Chapter 8: Shocked

"Professor Snape? Severus? Can you hear me? Look at me!" The voice seemed to come from far away and the man in the hospital bed found it hard to obey. Eventually he managed to open his eyes. The silhouette of a woman swam into his visual field, but he could not focus on her. Severus felt a spell being cast and a second later, he could see clearly. Taking in his surroundings, he realized that he was in the infirmary. "What happened?" He asked feeling confused. Sighing, Poppy answered him with a stern expression, "You fainted in the headmaster's office and hit your head on his desk. You have a concussion, but nothing serious." Judging by her tone she was not pleased at all.

Suddenly Snape remembered. Merlin! Harry is pregnant with my child! I'm such an idiot. Given the fact that he can't remember who he slept with, it's no wonder he told Albus he will be a single father. I have to tell him the truth. I don't want him to find out by using a spell on the child. OUR child. MINE too. I am going to be a father. I am really going to be a father. This is frightening and so unreal...so huge. I only wished the circumstances were different. A child should be born into a loving relationship or at least a functional one. Pregnancy should not be the result of a night of passion that one of the participants doesn't even remember. Well it's too late now. I can't change how things are, no matter how much I might wish it. Severus closed his eyes against his thoughts, completely unaware how much of what he felt showed on his face.

Poppy eyed the wizard in front of her suspiciously; the amount of pain his features held was alarming. He should not be in pain at all. Casting another spell on him, she could not find a physical source. "What is the mater with you, Severus?" She asked. "In all the years I have known you, you never fainted before. What caused this? Have you been hiding something from me? Because if you have, you better tell me now, before I get impatient. I honestly do not need another disaster like the one with Harry. One patient with secrets is already one too many for my taste." Surprised, the medi-witch ceased firing off questions when she noticed how Severus winced at the mention of the younger wizard. "Is it that?" She continued, her curiosity peaked. "Harry? You fainted because of the news about Harry?" Seeing something akin to panic rush over Snape's face, she could not suppress a little smile. This was such a rare sight.

"Would you please lower your voice!" the Potions Master snapped, glancing at the white curtain that shielded his bed from unwelcome looks.

"Nothing to worry about, Severus." Poppy reassured him. "I have put up a silencing charm. Harry is sleeping at your right and I don't want him to be disturbed. He is still in pain." Satisfied she watched as Snape's face showed worry for the young man, and something else she could not quite name. Regret? Guilt? Contrition? Quite a strong reaction for someone who had been carefully avoiding Harry the last time. So, Severus obviously cared a little more for Harry than he let on. Judging by his reaction to the news it was apparent that he was not taking the news of Harry's pregnancy very well.

"How is he doing? Will he be alright? Is the baby unharmed?" Snape asked in a low voice. "I need to talk to him, as soon as possible. It is important. I have to tell him something, and this can't wait." There was urgency in his voice.

He tried to sit up in his bed but Poppy pushed him back on the pillow with soft force. "I don't think so, Severus," the medi-witch snapped and pointed her wand at him. "You both need rest right now. And I don't see what could be important enough to disturb him. Surely this can wait until he is allowed to leave the infirmary in a few days?" She did not voice her opinion that for the kind of talk he probably had in mind, he would need more privacy than the infirmary could offer. It was obvious that he needed to speak with Harry, and soon. If they had talked earlier, maybe things would be different now. She was pulled out of her thoughts as her patient yelled at her.

"No it can't wait until then!" Severus insisted as he managed to get up. The movement sent a wave of pain through his head and he moaned as the room began to spin around him.

Poppy sent him an angry look. "I told you, you still need rest. Would you care to enlighten me as to what is so important that it can't wait a little longer? Because otherwise you are not going to go anywhere near him for the next couple of days. Is that understood?"

Closing his eyes and taking a steadying breath, Snape sighed. After a few seconds he looked up at the medi-witch and uttered, "Harry is carrying my child and he deserves the courtesy of hearing this from me."

ooOoo

Harry was feeling restless ever since the headmaster had left. The fact that Severus was about to be informed about his pregnancy made his skin crawl. He was not sure how he would be able to stand it, should he see disgust in the face of the man he loved. "We will make it, baby, we will get by," he told the little baby-girl inside of him, once again rubbing his belly protectively. It was something he did quite often, the last time. Harry hesitated for a moment as something occurred to him. He started the comforting movement again with a small smile as he mumbled "I need a name for you, little one! I really can't go on calling you 'baby'. So tell me, my daughter, what is your name?" The moment he referred to her as 'my daughter', a memory came to life – one that made him think she had heard him an was trying to answer his question.

After a hard day training and preparing for the final battle, Harry was sitting by the lake with Severus. They talked a while and eventually reached the topic of 'family'. Harry had confessed that, given the fact that his childhood with the Dursley's had not been too pleasant, he had always wanted a family of his own. He also expressed his belief that he no longer thought it possible that he would have the children he hoped for. "If I would be allowed to choose though, I think I would have liked to have a daughter first" Harry had whispered. Hearing the sorrow in his voice, Snape had steered the conversation away from the fact that Harry might not survive the war and had joked instead "A daughter? You? And I would have to teach her sooner or later. Merlin, I can imagine her. Ebony hair, emerald eyes, skin like expensive china and your talent for getting in trouble. What are you going to call her? Snow-white?"

Surprised that Snape had known about a Muggle-fairytale, Harry had only laughed. But now he did not. One word stuck with him and he hoped that Severus' description of his daughter would be correct in this part.

"Not Snow-white," he murmured to the little girl growing inside of him. "Ebony !"

With that he had snuggled into the pillow, relieved he was feeling no pain for the moment, and had fallen asleep. He had missed Snape's arrival completely.

ooOoo

"Severus, you ?" Shock and disbelief were clearly audible in Poppy's voice. She had paled noticeably, staring at him as if he were an alien. "You did this to Harry? You took advantage of the situation, seducing a drugged, helpless man without even using any kind of protection?" Her voice was shrill now and her hand, reaching up to cover her mouth, was trembling. "You are a Potions Master, a teacher, a ..." She broke off, lost for words. Snape took the opportunity to set a few things straight.

"First of all, I was not the one who was seducing. Second, at the time I did not know he was drugged and not in his right mind. It is all a big misunderstanding. We were attracted to each other before that day, or so I thought. When I found him sleeping half naked in my bed, I came to the wrong conclusion because of something he had said to me earlier. It might be hard for you to believe, but I did not jump him right then and there. I did talk to him and he actually told me he wanted to be with me. He was the one to kiss me first, and he certainly gave me the impression that it was what he wanted. I really had no knowledge of his being drugged or any reason to believe he was not fully capable of judging the situation."

He sighed and covered his face with his hands, before he looked at the stunned medi-witch again and asked, "Do you know how guilty I feel for doing this? For not seeing it, for losing my self-control - how much it pains me that he doesn't even remember anything of that night. Do you understand what it means to me facing the fact that, not only I did misjudge the situation, I didn't think to use protection? Do you have any idea what torture it is knowing that I left him pregnant and ignorant with regard to the identity of the father? Once I had hoped we could have a relationship – I wished for it so badly. Now I know everything will be different the moment he understands what I have done. He does not remember what happened that night. I have nothing but my word, that I did not force anything on him." Severus' eyes were empty, his voice defeated. "This child could have been the most beautiful gift to us, if we had shared something special - a partnership, love. Now I fear that no matter how much we might love it, and no matter how much we try to deny the facts, our child will be a reminder of a terrible mistake of mine. Not that the child is a mistake, rather whole night was. All that is left for me to do now is to tell Harry who did this to him. He needs to know it right away and he deserves to hear it from me.

Poppy shot Snape a worried look, as she regained her composure. The whole situation seemed to be a catastrophe, though in one point she totally agreed with Severus... he needed to tell Harry himself. "I will allow you to talk to Harry soon, but you also have to go and see headmaster Dumbledore. He is upset about this whole situation and you need to do some explaining. Rest now. I will come and get you in thirty minutes, then you will be able to talk to Harry." With this she turned around and left him alone.

ooOoo

"Severus!" Harry was surprised when the other wizard appeared from behind the curtain at his left side. The Potions Master looked tired and insecure and seemed to hesitate as he approached his bed. Harry was sure, his own face showed almost the same emotions. Fortunately, disgust did not seem to be one of them. Taking a seat at the younger wizards bed, Snape began to speak, "Harry, there is something I have to tell you. It is difficult and you have every right to be mad at me, but please, would you give me a chance to explain?"

This was not what the younger man had expected. Harry was confused. What was this all about? Why was Severus behaving so strangely? What was he doing in the infirmary in the first place? What had he done to Poppy that she had allowed him to be here, talking to him? The medi-witch had been very strict about the 'No-one is going to visit Mr. Potter rule'. Even the headmaster had had quite a hard time, convincing her of the necessity of his visits. Harry needed to know what was going on here. "Professor Snape, I do not understand what this is all about. Why should I be mad at you? I would have thought that it would be you who would not be too pleased about the ... news." The young wizard stated.

Sighing gravely, the Potions Master looked down at his hands. "That is what I wanted to talk about," he uttered. "I ... I know who the father of your child is. I..." His stuttering was interrupted by Harry's surprised, "How do you know? Who is it?"

Gathering his strength and looking Harry straight in the eyes, Severus confessed, "Harry, I am the father of your child."