risi: Well, yes, that's true, but where would be the fun in it? evil grin
texasjeanette: Sorry, but that would be way too easy. Actually I do not want to rush to get to the romance part. it is happening exactly how it is supposed to be. They all really need to learn a lesson!
sara: GRIN Then it is a good thing that harry is a bit more forgiving, than you are, huh?
Alia D: Your feeling is good.....
Amanda Saitou: I promised a Happy End, remember? grin
Xicum: I promise, in the end they will be very happy. Yes, Harry is a bit out of it, but it is not only the pregnancy doing this to him, it is his fear!
Chapter 13: Bonding
The time for the bonding ceremony came much too soon for Severus' taste. He stood in his chambers and looked at his image in the mirror, finding acceptable what he saw. He did not wear his usual black robes but a dark green, the silver clasp Harry had given him sparkling at the front. He didn't know why he had put it on now, when he had never even removed it from it's box before.
His thoughts drifted to another piece of jewelry he was about to wear soon – the wedding rings. He had no idea what they would look like, for the one performing the ceremony would chose them; which would be Albus in this case. The rings were more than just marriage symbols; they were magical items, enchanted to vanish should the bond not be completed within 48 hours after the ceremony had been performed. Once the bond was completed, the rings could not be removed until the bond had been ended officially - which, in their case, would be in a bit more than 17 years. Marked as Harry Potters property, for everyone to see. Snape thought bitterly.
Sighing heavily the Potions Master looked around his rooms one last time. He was not sure if his chambers would be expanded and Harry would live with him, or vice versa - maybe they would even get new chambers. He could not imagine to not live in the dungeons, or at Slytherin territory. He was the head of the Slytherin house after all! On the other hand, he was not quite sure if he wanted his daughter to be raised in the dungeons, not to mention that he couldn't see someone so Gryffindor like Harry being happy at Slytherin grounds. However it would be, he did not like the thought of losing his privacy like that. Having Harry around all the time, having him so close would be difficult and unnerving.
Be careful what you wish for, it could come true...Severus thought sarcastically when he remembered how lonely he had felt a short time ago. Now he was not really sure which was the greater torture, feeling lonely and longing for the youth while knowing he was out of reach, or having him near but not being able to act on the desire. I suppose I will find out soon.
ooOoo
The great hall was decorated with flowers and lit by even more candles than usual. In the middle of the room there was an altar with nothing on it but two white candles and the bonding rings Albus had chosen for them. The Hogwarts staff was there, along with Hermione and the complete Weasley Family. They all surrounded the couple in a wide circle, Harry and Severus standing in the middle, facing each other.
Exactly one hour after sunset, the ceremony began.
Harry shivered. He was about to bond with a man who had never shown more than a casual interest in him. He knew Severus would never return his feelings of love and passion, he was only doing this because he had impregnated him. A wave of overwhelming sadness hit Harry as Albus began to speak.
"Greetings family and friends, this is a day for celebration and thanksgiving. We are gathered to witness the marriage of Harry and Severus. They have invited us to share in the commitment they make to each other today. They ask your blessing on this solemn and joyful occasion. If life has any meaning to us at all, it possesses it because of love." The old wizard, dressed in bright purple robes, smiled happily and his eyes twinkled even more than usual.
Severus felt sick. His stomach was all tied up in knots and the Headmasters words seemed to come from far away. This was worse than any nightmare he had ever had. He was about to be bound to a man who did not love him, bound to stay with him for the next 17 years in a 'relationship' that did not even deserve this title because it was based on a contract. On top of it he would have to act as if he enjoyed his married life, knowing that the love that shone out of the other man's eyes was nothing but a brilliant act. A few hours ago, when Harry had announced that they would be bonded, the look on his face had hurt more than any curse the Dark Lord had ever used on him.
Who am I trying to fool? Severus thought sarcastically, not paying attention to Albus' words at all. Harry was the only person I ever truly loved in my whole life. He and Ebony make my life worth living. I would do anything for them and I will take whatever the youth is willing to give, no matter how small. I know I am a fool to hope he might one day love me back, but I can't help it.
The Potions Master was pulled from his thoughts when Albus stepped up to them and asked Harry, "What is your desire?"
The young wizard smiled brightly and answered, "To be made one with Severus." He really looked like he meant it, but Harry had always been a great actor.
Then, the Headmaster turned to him. Severus hoped his voice would not betray him and give away that this was not for real. It would be fatal should anyone besides Ron, Hermione or Minerva guess what was going on.
"What is your desire?" Albus asked and to his own surprise, Severus found it to be the truth when he answered, "To be made one with Harry."
Taking his wand and uttering a spell in Harry's direction, the Headmaster spoke to Harry, "Repeat after me: I, Harry Potter, do come here of my own free will, to seek the partnership of Severus Snape. I come with love, honor and sincerity, wishing only to become one with him, whom I love. Always will I strive for Severus' happiness and welfare."
Harry swallowed. Yes, he was here of his own free will, but that didn't mean anything. He had once again been forced to do what others expected him to do; what was best for his daughter and for Severus. It was not what he had planned for his life. Yes, he had wanted to be with Severus, had wanted to find out what it was like to be in a real partnership with a person he loved, what it was like to be loved for himself and not for his so called fame. He had gotten nothing of it. Yes, he was about to bond with Severus, but that was about all. It would be nothing like a real marriage. Severus did not love him and was not likely to fall for him either, all there had been was physical attraction. Why else would it have been so easy to accept the walls Harry had put up between them? Why else had he accepted the bonding contract without any argument, if not out of responsibility? Severus would get nothing out of this 'relationship' not even control over him or Ebony.
Forcing himself to smile again, Harry repeated, "I, Harry Potter, do come here of my own free will, to seek the partnership of Severus Snape. I come with love, honor and sincerity, wishing only to become one with him, whom I love. Always will I strive for Severus' happiness and welfare."
If it only were the truth.
Severus felt a sinking feeing in his stomach as Albus spoke the spell upon him and then addressed him, saying, "Repeat after me: I Severus Snape, do come here of my own free will, to seek the partnership of Harry Potter. I come with love, honor and sincerity, wishing only to become one with him, whom I love. Always will I strive for Harry's happiness and welfare."
Without hesitation Severus repeated his vows.
Every word was true. To bond with the man he loved and adored was everything he had ever dreamed of – and yet it was so wrong. It was wrong because Harry did not – and would never - love him back. It was wrong because he, Severus, did not deserve someone so pure and wonderful. It was wrong because Harry would never have bonded with him had he had been pregnant. His young husband would have deserved to marry someone he loved.
Albus, who had turned to the altar and cast a spell upon the wedding bands, now handed each of them an identical ring. Severus looked at the ring he held, finding it beautiful and somehow very fitting. The ring was made of silver and gold, entwined in each other, melting into each other, not clearly visible where one or the other started or ended.
Now addressing the both of them, the Headmaster spoke, "As the grass of the fields and the trees of the woods bend together under the pressures of the storm, so too must you both bend when the wind blows strong. Know that as quickly as a storm comes, it is about to leave Yet will you both stand strong in each others strength. As you give love, so you will receive it. As you give strength, so will you receive strength. Together you are one, apart you are as nothing. So change your anger for love, tears for joy. It is no weakness to admit a wrong, more is it a strength and a sign of eternal growth.
Ever love, help and respect each other.
The constant circle of the love you share is symbolized in these rings. Let them be a token of your friendship and the partnership you have come to celebrate on this day. When the waters are rough, let these rings remind you of the ebb and flow of life. Let them remind you of the happiness you feel at this moment, and let your memory soothe your spirit."
Happiness of this moment? Harry thought sarcastically. What happiness? He just wanted it to be over. It was all a farce. He couldn't stand it any more. All this talk about love and standing to each other. He did not want to hear that, did not need to be told by Albus what he would never have. A real partnership based on love, friendship, trust and respect. A marriage he would not want to ever end. A childish dream that would never come true.
Feeling as though he was in a trance, Harry took hold of Severus' hand and slipped the ring on his finger. The Potions Master's skin was even colder than his own. A moment later he felt Severus do the same to him, the cool metal of the ring seemed to burn his skin. Only seconds later, Albus declared them bonded and the Weasleys, Hermione and all the others rushed forward to congratulate the newly weds.
It was a nightmare.
ooOoo
New quarters it was. 'New quarters for the beginning of a new life' the Headmaster had said, eyes twinkling madly. And here they were, standing in their new living room. Cozy furniture in front of the fireplace, the room decorated in warm, earthy colors.
Severus went over to the doors that lead into the other rooms. A big bathroom with an oversized tub, a guestroom, a room that had already been turned into a complete nursery ... and the bedroom. A fluttering feeling settled into Severus' stomach when he reached that room. It was beautiful. In the middle of the room was a large four poster bed with royal-blue curtains. The rest of the room, the fabric of the furniture and the carpet where different shades of the same color.
"Very nice" a voice said from behind him. Harry had followed him into the room. "Do you mind if I take this room?" The youth asked. "The guestroom is almost the same size but I like the colors in here better." He said.
Severus didn't care in which room he would be sleeping. It would be away from Harry anyways, except for tonight.
As if the young wizard had read his thoughts, he passed Snape and began to unbutton his robes, revealing a nicely rounded belly. Severus followed his every move with his eyes. Finally, as if realizing the other man had not moved, Harry said, "Come on Severus, undress. You know we need to complete the bond within the next 48 hours. Might as well get it over with."
His words hit Severus full force, leaving a burning pain in his chest.
Harry caught his hurt expression and uttered, "Please, Sev, don't look at me like that. You know I am right. No need to make it any more difficult, don't you agree? We can stop pretending and face the facts – we don't love each other. Period. We do this for Ebony and to be left in peace by the press and the rest of the wizarding world. It's been a long day, why don't we act on that bit of physical attraction that left me in the current state and enjoy a night in bed together? After tonight you will never have to touch me again. So, come here..." he reached his hands out to Severus, praying inwardly, Please, Severus, please. Don't make it harder on me than it already is. I can't take that – I can't take this look in your eyes. I can let you near my body, but I can not let you near my heart again. I'm not strong enough to go through this again.
Severus winced slightly when Harry referred to the night they had spent together as a 'bit of physical attraction'. Trust the brat to say it straight to my face that he doesn't love me. Not that I hadn't known already...
Concentrating on the task at hand and telling himself to enjoy and cherish every single moment he would have with his young husband, Severus finally gave in and began to slowly open his robes.
Harry watched him, as his fingers undid the silver clasp and some buttons. "You are wearing my gift," he stated.
The Potions Master nodded, "I thought it fit...."
You don't know how wrong you are Harry though bitterly. That clasp was a gift of love, but the farce we were playing today has nothing at all to do with love.
He continued to undo his robes and the clothes beneath, but was stopped when his husbandstepped close to him and pushed away his hands, uttering, "Let me undress you, please? I've wanted to do that for a long time now."
Harry dropped his arms, allowing Severus to remove his robes and unbutton the dark shirt he was wearing beneath. At the first touch of the other man's hands on his heated skin, Harry was barely able to suppress a gasp. It felt incredible. He tried his best not to move or make a sound when Severus moved his hands over his swollen belly, the Potions Master gasping in awe when Ebony moved a bit under his hands.
When the Potions Master finally leaned forward to plant feathery kisses along Harry's jaw line, his throat and down to his shoulders, a bit of memory shot through the young wizard. Startled, he pulled away from the warm mouth on his skin.
Severus looked up. "What is wrong? Are you alright, Harry? Did I do something you don't like?" He asked, a worried expression on his face.
Puzzled, Harry shook his head. "No, it felt good. It's just... You've done that before, right? I mean, ... the night I got pregnant, ... the night of the victory party...." He broke off, not quite sure what he felt or wanted to say.
The older wizard looked at him in surprise, "You remember that night?"
Harry, who still looked a bit confused just murmured, "I am not sure, it is only bits and pieces, but..." he broke off unable to say more. In his memory, Severus was whispering wonderful things to him and Harry had the strange feeling that his body and his heart had somehow known who he was sleeping with – Severus, the man he loved, and not some party guest.
How could that be?