone was worried about him, even Kabuto. No one could ever convince him to eat he just lied there waiting for himself to die.

I was not able to come in there for a while since Ukon sensei told me not to enter. They then set up an altar for Jiraiya-sama's picture and hearing about his death, friends and other Kabuki actors came to visit.

One of the busiest days I ever had, so many people came and so many slippers were there that I have to arrange. I managed to remember whose was which by the time I managed to pair the shoes with their clothes and faces. I noticed; there were quite a lot of geishas who visited. That freaking perv…

Anyway, I then continued with my work as I then headed for the kitchen when suddenly, I heard Sasori-sama call my name, I looked at the direction in front of me when suddenly. Orochimaru-sama came out of his room and pounced on me shocking everybody and almost giving me a heart attack. His kimono was desperately hanging on his upper body and half of his torso was exposed, "Kankurou! I have been waiting for you! Where have you been?" he yelled.

I did not know what to say to him but when I was about to speak he suddenly cut me off. I noticed that everyone was looking at him as if he was some sort of deranged lunatic. "I just want to tell you that you will be continuing your studies on Kabuki tomorrow!" I was so happy to hear that, the thought of seeing my siblings came back and hope has once again arrived.

Orochimaru then went off me and had that smile on his face as he went back inside his room, saying that he was hungry. While I just lay on the floor seeing that everyone was already looking at me. I heard Sasori-sama laugh and come near me, he helped me up and then said, "You sure are the lucky one Kankurou, well I guess I will be seeing you tomorrow then!" he then patted me on the shoulder and went away.

The next day I was so excited to continue on my studies, that I woke up to finish my chores early. By the time Orochimaru-sama woke up I was already there with his food. I think he noticed the excitement I had. A few hours later, it was already time for my studies and so I went to the room where Neji and I used to go. When I entered, I was expecting to see my usual teachers, Sakon, Ukon, Tayuya, etcetera. Instead I saw Orochimaru-sama standing there waiting for me with Neji. As I came in, Neji quickly walked towards me and said, "You must be wondering why I'm here, I just wanted to watch you that's all."

I then looked at Orochimaru-sama; he was ready so I had better be ready as well. He then gestured me to come near and so I did. He then gave me the twin fans that I used to use in my studies. "Now let's see if you remember the art of becoming an onnagata." Orochimaru said as he suddenly did a few movements so that I could copy.

I copied it but once again… "You lack grace..." he said hitting my arm hard, "You lack poise…" he then hit my back hard, making me stand straight, "and you lack seductiveness!" he said aloud, hitting my head with his fan.

I remember rubbing my head; I thought a quick painless hit would be given to me. Instead, he hit my head hard almost making me dizzy. Neji as usual was laughing at my effort on becoming an onnagata. Orochimaru-sama then crossed his arms and began to wave his fan for a little bit as I saw him think.

"I know now," he said suddenly sealing his fan shut with one flick of his wrist, "think of something graceful, gentle, sweet and alluring you have seen." Once I heard that, I was almost clueless, what could have been so alluring to me? Gentle… Graceful… Sweet... Alluring…

Once I thought of those words, Hanabi quickly went into my mind. There was something about her that I could just not put my finger on back then. Orochimaru-sama once again did the exact movements he did earlier. The movements of his hand, the way he raises it, the way his wrist flows with his hand. The ways his feet moves, the direction they point. The way his fingers positioned on the fan. All of it so elegant, he was not called one of the best onnagatas for nothing!

Then after he has finished I then positioned myself and all I could think of was Hanabi. Hanabi's sweet smile, her soft gentle hands, her cute face and the way her hand held out to me. As I copied Orochimaru-sama's movements, Hanabi was the only thing in my mind until I flicked the fan shut.

There was silence; I opened my eyes to look if Orochimaru-sama and Neji were still there. Neji had that surprised look on his face and his mouth was wide open. Orochimaru-sama just gave out a satisfied smile, went near me and said, "Well, that worked as I have expected but there is just one question that won't get out of my mind." His smile then turned into a smirk, "Who or what have you been thinking about hmm?"

I was stunned then; suddenly I noticed the expression on Neji's face. I could not read it but it seemed as if he was hoping I was not thinking of something. However, at those days I did not know why. "Sasori-sama's puppets!" I said aloud with a wide smile on my face.

Orochimaru-sama fell dumbfounded and the smile on his face vanished. Instead, it was replaced with a look of wonder making me think that he did not expect that at all. Did he expect me to think of someone human?

"Oh, I see," Orochimaru-sama replied, "well we are off to a good start, now let's continue." Those were the times when I managed to do things more acceptable than those years back then when I could not do anything in this class.

Orochimaru-sama taught me the art of becoming an onnagata, acting, dancing even music, I think it's because that Tayuya sensei still hasn't forgiven me for what I did. He taught me everything, he knew so much about Kabuki. One thing that surprised me though, he was actually good at aragoto even Neji was surprised on seeing this. He told us that he has become rusty because he has only played as a guy in the plays only three times in his life. Still, if that was rusty then maybe if he had done it frequently then he might be as good as Jiraiya-sama. Well, I think it was better for him to become a full time onnagata, his features matched to it.

As my classes with him ended, it was then time for Sasori-sama's. Neji and I went out of the room, there we saw Kabuto leaning on the wall looking at us. "Well, well, it looks like you're the replacement for Jiraiya-sama, Kankurou." He said with the smile on his face, the same one I saw when Tayuya was hitting my back with the cane.

When I heard that it angered me, Jiraiya-sama could never be replaced even by me. He was one of the kindest person I met to tell you the truth. Then Kabuto would just say that I am his replacement. I wanted to yell at him but I was in no position to do so. He had a higher rank than I did; he was a hybrid of an onnagata, meaning he performs both male parts and female parts.

"Kabuto, you are in no position to say such things!" Neji said, stepping forward. I have never seen Neji like this before. "Just because Jiraiya-sama has passed away it does not mean that you could insult him!"

Kabuto just crossed his arms, "Well, well, the little Neji managed to fight his own battle, this is something new." Kabuto snickered when suddenly Neji slapped him hard on the face. I was useless; I just watched what was going on.

I noticed Neji grit his teeth and his eyes showed anger, "At least I'm not like you, you harlot!" Neji continued as Kabuto began to rub the red mark left by the slap. "You weren't satisfied with Kabuki… opening yourself to prostitution!"

As you could see back in those days some Kabuki actors could allow themselves to be opened up for prostitution, those were one of the dark secrets of Kabuki history. Kabuto then started to laugh as if prostitution was not a bad thing. "Neji, even I wonder why you have not become a prostitute yourself," Kabuto said, tilting his head a little bit "maybe you're just saving yourself for someone special… someone very close to you…"

I could see Neji's face turn red making me come closer to my best friend, "Neji are you okay?" I asked him but Neji said nothing and continued on looking away from me. I then turned to Kabuto, "How could you say such things Kabuto!"

"Well let me tell you a little story Kankurou!" Kabuto said cheerfully clapping his hand for a few times, still Neji remained silent, "Once there were two children, they were the best of friends, now, one day they were playing at the garden when suddenly. One of them tripped and fell down, therefore, he obtained a wound making him unable to walk. The other one being his best friend, ripped a part of his sleeve and tied it around his best friend's wound. He then carried his friend to bring him to the room and call their master to treat it properly. Now because of this his friend's feeling grew more for him, even though they were both male, he did not care. Then…"

Neji suddenly ran off without saying anything, leaving me with Kabuto. I took a quick look at Kabuto and then chased Neji. When I heard that story it sounded so familiar, it was like the time Neji and I were playing… and when he tripped. Something bothered me about the story back then, the part where one of them grew feelings for another. I wondered then… could Neji be? I stopped thinking about that, which could not be true. If it is then how could Kabuto find out about it? Well, continuing, I managed to grab hold of Neji's wrist.

"Neji, what's going on? What's with Kabuto suddenly telling… err… fairytales?" I said this to him when suddenly he turned to me with tears running down his eyes. Neji crying, I was not used to it. He said nothing; his other hand grabbed my top making me let go of his wrist. He then pulled himself against me, crying. "Don't you get it Kankurou? Those two boys in the story Kabuto was telling were the both of us!"

Neji dug his face deeper into my chest, "Kankurou I…!" after he said those words, I felt as if the world went blank to me, everything disappeared, I was in shock and I could not believe those words he said. Neji my own best friend had strong feelings for me. I did not know how to respond to it. Neji slid to the floor crying while I was speechless. "Neji, Gomen nasai…" I murmured as I left him there, heading to my next class where Sasori-sama was waiting for me.

I remembered then, when I was practicing my art of manipulation, Sasori-sama, noticed the sad expression on my face. "Kankurou, what's the matter, you seemed to be disturbed anything I could do to help?" he asked me, sitting right by my side.

I gave out a sigh and placed the puppet to the side, "Sasori-sama, I have this… friend who is a boy… Well, his best friend turned out to have feelings for him, and when that best friend of his confessed it to him, he turned blank and did not know what to feel or respond. What should he do?"

Judging by that way Sasori-sama looked at me, he knew that it was Neji and I. Since, remember, Neji was my only best friend and friend back then. "Well, Kankurou, that friend of yours better accept it or else their friendship might diminish. He would not want that would he?"

I just shook my head; they would not, especially if they have been friends for years already. They would not. I just could not understand it back then, I remembered what Ukon sensei told me about this, gender was not a hindrance to love but it felt so wrong then. Fuck… I was confused with what was right or wrong, damn it… Ever since then Neji and I did not look at each other the same again.

To be continued…

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No reviews still! Ah well, it's fun writing this stuff… anyway, to you readers out there, hopefully there are… -sigh- Hope you still like my fic!