Minegishi hadn't been keeping up with their nails.
They'd been biting them down to the quick. Their nail polish, a glittery shade of plum, had chipped off of every single finger but their pinkies. Their cuticles were a mess of those random bits of hanging skin. Really, they should have been taking better care of themselves. They hadn't really been too focused on the whole 'self-care' thing lately. They hadn't had the mental or physical energy for it. It had all just weighed on them, what had happened, crushed them like sitting in a waterlogged wool sweater in the rain…as the water level around them rose. There had been nothing left to do, really, other than drown…and they had…
But then they'd learned how to swim away.
They'd swum away and cast off their sweater. They hadn't donned a life preserver, no, they were swimming under their own power. They were light, now, light enough that they could just float away. They could just go with the current, let it take them, go to a place that was….less heavy. That was all. A place where they were light enough, where they could move enough, where they had enough space to move that they could sit and think about things like their nails…and their hair…things that didn't matter. The little inconsequential things. Things that had nothing to do with Mob.
They loved her but it had been…a lot.
A whole lot. The entire thing had just been…a lot…but it was over now. Close to being over. As close to being over as it was going to be. She had listened to them, whatever that thing with Ryou had been was over, and now they could all move on with their lives. The new year was coming in and they were going to go into it…well, not happy but…but without the weight of the world on their shoulders. Or the weight of Mob, at least. Who would have thought that forty nine kilograms could have weighed so much?
Or maybe fifty. Mob was growing.
Whether they liked it or not Mob was growing up. Whether they liked to acknowledge it or not they had fucked her life up. They had made a lot of mistakes when it had come to raising her, not that they had wanted to, and those mistakes ended with her sleeping with Ryou and imploding both of their lives in the process. She was only thirteen and…and they should have done more to watch out for her…but she made her own choices…but how many of them were really her own…well her life was her own and she could choose what she did with it and…and…
They nearly bit their nail.
"Hey, that one's still wet." Said Matsuo, pulling their hand away from their mouth. He inspected their nail, trying to make sure that nothing had been disturbed. Not the purple and blue swirls, or the little green ghosts he'd stamped on top. They let him snatch their hand away. They let him hold it. They let him care way too much about the state of their nails. They could do their own nails, and they should have bene doing their own nails, but…it was nice to have someone else to help do their nails.
Someone who's idea of decorating didn't involve snowflakes or cats.
"Sorry, I wasn't thinking." Said Minegishi
"Yes you were, I saw you. The ghosts of your past were dancing in your eyes." Said Matsuo. They looked into his eyes. No ghosts to be found. One pupil was bigger than the other, though, but that was normal. That was the eye he used to look into the other side, he had said, though they weren't sure if they believed him or not. Why would he have wanted to look into the other side? Wasn't there enough bullshit on this side to keep his attention?
"You sure it wasn't just the beginnings of cataracts?" asked Minegishi
"No, it was definitely ghosts, and they were definitely dancing." Said Matsuo
"What kind of dance? If it was anything other than swaying from one foot to the other then they weren't my ghosts" asked Minegishi
"Well in that case I have bad news for you. They were doing the chicken dance. Unfortunately you've been possessed by a great and powerful spirit. Soon you shall be eaten alive from the inside. Do you have all of your papers in order?" asked Matsuo with a laugh.
"I don't even know where my birth certificate is, and it's going to be such a pain to find it. How about you exorcise them, then? I hate dancing." Said Minegishi
"So it's the dancing you're concerned about? Not the whole being eaten alive thing?" asked Matsuo
"I don't mind being eaten." Said Minegishi. Matsuo painted a line clear across their nail and onto their hand…right, he wasn't Ryou…though it wasn't as though they'd spent all of their time sitting on opposite sides of the room praying the last time they'd been together.
"Hopefully not from the inside. I'm not that into that kind of thing." Said Matsuo
"Oh, well then I suppose that you need to get to exorcising these spirits. If you mind eating and I mind dancing then I don't think it'll work out." Said Minegishi as Matsuo wiped the excess nail polish from their hand. His hands felt smooth, a lot smoother than they'd been expecting, though unlike Ryou they knew he actually took care of his skin. That was their problem, they'd been with Ryou and only Ryou for too long…and not even with him, not after what he'd done with Mob. Sure he'd tried to initiate but, really, who in any state of mind would have wanted to sleep with him after what he'd done?
"So I take it we won't be doing any dancing at the party?" asked Matsuo
"Nope." Said Minegishi with a shake of their head. They didn't even like dancing with Ryou. They preferred to be an uncoordinated mess in the privacy of their own home thank you very much.
"Are you sure? Koyama's going to be DJing this year." Said Matsuo
"Does he…know how to?" asked Minegishi with a shudder. They were no strangers to bad taste in music, to Ryou four songs over and over again for two hours was a playlist, but the last thing they wanted to sit through was someone else's version of 'the getting pumped up playlist number five this time without the coke'…Ryou was probably running low on labels by now…
That was his problem and his alone.
"He kind of knows what he's doing. He tries his very best, that's what matters. Last time it was mostly just EDM over old samurai movie soundtracks but that's better than, I don't know, a playlist or something." Said Matsuo
"If his playlist had more than three songs on it then he's already a world class DJ in my books." Said Minegishi
"I honestly don't know how many different songs he was playing. It all sounded the same. I don't know, I guess that I don't get EDM." Said Matsuo
"It sounds better on molly, but then again Mukai's pots and pans band sounds like the London Symphony Orchestra when you're on Molly." Said Minegishi
"Wait…are you saying that Tokyo HQ doesn't drug test?" asked Matsuo
"Of course not, Mob's got…well a very liberal stance on drugs." Said Minegishi
"President Suzuki, too? Him? I thought he didn't even drink…don't tell Tsuchiya's been lying to me this whole time," said Matsuo
"I have no idea if she is or she isn't, I do know that Suzuki's pretty much a t-totaler…which is best for all of us. Trust me." said Minegishi
"I don't know, maybe a little molly or a micro dose of LSD would do that guy some good, might even make things better for the of us." Said Matsuo
"Or he could completely lose his mind, there's always that." Said Minegishi. What Matsuo was doing right now was talking about playing with fire…and when you played with fire you got incinerated. He was getting dangerously close to some Ryou level talk there…and they didn't need another reckless guy to look after….no, no, no. They had just been with Ryou for too long. Not every guy was Ryou reincarnated.
"That's true…but come on, don't you at least think it'd be a little funny. President Suzuki blissing out to the sweet sounds of EDM samurai movie soundtracks?" asked Matsuo
"That would probably erase a lot of the headache I've had this year but, honestly, he's more likely to explode and kill us all, and I have a lot of living left to do. Books to read, naps to take, I'm probably going to have to watch Frozen with Mob again at some point. Yeah, I've got a pretty full life ahead of me." said Minegishi
"You want to trade? With all this time off Vice President Suzuki's been giving us everyone's been exploring all kinds of hobbies…and you want to know what's worse than EDM movie soundtracks?" asked Matsuo
"EDM slowed down so it sounds deep and profound?" asked Minegishi
"Nope. Worse than that." Said Matsuo
"Whatever that thing is called when they take a fast song, speed it up, and add some flashing colors to induce seizures?" asked Minegishi
"Worse than that." Said Matsuo
"I give up." said Minegishi
"Standup. Bad, improvised, standup." Said Matsuo with a shudder. One that Minegishi returned.
"Alright, you win. As annoying as the sound of a computer dying is standup does and will always take the cake…though to be fair I don't really have a sense of humor." Said Minegishi. Matsuo clicked his tongue and let go of their hand. While they inspected their nails he poked then right in the chest.
"Yes you do and you know it." Said Matsuo
"It's really more of a dry whit than anything." Said Minegishi. They weren't exactly a ray of sunshine on a cloudy day and they knew it. If anything they were a storm cloud on an otherwise sunny day just laying in wait to rain on a parade or a wedding or a picnic…or maybe they were ants at a picnic. Or maybe they were just a sour, thirty year old, misanthrope.
"Well it's better than Sakurai's improvised standup. He's…been through a lot. I mean we've all been through a lot but his sense of humor is…kind of hard to pin down. Not in a good way…and he likes to do really long sets. I mean long, like half an hour. By the end of it Ishiguro came and told him, in person, to knock it off…which was the right move, in my opinion. Koyama had been laughing like a hyena the whole time. Honestly I was worried that I was going to end up having to feed his spirit to my pets." Said Matsuo
"I had no idea Koyama had such a twisted sense of humor." Said Minegishi
"More like a twisted taste in men." Said Matsuo with a laugh. Minegishi laughed, too, after a moment. They knew a thing or two about that…they kept that line to themselves. Their boyfriend was sitting right there, the last thing he wanted to talk about was their ex-boyfriend.
"You know, he and Sakurai should just sleep together and get it over with." Said Minegishi, rolling their eyes. Apparently Claw was at least ten percent unresolved sexual tension. It was clear when they got out of the bubble that was Tokyo HQ…that was being in Mob's friend group. They forgot how many Scars there were sometimes, and how comparatively well adjusted they were. Better than the Awakened, anyway, dealing with them was like trying to herd ten year olds.
"That's what I told you!" laughed Matsuo. They smiled, a little, as much as they could right now. Even without the nearly fifty kilograms that was Mob weighing on them they still couldn't muster the strength to actually smile…plenty left over to be overly dramatic, though.
"I know, I'm agreeing with you. I hate unresolved sexual tension. Either get it over with or get over each other." Said Minegishi. Honestly, tension was exhausting. That was why they had never bothered with it. If they thought someone was attractive they asked if that person wanted to go to bed, they said yes or no, and then either something happened or it didn't. If something happened, and it went well, then it ended up happening again and again and again until they got bored.
Or until they got a partner out of it.
"Speaking of unresolved tension…Tsuchiya and Shibata? Are they back together or what's going on with that?" asked Matsuo. Minegishi rolled their eyes. The first time they had seen together in months and that's what he was worried about? If Tsuchiya and Shibata had finished their marathon argument yet?
"You're such a gossip sometimes, you know that? Not that I don't like it, of course." Said Minegishi
"I can't help it if nothing interesting ever happens around here. I mean we all say Koyama and Sakurai coming, it's not news. They just started spending the night in each other's apartments and Ishiguro ordered them to move in together so…yeah. That's the big, torrid, love affair right there." Said Matsuo. Minegishi wondered if Ishiguro and Mob would have gotten along. They both seemed to like playing matchmaker with their friends, or in Ishiguro's case employees…probably not. Mob could be kind of…a lot sometimes, but she wasn't a bitch. Ishiguro on the other hand…Minegishi was glad they had never been assigned to this Division long term.
"There's not a big, torrid, love affair between Shibata and Tsuchiya either. They stopped fighting, that's about it. Tsuchiya's still a stick in the mud and Shibata would still let you spit in his face and tell him it's raining but, yeah, that's them. I don't really care. Ask Tsuchiya if you really want to know about her love life.' said Minegishi
"I did. She just did that thing where she tells me it's complicated. Of course it's complicated, it's a love life." said Matsuo rolling his eyes. Their hand shook a little, he painted outside the lines on their pinky finger. There…barely…he didn't seem to notice. They didn't draw attention to it. It was messy but…but so were they. Everything was just so messy and…and complicated.
"It doesn't have to be complicated." Said Minegishi, trying to convince themselves more than anything. This was…this was nice, simple, and cozy. Like sleeping in a hammock in a garden on a warm, summer's, day. It even smelled good in the apartment courtesy of the lilies. Apparently, the spirits loved them. Who besides Matsuo, self-proclaimed greatest medium of the twenty first century, would have known?
"It doesn't but it can be…it's as complicated as we want to make it." Said Matsuo
"Right, as much as we want to make it." Said Minegishi. A non-answer if there ever was one. As they wanted to make it…who in the hell wanted it to be complicated?
"That's life, I imagine. Like exorcising spirits. Some people have to chant for hours over a fire or douse themselves in holy water but, really, it's easy. Most of the time they want to move on and the ones that don't are drawn to energy like moths to a flame. It's easy to pull them out of their hosts…and give them new ones." Said Matsuo, patting his spirit belt with his free hand. He made it all sound so simple…well it was, for him. So much had been simple for him…and so much had been complex, too. He just acted like it was all so simple….
"What about the big one you've been chasing? The one who got away? Any update on that?" asked Minegishi. Matsuo shook his head and capped the blue nail polish….immediately Minegishi wished they could have taken it back. That had been a part of them that they didn't like. A stupid part. A part that actually wanted to win the horrible life contest…they had no idea why. So their life was the most horrible…yay? And if it wasn't then why would they have wanted his life to have been worse than theirs? It wasn't like there was a set amount of suffering in the world…though if there had been then all of this would have been so much simpler.
"It either passed on, got eaten by something bigger, or just…vanished. I lost sight of it around Tokyo a while back. If it's still there someone would have said something by now. Something that big…someone must have noticed…or someone else would have died. Something that big needs to feed and I'm pretty sure it feeds on misery…don't know why it doesn't just hang out around here." Said Matsuo with another laugh…this one more forced. They took his hand in theirs, carefully not to destroy his handiwork.
"I'm sorry, alright? That was just me being an asshole as usual…there's a lot going on but I shouldn't take it out on you." said Minegishi. He laced his fingers in theirs, not as carefully as they had, though. He smudged their thumb…they found that they didn't mind. Not when it meant being this near to him…especially when he was smiling. For real, this time, they could see it in his eyes. The normal one and the one with the scar and the permanently dilated pupil…it was beautiful, in a way.
"If that was you being an asshole then remind me to piss you off later." Said Matsuo before he kissed the tip of their thumb…and then their index finger…and then their middle finger. He didn't stop there, no, apparently their ring finger and pinky also deserved some love.
"Keep this up and I might start getting pissed off." Said Minegishi. He leaned forward and kissed their wrist, then their arm, and then finally he made the journey to their mouth. Soft and sweet…they expected to smell smoke and taste chocolate…but all they could smell was cologne and formaldehyde…somehow it worked for him.
"I don't think I'd mind." Said Matsuo pulling away. They didn't let him. They leaned forward and kissed him. Now it was their turn. Their mouth found his, their hands found his back and hair, and their aura centered from the lilies in the room and onto his. He was close, he was warm, he was theirs…he was theirs and this was perfect….he was perfect…and this was what they needed, perfect.
And that was what they got, perfect, and smudge nails.