Chapter 16 - The Warrior Goddess (Part II)
(OPOV)
Optimus transformed and parked again, all told there was no real viciousness in Wheelie's spark. The scrap drone would prove useful under Ratchet's command, and had certainly taken a shine to his 'Warrior Goddess'.
The Warrior Goddess herself gave him a bit of pause. A femme who had brought him out of a deep, irritated funk and reminded him not six hours previous of the mark of a good spark. And yet she had described possibly the most gruesome death he had yet heard. Slagging was one thing, death by slagging... he shuddered. And she'd stated it in such a tone that left no doubt that she would have enjoyed it!
The femme chose that moment to walk back in, dressed in shorts and tank, her hair still damp from showering. Mikaela glanced around the hangar with a small, contented smile and made for her work area, pulling on a clean set of coveralls.
Optimus onlined his holoform beside her.
"Come for a drive later?" he asked her quietly.
"Of course," she said with surprise in her voice, "whenever you want."
Optimus nodded and offlined his holo again, staying parked and continuing to watch the puzzle that was this human femme. She drove carefully out of the hangar in a jeep and proceeded to give it a test drive, returning minutes later with a frown on her face. She cut the engine and leaned against her workbench, glaring at her own puzzle, taking notes and reading it's service records.
Bumblebee glanced over at him in his peripherals and rolled his optics.
::. She was bluffing, Sir.:: the scout repeated himself in a wry tone.
::. That was a pit of a bluff.:: Optimus rumbled, his tone conveying his uncertainty.
::. Oh here.:: Bumblebee stated in amusement, sending a recorded conversation over the primary.
...
"So what do you do to keep the masses of suitors away?" Bumblebee asked brightly. Mikaela was sitting on his hood, Bee evidently having taken her for a drive.
"Oh I've got a load of tactics," she laughed, "one for one, defence tactics Bee."
"Optics shot," Bee started, "blind them so they can't find me."
"You go for the eyes?" she looked into his windshield. "Okay, I guess my first line of defence is a cold shoulder if they're being persistent, you know, ignore them and hope they'll go away."
"Legs or tires go next," Bumblebee bragged cheerfully.
"Shit! You're all about the taking them down huh?" she laughed. "Okay, second defence against suitors. There's always the classic, 'I've already got a boyfriend'."
"Take out the weapons is always good for an explosion," Bumblebee chirped gleefully.
"Oh so you're playing nasty are you?" Mikaela laughed, "Okay, here's the defence of true evil: Death by Dissection: Multiple usage."
"Whaat?" Bee laughed.
"Where you threaten to kill them in the most gruesome and detailed manner you can think of until they either go pale, throw up, run away or start crying."
"Well now you gotta tell me," Bee nudged her gleefully, "so I can use it."
"You sure?" she asked with a grin.
"Do it! Do it like you were threatening me!"
"What!? Threaten you?" Mikaela asked in shock.
"Yes!" Bee chirped gleefully. Mikaela slid off of Bee's hood with a sigh. Optimus watched in shock as her very presence went from mild defeat to the precise one he'd seen earlier. It screamed the poise of a cold, threatening murderess.
...
::. Oh, see now that's impressive.:: Ironhide rumbled with a snort.
::. I didn't know humans could do that!.:: Sideswipe added incredulously
::. Now looking at that.:: Bumblebee added. ::. Listen.::
The recording started up again.
...
"Bumblebee, if you don't behave I will cut your limb controls, leave the tactile sensors in place and dismantle you, keeping you fully feeling and powered up until every piece is laying perfectly sorted on the garage floor. Beginning with your cooling systems I would think, they and your oil would have to be drained-" Mikaela threatened in the same cold, sultry voice she had used on the drone.
"Sweet Primus Kae!" Bee had actually onlined his vocal processors to say it.
"Oh god I'd never actually do it!" Mikaela shouted, her stance immediately melting into distressed horror, "what do you think I am, some sort of cold hearted psycho bitch? It's a bluff! Which you are the first human or bot to cause me to break I might add."
They stared at each other in silence before Bee broke out laughing.
"You gotta teach me that!" he finally exclaimed.
...
::. It took forever to finally get her to actually explain how it works though.:: Bumblebee chuckled. ::. Devious much, she's brilliantly intelligent.::
::. She can pull a threat like that and yet you still let her change your oil?.:: Optimus asked in amusement.
::. She does the absolute best oil changes.:: Bee stated seriously, he played another conversation over the primary as the bots listened to it interestedly.
...
"Mikaela I don't know what's wrong with him," Sam's voice stated in a worried tone outside the garage. "Dad took him in for an oil change and he's just been off..."
"Mr. Witwicky-"
"For the last time Mikaela, it's Ron!"
"Ron where did you take Bee?" Mikaela asked in a deadly serious voice.
"Just to the Jiffy-"
"WHAT!?" Mikaela shrieked, the door burst open and Mikaela was stroking Bee's hood in a second. "Bee! Oh Bee, did they forget the caps baby?" she asked in a stricken tone.
"Uh huh," Bumblebee stated in a distressed tone.
"Oh Bee I'm so sorry, they didn't take you far did they? Did you manage to keep some oil?" Mikaela murmured in the tone of a worried mother.
"I took him straight home," Ron said in a shocked tone. "What did I do?"
"You took him to a Jiffy, Ron!" Mikaela moaned, "those philistines are so worried about getting through in their allotted time they forget to put the caps back in, the oil drains right back out again on the road, did you never wonder why their runways are always so slick? Ron you never go there with a car you can't afford to throw in the scrap heap let alone a feeling, sentient being! Not to mention they use sub-standard oils! They don't give a damn if your car blows up so long as they don't get sued!" Mikaela turned and stroked Bee's hood before grabbing down an oil pan and setting it beneath him.
"Hold tight sweetie, I'm going to make it all better again, I promise, did they give you a bad filter too?"
Bee voiced the same depressed positive.
"I'll be back as soon as I can baby," she said gently, giving his hood a last stroke before fairly flying out the door. Her stride, her stance fairly crackled with fury.
"Holy shit," Sam said quietly.
"Mikaela wait up! I'll drive!" Ron shouted, Sam following after quickly.
There was a blip of darkness for a second before the transmission began again.
"Bee, I didn't know if you'd want synthetic or the real stuff," Mikaela said calmly, walking in with a purpose, bearing two enormous bags and leading two completely bewildered men.
"Mikaela are you sure you aren't like... Jewish or something?" Ron asked in a shocked tone. "I have never seen anyone chew out a manager like that!"
"Philistines, the lot of them," Mikaela huffed, crawling under Bee and gently removing the oil filter before gently purging his lines. Bumblebee was already perking up as she pulled a vastly superior filter out of her bags.
"Synthetic please!" Bumblebee chirped finally.
"You got it baby," Mikaela smiled gently, fetching the enormous bottle and running a bit through his lines, letting Bee clean out the last of the crap before she replaced the undercarriage bolt, evidently having retrieved it from the Jiffy. She put the new filter in, filled his reservoirs and closed the system as Bee started himself. He revved himself up a bit as she smiled.
"You sound gorgeous, you know that right?" she complimented him. She turned to the menfolk. "Right, I will be taking care of Bee's services here on out," she stated in no uncertain tones.
"Well what do we do when you're gone?" Sam asked curiously. "In honesty what are my chances of keeping you?"
"If I'm gone you go to a proper, fully certified mechanic." she stated flatly, digging out polishing pads, wax and other supplies that looked positively luxurious.
"But that's-" Ron started.
"Expensive?" Mikaela stated exasperatedly, "Ron what's more expensive, an eighty dollar oil change or a new car?"
"Oh, good point," Ron said musingly.
...
::. How do you not trust someone like that?.:: Bee asked with a broad grin as the transmission finished. ::. I might add that that was an awesome cleaning job too, it felt sooo good.:: he added smugly. ::. You should get her to do you.::
::. Is that why you were so keen to stay with the boy?.:: Optimus asked in amusement, looking at the femme as she enlisted Ratchet's help.
::. It was a definite perk.:: Bee grinned, turning to watch as well.
The jeep was running as she walked around it, she froze. That was a bad stance. Fear. He focused his auditory receptors toward her.
"Shit do you smell that?" Mikaela scrambled to kill the engine, backing well away from the vehicle.
"We gotta get this thing outta here!" she commanded sharply.
"Mikaela what the scrap?" Ratchet looked at her in shock.
"Did you scan it?" Mikaela asked in a hushed tone, looking at the jeep worriedly.
Ratchet looked at the car.
"SHIT! Don't scan it now!" Mikaela shouted, running toward him and covering his holoform's eyes. Dear little femme, "you might set it off, use your olfactories." She dragged his holoform to the spot she'd frozen and sniffed, looking at Ratchet.
"There is a faint scent of explosives below your olfactory range... the burnt wiring?" Ratchet asked with a frown.
"In a well-maintained, two year old military jeep that last served in urban areas of Iraq?" Mikaela stated in a low, icily calm tone.
Optimus could practically see the click in Ratchet's processors.
::. BOMB BOMB BOMB!.:: Ratchet transmitted in a panic, scooping a startled Mikaela into his arms and beginning to run.
"EVERYBODY CLEAR OUT!" he roared aloud.
::. Ratchet! To me!.:: Optimus commanded, already transforming beside Bumblebee.
He reached down and scooped Mikaela and any of the soldiers he could reach. A few quick paces and he was well away with his passengers, closely followed by the rest of his unit. Each of them bore handfuls of soldiers, a rapid scan showed they'd effectively evacuated the entire hanger in under a minute.
::. I'm going to get this thing out of here before we scan it.:: Ratchet stated, already towing the jeep. ::. I just hope this is a false alarm, it's such a faint scent…::
"What the hell!?" Lennox bellowed, clambering up to sit on Ironhide's shoulder.
"Mikaela found a bomb," Optimus rumbled in an angry tone as Ratchet emerged from the hangar. It was beyond reckoning, Mikaela had driven in that jeep.
The soldiers in his hands froze. The silence broken only by the gentle whirr, hiss and click of the fidgeting Auto-bots.
"How the hell you know what a bomb look like?" Tibir demanded, Optimus looked down at the group in his hands.
"I didn't see it," Mikaela stated truthfully, climbing carefully to his shoulder.
"I hope that this is just an over-reaction," Ratchet stated apologetically, striding toward them. "However, Mikaela is absolutely correct to have stopped me from scanning a potential fireball indoors. Is everyone clear?"
"Headcount!" Lennox bellowed, rapid shouts rang through the area.
"All safe and accounted for Sir!" Jacobs finally shouted out.
"Somebody fire off the alarm!" Lennox commanded.
"Got it," Ironhide stated, in a second a siren started up.
"Go ahead Ratchet," Optimus rumbled. The Medical Officer turned and scanned the vehicle, Optimus listened to the scan and felt anger flare in his spark.
"Definitely a bomb," Ratchet rumbled angrily as the timer counted down, "and you're right Kae, designed to be set off by radio signal."
"Is it a dud?" Epps asked curiously.
"Well... ma-" Tibir started.
Zero. Optimus turned his face sharply, keeping the shockwave and heat from the femme. The immense noise spiked the adrenaline in her system, but she still pressed against his cheek trustingly, her breathing barely quickened.
A secondary explosion followed the first, a loud, whistling shriek. Kae stayed quiet, the only recognition of the noise a slight flinch. Closer to him. The soldiers in his hands were about as explosive as the jeep.
"Holy Shit!" Epps shouted, "What the hell!"
"Is everyone okay!?" Lennox bellowed. "How the fuck did that get in here!?"
"That's way too fucking big for just the gas tank!" Jacobs bellowed. "What the fuck was in that thing!?"
"EVERYBODY CALM DOWN!" Mikaela bellowed from his shoulder, straightening her spine. "Let's just thank whatever deity you adhere to that it blew safely! Somebody put that fire out or we won't have anything left to find out what went wrong!" Optimus couldn't help but feel proud of her, he'd have to tell her later.
A fire truck roared toward the blaze, sirens blaring, and within minutes a burnt out husk lay steaming in the sunshine.
Soldiers were set back on the ground again, Optimus stood again, leaving Mikaela on his shoulder, the adrenaline in her blood was decreasing.
"How the fuck did you spot that?" Lennox bellowed up at her.
"Smell!" Mikaela shouted down, she squirmed slightly before standing on Optimus' shoulder. Optimus offered his hand and lowered her to the ground, preparing to either online his holoform or scoop her back up again. She hopped down and made for the hangar.
"Where are you going?" Ratchet asked worriedly.
"I'm going to get my notes!" she called back, breaking into a ground eating trot. She disappeared into the hangar for a moment and emerged again, bearing a sheaf of papers.
"Right, here," she said calmly, handing Lennox the paperwork.
"Okay, that's efficient, what's up?" Will asked calmly. Mikaela shot him a weary look.
"I'm a girl, I drove that jeep around the track, my adrenaline is dropping faster than the mercury in the arctic and I'm rapidly using up my quota of emergency calmness," she stated patiently. Optimus looked down at her with pride in his spark, noting the way she had one hand worrying her fingers in her pocket. A very small tell. She must have noticed it herself, she pulled her hands from her pockets and crossed her arms.
"Okay, good point, but how did you know it was a bomb?" Jacobs asked gently.
"Is there any chance I can get away with plead the fifth?" she asked with a small smile. "I grew up in dangerous areas, gangs are getting smarter, or dumber, depends on your point of view." she shrugged. "I had a friend who's a complete pyro, went to college to be a fireworks technician. He adored conspiracy stuff, spent months nagging me about 9-11.
"Anyway, semi-educated guess based on those reports:" She pointed to the paperwork and her own notes. "Jeep started acting up in an urban area, engine's fine, fuel lines are fine, air intake is unclogged but it cuts out in third. Smell of burnt wire near the gas tank. My money is on a bomb badly wired in with the fuel pump, the wire must have burnt, killing the electricity flow – thank the gods. If it was a three way splice it wouldn't totally affect the main line. It blew with the vehicle turned off so it probably pulled the charge into a battery with low voltage in the wires. That's my guess, I have absolutely no idea what kind of fuel that was, the only explodey things I do is internal combustion. Now if it's okay, I'm going to go over here and freak out a little bit."
"Last clarification," Will said gently, a smile tugging the corners of his mouth, "you didn't do it?"
"Oh fuck no! Radio control in a fucking antenna farm!?" Mikaela burst out incredulously, "I promise you, if I ever want to blow up a car I'll strip it for parts, winch it out and ask Ironhide to use it as bloody target practice! Or I'll dump thermite on it! We'll sneak beer in and use it as a fucking bonfire night!"
"Is good enough for me," Tibir called out with a grin. Mikaela nodded and walked into the shade cast by the hangar, chose a clean spot on the concrete and knelt down, closing her eyes and breathing deeply.
Optimus looked over at her in concern.
"She's alright, just shaken," Ratchet murmured.
"Man these notes are incredible," Will stated, reading them over, "she even details what RPM the jeep cut out at."
"You should see the rest of her notes," Ratchet grinned, "She writes and doesn't even think about it, her knowledge is practically instinctual."
"Crap, I need her again," Will groaned. Mikaela stood up and walked toward them.
"Thanks for the compliments," she said in a remarkably calm tone.
"You can hear us all the way over there?" Epps looked at her curiously.
"In your guys' defence I haven't been front and centre to many explosions," she said calmly, "I fix things old school, the way dad taught me. TT triple S. You need a fairly good ear to hear when the timing's off."
"TT triple S?" Epps murmured, looking around.
"Touch taste sight sound scent," Jacobs rumbled, grinning. "Same as tracking."
"'Cept I don't chew on poop," Mikaela retorted blandly. Jacobs hit his heart with a fist, obviously struggling to keep from laughing.
"How are we supposed to make her a soldier when she already is one?" Epps asked Will with a broad grin.
"Polish her up maybe?" Jaques piped up.
"Soldier, not tart," Graham grinned. Mikaela promptly punched his arm before grinning.
"Oh the double entendres and puns available," she sighed in mocking regretfulness.
Graham stared at her for a second before roaring with laughter.
"That's horrible," he stated seriously, offering her a closed fist, she bumped his knuckles and turned to a grinning Major Lennox.
"What's the crap now?" she asked seriously.
"You put money down on the wiring, but what do you think the second explosion was?" Will asked seriously, "you know these trucks better than most of us by now."
Mikaela crossed her arms and bowed her head for a second before grinning.
"Propane reserve," she said calmly, "takes a little while, but they're fitted with a safety valve that blows at specific pressure, hence the whistley flame thrower instead of another full structural fail blast."
Ratchet grinned and crossed his arms.
"That is why I hired her," he stated with a low chuckle. "Proud of you Kae."
Mikaela looked up at him with a smile before turning to the hangar.
"Do you want to drag the rest of them out to scan them, or can I get back to work?" she asked in a resigned tone.
"Dude, you can take the day off," Lennox immediately protested.
"That was the only one that smelled of explosives, but I do want to scan the rest of them before you take another for a test drive," Ratchet stated in an apologetic tone.
Mikaela visibly sagged into herself.
"Day off, not funeral," Tibir interjected.
"Fall off the horse," she said quietly, glaring at the hangar.
"Get back on," Lennox nodded with a frown of his own.
Optimus frowned, not recognizing the reference, several of the Auto-bots looked confused.
"It's a mantra for fear," Mikaela explained calmly, not even looking at them. "If you fall off the horse, get back on again. Originated along learning how to ride. If you fell off and stayed off, the fear of getting back on grows. Get on right away and you conquer your fear while it's still manageable."
"Makes sense," Ironhide rumbled.
Mikaela crossed her arms for a moment, gave a deep scowl and marched determinedly into the hangar.
"Which will probably be the closest she'll ever be to admitting that that scared the living shit out of her," Will commented mildly.
"Girl's got style," Chance grinned.
As one, soldiers and auto-bots walked back toward the hangar. Mikaela was already elbow deep in one of the regular maintenance sessions.
"Where do females keep their brass?" Epps asked in a musing tone.
"There is very little deposit of brass in the human body," Ratchet murmured. "Although her iron is remarkably high."
"Steel in her spine then," Graham nodded with a grin.
Optimus shook his head, he'd ask Kae later.