A/N: I hope you like my story. It took me a while even though it is short. I decided Bailey needed a bigger part in the story so I made one for her. This is my second story. NO FLAMES ALOUD!
Disclaimer: I don't own anything except for the thoughts and feeling that I made up for Bailey.
Fear, Love, Help
By: Bailey Graffman
Nobody knows how I feel. And I hate being told how I would, or how I should. I hate people saying, "You'll get better Bailey, you know it." Because the truth is, I don't know. This life isn't the way it is supposed to be.
Whatever happened to that girl that knew who she wanted to be, how she was going to turn out. Going to be a successful person. I figured out something a while ago-- that girl is practically already dead. Tibby never thought that I was already dead. Tibby loves me, and I know it.
I'm not afraid of death, it is the time that I'm going to have to find myself that I'm afraid of. If anything bad happens to me, I'm not afraid. What is it like to not be? Is what I want to know. Nobody knows, because by the time you don't be you can't come back and tell anyone.
I need Fear.
I need Love.
I need Help.
The only person that is giving me all three of those things is Tibby. People hear: She has leukemia, and they run. They shouldn't be afraid of me for that, I am just like them, but different. I wish that I was a regular kid, not a person that is like a stone, that can barely do anything that is like running, or jumping, or having anymore fun than making Tibby's sucumentary.
How can people go to heaven if they haven't had enough time to change the way the world works? How? Can we just because we haven't made trouble? Or are we just going to go to hell because we didn't help anyone or anything--just because we didn't have time.
I need Fear.
I need Love.
I need Help.
Can I depend on someone to help me get through my hard times? Can I do anything to help me trust? I can trust Tibby. She can trust me.
I wonder how Tibby thinks about me. Does she just think that I'm like telling her deepest most secret thoughts to a dog, just because they don't know how to talk and hear English, does she think that just because soon I won't be here and her secrets will be safe with me?
Would she think that because I'm going to die soon?
And I know the answer-- Tibby would never think that. Tibby has a rough, hard outside, but when you reach the way she thinks and all the things that she has gone through she is kind, and not harsh at all.
I remember that when I was in fourth grade and I told my best friend Jenna that I had leukemia she ran away. Not literally but she stopped paying attention to me. She acted as if I was already dead, even though at the time I was confident that I would get better. She doesn't know that I'm going to die, she doesn't know that.
I didn't go to school that year, I was home schooled because Mom didn't want me going out too much. I wish that I had gone to school, because then I wouldn't have missed being a regular pre-teen.
Really.