"Professor Dumbledore! Professor Snape!" Harry was sitting in his bed in the infirmary and looked at his two visitors rather shocked. Had Poppy told them? Had she broken her vow to keep silent? Were they here to censure him for getting pregnant? And if the headmaster knew of his pregnancy, would he still want him to teach the DADA classes?
It had been hard to admit it to himself, but Harry had been incredible relieved when Albus Dumbledore had offered him this teaching position. Not only had he had no idea what he wanted to do after school – he had never expected to survive this war – he also did not want to leave what he had considered home. Harry hoped Albus would not take that away from him now. He was not sure if he could stand it.
Telling himself to stay calm, he forced a little smile on his face and turned his full attention to the two men at his bedside. His heart ached as he took in the sight of Severus' elegant figure in the black robes. The man he had wanted for so long. The man, he had lost before had gotten a chance to have him. If only he had refused that damn drink. Then he would have not gotten sick and there would have been no need to lie down in the guestroom. Then he would still have the chance to win Severus' heart. It was entirely his own fault.
Relieved, Harry noticed that the two older wizards did not look angry or disappointed in any way. So Poppy had not told them.
The headmaster was the first one to speak. "Harry, my dear boy. How are you feeling? How perspective of you to come here, when you could not get rid of that sickness by yourself. I would not want any of my Professors to be sick at the terms start. And if I understood Poppy correctly, this infection seems to be rather persistent."
Before Harry could reply anything, the Potions Master spoke up. "If you two excuse me for a moment, I will bring Madame Pomfrey the potions she ordered. Mr. Potter, I would like to have a word with you in private, later." With that he left to find the medi-witch. Harry followed him with his eyes as he disappeared.
After a moment Harry realized that he had not given an answer to the headmaster, who was still standing beside his bed. "Um ... I feel much better, thanks to the Potions Madame Pomfrey gave me. She told me it will take some time though, until the nausea will be gone completely. But after that I will be fine." He announced, hoping the older wizard would not be suspicious.
He was lucky. Albus smiled at him happily, his blue eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "I am glad to hear that, Harry. Very glad indeed. I hope you will have wonderful holidays in Miss Granger's and Mr. Weasley's company. I hear you are all staying with the Weasley family over the summer." Out of the corner of his eyes Harry could see Severus returning. "Well, my boy, I will go and have a chat with Poppy, so Severus can talk to you. I will see you at the staff meeting then." With that the older wizard left, giving the Potions master a chance to have a seat at the chair beside Harry's bed.
"What do you wish to talk about, sir?" Harry asked and thought he saw the other man wince slightly at the formal phrase. During the war they had been working together closely and it had been 'Severus' and 'Harry' for quite a while now.
"You have some explaining to do about that present of yours, Harry," Snape answered and the younger man blushed slightly.
"I am sorry about that, sir. I know I should have not given it to you where everyone could have seen us. I am sorry if you felt embarrassed. But I wanted you to have it, before I leave. I wanted to thank you, for everything you have done for me. I had planned to give it to you in your private quarters after the celebration, but I didn't make it there. I was too sick. I didn't even make it to my dorm." Harry smiled at his ex-professor apologetically.
Now Severus was really confused. What was this boy talking about? 'I didn't make it there'. He had been at his quarters that night, no use in denying it. Was this Harry's way to tell him he would like to forget what had happened that night? That he regretted it? And what was this prattling of being sick? Was that a childish attempt to excuse that he had told him, that he wanted him? Snape did not know, but he wanted to find it out. "Excuse me, Harry, but what do you mean, you were 'sick'?"
"Yes erm…." Harry stammered, "I did something incredible stupid. I had taken some anti-flu potion that night before the party began and then someone gave me a drink. I know I should not have taken it, but I did. And then I got sick. Merlin, I was totally out of it. The room was spinning, the light hurt my eyes, my head felt like someone had put cotton wool in it and my stomach felt like I was going to throw up. I can't remember much of that evening, just that I got to lie down in a guestroom, because that is where I woke the next morning." Harry did of course not mention his 'late night visitor'.
As the words sank in, Severus felt like someone had slapped his face. That could not be true. That had to be a sick joke. He had not slept with a helpless, drugged man, who was totally unaware of what was going on. That was impossible. But then the Potions Master remembered something. A little, sickening detail that he had misinterpreted. One of many others, but maybe the most important. Harry's eyes. That dilated pupils. So huge that the green of his iris had barely been visible. And they had not changed. They had been the same no matter if his eyes were half closed or wide open. It had not been desire. It had been drugs!
Harry watched the older wizard carefully. Something was going on in his head he could not tell what. Snape had a really weird expression on his face. Something akin to shock. Was he disappointed that he had been so careless? Had he guessed that this present had been so much more than a simple 'thank you'? That it had been a gift to someone he had fallen for? Something personal, something special.
But now, everything was different. A single night had destroyed all his hopes and plans for a life at his site.
Forcing a smile on his face Harry knew he had to complete his plan to bring more distance between the two of them. If only Severus would stop calling him by his given name. He could not stand it any more. It made him remember what he would never have. "I am sorry if I have disappointed you, Professor Snape," the young man stated defensively. "It seems that I can never life up to the standards everyone expects me to fulfill. I am a helpless case."
So now we are back to 'Professor Snape' Severus thought. He felt a wave of sadness and helplessness well up in him. Everything had been a mistake. Harry was further away than ever. Maybe his subconscious was aware of what he had done and was repulsed by it. I should have known it was not for real Snape cursed himself and guilt burned in his chest. He got up of his chair. This was beginning to be a torture. Giving Harry a insignificant smile he answered, "Don't be foolish, Mr. Potter. You are the savior of the wizarding world, who would blame you for such a trifle? I will leave now, for I have things to take care of. Mr. Weasley and Ms. Granger will be here every minute, I believe. Thank you for the present, I appreciate it. I will see you at the staff meeting then, Professor Potter. Have a pleasant day."
Sitting in his hospital-bed, Harry watched the other wizard leave. Tears were welling up in his eyes and he tried to suppress them. He did not want to be seen by Poppy, like that. But the loss of the man he loved burned so painful in his chest that even squeezing his eyelids shut did not help. After a few deep breaths he quickly wiped his eyes and got out of the bed to dress for leaving. All he wanted was to get out of here.
ooOoo
The first staff meeting came and everything went fine. The other professors gave him a warm welcome and Harry was offered a lot of help, which he gladly accepted. He would not have managed with the content of the curriculum and the timetables and would have been hopelessly confused in no time. This took some getting used to. It was after all teaching and not simply using his Defense Against the Dark Arts knowledge.
His pregnancy was a completely different business. Harry began to enjoy it. Poppy checked on him regularly and he was very relieved when the medi-witch told him his baby was in perfect health. One day she handed him an enchanted, moving picture of his child, telling him he was going to have a daughter. Harry cried, totally awed by the new life growing inside him. She was his own little miracle.
And then there was this one thing that would not stop hurting. The loss of Severus Snape. Harry barely talked to him a private word and the Potions Master never searched his company. He did not snarl at him either, he was polite and controlled. But there was a look in the older man's eyes at made Harry feel like dying. It was as if the closeness between the two of them never had existed.
Time moved on and Harry got used to teaching very fast. He liked to show the students how to defend themselves. Also it was a great feeling when he realized that he already began to get respects for being a good teacher, instead for being their so called 'savior'. Harry wanted to enjoy it as long as possible, he knew it would change the moment they would learn of his pregnancy.
The nausea vanished as Poppy had promised and Harry felt better than ever. He felt at home in his body and liked the changes his little girl was causing. Only his new eating habits needed a little getting used to. During school lessons he hid his condition under a concealing charm designed for pregnancies, making sure no harm would be done to his child.
It was five weeks into term, the first Gryffindor vs. Slytherin Quidditch game, that would change Harry's life drastically, once again.
ooOoo
It was a beautiful, warm Midsummer Day and staff and students had gathered to watch this first game of the term between the most rivaling houses.
Jumping up from his seat beside the headmaster, Harry watched excited how the Gryffindor seeker was diving after the snitch. Everyone's eyes in the stadium were on the duel between the two young men that were desperately trying to get to catch that little golden ball first. The air was burning with excitement. Harry was surrounded by laughing and shouting people. He blended them out and concentrated on the seeker, imagining it was him, sitting on this broom.
He missed flying, missed playing Quidditch, and missed the freedom he felt when he was in the air, on a broom. It was one of the things he had had to quit in order to protect the child. There had been other things he had had to give up as well, but this was what he missed most. Harry only found comfort in the thought that his pregnancy would not last forever. Focused on the young Gryffindor seeker, Harry did not see it coming.
No one did.
If it had not been the moment before a possible end of the game, if it had not been a match between these two houses, making it even more important, maybe someone would have realized what was going to happen. Someone would have raised their wand, preventing it. But they did not. No one noticed until it was too late.
One of the Gryffindor beaters, eager to protect his seeker from any distraction in this parlous situation, hit the Bludger with all the strength he possessed. Even Madam Hooch could not react that fast. The moment she saw the movement in the corner of her eye, she knew it was too late. Almost like in slow motion she watched as the Bludger shot into the headmasters direction. Missing the older wizard by only a hair's breadth, it slammed right into Harry's middle. Writhing with agony, is sent him stumbling two steps backwards. A collective gasp ran through the audience as soon as they realized what was just happening. Then, after a second of silence, hell broke loose.
Disbelieve and shock rushing over his face, the young wizard collapsed to the floor, blinded by pain and struggling to stay conscious. Where the hell had that come from? Had someone attacked him? Then Albus Dumbledore was at his side, and Harry tried to concentrate on the words the other wizard, was saying. He could hear the word 'Bludger', but not more. Blood was rushing in his ears and darkness called to him strongly. I have to stay awake was his last thought before his world turned dark.
Albus Dumbledore reacted instantly. Seeing that Harry drifted in to unconsciousness, he cast a quick spell; he hoped would stabilize his circulation. Gripping the younger wizards shoulders tightly, he carefully shook him and called his name. To his great relief, Harry's eyelids began to flutter open, his face distorted in pain.
Harry thought he would really die this time. His whole body was agony. He had been hit by Bludgers before but this was different. It was worse. Much worse. Touching his slightly swollen, concealed belly protectively, all he could think of was his child. His little daughter. She had to be all right. She had to survive. Nothing else mattered. She was his life. His reason for getting up every morning. The only true family he had left.
Unaware of what was going on around him, he just lay there in a fetal position whispering "My baby" over and over again. He did not hear the yelling, did not see the looks that were piercing him, did not realize that Albus was leaning down to him again.
The headmaster touched his shoulder slightly, trying to understand what the young Professor in front of him was murmuring. When he eventually realized what the other wizard was repeating like a mantra, he was stunned. His face turned to stone. Could that be? How could it be possible that he had not seen it? Why had Harry not talked to him? Why had he not told him? And where was the other father, why was he not here with Harry?
But this all was unimportant right now. It was most certain a situation of life and death for both, father and child and he had to act. Carefully he cradled the raven-haired man in his arms, doing something he had never expected he would ever have to do in his life.
Gathering all his strength, he willed a corridor into the wards that were connected to the castle, begging Hogwarts silently for permission to pass all protections safely. He disappeared with a slight noise, only to appear again in the infirmary, scaring Poppy half to death. She recovered the second she laid her eyes on the figure in the headmaster's arms.
"Harry!" she gasped, giving Albus a sign to put the shaking and whispering figure on the hospital-bed. "What happened?" She asked while running several checks on him.
"He took a Bludger in the stomach." He explained, seeing the medi-witch pale even more. Watching her cast difficult diagnosis spells on him, he stayed silent for a while. Deciding he had to know the truth he than asked in a serious voice, "He is pregnant, isn't he?"