Title: Luck of the Valentine
Author: Moonshayde
Season: Season 3 or 4
Spoilers: Just Sam's rank.
Category: Valentine's Day challenge. Fic must be 1000 words or less.
Pairing/Character: Jack pov, Team
Summary: A little confusion places SG-1 in an uncomfortable situation
Rating: PG (some minor innuendo)
Disclaimer: Stargate, Stargate SG-1 and all of its characters, titles, names, and back-story are the property of MGM/UA, Double Secret Productions, Gekko Productions, SciFi Channel, and Showtime/Viacom. All other characters, the story idea and the story itself are the sole property of the author. This story cannot be printed anywhere without the sole permission of the author. Realize this is for entertainment purposes only; no financial gain or profit has been gained from this fiction. This story is not meant to be an infringement on the rights of the above-mentioned establishments.
"Out of the way!"
Jack's order rebounded off the walls, nearly suffocated by the thunder of artillery and armed men as they surged into the Gateroom. He only acknowledged them briefly, instead stealing a quick glance behind him, and then ahead of him, checking to see if his team had arrived through the Stargate.
One, two…
Three.
Jack finally exhaled, his gaze moving to the control room, settling on General Hammond. "Sir, if I may…"
"Watch out, Jack!"
Long before Daniel had completed his sentence, Jack comprehended the problem. He ordered everyone down, barking orders to the personnel that had littered the room.
A stream of golden arrows pierced the fluctuations of the Gate, sailing through the air as they sought their targets.
Damn, why didn't anyone ever listen to him?
"Get down, now! Close the iris!"
Jack fell to the ground, covering his head as one of the gilded arrows whizzed by his cap. It managed to lodge itself into the floor, nearly missing a young lieutenant that had crouched beside him.
Momentarily dazed, Jack stared at the industrial strength arrow, not even wanting to consider what would have happened if it had punctured his flesh.
"Damn," he muttered, pivoting his head to catch the rest of his team.
Carter was at the base of the ramp, crouching, with her gun ready. Teal'c had also taken residence at the base of the ramp, to his left, his staff weapon drawn and charged.
"Jack, are you okay?"
He turned to face Daniel, who was now leaning over him, his hand clasped on his shoulder. Jack nodded curtly to appease the concerned linguist, before returning his gaze to the Gate.
It disengaged with a powerful snap.
Grumbling, Jack grabbed Daniel's hand and helped himself to his feet. He checked himself over, just to be sure, and did a once over of the linguist as well. Satisfied, he turned his attention to the rest of the team, content with the result. In fact, it appeared everyone in the room had made it through fine.
Guess there was a first time for everything.
He felt his adrenaline waning, but it was only to be replaced with a biting anger.
"Okay, so someone tell me, what the hell was that?"
"They appear to be arrows, O'Neill," Teal'c stated evenly.
"Thanks, Teal'c," he mumbled, ignoring the Jaffa's signature raise of the eyebrow.
Before Jack could continue, General Hammond entered the Gateroom, his head pivoting side to side as he assessed the situation. "What happened?" he asked at last.
"That's what I'd like to know," Jack grumbled.
"We were attacked by hostiles, Sir." Carter answered, moving to stand beside the colonel.
"Hostiles?" Hammond questioned. "I thought we'd assessed—"
"I thought so, too, General," Jack stated wearily, his hard gaze resting on Carter.
"They looked like children through the MALP, Sir," Carter mentioned in defense. "Not children," Jack stated.
"Definitely not children," Daniel added.
Hammond appeared confused. "Colonel?"
"More like, big—rather large—"
"They were adults," Daniel announced, waving his hand absently. "Rather heavy-heavyset—"
"Fat," Jack said at last.
The general frowned.
Carter shifted her weight to her left. "I think what the colonel is trying to say is—"
"Think cupid and then think what he would look like if he let himself go. For a long time," Jack said wryly.
"A whole army of them?"
Jack nodded. "Oh yeah. Big fat man-babies with arrows." He pursed his lips. "Okay, and whose bright idea was it to go?"
"Don't keep looking at me," Carter said defensively. "All I said is that it appeared safe."
"I take full responsibility, O'Neill," Teal'c stated, walking to face him. "I felt we would be extremely successful on a day such as this one."
Jack stared at him. "What? To go to a planet with wannabe cupids on Valentine's Day? You think we'd get lucky, or something?"
"That is correct."
"It's a myth, Teal'c," Daniel stated, interjecting. "About cupid's arrows."
"I do not understand, Daniel Jackson. Is this not the day for luck?"
The rest of SG-1 straightened, suddenly realizing what Teal'c meant.
"T, buddy, you got your dates mixed. St. Patrick's Day is the day for luck. Green, clovers, good-looking Irish men…"
Teal'c nodded, his gaze falling to the floor. "I see," he said lowly. "Then pay no mind to the charms I have provided for you. My apologies."
With a quick bow, Teal'c turned and walked through the exit, leaving little time for the remaining staff to utter a word to him.
"Poor Teal'c," Carter said. "He's embarrassed."
"Charms?" asked Daniel.
"Ah," Jack said, feeling his vest pocket. Shaking his head, he removed a small object. Carter smiled as she found one as well. "A candy heart." She fought hard not to laugh. "Kiss me."
"Well, if you insist…"
She scowled, shooting her commander a mock glare.
"What?" He shrugged, staring at the small candy. "Be Mine. Yeah. Someone's got to explain the holidays to Teal'c."
"Yeah…"
Arching an eyebrow at Daniel's lack of expressiveness, Jack slid closer to his friend. "What's yours say?"
His cheeks flushed. Curious, Jack leaned over Daniel's shoulder, stealing a peek at the candy. "Kinky." With a chuckle, he patted Daniel on the back, ignoring his scowl. "Want to trade?"
Carter frowned.
"Looks like Teal'c broke open the naughty box," Jack explained.
"Well, I hate to break the conversation, but I do need to remind you we debrief in thirty minutes. You probably should start to head off to the infirmary," Hammond instructed them, leaving with his airmen in tow.
"I guess we'll have to tell Teal'c what Valentine's Day means," Daniel stated, heading towards the exit.
"We can always go by our hearts," Jack offered, popping the candy in his mouth. "Carter can start it off. I'll take dinner and you…can be the evening entertainment," he said with an evil grin.
Daniel glared at him; Carter chuckled.
"So, who's up to explaining April Fools' Day?"
The End