Chapter 17
Emdiril's heart was pounding loudly in her chest when she came to a halt at the edge of a large stone bridge. It led over the rivers water and towards many waterfalls. Her eyes scanned her surroundings – the waterfalls were truly beautiful but the great walls of her once proud city were dirty and overgrown with plants. She pursed her lips, debating whether she really wanted to see what her city had come to or whether she wanted to turn back. Clenching both of her fists she made her way over the bridge, taking small and steady footsteps towards the big wooden doors she had remembered. One had been broken down and laid in the entrance of the city and the other still stood tall. Emdiril's breathing hitched as she came closer to the entrance and she stood in front of the big wooden gate. Her feelings were all over the place and she placed a single hand to the gate and closed her eyes in order to calm herself. Part of her already knew that she most possibly would not like the sight if she continued her path, so she settled for standing behind the door. Sighing she pressed her forehead against the wooden door and took steady breaths in order to calm herself. The redhead focused on the breeze around her, the way the wind made the leafs on the wall rattle and shake, the way the water of the waterfalls poured into the river and then she could feel him. Emdiril opened her eyes and tilted her head to her side slowly. He stood next to her, his blue eyes scanning their surroundings. His hair was flowing with the wind and he looked truly graceful. Haldir felt her staring at him and glanced at her. He would have never admitted it, but he was unsure of himself and had no idea what to say or do which was unusual for the proud elf. He simply returned her stare, blue melting into green, and offered her a small smile. Afterwards he hesitantly grabbed a hold of her hand and squeezed it lightly, raising a questioning eyebrow at her.
"Are you ready?" the blond elf asked her and Emdiril felt as though she was having a deja-vu. She felt as though the both of them were back in Greenwood, reading books in the library together. A small smile found itself onto her face at the fond memories and she squeezed his hand in return. The redhead nodded her head, yes, she was ready.
Emdiril took one last deep breath before she led the way into the main city, her hand still squeezing Haldir's tightly. Her eyes roamed the buildings and pathways around her. There were overgrown plants everywhere, on the floor, around and on top of the buildings. Emdiril slowly let go off the Marchwarden's hand as they walked down the main path leading towards the centre of the city. She walked a few steps ahead of him and the elf let her.
The redhead vividly remembered running along these roads when she was a child and let a hand touch the edges of the buildings. Although they were full of dirt and leaves, she still recognised the beauty in them. The sense of touch made her realise that she was actually there, in the city she was born.
She rounded a corner and came to a halt when her eyes found a large fountain in front of a large stair case. The woman wrapped her arms tightly around herself, desperately trying to comfort herself. She remembered the stair case, not only from her memory, but also from the vision she had had in Greenwood. She knelt down next to the fountain and squeezed her eyes shut.
"This is where my mother died…" she spoke lowly, gulping hard. Emdiril knew Haldir was listening. He stood right behind her and his brows furrowed in a frown.
"My condolences." That's all he said. He wanted to give her space to grief. He remembered how upset she had been when she had found out what had occurred here. She had spent hours in his arms, hours crying and then hours sleeping. Haldir watched the woman knelt in front of him with sad eyes. Part of him felt that even he was grieving the dead. Whenever Emdiril had been upset, he would feel unease himself. He truly cared for her, he cared for her in ways he had never cared for anyone. The elf's thoughts were interrupted when he saw her shiver. Leaning down, he placed an arm around the woman and looked at her. He wished he hadn't – he had never seen her so fragile before. Unshed tears were clouding her eyes, her skin was flushed and red and her lips were blue. The sparkle in her eyes had disappeared and part of Haldir wished she had never come here. He'd rather watch her from a distance than watch her being in pain.
"You are cold. Let's get you inside." Haldir spoke softly as he un-did his cloak and placed it around her, rubbing her arms to warm her up. The pair of them slowly made their way inside the large building.
Once Haldir had sat her on of the chairs in the dining hall he started a fire. There was a large fireplace indoors and he wanted to make sure he did everything he could to keep Emdiril warm. He gave her a quick glance before he left the room, hurrying around the large building. The elf felt successful when he found a large metal pot and carried it back to the room Emdiril sat in, picking up some knives he found along the way. Part of him felt a fool but the woman's wellbeing was important to him.
He sat opposite the woman and emptied a bag he carried on the large table, revealing potatoes and vegetables. Emdiril watched him from across the table as he started cutting them and a small smile formed.
"How are you planning to cook with no water?" she questioned the elf who looked dumb-founded. His eyes had widened and he scratched the back of his neck. Emdiril laughed softly and shook her head, it was clear that the Marchwarden did not have much experience with cooking, which made her appreciate his gestures even more. Slowly she stood up from her chair, holding both her cloak and Haldir's cloak tightly around her body. She walked over to Haldir and placed his cloak back around him before she placed her hand gently over his.
"Grab some water from the fountain. I will do the rest."
The woman saw that the elf was about to protest and she gave him a stern look, "I feel better already."
Haldir simply stared at her before he glanced towards her hand on top of his and only then Emdiril realised how close she stood to him. She could practically feel his breath on her lips and her breath got stuck in her throat when his eyes found hers. Averting her gaze, she cleared her throat and took the knife. Afterwards she stood and looked at the elf expectantly who in return stood from his seat and went to get water.
Waterfall City reminded Haldir of Imladris – the city was well hidden behind the misty mountains and surrounded by water and plants. The proud elf felt a shiver run down the spine for the city's beauty did not mask the atmosphere and loss it held. He felt as though this was a ghost town. A once beautiful place was now empty. Emdiril and himself had had no luck in finding any form of life. He pitied the woman although he did not understand what she had come to find.
The Marchwarden watched as she strolled through the hallways of her home, they had shared a meal and Emdiril appeared to feel better. He followed her down a corridor into a library. There were bookshelves on top of bookshelves and Haldir was in awe for he had never seen so many books before.
"This was my father's favourite room. Often he would come here and study things that were unknown to the rest of our people," Emdiril spoke aloud, though Haldir was unsure whether she was speaking to him directly. Her head spun around and glanced at the elf, raising an eyebrow.
"An impressive collection," he complimented, raising an eyebrow back. The elf did not understand the look of confusion on her face. He watched her as she took quick, quiet steps towards him before she shook her head at him, immediately silencing the elf. Her eyes stared into nothingness as her attention laid elsewhere. The Marchwarden wondered what she focused on but waited patiently for her to come out of her trance.
"Can you feel that?" she whispered quietly and Haldir could hear her heartbeat quicken. He quickly glanced around the room but shook his head.
"We are not alone…" Emdiril told him as she gave him a look of hope, "I have felt this presence before."
Haldir's eyebrows knitted together and he became worried for the woman in front of him.
"Emdiril…" the Marchwarden drifted off with a sigh, desperately searching for the right words, "We have searched every corner of this city. There is no one here." He felt as though her hopes of finding someone living here may have driven her delusional.
"You are right." Emdiril nodded and exhaled deeply. Perhaps it had been the spirits of those before her she could still feel lingering in the air.
"Perhaps we should use this collection of literature for a library." Haldir suggested in an attempt to lift the mood. Emdiril looked at him in surprise, a small smile gracing her lips. Libraries. A library is where they found their great friendship and bond.
"That is a grand idea." She nodded her head in agreement. This place may have been abandoned but it didn't have to stay this way. Emdiril took Haldir's hands and gave them a soft squeeze. "Thank you for coming, mellon."
Haldir watched Emdiril as she scrubbed the old water fountain at the centre of town. They had spent days cleaning and making Waterfall City a somewhat decent place, mostly moving rocks and trees that had fallen out of the way, as well as removing some of the vegetation that had grown on the house walls.
"I am afraid I must go." Haldir said with a sad expression on his face.
"What?" Disappointment filled Emdiril's green eyes as she was ripped away from her own little world.
"I have been away from my home and my duties for too long." Haldir explained. They had spent days clearing out and redecorating Emdiril's home.
Emdiril sighed and looked to the floor, not wanting to show him how upset she was. She understood. He wanted to go home. Unfortunately, this was not his home. His home lay with the elves of Lothlorien.
"You are welcome to join me." Haldir offered her, silently hoping she would come with him. He did not want to leave her behind, she meant too much.
A bittersweet smile etched across her features as she fought tears. "This is my home. Lothlorien is yours, Haldir."
His face dropped. "I understand. It has always been your dream to be here. I cannot ask you to give up your dream, not even for me." He frowned deeply, his heart aching more than he was willing to admit.
"I will walk you to the gate." Emdiril turned slowly and began her approach towards the gates of her home. He strolled beside her, his eyes looking straight ahead. He tilted his head to look at the shorter woman, her red hair flying behind her in the wind. The elf grabbed her hand and intertwined their fingers as they continued walking, neither of them saying a word. They did not have to. Both of them knew they were hurting. It was one of the beautiful aspects to their relationship, they did not need to use words to communicate. They always knew how the other felt.
They got to the gate, at the edge of the bridge and looked to one another. Emdiril's eyes were tearing up and Haldir looked more upset than she had ever seen before. Both of them knew it was goodbye. Haldir pulled her close, wrapping his arms tightly around her. He gently held her head against his chest and rested his chin on her head, breathing in her scent as he closed his eyes. He wanted to remember her smell, the way she felt in his arms, her warmth. He soaked it all in while he could.
Emdiril could hear Haldir's heartbeat and hugged him even tighter. She desperately tried to stop the tears from falling but she was aching. She would miss him so much.
"You will always be welcome here." She stated between sobs as she buried her face deeper in his chest.
He squeezed her in his arms in return before he pulled away from their embrace, using his thumbs to gently wipe away her tears.
"Please do not cry." He said softly as his eyes threatened to let a tear escape. Emdiril faked a small smile as she breathed in deeply.
"I am sure we will see each other again." He tried to reassure her, but they both knew they most likely would not. She would never come back to Lothlorien. She finally had her home back. He would never come back to Waterfall City, either. His reason behind it was selfish. He cared so much about her, every time he had to say goodbye he felt as though his heart was being ripped out of his chest and cut into a million pieces. Even when he left Greenwood to go back to Lothlorien he felt lost. He did not want to say goodbye anymore than he had to. This would be the final goodbye. The final time he would feel lost and empty without her. He'd go back to his duties, back to the way he was before. The cold, calculating Marchwarden. The elf leaned in and placed a gentle kiss on Emdiril's forehead. She squeezed her eyes shut tightly as his lips lingered there for a little while.
"Goodbye, Haldir." Her voice was croaky from crying and she wiped away her tears.
"Goodbye, Queen Emdiril." He flashed her one last smile that before he turned and crossed the bridge. She watched him as he crossed the long bridge, his frame becoming smaller with each step. She pressed her lips firmly together as she turned and walked the opposite way. She had been so selfish. She knew he loved her. In a strange way, she loved Haldir, too. Her feelings for him had always confused her immensly. Yes, she loved him. However, it was not to be. He belonged in Lothlorien with his kin and she belonged here.
"Emdiril!" Haldir called out behind her, she turned around and found him running towards her.
"Yes?" There was no sign of a threat anywhere and she grew confused as to why he returned. Haldir halted in front of her and looked at her apologetically.
"I apologise. I just need to know what it is like." He said, his eyes searching hers frantically.
"What?" she looked puzzled, her eyes narrowing.
He grabbed her face with both hands and pressed his lips firmly against hers. Emdiril's shock quickly vanished as she closed her eyes and moved her lips against his. He kissed her with such passion, nothing could compare. She melted into him, their kiss growing from sweet and loving to passionate and desparate. Emdiril wrapped her arms tightly around the taller elf and pulled him closer as he continued gently holding her face. She took slow steps backwards while pulling him with her until her back hit the cold wall. A low groan escaped the elf as he pushed his body against hers, one of his hands travelling to her hips. The kiss slowed down as Haldir moved his lips gently against hers. He pressed a few sweet and short kisses against her lips before he leaned his forhead against hers, both of them trying to catch their breath.
"I just needed to know what it feels like to kiss the one I love." Haldir looked into her eyes, he had never openly told her he loved her. He looked vulnerable in a way she had never seen him before. She was his weakness, but also his strength. His feelings for her were so genuine, it was probably the most genuine thing she had ever felt. Her green eyes stared back into his, no words leaving her body. She simply placed a hand on his face and pecked his lips one last time. Then he turned away and left.
After Haldir set up camp on top of one of the many mountains he sat on rock and a sigh escaped his lips. In the distance he could see the small fire Emdiril had put on as night set in. This moment he truly accepted that there was no chance Emdiril would return to Lothlorien with him. She had chosen her own path in her own home. His heart felt heavy in his heart as he thought about leaving her behind. However, he belonged in Lothlorien. Caras Galadhon and the elves within the Lorien woods were his home. Emdiril had found her home, too. As long as she was happy, he would be happy for her, too.
A/N:OKAY WHO WAS WAITING FOR THAT KISS?!
Wow, 17 chapters in and I can finally say I have accomplished the backbone of this story. Soon it will really be time to UNCOVER MEMORIES. Thank you to those who have been reading this far, it truly does mean a lot, as do your follows and favourites as well as the few reviews I have received. For those of you wondering. Yes, this in a way is goodbye to Haldir for a while. It was fun to write their chaotic friendship/relationship thus far. The next chapter will take place during the time period of the Fellowship of the Ring so stay tuned ;)