Ranma - Hello Ranma, Genma, Happosai and Shampoo!
Hello Ranma, Genma, Happosai and Shampoo![PG-13]
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson
Summary: When the Tendo girls first meet the Saotomes, the Saotomes doesn't come alone. They've managed to pick up an early-awakened Master Happosai and our favourite cat-shifting Chinese Amazon on their journey. Master Happosai has already declared Ranma his heir and passed on some of his techniques to him. Akane has never needed much encouragement to accuse Ranma of being a pervert, but this time around, she's actually right!
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the characters and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine. This series deals with mature subject matters and violence. If this disturbs you, don't read. But if it does, then why the heck are you watching the show/reading the manga in the first place?
Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860 or through e-mail as iamhawk@yahoo.com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site at or by clicking on my handle up above.
"speech"
*emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers*
/thoughts/
*/telepathy/*
~translation~
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+
*** Previously, on 'Hello Ranma, Genma, Happosai and Shampoo!' ***
+Crash+
"RANMA! How dare you do that to your master?!" the troll demanded as it launched itself through the newly acquired hole in the wall, glaring furiously at Ranma.
"And this is Master Happosai." Ranma finished with a sigh, gesturing helplessly at the little troll in purple.
*** Roll credits ***
Chapter Two:
"So, when doused with cold water, you turn into a girl and when doused with hot water, you turn back into a boy?" Soun asked and Ranma nodded, everyone having seated themselves around the table after Kasumi had asked Happosai to forgive Ranma for his impulsive behaviour. Much to everybody's surprise, the old freak had agreed, surprising even Happosai himself who hadn't said anything much as Ranma had started to explain about the transformations. "Cold water turns you into a panda, warm water turns you back?" he continued, looking at Genma who nodded. "Cold water turns you into a cat, hot water turns you back into a tramp who claims to be engaged to Ranma?" he finished, looking at Shampoo.
+thonk+
"Shampoo not know what is this 'tramp', but no like way Stupid Moustache Man say it. Is insult, Shampoo think." Shampoo commented, stepping away from Soun who had been knocked near unconscious by the weird mace-like implement the Chinese girl had suddenly produced from out of nowhere and used to bludgeon him with. "And Shampoo no claim engaged, Shampoo is engaged to marry Airen." she spat out towards Soun, then sat down next to Ranma again, rubbing herself up against his right arm with an adoring expression on her face.
"Poor, respected father. He was so disappointed." Kasumi offered as she kneeled down next to him, dabbing his forehead with a wet cloth.
"He's disappointed?" Nabiki exclaimed, splashing Ranma with a glass of water. Shampoo just barely managed to leap aside and avoid getting splashed, but hastily returned and snuggled up against Ranma-chan as if nothing had changed. "He's disappointed?!" Nabiki repeated and started fondling Ranma-chan's ample breasts. "What kind of fiancée is this?" she demanded.
"Nabiki, behave. She is our guest." Kasumi admonished her.
"I'd wish you wouldn't do that..." Ranma-chan muttered under her breath, grabbing Nabiki's wrist and pulling her hand away.
"This is all your fault, daddy. Why didn't you make sure that you engaged us to somebody who's male all of the time?" Nabiki demanded of Soun who had started to stir and opened his eyes under Kasumi's loving care.
"Saotome told me he had a son and it's traditional for a son to be all man!" he protested as Nabiki put her right hand on Ranma's left breast again, squeezing it.
"Do you se a son here? Hm? Do you?!" Nabiki yelled.
"Uhm... I really wish you'd stop that..." Ranma muttered.
"Aiya! Noisy Perverted Girl keep groping Airen. No good, no good for Noisy Perverted Girls health." Shampoo said, a statement which caused Nabiki to hastily remove her hand and take a step back, as she had no desire whatsoever to be pummelled like her father had.
"Shampoo-chan! I keep telling you, that if you want a husband, I'm more then willing to marry you!" Happosai suddenly offered, glomping onto her chest with wild abandon.
"Old Pervert Freak let go of Shampoo!" Shampoo ordered and slammed her elbow down on Happosai's head, then threw him down onto the floor where she stomped him red'n blue.
"Saotome-kun! Now's our chance!" Soun suddenly exclaimed, seeming to recover instantly and throw himself across the room at the bruised little pervert. "Get a box! I'll chain him up!"
"Father. What *are* you doing to our guest?" Kasumi inquired, the 'respected father' once again having turned into a simple 'father'. The tone of her voice had not changed, nor had her expression, but everybody none the less inched away from her and Soun, even the bruised Happosai dragging himself away from the line of fire, something in the back of his head screaming at him to get away from the calm and gentle eldest Tendo sister.
"Uh... Kasumi... The master is..." Soun said, floundering madly for an explanation for his behaviour.
"Our guest, father." Kasumi finished firmly and that was that, Soun's shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung listlessly.
"Yes, Kasumi..." he agreed, nodding faintly.
"Very good, respected father." Kasumi approved. "More tea, anyone?" she asked brightly.
"Ranma. Are you a girl that turns into a boy or a boy who turns into a girl?" Soun suddenly inquired.
"Boy. Definitively a boy." Ranma assured the Tendo patriarch. "I'm a boy who turns into a girl, nothing else!" he snarled.
"Oh. That's not so bad. The problem isn't so terrible after all. Nothing like if you'd really been a girl." Soun announced, then stood up and dragged Ranma into an upright position, slapping his back in a friendly, albeit very enthusiastic manner.
"Huh?" Ranma uttered in confusion.
"My daughter Kasumi, age nineteen. Nabiki, age seventeen. Akane, age sixteen. Pick the one you want, she'll be your fiancée." Soun continued, not having heard or having ignored Ranma's confused utterance.
"My what?!" Ranma blurted out, stepping away from Soun and staring at him with a horrified expression.
"Is Stupid Moustache Man try engage Airen to other womans? Aiya! Shampoo kill!" Shampoo proclaimed, whipping out two Bonbori from out of nowhere, before she was suddenly tackled by Genma and brought down to the ground by the older man.
"Hurry up son! Pick the one you want, escape from here and marry her. I will not let this amazon interloper stand in the way of uniting the Saotome and Tendo schools!" Genma proclaimed, desperately trying to keep the much faster and more skilled amazon warrior pinned down.
"Hotcha, Genma! That's the spirit. I didn't think you had it in you! Now make sure she doesn't move while I grab her panties!" Happosai approved and darted towards Shampoo, when he was suddenly hauled up into the air and punched out of the house by a furious Akane.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" she demanded, a furiously red battle aura surrounding her and stunning the entire room into paralysed silence.
By the time Genma neared the end of his retelling of events of times past, the sun had already gone down and Genma had still not gotten to anything that explained the weird transformations or the deranged pervert in purple.
"My son and I were on the road in China during our tour of the legendary training grounds of China, when we suddenly came across the master. Naturally, I was surprised... BUT DELIGHTED! Of course, delighted!" Genma explained, then looked around and exhaled in relief as the master had yet to make his way back after being forcibly evicted from the house by Akane. "The master had followed us for a few days and taken an unhealthy interest in Ranma. When he appeared, he acted much as he did before Soun and myself apprenticed ourselves to him. Ranma was taken with him and impressed by the knowledge he displayed, much like we ourselves were once. The master harried us constantly and I had no opportunity to warn Ranma about his wicked ways before it was too late..." Genma explained, swallowing nervously.
"Happosai declared Ranma his chosen heir and Ranma, not knowing what a monster he'd gotten himself involved with, accepted. By the time I finally got a moment alone with Ranma, he'd studied under the master for three weeks and been taught much, the master ever was a good teacher when he put his mind to it." Genma sighed. "He wouldn't listen to me, didn't believe me." Genma sighed.
"How could I? After what you've done to me, did you really expect me to take your word for anything?" Ranma suddenly snorted.
"Boy, everything I've ever done has been in your best interest!" Genma protested.
"Everything, pops?" Ranma demanded, glaring angrily at Genma with a murderous intent in his eyes. "Remember the Neko-ken? Remember that, pops?" he snarled.
"Ah, uh... There may have been some instances where I were trapped and misled by clever ruses..." Genma muttered.
"You nearly got me killed! Or permanently insane! Or both!" Ranma spat out.
"And you're better for it! You should be thanking me, you foolish ingrate!" Genma retorted.
"You stupid panda!" Ranma growled, pulling his right hand back for a powerful bone-breaking punch.
"And then what happened?" Kasumi inquired, instantly defusing the situation.
"The master travelled with us, still being on his best behaviour... Until we reached the area near the legendary training grounds. For some reason, he did not wish to come with us, claiming pressing business elsewhere and that he'd catch up with us later. I did not question this unexpected turn of good fortune, hoping that this would give me the opportunity needed to get Ranma to see the truth. Unfortunately, instead we both learned the true horror of the legendary ground of accursed springs, Jusenkyo." Genma continued, Ranma slowing returning to his seat with a confused expression, wondering how Kasumi had managed to get him to do that with nothing but a gentle question.
"Of course! The fabled Jusenkyo. Up until now, their true horror has been shrouded in mystery." Soun exclaimed, nodding sagely.
"Indeed, Tendo." Genma agreed with a sage nod of his own.
"Fabled? Legendary? Whatta heck was the idea behind draggin' me to a place like that anyways?!" Ranma demanded.
"You whimper like a girl! Were you not prepared to give your life for your training?" Genma retorted.
"My life, yes! My manhood, no!" Ranma groused.
"Stop complaining, boy." Genma ordered, then returned to his story. "To make a long story short, the pools at Jusenkyo are cursed. Whomever falls into them, takes on the form of whatever has drowned in them. I fell into the pool of drowned panda and Ranma fell into the spring of drowned girl. After we talked the situation through with the guide who lived there, he agreed to take us to the nearby village of the amazons whom he thought might know of a cure to our condition."
"Is too too bad amazons not know of such cure." Shampoo suddenly interjected. "But very good pops and Airen do very stupid thing when arrive, or Shampoo may never meet Airen. Airen and Pops arrive on day of big village tournament, all amazons best warriors fight. Winner gets much honour, title of champion and is treated to big victory feast. Shampoo win, of course." she explained with a proud smile. "But when Shampoo beat final opponent, Shampoo look towards feast laid out for her with much anticipation. Shampoo fight all day and felt much hunger. What Shampoo then see, if not big panda and girl-type Ranma gobbling down victory feast like panda and girl who never before see food! Shampoo feel much anger, think perhaps feel better if bash panda and insolent girl to bloody pulps."
"Shampoo get even angrier, as girl-type Ranma offer to fight Shampoo for food and jump up onto challenge log. Shampoo very hungry, very angry, make big mistake. Shampoo underestimate girl-type and charge at Airen, thinking Shampoo gonna win easy against outsider girl. Girl-type Ranma kick Shampoo off log, Shampoo loose fight, loose much honour. When Shampoo get up, walk towards girl-type Ranma intending to give Kiss of Death. Is like, amazon death sentence. When give Kiss of Death, must hunt down recipient to ends of world and kill. But before Shampoo get to Airen, Airen back into stupid panda eating from bowl of soup as watch fight. Clumsy panda drop hot soup on Airen, turn back into man-type Ranma in front of everybody. Shampoo heard of Jusenkyo, know then girl-type only curse form, Shampoo really defeated by man." she explained.
"Shampoo know then, must marry Airen. Is amazon law. When outsider defeat amazon womans, only two things to do. If outsider girl, amazon must give Kiss of Death. If outsider man, amazon must give Kiss of Marriage. Shampoo give Ranma Kiss of Marriage, stun Airen very badly, allowing Shampoo to lick spilled soup off Airens body as village cheer. Ranma defeat village champion, obviously great warrior, so Shampoo gain much honour back by marriage." she continued. "Unfortunately, Ranma while man in body, still very much boy in mind. Ranma greatly embarrassed by what happen, so try to run away when not stunned any more. Great dishonour if husband run away, so Shampoo follow. Besides, Shampoo get very nice view of naked Airen butt, so would have followed anyway even if no dishonour." she added with a chesire grin as Ranma blushed furiously.
"Airen shocked, confused and naked, not really know what do or where go. Airen stumble across Jusenkyo, try escape through cursed grounds and Shampoo follow. Airen more nervous then Shampoo being there, move slower. Shampoo catch up and try fight Airen, but defeated again. Shampoo fall into spring of drowned cat. Shampoo not know how swim very well, have train as warrior all of life, never time swim with other children. Airen see Shampoo nearly drown, feel responsible. Despite Airen big fear of cats, thanks to stupid panda insane torture training, Airen jump down and drag Shampoo to safety, save Shampoo life. After nearly drown, Shampoo very weak, no could move. Airen start carry Shampoo back towards village, when pops arrive. Pops want Ranma leave Shampoo there, escape while escape could." she explained, during which point everybody around the table except Soun glared angrily at Genma for a few moments, even Kasumi looked mildly disapproving.
"Ranma put Shampoo down, beat stupid pops good, then pick Shampoo up and continue back to village where Shampoo-cat get turned back to Shampoo-girl by wise great-grandmother. Great-grandmother explain Ranma what means when defeat amazon. Ranma greatly surprised to find out meaning behind Kiss of Marriage, Ranma think Shampoo just overcome with womans emotions at sight of his manliness." Shampoo revealed, laughing happily with Ranma blushing under everybody's scrutiny. "Is true, in way, Shampoo suppose. Shampoo do love Airen now. Airen have cute face, great body and backside to die for. Airen also great big softie under gruff exterior. Big help for Shampoo talk with Airen after cursed to become cat. But back then, Shampoo only think Airen cute, but mostly Shampoo resent Airen for defeating Shampoo in front of village, forcing Shampoo marry him."
"Airen greatly displeased at what great-grandmother tell. Speak for long time about marriage customs in Airens land, speak very angrily about 'stupid chick laws' what amazons have. Airen greatly displease great-grandmother with Airens disrespectful ways. Airen reveal that he have no intention of settling down, especially not when he'd found somebody like Happosai who could teach him so much more then pops. Shampoo not know what happen to great-grandmother in past, but knowing Happosai now, can guess. Great-grandmother loose temper for first time Shampoo ever see, nearly kill Airen after find out he student of Happosai. Shampoo shield Airen with body to protect. Even if Shampoo resent Airen for defeat, Shampoo owe Airen life for save when drown. Great-grandmother even more displeased, so angry as use power as amazon Matriarch to dissolve Shampoo marriage to Airen, then tell Shampoo move over so can kill Airen. Shampoo refuse, still owe life, even if not Airen more." Shampoo revealed, wiping a few tears away from her eyes.
"Great-grandmother... Not pleased. Not pleased at all. She beat Shampoo, nearly kill. Airen very angry when see, managed to almost hit great-grandmother several times, but realise out of league. Airen fake attack, then dart away and snatch Shampoo up, while screaming 'Saotome Secret Technique' towards stupid panda. Airen run off with Shampoo, while great-grandmother scream that Shampoo banished from village. Having disobeyed Matriarch, much dishonour, always mean punishment. But great-grandmother very angry, banishment not appropriate punishment, is too too excessive. Not having anywhere go, Ranma offer Shampoo come with him 'As friends. We're not to get married any longer, you heard the old ghoul. Get it?' Airen say. Shampoo think Airen very generous to take Shampoo with. Shampoo take good long look at Airen, think of Airen noble actions, think of Airen naked butt when run from village. Shampoo remember what Airen say about marriage customs in Airen land. Shampoo then get down on knee and propose to Airen. Airen no reply, still no reply, but take Shampoo with. Find pops, eventually come across Happosai, continue travel with Shampoo." the amazon finished.
"Happosai acted 'normal' as I thought of his normal, though I noticed he cast a few odd glances at Shampoo from time to time. But he greatly approved of having her along, kept saying that I was a much better student then he'd ever had before, that I showed much potential. He even showed me a few techniques that would make me even more powerful, but which I thought they were too disturbing to use. They also made me start to suspect that perhaps pops had been right about the old freak." Ranma continued, having picked up the story from where Shampoo finished. "But Happosai was on his best behaviour and we kept travelling. Then, about two weeks before we left China, I was taking a bath in a river when Shampoo arrived, surprising the heck out of me as she said that she wanted to jump into the water with me. Before I had time to protest, point out that she'd turn cat if she did or just go away, Happosai arrived, cried out 'Sweeto!' and jumped at us. Since the water was cold, I was in my girl form, which Happosai hadn't heard about. Neither one of us had even thought to mention it and neither pops, Shampoo or myself had transformed since meeting up with him. We pounded him, of course. I went away a bit as Shampoo took a bath, neither of us willing to be alone without anyone to watch our backs with old freak around. Especially not since Shampoo is nearly defenceless when she goes c-cc-c-c-ca-c-cat."
"But when we got back to camp and shifted back with some hot water, Happosai jumped out of the bushes. He'd been watching everything and now knew about our curses. He was delighted, of course. He started demanding that I return to my girl form, stay in it and wear all sorts of perverted undergarments that he pulled out of his pack. When I refused, we got into a big fight and he nearly killed me. If he hadn't taught me his own techniques, I think he would have..." Ranma explained, a far-away look in his eyes.
"Yes. Shampoo see Airens life-glow fade and jump to rescue, punt Old Pervert Freak away and hug Airen to bosom. Airen use perverted technique learned from Happosai to recover, surprise Shampoo great deal. Also surprise Old Pervert Freak great deal when he return and Airen pound him to ground. Freak greatly displeased by turn of events, but Freak calm down. Still want Airen as Heir, still train Airen, but Freak no longer pretend be nice old man. Airen train with Freak, Shampoo train with Pops. Shampoo train with Airen. Airen train with Shampoo. All learn much, get stronger. Swim to Japan, pops say 'Let us go visit old friend Tendo Soun.', Pervert Freak recognise name, think great idea to see old student again. Think even greater idea to see students daughters again. Pervert all too predictable. Ranma and Shampoo shrug, not care where train, as long as train. We not know of this evil plot to engage Airen to Tendo girl before arrive." Shampoo interjected.
"Yes, that. I'm going to have a very *long* 'talk' with pops about that." Ranma agreed, cracking his knuckles.
"There is nothing to talk about. Your father and I, along with your mother and my... My wife... Agreed to this before you were even born. It's an honour-bound promise between men, between martial artists, that our children were to be engaged so that our two Schools could be joined!" Soun proclaimed, then looked over at his three daughters. "So, which one do you want and do you think you can wait for a month before the ceremony? We can have it tomorrow if you prefer that, but for something as important as marrying off one of my daughters, I'd like to do things properly."
"If or when I do marry, I intend to marry because I love the girl in question, not because two deranged losers got drunk and decided it was a fine idea to marry off the children they expected to have one day!" Ranma responded.
"Aiya, Airen already engaged. Shampoo propose to Airen!" Shampoo interjected.
"Akane-Chan! How could you do such a cruel thing to your poor ol' uncle Happosai?" the demented old pervert in question exclaimed as he suddenly appeared in the doorway to the veranda, seemingly unaffected by his unscheduled flight with Air Akane, staring at Akane with big tears streaming from his eyes.
"Hoooboy, I think the boring period I was complaining about yesterday might finally be over." Nabiki commented with a wry grin, shaking her head with barely restrained mirth.
The End! ( For now... )
Niklas "Hawk" Jonsson
Disclaimer: Ranma 1/2, the characters and whatnot are not mine, though I certainly wish they were. The story is mine though, all mine. This series deals with mature subject matters and violence. If this disturbs you, don't read. But if it does, then why the heck are you watching the show/reading the manga in the first place?
Feedback/Flames: Yes, please. Both of them are equally fun to read, although I must admit that I greatly prefer the first variety. :)
I can be found on ICQ as 21771860 or through e-mail as iamhawk@yahoo.com, more stories are available at my nifty lil' site at or by clicking on my handle up above.
"speech"
*emphasis/shouts/Kindred Domination/post-hypnotic triggers*
/thoughts/
*/telepathy/*
~translation~
+soundeffect/radio/telephone conversation/TV+
+Crash+
"RANMA! How dare you do that to your master?!" the troll demanded as it launched itself through the newly acquired hole in the wall, glaring furiously at Ranma.
"And this is Master Happosai." Ranma finished with a sigh, gesturing helplessly at the little troll in purple.
"So, when doused with cold water, you turn into a girl and when doused with hot water, you turn back into a boy?" Soun asked and Ranma nodded, everyone having seated themselves around the table after Kasumi had asked Happosai to forgive Ranma for his impulsive behaviour. Much to everybody's surprise, the old freak had agreed, surprising even Happosai himself who hadn't said anything much as Ranma had started to explain about the transformations. "Cold water turns you into a panda, warm water turns you back?" he continued, looking at Genma who nodded. "Cold water turns you into a cat, hot water turns you back into a tramp who claims to be engaged to Ranma?" he finished, looking at Shampoo.
+thonk+
"Shampoo not know what is this 'tramp', but no like way Stupid Moustache Man say it. Is insult, Shampoo think." Shampoo commented, stepping away from Soun who had been knocked near unconscious by the weird mace-like implement the Chinese girl had suddenly produced from out of nowhere and used to bludgeon him with. "And Shampoo no claim engaged, Shampoo is engaged to marry Airen." she spat out towards Soun, then sat down next to Ranma again, rubbing herself up against his right arm with an adoring expression on her face.
"Poor, respected father. He was so disappointed." Kasumi offered as she kneeled down next to him, dabbing his forehead with a wet cloth.
"He's disappointed?" Nabiki exclaimed, splashing Ranma with a glass of water. Shampoo just barely managed to leap aside and avoid getting splashed, but hastily returned and snuggled up against Ranma-chan as if nothing had changed. "He's disappointed?!" Nabiki repeated and started fondling Ranma-chan's ample breasts. "What kind of fiancée is this?" she demanded.
"Nabiki, behave. She is our guest." Kasumi admonished her.
"I'd wish you wouldn't do that..." Ranma-chan muttered under her breath, grabbing Nabiki's wrist and pulling her hand away.
"This is all your fault, daddy. Why didn't you make sure that you engaged us to somebody who's male all of the time?" Nabiki demanded of Soun who had started to stir and opened his eyes under Kasumi's loving care.
"Saotome told me he had a son and it's traditional for a son to be all man!" he protested as Nabiki put her right hand on Ranma's left breast again, squeezing it.
"Do you se a son here? Hm? Do you?!" Nabiki yelled.
"Uhm... I really wish you'd stop that..." Ranma muttered.
"Aiya! Noisy Perverted Girl keep groping Airen. No good, no good for Noisy Perverted Girls health." Shampoo said, a statement which caused Nabiki to hastily remove her hand and take a step back, as she had no desire whatsoever to be pummelled like her father had.
"Shampoo-chan! I keep telling you, that if you want a husband, I'm more then willing to marry you!" Happosai suddenly offered, glomping onto her chest with wild abandon.
"Old Pervert Freak let go of Shampoo!" Shampoo ordered and slammed her elbow down on Happosai's head, then threw him down onto the floor where she stomped him red'n blue.
"Saotome-kun! Now's our chance!" Soun suddenly exclaimed, seeming to recover instantly and throw himself across the room at the bruised little pervert. "Get a box! I'll chain him up!"
"Father. What *are* you doing to our guest?" Kasumi inquired, the 'respected father' once again having turned into a simple 'father'. The tone of her voice had not changed, nor had her expression, but everybody none the less inched away from her and Soun, even the bruised Happosai dragging himself away from the line of fire, something in the back of his head screaming at him to get away from the calm and gentle eldest Tendo sister.
"Uh... Kasumi... The master is..." Soun said, floundering madly for an explanation for his behaviour.
"Our guest, father." Kasumi finished firmly and that was that, Soun's shoulders slumped in defeat and his head hung listlessly.
"Yes, Kasumi..." he agreed, nodding faintly.
"Very good, respected father." Kasumi approved. "More tea, anyone?" she asked brightly.
"Ranma. Are you a girl that turns into a boy or a boy who turns into a girl?" Soun suddenly inquired.
"Boy. Definitively a boy." Ranma assured the Tendo patriarch. "I'm a boy who turns into a girl, nothing else!" he snarled.
"Oh. That's not so bad. The problem isn't so terrible after all. Nothing like if you'd really been a girl." Soun announced, then stood up and dragged Ranma into an upright position, slapping his back in a friendly, albeit very enthusiastic manner.
"Huh?" Ranma uttered in confusion.
"My daughter Kasumi, age nineteen. Nabiki, age seventeen. Akane, age sixteen. Pick the one you want, she'll be your fiancée." Soun continued, not having heard or having ignored Ranma's confused utterance.
"My what?!" Ranma blurted out, stepping away from Soun and staring at him with a horrified expression.
"Is Stupid Moustache Man try engage Airen to other womans? Aiya! Shampoo kill!" Shampoo proclaimed, whipping out two Bonbori from out of nowhere, before she was suddenly tackled by Genma and brought down to the ground by the older man.
"Hurry up son! Pick the one you want, escape from here and marry her. I will not let this amazon interloper stand in the way of uniting the Saotome and Tendo schools!" Genma proclaimed, desperately trying to keep the much faster and more skilled amazon warrior pinned down.
"Hotcha, Genma! That's the spirit. I didn't think you had it in you! Now make sure she doesn't move while I grab her panties!" Happosai approved and darted towards Shampoo, when he was suddenly hauled up into the air and punched out of the house by a furious Akane.
"WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON HERE?!" she demanded, a furiously red battle aura surrounding her and stunning the entire room into paralysed silence.
By the time Genma neared the end of his retelling of events of times past, the sun had already gone down and Genma had still not gotten to anything that explained the weird transformations or the deranged pervert in purple.
"My son and I were on the road in China during our tour of the legendary training grounds of China, when we suddenly came across the master. Naturally, I was surprised... BUT DELIGHTED! Of course, delighted!" Genma explained, then looked around and exhaled in relief as the master had yet to make his way back after being forcibly evicted from the house by Akane. "The master had followed us for a few days and taken an unhealthy interest in Ranma. When he appeared, he acted much as he did before Soun and myself apprenticed ourselves to him. Ranma was taken with him and impressed by the knowledge he displayed, much like we ourselves were once. The master harried us constantly and I had no opportunity to warn Ranma about his wicked ways before it was too late..." Genma explained, swallowing nervously.
"Happosai declared Ranma his chosen heir and Ranma, not knowing what a monster he'd gotten himself involved with, accepted. By the time I finally got a moment alone with Ranma, he'd studied under the master for three weeks and been taught much, the master ever was a good teacher when he put his mind to it." Genma sighed. "He wouldn't listen to me, didn't believe me." Genma sighed.
"How could I? After what you've done to me, did you really expect me to take your word for anything?" Ranma suddenly snorted.
"Boy, everything I've ever done has been in your best interest!" Genma protested.
"Everything, pops?" Ranma demanded, glaring angrily at Genma with a murderous intent in his eyes. "Remember the Neko-ken? Remember that, pops?" he snarled.
"Ah, uh... There may have been some instances where I were trapped and misled by clever ruses..." Genma muttered.
"You nearly got me killed! Or permanently insane! Or both!" Ranma spat out.
"And you're better for it! You should be thanking me, you foolish ingrate!" Genma retorted.
"You stupid panda!" Ranma growled, pulling his right hand back for a powerful bone-breaking punch.
"And then what happened?" Kasumi inquired, instantly defusing the situation.
"The master travelled with us, still being on his best behaviour... Until we reached the area near the legendary training grounds. For some reason, he did not wish to come with us, claiming pressing business elsewhere and that he'd catch up with us later. I did not question this unexpected turn of good fortune, hoping that this would give me the opportunity needed to get Ranma to see the truth. Unfortunately, instead we both learned the true horror of the legendary ground of accursed springs, Jusenkyo." Genma continued, Ranma slowing returning to his seat with a confused expression, wondering how Kasumi had managed to get him to do that with nothing but a gentle question.
"Of course! The fabled Jusenkyo. Up until now, their true horror has been shrouded in mystery." Soun exclaimed, nodding sagely.
"Indeed, Tendo." Genma agreed with a sage nod of his own.
"Fabled? Legendary? Whatta heck was the idea behind draggin' me to a place like that anyways?!" Ranma demanded.
"You whimper like a girl! Were you not prepared to give your life for your training?" Genma retorted.
"My life, yes! My manhood, no!" Ranma groused.
"Stop complaining, boy." Genma ordered, then returned to his story. "To make a long story short, the pools at Jusenkyo are cursed. Whomever falls into them, takes on the form of whatever has drowned in them. I fell into the pool of drowned panda and Ranma fell into the spring of drowned girl. After we talked the situation through with the guide who lived there, he agreed to take us to the nearby village of the amazons whom he thought might know of a cure to our condition."
"Is too too bad amazons not know of such cure." Shampoo suddenly interjected. "But very good pops and Airen do very stupid thing when arrive, or Shampoo may never meet Airen. Airen and Pops arrive on day of big village tournament, all amazons best warriors fight. Winner gets much honour, title of champion and is treated to big victory feast. Shampoo win, of course." she explained with a proud smile. "But when Shampoo beat final opponent, Shampoo look towards feast laid out for her with much anticipation. Shampoo fight all day and felt much hunger. What Shampoo then see, if not big panda and girl-type Ranma gobbling down victory feast like panda and girl who never before see food! Shampoo feel much anger, think perhaps feel better if bash panda and insolent girl to bloody pulps."
"Shampoo get even angrier, as girl-type Ranma offer to fight Shampoo for food and jump up onto challenge log. Shampoo very hungry, very angry, make big mistake. Shampoo underestimate girl-type and charge at Airen, thinking Shampoo gonna win easy against outsider girl. Girl-type Ranma kick Shampoo off log, Shampoo loose fight, loose much honour. When Shampoo get up, walk towards girl-type Ranma intending to give Kiss of Death. Is like, amazon death sentence. When give Kiss of Death, must hunt down recipient to ends of world and kill. But before Shampoo get to Airen, Airen back into stupid panda eating from bowl of soup as watch fight. Clumsy panda drop hot soup on Airen, turn back into man-type Ranma in front of everybody. Shampoo heard of Jusenkyo, know then girl-type only curse form, Shampoo really defeated by man." she explained.
"Shampoo know then, must marry Airen. Is amazon law. When outsider defeat amazon womans, only two things to do. If outsider girl, amazon must give Kiss of Death. If outsider man, amazon must give Kiss of Marriage. Shampoo give Ranma Kiss of Marriage, stun Airen very badly, allowing Shampoo to lick spilled soup off Airens body as village cheer. Ranma defeat village champion, obviously great warrior, so Shampoo gain much honour back by marriage." she continued. "Unfortunately, Ranma while man in body, still very much boy in mind. Ranma greatly embarrassed by what happen, so try to run away when not stunned any more. Great dishonour if husband run away, so Shampoo follow. Besides, Shampoo get very nice view of naked Airen butt, so would have followed anyway even if no dishonour." she added with a chesire grin as Ranma blushed furiously.
"Airen shocked, confused and naked, not really know what do or where go. Airen stumble across Jusenkyo, try escape through cursed grounds and Shampoo follow. Airen more nervous then Shampoo being there, move slower. Shampoo catch up and try fight Airen, but defeated again. Shampoo fall into spring of drowned cat. Shampoo not know how swim very well, have train as warrior all of life, never time swim with other children. Airen see Shampoo nearly drown, feel responsible. Despite Airen big fear of cats, thanks to stupid panda insane torture training, Airen jump down and drag Shampoo to safety, save Shampoo life. After nearly drown, Shampoo very weak, no could move. Airen start carry Shampoo back towards village, when pops arrive. Pops want Ranma leave Shampoo there, escape while escape could." she explained, during which point everybody around the table except Soun glared angrily at Genma for a few moments, even Kasumi looked mildly disapproving.
"Ranma put Shampoo down, beat stupid pops good, then pick Shampoo up and continue back to village where Shampoo-cat get turned back to Shampoo-girl by wise great-grandmother. Great-grandmother explain Ranma what means when defeat amazon. Ranma greatly surprised to find out meaning behind Kiss of Marriage, Ranma think Shampoo just overcome with womans emotions at sight of his manliness." Shampoo revealed, laughing happily with Ranma blushing under everybody's scrutiny. "Is true, in way, Shampoo suppose. Shampoo do love Airen now. Airen have cute face, great body and backside to die for. Airen also great big softie under gruff exterior. Big help for Shampoo talk with Airen after cursed to become cat. But back then, Shampoo only think Airen cute, but mostly Shampoo resent Airen for defeating Shampoo in front of village, forcing Shampoo marry him."
"Airen greatly displeased at what great-grandmother tell. Speak for long time about marriage customs in Airens land, speak very angrily about 'stupid chick laws' what amazons have. Airen greatly displease great-grandmother with Airens disrespectful ways. Airen reveal that he have no intention of settling down, especially not when he'd found somebody like Happosai who could teach him so much more then pops. Shampoo not know what happen to great-grandmother in past, but knowing Happosai now, can guess. Great-grandmother loose temper for first time Shampoo ever see, nearly kill Airen after find out he student of Happosai. Shampoo shield Airen with body to protect. Even if Shampoo resent Airen for defeat, Shampoo owe Airen life for save when drown. Great-grandmother even more displeased, so angry as use power as amazon Matriarch to dissolve Shampoo marriage to Airen, then tell Shampoo move over so can kill Airen. Shampoo refuse, still owe life, even if not Airen more." Shampoo revealed, wiping a few tears away from her eyes.
"Great-grandmother... Not pleased. Not pleased at all. She beat Shampoo, nearly kill. Airen very angry when see, managed to almost hit great-grandmother several times, but realise out of league. Airen fake attack, then dart away and snatch Shampoo up, while screaming 'Saotome Secret Technique' towards stupid panda. Airen run off with Shampoo, while great-grandmother scream that Shampoo banished from village. Having disobeyed Matriarch, much dishonour, always mean punishment. But great-grandmother very angry, banishment not appropriate punishment, is too too excessive. Not having anywhere go, Ranma offer Shampoo come with him 'As friends. We're not to get married any longer, you heard the old ghoul. Get it?' Airen say. Shampoo think Airen very generous to take Shampoo with. Shampoo take good long look at Airen, think of Airen noble actions, think of Airen naked butt when run from village. Shampoo remember what Airen say about marriage customs in Airen land. Shampoo then get down on knee and propose to Airen. Airen no reply, still no reply, but take Shampoo with. Find pops, eventually come across Happosai, continue travel with Shampoo." the amazon finished.
"Happosai acted 'normal' as I thought of his normal, though I noticed he cast a few odd glances at Shampoo from time to time. But he greatly approved of having her along, kept saying that I was a much better student then he'd ever had before, that I showed much potential. He even showed me a few techniques that would make me even more powerful, but which I thought they were too disturbing to use. They also made me start to suspect that perhaps pops had been right about the old freak." Ranma continued, having picked up the story from where Shampoo finished. "But Happosai was on his best behaviour and we kept travelling. Then, about two weeks before we left China, I was taking a bath in a river when Shampoo arrived, surprising the heck out of me as she said that she wanted to jump into the water with me. Before I had time to protest, point out that she'd turn cat if she did or just go away, Happosai arrived, cried out 'Sweeto!' and jumped at us. Since the water was cold, I was in my girl form, which Happosai hadn't heard about. Neither one of us had even thought to mention it and neither pops, Shampoo or myself had transformed since meeting up with him. We pounded him, of course. I went away a bit as Shampoo took a bath, neither of us willing to be alone without anyone to watch our backs with old freak around. Especially not since Shampoo is nearly defenceless when she goes c-cc-c-c-ca-c-cat."
"But when we got back to camp and shifted back with some hot water, Happosai jumped out of the bushes. He'd been watching everything and now knew about our curses. He was delighted, of course. He started demanding that I return to my girl form, stay in it and wear all sorts of perverted undergarments that he pulled out of his pack. When I refused, we got into a big fight and he nearly killed me. If he hadn't taught me his own techniques, I think he would have..." Ranma explained, a far-away look in his eyes.
"Yes. Shampoo see Airens life-glow fade and jump to rescue, punt Old Pervert Freak away and hug Airen to bosom. Airen use perverted technique learned from Happosai to recover, surprise Shampoo great deal. Also surprise Old Pervert Freak great deal when he return and Airen pound him to ground. Freak greatly displeased by turn of events, but Freak calm down. Still want Airen as Heir, still train Airen, but Freak no longer pretend be nice old man. Airen train with Freak, Shampoo train with Pops. Shampoo train with Airen. Airen train with Shampoo. All learn much, get stronger. Swim to Japan, pops say 'Let us go visit old friend Tendo Soun.', Pervert Freak recognise name, think great idea to see old student again. Think even greater idea to see students daughters again. Pervert all too predictable. Ranma and Shampoo shrug, not care where train, as long as train. We not know of this evil plot to engage Airen to Tendo girl before arrive." Shampoo interjected.
"Yes, that. I'm going to have a very *long* 'talk' with pops about that." Ranma agreed, cracking his knuckles.
"There is nothing to talk about. Your father and I, along with your mother and my... My wife... Agreed to this before you were even born. It's an honour-bound promise between men, between martial artists, that our children were to be engaged so that our two Schools could be joined!" Soun proclaimed, then looked over at his three daughters. "So, which one do you want and do you think you can wait for a month before the ceremony? We can have it tomorrow if you prefer that, but for something as important as marrying off one of my daughters, I'd like to do things properly."
"If or when I do marry, I intend to marry because I love the girl in question, not because two deranged losers got drunk and decided it was a fine idea to marry off the children they expected to have one day!" Ranma responded.
"Aiya, Airen already engaged. Shampoo propose to Airen!" Shampoo interjected.
"Akane-Chan! How could you do such a cruel thing to your poor ol' uncle Happosai?" the demented old pervert in question exclaimed as he suddenly appeared in the doorway to the veranda, seemingly unaffected by his unscheduled flight with Air Akane, staring at Akane with big tears streaming from his eyes.
"Hoooboy, I think the boring period I was complaining about yesterday might finally be over." Nabiki commented with a wry grin, shaking her head with barely restrained mirth.
The End! ( For now... )