With the New Year came a new set of regrets.

That was the way that it had always been. Some people looked forward to the new year, making plans and letting themselves think it would be better than the one before it, but Fukuda had never been one of those people. He had always sat awake on New year's Eve, every single year for as long as he could remember, and made a long mental list of all the ways he'd messed up that year. It had been simple things when he'd been small. Misplacing some of his Micromen, dropping crumbs in the TV remote, scratching up a record because it sounded cool at the time, biting through a clarinet reed, losing his house keys, losing his school shoes, losing his pencil case…he'd always had a bad habit of misplacing his things when he'd been a kid. Mom and Dad had threatened so many times not to replace what it was he'd lost…to make him learn his lesson.

He never did.

They just kept on replacing things and he just kept on losing them. He just kept on carelessly breaking things and they kept on replacing them. Those had been his regrets back then, back when he'd been young. Back when he'd been a kid. Before he'd started getting into real trouble. Not that he'd known that it had been real trouble back then, of course not, it had just been a game back them. A game of hypotheticals. What if we took over the world? What if we found more people like us? What if we grew up and made the world into something better than what it was? Everyone had those thoughts, everyone wanted to rule the world, and Fukuda…he had been part of that 'everyone'.

He regretted it now more than anything.

That had always been a favorite song of theirs, his and Touichirou's. Everybody wants to rule the world. Touichirou had been able to understand it better, his mother being who she was and all. He'd translated the parts that Fukuda had missed. They had been young then, young and fully of dreams. Young enough to still be playing in forts in the woods. Young enough to still be fighting over a Walkman. Young enough to still think that they could…that they could change the world. They had…though not for the better. If anything they were going to end up destabilizing it….so many people would get hurt…and it wasn't going to be worth it. Even if they made it, even if they managed to hold onto power it wasn't like everything was just going to be alright after that. There was more to ruling the world than just sitting on high and telling people what to do…rewriting the rules…

Changing to a five day school week.

That had been Fukuda's biggest plan for when they ruled the world. A five day school week. School on a Saturday…Sho had never known that particular brand of horror. Laying down a Friday, dead tired from the week, and having to do it all again on Saturday. Then you slept in on Sunday but come Monday you were exhausted because you'd messed up your sleep schedule. That was, of course, if you even had time on a Sunday to sleep in. If you didn't have band performances or kendo meets. If you didn't have to study for your entrance exams. If you didn't have to practice your clarinet for two hours a day because your parents thought that you played beautifully. If you didn't have to much to do that it felt like, sometimes, you actually did want to take over the world just to make it all stop!

They had already gone to a five day school week.

After Fukuda had graduated, of course, the entire country moved to a Monday through Friday schedule. It wasn't fair in a way. Part of him, the grouchy middle aged part, wanted to tell the kids these days that they'd never had it so good. That they needed to be grateful for what they had. That they didn't have to destabilize the world and take it over to get two measly days off from school. Heh. Maybe they could call it off now, All of their plans, or at least Fukuda's, had come to pass without their intervention.

Touichirou's on the other hand….

Fukuda had planned, when they took over the world, for there to be a five day school week. Better school lunches too, not just the same curry and bread every single day. No more school uniforms…well that one was still a thing…but no more gakurans with their overly stiff collars. No more school tties and blazers in the blazing heat of summer. No more switching to a summer uniform in the cold of winter just because that was what the calendar had commanded. No more cultural festivals that went on for way too long, and were so boring too. Everyone did a haunted house, or an art gallery, or a café…or a haunted art café. Classroom responsibilities and club responsibilities…and Touichirou had complained about kendo. He hadn't been the one who'd had to put on a show a day…of course by the end of cultural week Fukuda was always done. He'd always either hidden away in some alcove or empty room if not just left and gone home on his own. Touichirou never came with. His parents, Yoshio-san mostly, had this thing about honoring your commitments.

That had been something…no more honoring your commitments.

Of course that one hadn't changed. He didn't think that he could have gotten rid of that one even if he still had the power Touichirou had promised him. He had been, by default, second in command. Touichirou had made it clear that he'd only had that position in Claw because they only had the two members. As soon as someone more capable came along, Touichirou had said, Fukuda would be demoted…and someone more capable had come along. Touichirou's daughter….not even his daughter. The child of two nobodies. Two perfectly ordinary people had managed to create Shigeko, the second most powerful esper in the world…soon to be the most powerful, if one of the many attempts on Touichirou's life was ever successful. Fukuda hoped that it was…and he hoped that it wasn't. He didn't know what he hoped for…besides the end of all of this.

He was tired of this game.

Every year, without fail, that was his biggest regret. Not ending the game. Not telling Touichirou that at thirteen they were too old for forts in the woods…at fourteen…fifteen…sixteen. He had said something at seventeen but Touichirou…he had told him to his face that it had never been a game. He fully planned on taking over the world. Then that had been that. Fukuda had dropped it…he never should have dropped it. Maybe things would have been different if he had dropped it. Touichirou had been close to getting upset, that had been all, and when he got upset he lost control…and Fukuda had been selfish. He could heal. His powers had been at their peak when he'd been that age, seventeen or eighteen. He could have made it through….he would have made it through.

Another regret.

They had been nice people, Abi-san and Yoshio-san, if not a bit…weird. Abi-san could either be the best mom in the world or just…sad and angry, like a living volcano, depending on her mood that day. Sometimes she made them snacks and listened to them talk about their day and their big plans for the future, and sometimes she kicked them out of the house or locked herself in her studio with the radio blaring…and not even good music. That samey-samey pop she listened too, that old fashioned stuff that drove him absolutely crazy. Yoshio-san blared the radio when he locked himself away, too, though it was always to the news or the sports channel. He had never been as nice as Abi-san, he mostly just left them alone. The fact that he insisted that they both bow to him, Fukuda and Touichirou, had always seemed kind of weird, too…and he had always been way too into kendo. He had a bad habit of accidentally hurting Touichirou, one time even breaking his arm…but that was just dads. They were intense. Moms could be intense, too, and since birds of a feather flocked together the two of them had gotten married and made Touichirou, the most intense person that Fukuda had ever met…the most high stung person that Fukuda had ever met…that Fukuda regretted meeting. Maybe things would have turned out differently for them if Fukuda hadn't met Touichirou…hadn't been there to keep things going…

Another regret.

He regretted going to the house that day. Touichirou had come to his house covered in blood and viscera, head to toe, and the longest thousand yard stare Fukuda had ever seen. He had just come through the door, up to Fukuda's room, and sat down on his bed. He hadn't said a word, too, at least not for a while. Fukuda tried talking to him, screaming at him, shaking him, bribing him, he had even dropped an ice cube down his back but nothing worked. He'd just sat there, covered in blood, and said nothing. Not even when the sirens went by…Fukuda had never heard so many sirens in his life…and Touichirou…after that all he'd said was that he hadn't meant to.

Fukuda followed the sirens.

The house had been half collapsed. The entire front had been blown away. Fire…a lot of it. The tree in front had tipped over. There had been wood everywhere…the smell of blood. The collective wailing of the sirens…the murmuring of the neighbors…the crying. Someone trying to stop him…he didn't know what he had even been planning on doing. He'd seen body parts. A leg in a tree, an arm stuck in the ground, and…and he and Touichirou had messed around with fireworks enough times that Fukuda had known how to reattach fingers at least…an arm was like a giant finger…though he needed a living body to attach the finger to. He hadn't been able to see one. There hadn't been a lot of big pieces left…barely anything left to cremate and bury in the Suzuki family gravestone…part of him regretted going to the service, and part of him didn't. Part of him wished that he hadn't gone, that he'd stayed home, because he had just been so out of place there…it had just been Touichirou, that was the only person that he'd known. Some of Yoshio-san's business associates. Neighbors. The nice lady who did their gardening…it had been short and quick…and then it had been over…and then Touichirou had just turned to him and said…and said…

'Funerals are tiresome, Fukuda, when we rule the world we'll find a more efficient way of burying the dead'.

Fukuda had said…he had said 'yeah, we will' because what else could he have said? He had never lost anyone before. The last of his grandparents had died when he'd been in preschool. He couldn't even remember them. They'd had a yellow cat, he remembered, and grandpa had tried to teach him how to play piano but he'd been more interested in banging on the keys. That was all he could remember of his grandparents…and his parents had still been alive at the time, too. He had been so lost. He'd had no idea what Touichirou needed. They had still been friends at that point, best friends, maybe even more than that…looking back certain things, with the context he had now, made a lot more sense. Touichirou had climbed into bed with him every single night after that, despite the fact that he had his own futon, and there had been so many times when he'd just…let his head roll to the side and onto Fukuda's shoulder…and the clinginess. He'd always been kind of clingy but after that they'd practically been joined at the hip, though it was a bit difficult to get your own space when you shared a two bedroom house and a bedroom with someone. It had just been…a lot…and looking back with what he knew…yeah.

He would always regret not seeing what had been right there in front of his own two eyes.

Regrets…so many regrets. With the new year coming in he could add to his list of regrets. Not seeing things coming, seeing them coming and not correcting in time, seeing them coming and trying to use them to his advantage…that had backfired horribly. He had thought that Touichirou would have been happy with him, that he would have chosen him, that…that, yes, Fukuda would have had to grit his teeth and bear some things but it would have all been worth it. He could have had Touichirou on his side, as a friend he could be kind of overbearing but as a…a lover…he could be very submissive. He maybe could have listened to Fukuda. Maybe they could have ended the game, or at least paused it, but no. Now that…that woman…had come along.

That Shiori woman.

He had no idea what Touichirou saw in her. She wasn't attractive in the slightest. Alright, yes, her chest could give a man pages and pages to write home about but that was it. She was old. Her hair was turning grey, her face looked like someone had stepped on a raisin, and to quote Shigeko 'she dressed like a witch'. She was like a mirror version of Masami…a funhouse mirror. Masami had been young and beautiful. Her hair had been the color of sunlight on a fall day. Her eyes had been deep brown pools of rich chocolate. Her face had been soft and pink and just…perfect. Her body…he could have written books about her body. The softness of it all…she had been beautiful inside and out. She had been kind, the kindest person that he had ever met in his life. She'd given so much of herself to those around her that, in the end, there had barely been anything left for herself. She had been fading away, slowly but surely over the years, until the only way she could come back was to….was to leave…and so she did…and he helped her.

His biggest regret.

That was when things had started to go wrong. Touichirou was supposed to leave the children. He was supposed to throw himself into his work just like he had done after his parents had died. Sure he had been clingy but that was when concrete plans for Claw had come together. For his future…for their future. Touichirou wasn't supposed to have taken the kids with him. He wasn't supposed to have even cared that Masami had been gone…there had been a change in him. Fukuda could see it now. He'd become more hurt, more vulnerably, and more volatile…and he should have been there to act accordingly. He shouldn't have been so caught up in his own bullshit…he should have done more. He never should have helped Masami leave, then maybe this madness could have been avoided, and maybe…maybe she still could have been his. Touichirou had been gone for most of the year, and he still was. They could have been…

Together.

Not happy, because she hadn't been happy, not for a long time. They could have been together, though. So much could have been avoided. He could have been there for Sho, been the father Sho needed. He could have been there for Shigeko, too, and stopped her from turning into the person she was now. The kids could have been normal kids. They could have gone to school and made friends their own age…none of this drinking and smoking they did…they would have had age appropriate partners…Sho could have found a boyfriend that wasn't related to Shigeko…so much would have been better. So maybe mistakes could have been avoided…so many regrets…

"Shut up, ham-hams!"

Like that one. He heard a door open and shut. The hamsters in the hallway started squeaking. They were nocturnal. Why Sho wanted over twenty nocturnal pets, maybe less now that he's given some away, Fukuda would never know. They were so loud at night, even worse when someone riled them up. Someone who really should have been in bed right now. Someone who knew she should have been in bed right now. Someone who he should have been watching. Someone who he knew he should have been watching. Someone who he knew he should have done more to look out for…he had known since the very beginning…and he had failed.

Another regret.

"Mukai, go to bed." Called Fukuda. He heard running feet down the hall. She could run now…and talk…and count…well of course she could, she was nearly four years ago. It had been nearly four years since, actually over four years since, he had let Touichirou make one of the biggest mistakes of his life. He had been too wrapped up in his own bullshit to have noticed the woman hovering around Touichirou, the one who had made him cheat on Masami, and then…well then nine months later here was the result of that union.

Nine months and three and a half years later…of regret.

"You should be in bed, Fukuda, it's your bedtime." Said Mukai as she rani into the living room. She had that same look Touichirou got when he was dealing with an obstinate subordinate. She had his eyes….she had his everything. His eyes, his hair, his freckles, his attitude….from what he could remember of her real mother, which was very little, she hadn't been anywhere near this aggressive…of course he could have been wrong. She must have been if she had been willing to get Touichirou into bed with her. if she had been willing to try and sleep her way to the top like that.

It never worked.

"I'm an adult, Mukai, I can stay up as long as I want to, but you need to go to bed. So go on, it's late." Said Fukuda. Mukai crossed her arms and pouted…she really was a cute kid. To this day he wondered why her real mother hadn't stayed, hadn't made more of an effort to get into contact with Touichirou, why she had just handed him off Mukai and gone on her way. Maybe she realized that joining the Suzuki family wasn't going to be all it seemed. Touichirou had money and power, but he was also Touichirou. Maybe she had come to her senses and realized that a baby trap hadn't been the way to go…though why she had given Touichirou, well Fukuda first, the baby was beyond him.

It wasn't as though there weren't any orphanages.

"No it's not, you can't tell. No windows." Said Mukai pointing to the wall.

"You're right, there aren't any windows, but I can tell time and I can tell you that it's late so, go on, back to bed with you." said Fukuda, making a shooing motion. She probably couldn't sleep. They were a family of night owls after all. When they had been kids Touichirou used to keep him away all night reading or playing videogames or just staring at him…and yet, though, when the time came he had never gotten up with one of his kids. Was that what Mukai's real mother had thought? That he'd have been getting up with her, that he would have been some kind of father to her? Was that why she hadn't just put Mukai in a baby box and kept going?

An orphanage would have been better for her than…than this.

Mukai didn't move. She stayed put. She stayed with him…he wondered if she had any memory at all of that day. He'd heard before that babies cried so much because they could remember their own births. She was young…he knew that he didn't have any memories of being a baby but then again he was forty six years old. Did she remember crying for that entire plane ride? Did she remember Fukuda contemplating leaving her at the airport for the authorities to find? Did she remember anything at all about her old life?

Maybe he should have just left her.

"I can't! I'm too thirsty!" said Mukai. She had been thirsty too, that day, or maybe just hungry. She'd drank three bottles on the plane ride to Touichirou…to her father. That was all he thought to do to sooth her. Rocking her and bouncing her hadn't helped, and his singing had just made things worse…there was a reason he had been in band and not choir. Nothing had been able to sooth her, just feeding her, and eventually she'd passed out…and it would have been so easy to leave her. At any point. He could have just put her down at the airport and walked away. It had been a small one, servicing private planes only, but it wasn't like it was a private, Claw only, airport. She could have been anyone's baby. He could have pulled over, too, once they'd gotten in the car and left her by the side of the road. It wasn't a difficult thing to bribe a driver to keep his mouth shut. Hell, he could have just taken her from Touichirou when he said that he didn't want her and left her on someone's doorstep!

She would have had a better life…he would have had a better life.

He had been so concerned for her back then. He had been thinking of her future, what the life of an esper child was. She needed to be raised by her own kind, he had thought, and somewhere safe. She was so obviously Touichirou's. That hair…those eyes…she had been born with a target painted on her and she didn't even know. He had thought that he had been doing what was best but, well, here he was.

Drowning in a lifetime of regret.

"Your mom told you 'no'." said Fukuda

"Mama's sleeping, I asked you." said Mukai

"I shouldn't." said Fukuda

"You can! You're tall! Taller than Sho, you're allowed to the juice. As your Mama if you don't believe me." said Mukai

"Why don't you go to bed and ask your mother in the morning? How about that?" said Fukuda. She stomped her foot. She was so stubborn sometimes…like someone he knew. A pair of someone's. Touichirou's blood ran strong…or maybe it was his mother's blood that ran strong. Fukuda didn't know much about genetics…or children, too.

"No! I can't wait! Right now!" said Mukai

"Fine, but then you have to go back to bed." Said Fukuda. He knew that he was going to regret this later, getting up and getting her some juice. Sugar always made her wild, and it set off her stomach reflux too. Touichirou had the same thing only he didn't eat anything sweet that often. Sho, too, when he'd been a baby. She was probably going to end up wetting the bed, too, but…but that didn't matter. She wasn't his kid, or his responsibility. Her mother hadn't been Masami, Fukuda didn't owe that woman anything…if anything she was the cause of all of this.

She was the one who'd put the idea in Touichirou's head to cheat.

She was the one who'd seduced him, made him cheat on his wife, made him think that it was alright…and then he'd divorced her…and then there hadn't been any more reason for her to hide. But she couldn't come out of hiding. She didn't even know what had happened. Masami was still somewhere out there and…and Touichirou had moved on to some woman…and now everything was a mess. If she had just stayed, if he hadn't helped her, if he had done more to be there for Touichirou then…then none of this would have happened…

He got up and got Mukai the juice, what was one more regret at this point?