This had, in Mob's opinion, been a very good Christmas.
The party was over now, cut off after too many people got into fights, but that was normal for the Awakened. Everyone'd had a good time. That was what mattered. Everyone'd had fun and now everyone was in bed, or they should have been. Everyone but her. She was going to go to bed soon, very soon, she just had a cigarette to finish.
It was cold out here.
Cold and dark. It had been warm and bright and loud inside the HQ but here it was cold and dark and quiet. Nighttime, so late that it was tomorrow already. It had been such a good holiday and now she was tired…she'd be done with this soon. She'd just needed to relax, to get rid of all of the extra party energy. As soon as she finished she'd go to bed.
If she managed to finish her cigarette.
She felt the energy around her shift. Her aura showed, the cigarette between her fingers jumped and fell in the grass. As soon as it hit the ground, or maybe before, someone appeared next to her. She didn't have to look, she knew who that someone was. Who else could teleport? And who else had reason to teleport next to her in the middle of the night?
Who else loved her enough to teleport next to her in the middle of the night?
"God, Mob, you wouldn't believe it." Said Shimazaki as he leaned back. He stretched, his arms rising up into the air. He brought them down beside her. She nearly jumped…she did jump. She kept on jumping so high that she had started to float away. She forced herself to sit in place. She grabbed her braids and held them close. The few centimeters that had been there, between her and the back steps, was gone.
She was cold.
"Um…what happened?" asked Mob as she pulled her coat closer around herself and scooted away. She put as much space between them as she could without falling off. He didn't say anything if he noticed. He might not have. He was sweaty and his coat was opened. She didn't know if he'd noticed anything for a while…part of her wished that she'd stayed with him…but most of her was glad that she had avoided him for as long as she had.
"You know Taki from the first Division?" asked Shimazaki. Mob thought for a moment. She knew…he worked for the Division leader, he was on the July birthday list, and he was the First Division ping pong champion three years running.
"Um…not as a friend…more like an acquaintance." Said Mob. She knew, well she knew the names of, most of Claw. The upper echelons, anyway. That didn't mean that she was friends with everyone…wait…did she have to be friends with everyone? She ran a hand through her hair. She was…she was going to make more of an effort to be nice and…and stuff. She was already nice but maybe she had to be nicer and…and she didn't know how she could have been nicer…she would be able to think better when Shimazaki went home.
"Well he greased himself up for the Christmas hunt. With actual grease from the kitchen. That fryer grease that they never change. I don't know how well it went for him but now the whole HQ smells like fries." Said Shimazaki
"Oh…I'm glad that it wasn't hot, at least." Said Mob. The cleaning crew already had enough to do. They had to clean up all the confetti and streamers and food and glitter, well nobody could ever clean up glitter, but they had enough to do…and now there was oil everywhere that people could slip…and then that would be more work for Fukuda…
It wasn't even tomorrow yet and she already had stuff to fix.
"That's your perspective." Said Shimazaki, lighting a joint. Mob nodded and watched him. It was like back when she had been little…back before things had gotten really weird for her. For the both of them.
"You want some?" asked Shimazaki as he exhaled. She watched the smoke travel upwards until it disappeared in the cold. How it just floated away…she wished that she could have felt like that.
"Yes, please. Thank you." said Mob, taking the joint. What she had wanted to say was 'God, yes' but that wouldn't have been polite. She had to be polite. It was important to be polite to your…your friends. Your 'just' friends…he knew that she didn't want…she had no idea what he knew. They hadn't said anything.
"So that's where Mukai gets it from." Said Shimazaki
"What…oh, right. Yes, please and thank you." said Mob
"Over there." Said Shimazaki
"With pointy teeth." Laughed Shimazaki. Mob laughed, too, because it was funny. Mukai really was scared of the things with way too many teeth. She didn't know what those things were, specifically, but she knew that Mukai was terrified of them.
"Yeah, she's scared of those. I don't know what they are but she's scared of them." said Mob
"Maybe like a lamprey or something." Said Shimazaki
"What's a lamprey?" asked Mob
"A fish that hooks onto bigger fish and drinks their blood. Sort of like a tapeworm but it lives outside of your body only not as long and they don't hang out together." Said Shimazaki
"Tapeworms have friends?" asked Mob
"They like to live in clusters so I assume that they're friends. Either that or roommates…body-mates?" asked Shimazaki
"Body mates sound right…but that's so gross. I've seen pictures of tapeworms, Sho's ex-girlfriend thought that they were cool, but I just thought that they looked gross…and kind of scary, too. Something living inside of you drinking your blood and eating your food." Said Mob
"I thought you wanted to have a baby." Said Shimazaki
"I do but…but babies are cute. Tapeworms are just…gross." Said Mob
"You've got me there." Said Shimazaki. Mob nodded and passed him the joint. She felt her socks in her shoes. These were her new ones, Minegishi had gotten them for her. They were supposed to have winterberry lotion in them, and they felt soft, though the smell wasn't the best. They smelled kind of like Teru…kind of like someone that she didn't really want to think about right now…or ever.
The last thing she wanted to think about when sitting next to her sort of ex-boyfriend was another sort of ex-boyfriend.
"So…" said Shimazaki
"Yes?" asked Mob
"I've been meaning to ask you for a while, and yeah I get it, you're busy-" said Shimazaki
"I-I have been! I mean I really have been. There's a lot of Christmas stuff to do and work stuff and I'm trying to teach Mukai how to brush her own hair and Dad left and-" said Mob
"I wasn't arguing with you. I know that there's a lot of work when you get to be the boss, that's why I've gone my entire career making careful sure not to somehow end up with any power at all." Said Shimazaki
"But Dad wrote in your file that you're not fit at all to have any kind of power and that you're never, ever, allowed to have any kind of leadership job in the hit squad….sorry. About what my Dad thinks of you, I mean, and that he would write it down." Said Mob
"And for assuming that I could read my own file." Said Shimazaki
"But you know how to-oh! Sorry!" said Mob
"I'm not mad, I'm just fucking with you. Anyway I don't give a fuck what your Dad thinks. You do, God only knows why but you do." Said Shimazaki
"Because he's my Dad and I love him…even though he can be kind of mean I love him." Said Mob
"Even though he makes your life worse he's your Dad, I got it. Believe me, I know a thing or two about dads." Said Shimazaki
"I know…sorry. About what happened to you, I mean." Said Mob. He passed her the joint. She was glad, she didn't know what else she could have said. She couldn't fix it. She couldn't go back in time and tell Shimazaki's parents to be nice to him, and it was both of his parents. His Mom had lived there and let all of that bad stuff happen. Mob knew that if she had been a mom she never would have let that happen to her son. She inhaled. She had to, or she might have said something mean.
"I'm fine. It was so long ago I can barely remember. Hell, I can barely remember what happened yesterday." Said Shimazaki
"Mukai smashed the gingerbread town like Godzilla and then we all watched the Nightmare Before Christmas…maybe we shouldn't be smoking this much." Said Mob
"Or maybe we're not smoking enough. Maybe we just need to get through to the other side." said Shimazaki
"The other side of what?" asked Mob, her eyes trailing across the yard. She had no idea what he meant. Maybe to the other side of the fence. These yards were small, too small even for a good badminton game, so small that she didn't have to break through to the other side. She could have just climbed over the fence. It wasn't like she was in any danger of crushing Minegishi's garden. It was winter and a lot of the garden had been moved inside…near them….next door.
She was going to stay where she was.
"It's like when you trip for a while and…and you kind of…transcend? Like you leave yourself and become everything and the world is good, and it itches a little, and you can hear the greatest song in the world but when you try to focus on it then it makes no sense." Said Shimazaki
"Oh…but that's acid. We only did that once." Said Mob
"You want to try again? I can invite Toshi." Said Shimazaki
"I…I'm ok. I was going to go to bed soon. I have a lot to do tomorrow. I'm-" said Mob quickly. She had always wanted to do that with Minegishi, but that was before everything that had happened. The last thing she wanted to do right now was do acid with them…or explain how it had even come up…or that she was even talking to Shimazaki. She didn't even want to be his girlfriend but Minegishi wouldn't have been any less mad if she told them that and…..and as much as she loved them the last thing she ever wanted to do was acid with them.
Not when they were this mad.
"Busy." Said Shimazaki. His aura…it didn't feel mad…she didn't know what that feeling was. It was like mad and sad…or something. She didn't know. She wasn't always the best with her own feelings. Sometimes it even felt like she had too many. Maybe it was the same for Shimazaki…or maybe she had done something or said something and she was just too clueless to know what it was.
"Yeah…yeah. I'm always busy. Too busy for a lot of things." Said Mob
"For me." said Shimazaki
"Yes…and for a lot of people, too. I mean I'm not lying." Said Mob
"I know, you don't know how to lie…and that's something I love about you." said Shimazaki
"Oh." Said Mob. What else could she say? He loved her…he still loved her. He hadn't figured out that she didn't like him and he hadn't decided to break up with her. She had no idea what she could say to that. She wasn't going to tell him that she loved him back, that was the last thing that she was going to lie about, so…so she said 'no'.
"I love a lot of things about you, you know. You're just…you're nice to me, you know? And that's something I'm looking for, you know?" asked Shimazaki as he brushed some of her hair behind her ear. She brushed the other side back before he got the chance.
"I know." said Mob, softly, looking down at her shoes.
"But that's not what you're looking for right now, and that's ok. I'd rather you find what you were looking for than being stuck in something you're not, you know what I mean?" asked Shimazaki
"I'm trying to." Said Mob. She took the joint from him. She knew what he was saying but putting the words together in her head was like trying to do a puzzle without the box…and also some of the pieces were from another puzzle…and also Sho had already used scissors to cut the puzzle pieces to fit.
"I mean it's like when you reach into the fridge and you want a beer and you think that it's a beer can because it's as tall as one and you don't check for the braille on top and you drink it and then it's one of those weird sugar drinks Hatori likes?" asked Shimazaki
"No…but I mostly just drink milk." Said Mob. She never mistook her drinks, not unless she was really tired and accidentally grabbed the strawberry milk instead of the plain and poured it into her cereal…but that was a good thing though…right?
"Oh….well it's like…it's like if you reach for a milk carton but instead it's a carton of beer." Said Shimazaki
"They make cartons of beer? Why?" asked Mob. She had no idea how that would even work. Did you have to drink it with a straw? Did it come in really big cartons? But then how did you keep the beer from going bad after you opened it. Drinking a whole carton of beer, like a big milk carton, didn't sound very fun at all.
"Ok, not beer but…what do they sell in cans?" asked Shimazaki
"Beer, soda, bubble water, juice-" said Mob
"Bottles, bottles, I mean bottles." Said Shimazaki
"Beer, soda, bubble water, juice-" said Mob
"Paper bottles! I mean…the square…cartons. What else do they sell in cartons?" asked Shimazaki
"Orange juice, lemonade-" said Mob
"Right, ok. So how would you feel if you went to drink some milk but someone had filled it with orange juice instead…actually that's a good plan. I've got to remember that one for later." Said Shimazaki
"That would have been weird…and please don't do that to people, it's mean and also Sho's going to die if he has orange juice." Said Mob
"I wouldn't do it to him, obviously, I want him to live." Said Shimazaki
"Oh….ok. As long as you're careful, I guess." said Mob. Sometimes you just had to go with it when he got an idea in his head like this. She wondered if all boys were like that or just the ones she knew.
"It's not really about that. It's about…ok. You like juice but you wanted milk and I think I might be juice." Said Shimazaki
"You're…human? Flesh and blood and stuff…I mean." Said Mob. She had no idea what she meant let alone what he meant so then…so then what was even happening. She clenched her toes in her boots. Her socks were nice…the nice feeling kept her hear. The nice feeling of her socks and the joint she was being passed…she was here, her powers were here, and everything was going to be ok.
"I know but I'm also juice." Said Shimazaki, pointing to himself like he expected her to get it…and she didn't…but that was ok, right? It wasn't like he was going to be mad at her. He was never mad at her….Minegishi was mad at her because of him but they were sleeping in their bed in their room and…and he wasn't mad at her. That was what mattered.
"I don't get it….I'm sorry." Said Mob
"I mean is...it's over, isn't it." Said Shimazaki. His voice got lower, quieter, when he said that. She could barely hear him over the sound of the wind. She pulled her coat closer around herself. Suddenly it got very cold…and it had been cold to begin with. He was just in his opened winter coat. She thought that…that he needed a hug.
He seemed hurt…but she hadn't even done anything to him!
"I-I never said that!" said Mob quickly. She really hadn't said anything. She hadn't said….she had made sure NOT to talk about this. She had taken every single step she could, every single precaution, but…but now they were talking about it. Now he was sad and…and she hadn't done anything to make him sad! This wasn't her fault!
"You didn't have to, you didn't even have the time to. You're busy and…and this kind of…you know, I've never done this before. Usually my girlfriends either die or…die." Said Shimazaki with a shrug.
"I'm not going to die, I'm only thirteen." Said Mob. She reached her hand out without realizing it and pulled it back the second she touched his coat. She had been expecting to feel warm silk, not cold leather. Serizawa was inside. He didn't need her…his coat had been soft, but not too soft…smooth? It hadn't been what she had been expecting. She passed him the joint.
"You're not, which is why this is weird as fuck for me. I've never done this before…ok. I love you, a lot, but this isn't working out for either of us. We lead different lives, you're my boss so there's that, and also Toshi's kind of pissed off at me right now over this…no, no, I shouldn't blame Toshi. This is a you and me thing so….so if it's alright let's just go back to being friends." Said Shimazaki quickly. Mob…didn't know what he had said. It seemed like he was saying…that he didn't want to be boyfriend and girlfriend anymore. That would have been…that would have been a Christmas miracle.
"Friends?" asked Mob
"Friends." Said Shimazaki
"The normal kind or the….the other kind?" asked Mob. She looked around. She knew that Sho was asleep, he'd fallen asleep as soon as he'd come home, but…but she didn't want him hearing this. She didn't want anyone to hear this. Everyone knew but…but they didn't need to know anymore than they already did. They didn't need to know that she wanted…she didn't know what she wanted. She wanted him to be happy, she didn't want to hurt his feelings, and she didn't want….she didn't want to do that again…to do that with him again. She had liked…some stuff…but not with him. Not that she was going to tell him that or anything.
She didn't know what to tell him.
"Whichever you want to be. I mean I wouldn't mind-" said Shimazaki, rubbing her arm. She took the joint from his other hand and turned her shoulder away. She didn't want to be…to be that with him. She didn't want to do that with him but she didn't want to hurt him and…and she wished he would have just told her what it was that he wanted!
"Let's just be the normal kind of friends." Said Mob as she inhaled, partially because she needed this, and partially that she really didn't want to talk about this anymore.
"You're the boss. Literally, you're my boss…the prophecy has been fulfilled." Said Shimazaki in a low voice.
"What prophecy?" asked Mob. Shimazaki blinked and scratched his head.
"The world will end in 2012!" Said Shimazaki quickly. Mob checked her phone.
"But…it's 2019." Said Mob. She had seen that movie…seemed like a really specific year for the world to end. Something with more nines in it. That seemed like something better…2019…but it wasn't near year yet…so still 2019…
She felt around with her aura. Only her…him…them.
"And you're the little boss lady! See? You grew up and now you're the-the not so little boss lady." Said Shimazaki before he started laughing. She just watched him. She had no idea what was so funny about that…but it was nice to listen to him laugh. To hear him be happy and then she could be happy like a happiness…sock? Like when one of your socks got all wrapped up in a dryer sheet or…or something….something that made them really soft.
And fuzzy.
"You're right!" laughed Mob as she wiggled her feet in her boots. She loved this…him being happy, her being happy, and everything just being…normal. Maybe now things could go back to normal, finally. Maybe now they could both just be friends and they could never think about…about things or do them again. She looked away from him. She looked down at her boots. They were blue. You couldn't tell by looking that her socks were soft inside.
It was good that you couldn't see the inside.
If he could have seen her insides then he would have seen…well a lot of smoke, and also all that cake she ate, but also her feelings and stuff. Worse than seeing them, feeling them, on her aura. She knew that she shouldn't have been relieved to have just been dumped, Minori had cried to her about being dumped enough times to know how it was supposed to go, but she was. Maybe because she had never been in love with him to begin with and their relationship had mostly been…a lot of ignoring him and then doing things and then ignoring him again. This was…this was good, maybe, to be happy. If she was happy on his behalf and not her own. She should have been happy that one of her friends was happy…that things were going to go back to normal…
It had been a very good Christmas.