No amount of eggnog could make this Christmas a merry one.

Especially not an entire storage container's worth. Ryou's work. He was pretty much the only person in the house in anything close to the Christmas spirit. Good for him. Minegishi didn't care. They just wanted this holiday to be over already…it wouldn't be, not for a few more hours. But then, of course, there would be the after Christmas parties. Then the pre New Year's Eve part, and then the actual New Year's Eve party…it just never ended, did it? If they had been younger then they would have been all over that, or at least a wallflower sitting and reading in some corner. Ryou would have been in the thick of it, spending the entire night trying to pull them in. They would have wound up going in, too, just because he wouldn't stop if they didn't…and maybe it would be fun. Of course it would have been fun…if they had been younger.

They were thirty now, they were too old for this shit.

They were not, however, too old to sit in the kitchen and drink from Ryou's eggnog. It was a service to the house, really. Eventually it would go bad, it was dairy based, so of course the best thing to do was to drink it. Maybe if they drank enough they could forget this past year. Maybe 2019 would be a wonderful dream, or nightmare, or blank spot in their memory. They would never know until they tried.

It needed more nutmeg.

Cinnamon, there was too much cinnamon in this. He had made this for Mob…they put their mug down. She somehow only like it with cinnamon. They didn't understand her…they would never understand her. Thirteen was the worst age…or maybe they hadn't understood her back then either. She had been a lot easier to be friends with, back then. All she had cared about was Dolls and Frozen…kittens and manga…those horrible plastic shoes she used to wear because they went with her costumes. All of this had been so much easier when she had been eight...though maybe they hadn't known her that well back then. She hadn't had any real power back then, not even in her own family. Things had been more simple back then. Mob's…Mob-isms…hadn't been nearly as bad as they were now. The constant guilt, the abandonment issues, the inability to say no…or think her actions through…not that she had any part in-

-Minegishi took another drink.

Mob blamed herself for everything. That was one of her worst Mob-isms. She thought that everything that happened, ever, was her fault. Minegishi had seen her blame everything from her brother losing all of his gun darts after a game of target practice to her mother leaving and abandoning her. Most people had the opposite problem. Most people never wanted to admit it when something was their fault, when they were to blame, when there was nobody in the world that they could blame so, really, there was nothing that they could do but sit here and slowly poison themselves with a dangerous amount of rum and dairy.

And nutmeg, too, of course.

They dunked their mug again. It ran down the side and onto their hand. They could smell the rum in it. Ryou actually could read a measuring cup, he just didn't want to. Though they had no idea what the ratios for an empty storage contained full of nutmeg were. They licked the eggnog off of their hand. Tsuchiya scrunched their nose, obviously not expecting to see Minegishi making merry when she came stomping into the kitchen.

They took another sip.

Tsuchiya got into their personal space. They reached behind themselves towards the plants…oh. She was in the mug cabinet. They leaned back in their chair. She took one, looked at it, but then put it back on the shelf…handle out. Ryou could see handles if he was sober and focused, which of course he wouldn't be after Mob's party. They knew, they had helped her plan it. They wondered if Mob had been serious about her 'everyone gets an end piece' plan…she would tell Minegishi, or maybe Ryou would. He loved cake. She'd gotten a chocolate cake especially for him, and a pudding bar…she did that for everyone. There was a quiet room at the party with bad TV and good manga. Even a fancy coffee machine with real Starbucks coffee. She thought of her friends, that was all. It wasn't like she…thoughts that Minegishi shouldn't have had.

Thoughts that they needed to drown. Now.

They finished off their mug. Tsuchiya was hovering beside them. They leaned forwards and dipped their mug again. Tsuchiya reached forward, but then pulled her hand back as Minegishi sat back down. They had no idea what she was thinking about, or why she had to think about it now. Why she had to hover over them, too, was a question they could have asked. They weren't going to, though, asking her a question would have involved talking to her and they weren't in the mood right now. They had nothing to say, anyway.

They had no idea what even could have been said.

"Mind if I…if I join you?" asked Tsuchiya. Minegishi shrugged.

"I'm not planning on finishing this." Said Minegishi, pointing to the tub of eggnog. Tsuchiya pulled a chair out…and sat next to them. The kitchen was small but not that small. They wished they'd brought another book. They'd finished their book long ago, an omnibus of the first twelve volumes of that new Sailor Moon. They should have known that manga was deceptively thick. They should have known that they were going to be bothered tonight.

Even with just the two of them here in the house they should have known that Tsuchiya would have found reason to bother them.

"Thanks." Said Tsuchiya. She was tense. Minegishi watched her out of the corner of their eye. Her arms were noticeably more muscular, and she was sitting straight up in her chair beyond her normal perfect posture. They had no idea what she could possibly have been worried about. Mukai? Even if someone took her it wasn't like they were going to keep her. Hell, they could have demanded a ransom to take her BACK. Mob and Sho wouldn't have let that happen, anyway. Shibata too, though he was a lot more easily distracted. If she was so worried then she should have gone with. It wasn't like she hadn't been invited, they had all been invited, and it wasn't like she wasn't the only one in the house who actually had a reason to go.

Minegishi didn't need a drinking buddy.

But it looked like they were getting one. Tsuchiya dipped her mug in, carefully, and then just as carefully pulled it out. It was nowhere near full. She sipped it slowly, looking pained the entire time. If Minegishi had been younger they would have downed their entire mug right then and there…but they were too old for these kinds of pissing contests. Thirty. They had never thought they'd end up making it this far. They hadn't had an specific plans to die young, they had just always gotten the feeling that they would be cut down soon. Illness, other people, acts of God…it had all been on the table. But here they were now.

They took a sensible sup of their eggnog like a sensible adult would.

"God! This is so strong!" said Tsuchiya. Minegishi shrugged.

"Tolerance, I'd imagine." Said Minegishi. They expected Tsuchiya to start up with some speech about how they really needed to drink less. She had this idea in her head that just because she was a mom that made her the team mom. They already had a mother hen, they didn't need a team mom to go with. Shibata could be overbearing, Minegishi was not too skinny it was just their metabolism, but at least he mostly knew how to mind his own business. He said something, you told him to mind his own business, and miracle of miracles he did. Tsuchiya, for some reason, never let things go. Maybe that was how she had gotten so strong. Beating dead horses all day probably took it out of you.

It probably got boring, too.

"This has to be at least half rum. Are you trying to preserve it? Because I think that there might be enough alcohol in here to keep it at least until New Year's Eve." Said Tsuchiya with a smile, a forced one, and a laugh that was just as unnatural. The whole effect was kind of uncanny, really.

"Are you trying to be funny?" asked Minegishi. Tsuchiya's face went back to normal. That was a more natural look on her, that worried look. That just on the edge look. It fit, it was a good thing, but it fit.

"I don't even know." said Tsuchiya. She gave Minegishi a look, that look that someone gave you when they wanted to talk. Minegishi pretended that they didn't notice. They went back to sipping their drink. They could still feel her aura against theirs. It was like having someone literally breathing down your neck, and not in a good way.

"You don't have to drink it if you don't want to, and I can tell that you don't want to." Said Minegishi, praying that she would take the hint and leave…but of course she didn't. She was nearly as clueless as Mob it seemed, or even moreso. Maybe Suzuki levels of cluelessness.

"Is there anything else to drink in the house?" asked Tsuchiya

"I'm not sharing. You can ask Ryou if you can have at something of his but, you know, that would involve talking to Ryou." Said Minegishi

"God, no, anything but that." Said Tsuchiya. Minegishi didn't blame her. He had never exactly been good company even before this.

"Then I guess you're going sober tonight." Said Minegishi. Tsuchiya leaned forward, but not to get up. She filled her mug to the top and then took a long, unnecessarily long, sip from her mug. Or maybe it was a gulp at this point. Minegishi didn't know when one turned into the other and they didn't feel like looking it up right now.

This was much more interesting.

"No, I'm not." Said Tsuchiya, pulling her mug away from her lips. She wiped her mouth off with the back of her hand. Minegishi wondered if they had been a bad influence on them.

"Any particular reason? Or did you just feel like coming in here and making merry with me?" asked Minegishi, eying her warily. This was a lot, especially for her. She was a lightweight and Minegishi didn't feel like keeping her alive through the night…or talking to Fukuda…they would rather have sat there in the kitchen with her all night than going anywhere near that chewed piece of sugar free diet gum. Maybe it wouldn't come to that, maybe Tsuchiya would know her limits.

Tsuchiya took another drink. Somewhere a ship sailed.

"You're never merry." Said Tsuchiya, after another long drink. Minegishi raised the space where an eyebrow should have been.

"Not in front of you." said Minegishi. They had been 'merry' plenty of times. They just never stumbled around, shouted, or made any kind of a spectacle of themselves. They were a sleepy drunk, not an obnoxious drunk. Ryou was the obnoxious drunk….and Tsuchiya looked like she was shaping up to be one, too. She was starting to shift around in place, not a good sign. Her voice had been a couple decibels louder than it normally would have been…

Next year they were making the eggnog.

"I really can't imagine you being merry. You of all people have the least to be merry over….and I guess Shigeko." Said Tsuchiya

"Mob's probably having the time of her life right now." said Minegishi, pulling the tub of eggnog closer to themselves. They were glad that Mob wasn't home, the last person who should have had at this was her. Her tolerance was off the charts for someone her age, maybe another power of hers, but this was off the charts…they didn't even have the word for it? Boozy? They heard it in Matsuo's voice…yeah, that was a good word now that they thought about it. Boozy.

Too boozy for Tsuchiya.

She was sitting sideways now, fully facing them. They crossed their arms and let their aura show. Too close. They had never seen her drunk before. They hoped that she wasn't the fighting type. The last thing that they needed in the house was a fight-y drunk. They had obnoxious drunks, sad drunks, loud drunks, and they were a sleepy drunk themselves…they didn't need any more flavors of drunk.

"How can she? How can she be so happy after-" said Tsuchiya. No. They were not going to sit here and-and just…they were not going to get into this with her.

"After you've spent the past few months beating a dead horse nearly every single day?" asked Minegishi. They knew that they were participating in the hose beating but…but they were just…they were done with this! Drunk or not, and it would have been a little worrying if she had gotten drunk this fast, she should have known that it was over. It had happened, it had been talked about, and now there was nothing left to talk about. Nothing that they could do. Nothing that Mob even wanted them to do.

"What are you talking about?" asked Tsuchiya, scratching her head. Minegishi wondered if they should have taken the mug from her…they didn't want to deal with her but they didn't want to make this any worse either.

"Mob. Ryou. You're the only one still talking about this. It happened. It's over. There's no way to go back and change anything and, anyway, Mob's already said so many times that she just wants this thing to be over. So can you please just be quiet about it?" asked Minegishi

"Be quiet…? How can you-how can you just expect me to let it go?" asked Tsuchiya

"I never asked you to let anything go. This isn't the kind of thing that you can just let go of, I'm not that cold you know. This is the kind of thing that we can't fix. Mob doesn't want to talk about, to anyone, even to me. She's sick of people bringing it up and, honestly, she doesn't seem that bothered by what happened. She's more bothered that we won't shut up about it." Said Minegishi

"I don't know how all of you can be so…so alright, with this? It's like no matter what happens you just…you just go with it. Even when it's something so, transparently, wrong." Said Tsuchiya

"I have never once defended him and you know it." Said Minegishi

"You never told him off, either." Said Tsuchiya. They never told him off…they had done nothing but tell him off! It wasn't their fault that he was the way he was. He was…he was himself and in his mind he hadn't done anything wrong. There was no convincing him otherwise, not unless Mob came out and said it. She wasn't going to, of course, since she just wanted everyone to shut up about this whole thing. They didn't even know how bothered she was by the whole thing. She just kept on talking about it like it was…like a hookup she regretted…they knew better, of course. Mob just didn't…she felt the way she felt and it wasn't like Minegishi was privy to her innermost emotions…not anywhere.

They had come here to make merry or whatever, and this was not making merry. It wasn't even the whatever!

"I don't want to talk about this anymore. I told him off, so many times, and of course I'm not alright with what happened. You're not the only one who isn't alright with this, you're not the only one who's bothered, you're just the only one who thinks that talking about it is going to go anywhere. Mob's. In. Charge. She's the one in charge and she doesn't want us to talk about it. Clearly she isn't shook up, not in a way that she wants us to know about if she is, and that's that. You're not going to change her mind about anything so I don't know why you keep on trying." Said Minegishi. They held eye contact with Tsuchiya. Not for very long. She sighed and looked away. Their victory felt hollow.

"When did you give up?" asked Tsuchiya quietly. Minegishi slumped back in their chair and took a sip from their mug.

"I never had anything to give up on." Said Minegishi after a moment. The truth. Not the one that Tsuchiya seemed to have wanted to hear. She made a sympathetic noise, one that Minegishi had no interest in hearing.

"Oh…I'm sorry. I forgot about your-" said Tsuchiya

"You have nothing to do with the horror show that was my life, so don't apologize." Said Minegishi with a wave of their hand. Pity sympathy. The last thing that they wanted.

"I never should have gone there. I'm just…I don't know. I feel like giving up…and I don't want to give up. I don't want…I don't want Mukai to give up, either. I don't want this to be her life but it's just…I can't save her." said Tsuchiya softly. They had no idea what she was on about. Trying to get them to let their guard down? Or maybe she just felt sympathetic…or she was genuinely guilty. Possibly just drunk. Drunk off of two drinks…honestly.

They didn't want to deal with this right now.

But they had to. They weren't going to leave, they shouldn't have had to. They had just been here minding their own business. Tsuchiya was the one who had come barging in. Really she was the one who should have left. The room. The house. The entire city. She had been talking about leaving for months now…maybe the time had come for her to do it. Of course she was going to say that she couldn't. She was going to list a thousand and one ways why she couldn't go in one breath and then in another talk about how much she wanted to leave.

Minegishi was getting sick and tired of it.

"Why don't you just leave, then?" asked Minegishi

"Like you said, Shigeko is the boss. She's made her feelings perfectly clear. I tried reasoning with her, even. I spoke to her on her level…" said Tsuchiya

"Mob has deep running abandonment issues-" said Minegishi. Tsuchiya should have known this by now. With her mother either running away or dying and her father dropping her the second she hit puberty and things got too weird for him she was pretty much alone in the world. Minegishi could only do so much. They weren't her parent, and they didn't want to be. They were her friend and…and there was only so much that they could do. Only so much that could be done by people who didn't know what they were doing.

"And your solution is to just leave?" asked Tsuchiya

"-but she never takes them out on other people. Not unless she loses control." Said Minegishi. The other reason it was best not to upset Mob. Not to talk about leaving. Not to send her into the sort of spiral that destroyed entire divisions. They had seen it happen, been there, not right next to her but close enough to almost die…Mob couldn't hurt a fly. That thing inside if her, that power, was another story entirely.

"Like at the Seventh Division? I don't want to set her off. I don't even want to know what would happen here…Tokyo HQ is a skyscraper." Said Tsuchiya with a shudder. Minegishi imagined something like a high death toll, billions or maybe even trillions of yen in damages, maybe even an earthquake. If Suzuki could set them off then maybe Mob could too. Not the sort of thing that Minegishi liked to think about.

"If you won't just leave, and you don't want to set Mob off, then why not just let it go?" asked Minegishi

"Why won't you drop Shimazaki?" asked Tsuchiya. Minegishi nearly slapped her with a vine. The vine grew…they eyed Tsuchiya's arms. Close quarters combat wasn't a strength of theirs.

"We're broken up. I was very clear about that." Said Minegishi through gritted teeth. This was going into uncomfortable territory. She had noticed. She was doing this on purpose…or she was drunk. That was always an option.

"But you still live with him in the house, you still call him by his given name, and you still label things for him." Said Tsuchiya

"Mob and I aren't getting along right now, force of habit, and I'm making life easier for all of you. Unless, of course, you like Ryou opening your food to figure out what's what." Said Minegishi

"Or you still have-" said Tsuchiya

"Did you come in here to pick a fight with me? Because if you did then you had better be damn sure that this is a fight that you can win." Said Minegishi, their power pooling in the plant life around them. Her aura began to dim. Her arms began to soften. She even slumped down in her seat.

"I'm sorry, alright? I didn't come here to start a fight…it just happened." Said Tsuchiya. Her aura pulled inwards. Her entire body seemed to collapse in on it's self like a dying star or something…nothing nearly that interesting.

"Probably something to do with my sparkling personality." Said Minegishi with a click of their tongue. Tsuchiya nodded.

"Yeah…you're an asshole…but I'm not much better. I don't know what happened to me. it's this house…it's this endless today. It's always felt like an endless today and before it was boring but now…now it's just like I'm reliving the same bad day over and over again…" said Tsuchiya. Minegishi knew that feeling. Where one day was just like the one before and then the one before that and the one before that. Like a time loop but time went forward. Forward but….but it always circled back to the same place…or, like Tsuchiya had said, a worse place. Sometimes something so terrible happened that they all got stuck, here, in this place….

They needed a vacation.

It was Christmas. All but the most essential Claw functions had been suspended until after the new year. They had just as much freedom to leave as anyone else. They just didn't see the point in using it. Mob needed them. She wouldn't have gone after them but she wouldn't have done well on her own, either. She needed Minegishi….

Bui nobody needed Tsuchiya.

"Mob won't ever let you leave…but she'll let you take a break." Said Minegishi

"I'll still have to come back eventually." Said Tsuchiya

"I know, but it's nice to have a break sometimes. Even I need a break sometimes." Said Minegishi

"Why don't you just leave then? If it's so easy?" asked Tsuchiya

"Mob needs me. There's some guy hanging around. I managed to scare him off but…I don't even know if Mob's grateful. She probably just thinks I'm being controlling or something…I'd leave if I could. I just…can't." said Minegishi

"You don't have to leave forever, though, and neither do I. I like…I can get used to the idea of breaks." Said Tsuchiya, dipping her mug back into the tub of eggnog. Some ran down the front. She didn't care. She just leaned back and smiled. Maybe she was serious or maybe these were just drunken ramblings. Minegishi wasn't entirely sure.

For either of them.

"Yeah…me too." Said Minegishi as they refilled their own mug. It may have just been a dream but…but it was nice to dream sometimes. To dream about waking up without the forty eight kilograms on their shoulder. To be able to fall asleep next to someone and not have to kick them out. To not have to worry…it was a nice thought, a nice fantasy, and…and it would have been a nice reality. It even could have been their reality. Mob was going to be in holiday mode for a while…and it wasn't like they were as close as they used to be…not, not even close. It hadn't been a merry Christmas at all, not with everything that had happened…

But it could have, maybe, been a happy New Year.