Disclaimer: I don't own anything…
Summary: I miss one big thing about him… he is dancing with her… he is in love with her. Raven finds it very difficult to handle her feelings for her long-time friend Richard. Who would help her? Raven x Flash, some RobStar and eventually RobRaeFlash .
Chapter 5: Hurtful in Raven's P.O.V.
A week before the finals and I can't focus…
I know this shouldn't bother me; I shouldn't let this bother me. But Richard is acting weird around me lately… it's as if he's running away from me. I don't like it. I don't like him running away from me when I can already be contented just by looking at him. Is it too much to ask? Is it too hard to fulfill? Can't he recognize my presence just once? He's been doing this for a while now, almost for five days I guess… I wonder what went wrong.
Heh. I don't like this either… I don't like how I think of him constantly nowadays. I have always managed suppressing thoughts of him before, why can't I do that now? Why can't I ignore it now? I don't want to be some stereotypical lovesick bimbo that I'm probably appearing like right now. I'm tired… I'm just, tired. I want to stop this angst right now and actually start studying. I'm taking the Azarath University entrance exam in a few weeks, I should set my priorities straight.
But if my reason of taking the entrance exam is to keep my promise to Richard, then it just means that he is still top of my priority list.
I don't like that…
Sometimes, I'm starting to think that it's just because of pretension that I do this. I always have to think of Richard. I always have to sacrifice for him. I always have to please him… I always have to be hurt by him. Maybe my mind is just tricking me to feel and do these things… That would be nice because it means that I actually have a chance of getting over him. But then, I never wished to stop loving him because I take it as one of the greatest pleasures in life. I'm actually quite frightened that something bad might happen if I stop doing so. And if this happens…
Actually, what would be the outcome? Should I be afraid of it?
I will be free, for the first time in five years, from the waiting and hoping… and also the denial that comes along with it. Why don't I want that?
If Wally can read minds right now… He'd be amused.
"You're thinking of… Richard," his voice suddenly penetrates my mind and I look at up him, suddenly blushing.
Sometimes I think he can really read minds… He always seems so tuned in with my thoughts.
"C'mon… I treat you out and you do nothing but stare at your food and think of Richard," he mockingly pouts, feigning annoyance.
I roll my eyes, "Who said I was thinking of him?"
I am a big liar.
"Me," he answers simply, "Because when you love someone, they will always be on your mind, whether you like it or not…"
I snort at his childish answer and take a bite of my cake, "Whatever…"
"It's true!"
I shrug.
I know it's true… I just don't like admitting it.
"Oooh! I know!" He exclaims suddenly, "Let's play a game!"
I give him a questioning look, "A game?" I snort and roll my eyes, "Okay, you hide… I'll go seek…"
He frowns at my sarcastic answer, "No… C'mon Raven, it'll take your mind off of Richard and I can actually have someone to talk to…"
Do I want to take my mind off of Richard?
…
Yes.
"Fine," I answer, considering it.
He grins widely, looking shamelessly giddy, "Great! Okay… pretend that I'm Richard, and say what you want to say to him!"
I raise my eyebrows, surprised, "No!"
I can't and won't reveal my thoughts about Richard.
He grumbles a bit, "Fine… just your diary… tell me your feelings…"
I roll my eyes, "No…"
"Pretend that no one is listening- "
"No."
"Preten- "
"No!"
He slumps back on his chair, "You're no fun… I just wanted to know why you're so down…" he slightly pouts, "You know, to make you feel better and all."
His words strike me quite powerfully. It touches me. How can someone be so nice to someone who just snapped at him?
… Sometimes I think that Wally can really read minds. I mean, he just accomplished something that only a few of my close friends have accomplished… sense my hidden emotions.
He's also the first one to fully assume and understand my feelings for Richard. And he's so nice about it. He acknowledges it, yes… but he treats it like it's no big deal. The reaction that I often seek in people who get my actions… my feelings. The few people who get it often think wrongly of me. He doesn't. As I said, he's very nice and sincere to me. This actually makes me feel quite ashamed of my lack of effort to get to know him… to show him how pleased I am whenever he accompanies me.
He's pretty amazing.
… And he makes me forget about my issues with Richard.
I smile, for a change, and chuckle lightly, "Hey, it's no big deal," I lean in and whisper lightheartedly, "Richard is just ignoring me…"
He clucks his tongue, "Stupid… Not you! He's stupid… I mean."
I shake my head and smile. He's still charming.
"So…" I start, "Still wanna play a game?"
His head bounces up and his eyes light up a bit, "Of course! What game?"
"Okay…" I smile, "Let's say that I'm interviewing you… Tell me something about yourself…"
I should also get to know him.
He tilts his head, thinking, "Well… You know most of the basic facts about me- "
"Not at all… I only know your birthday," I interfere.
He frowns, "Well… I like sports… and food and all…" he says lamely.
I pretend to yawn, "You know, for a pretty impulsive guy, you sure can be boring…"
His frown deepens as he takes my comment personally, "Well, what am I supposed to say! My whole life is pretty much an open book anyway… There's nothing that interesting about me," he glumly sighs.
Silence
I know he's not an open book. And I know that there are a lot of things about him that I don't get… But what am I supposed to say?
"Don't get overly dramatic on me," I smile after the awkward silence, "I'm pretty sure that you'll find something in you that we'll both find interesting enough to talk about."
He lightly grins, "Well… I get dramatic most of the time… that's one thing about me…"
"Yeah, I can see that… I have seen that since we were toddlers…"
"And… Even though most people see me as an immature jerk, I can be pretty nice… I think," he scratches the back of his head quite bashfully.
"You are nice," I ensure him; "You're one of the nicest men I know."
His smile widens, "And I think I have depth… I kinda like art too!"
I nod as my smile also widens.
"And I also appreciate things, in contrast to popular belief… I treasure my friends! I like my friends! I like Roy and Garth, they're really cool! And Karen is funky!" He gets excited now, and as embarrassed as I am for admitting it… it excites me too.
"AndIlikeyou,you'reprettyandnice!"
…
What?
…
"And I also like Victor and Gar!"
… My face suddenly feels incredibly warm.
"The only person that I don't like is Richard. He's such a dork!"
My heart thumps, "Thank you…"
He suddenly stops ranting, "Huh?"
"I said thank you for calling me pretty… and nice," I blush as I say the words.
Silence.
He blushes twice as hard as me as he awkwardly scratches his nose, "It's no problem… I always tend to…" he looks down, unable to finish the sentence.
I probably feel twice as awkward as him.
"Well… I think you're good-looking and sweet," I mumble gracelessly as I try to even-out the situation.
…
"Uhh…Thanks…"
Bashful laughter.
"So… WhatwasItalkingaboutagain?" He continues and I can see a faint blush on his cheeks.
"Something about Richard…" I answer with a smile, feeling, if possible, more comfortable with him than ever.
"Yo Raven!" I suddenly wince at Victor's loud voice. I put my book down on the table and look around the library. I see Victor waving as he approaches me. I smile.
"Reminder Victor, this is a library," I drawl as he sits nest to me.
"Exactly… What are you doing at the library at this time of the day?" He puts a hand on my shoulder, "It's five o'clock girl, go home already!"
"It's five days before the exam… I have to study," I answer instantly… monotonously.
Victor raises an eyebrow, meaning he doesn't buy it. He doesn't believe my lie. I wonder why though, it's a simple made-up fact or excuse. Who would find the time to analyze what I just said and decide whether it's true or not?
"You can't lie to me, Raven," he sighs, "Something is bothering you, ain't I right?"
I shake my head vigorously, "No! Nothing's bothering me. I guess I just feel a little pressured, that's all…" I act quite convincingly as I wonder who would sense the lie.
…
Victor, that's who…
"Hmmm…" Victor rolls his eyes, still not believing me. He lets go of the subject though, "So, where's Wally?" He asks.
"Oh," I mutter, feeling relieved that he changed the subject, "He's somewhere… Maybe training for track and field, I don't know…" I answer as I look at my watch, searching the library as I do so.
"So Raven," Victor clears his throat, "You looking for someone? Waiting for someone?"
"No." I lie again and I close my book, "I just noticed how late it is already… Have you seen any of the soccer varsity team lately?"
Victor shrugs and I nod, "Oh… I see… Well I should be going home," my voice shudders in nervousness as I sense that he already knows what's on my mind.
I stand up, taking my book with me, "I'll see you around, Victor…" I say as I am about to leave.
Victor stops me.
"Raven…" He starts, "I can't help but notice how you and Richard aren't talking anymore… Are you guys alright?"
I freeze, so he knew all along, what was the use of lying to him?
"I don't know, Victor…" I sigh, "I guess something is just bothering him… I was planning on talking to him this afternoon, but I guess he already went home," I shrug, trying to conceive a look of indifference. I shrug it off, as I remember how my lies don't get past him.
"Oh," there's a hint of sadness and sympathy in his voice, "Raven, I think he's still outside... maybe you can still find him. And if you see him, talk to him about the Azarath University entrance exam."
I nod; obviously, he's trying to help me.
"Oh, and Raven," he adds with a gentle smile, "Sometimes he asks about you… So I don't think the problem is about you… maybe just some personal issues," he shrugs, still smiling.
I smile back, "Thank you, Victor…"
He waves his hand, "Yeah, yeah… Just straighten whatever your problem is, it's stressing the gang. Now, go look for him," he says in a kind voice and I turn around, about to do what he said, when his head pokes in the room.
Speaking of the devil…
"Hey, is Kori he- " he freezes midway as he sees me.
Is that a blush I'm seeing?
No… I must be imagining things.
"Kori's not here…" I answer to no one as he immediately closes the library door. Rudely ignoring Victor and me.
And you thought you saw a blush… Keep dreaming, Raven.
Receiving a look from Victor, I follow Richard to the school corridors. My legs strain as I quickly carry myself next to him, "Richard!" I call out.
He keeps walking, ignoring me.
"Richard!" I run now, trying to catch up on him, "Can I talk to you for a second?" I say as I place a hand on his shoulder.
He tilts his head, avoiding to meet my eyes, "Ye-yeah… Just make it quick…" I sense nervousness and an emotion I can't define in his voice.
"Well," I started, "I just wanted to know if there's something wrong- "
"There's nothing wrong!" His tone is defensive, harsh even, "Can I go now?" He still hasn't looked at my face.
There's obviously something wrong.
… But if he doesn't want to talk about it, it's not my place to force him to.
"Wait… I just wanted to remind you about the entrance exam in Azarath University," I take my hand on his shoulder back as I see how uncomfortable it makes him, "Have you studied for- "
"No," he interrupts quickly, "I'm not taking the exam…"
I stare at him, confused.
"I thought you…" I fumble for words, "B-but you always wanted to go there… R-remember when we promised each other that we'll go there together when we were kids? I-I… I'm taking the exam for you, come on…"
I don't know what I'm saying anymore… My desperation is embarrassing.
There is an awkward silence as I watch him think for a while.
"Raven, I don't have to keep a promise to you," he says in an exasperated desperation, "And neither do you… Can we just leave each other alone?"
I know he doesn't mean what he just said, but I can't help but feel condescended… embarrassed by his words. His confusing, hurtful words.
…Then it hits me…
"Is that why you're acting funny?" I ask.
He knows…
And I am being sucked in a spiral of emotions.
Confusion… Desperation… Grief.
Heartbreak…
Anger…
Author's Notes: Is it true! We're not allowed to respond to our reviewers anymore! But that's unfair! How am I supposed to communicate with my lovely reviewers? Mann! Please tell me it's just a rumor…
Anyway… :hugs reviewers: I love you all! :sniff:
Thank you "EvilWhiteRaven" for beta-ing!
Please review if you have time!
Watch out for chapter 6: Worried
"YOUGO TO HELL, WEST!" Richard…
"What's happening?" I almost scream as I prepare to run by Richard's side. Raven stops me.
"AS LONG AS YOU'RE NOT THERE, I'D BE GLAD TO!" I have never seen Wally in such a negative disposition.