Chapter 17 - Hands
(MPOV)
I woke up and stared into the darkness with a sigh. I popped my lenses back in and walked toward the hangar in the pitch black of the new moon. I checked the list on the wall and started in on an oil change.
"Kae?" Optimus' voice murmured gently.
"Morning Optimus," I whispered softly.
"N...no... it is still evening."
"Is it? I'm sorry, I didn't wake you did I?"
"No."
I nodded and screwed in a new filter.
"Why aren't you resting?" I asked quietly, looking up at the holoform standing beside me. "You of all bots could use it."
"Too many processes," he shrugged. "Why aren't you sleeping?"
"I don't know," I shrugged. "Body just doesn't seem to want to. I was asleep an hour ago, but I've never been able to get back to a proper sleep when I wake up in the dark."
I topped up the oil, checked it with the dipstick and nodded, putting everything back in place before gently closing the hood. I looked around with a sigh, there weren't anymore quiet services to do.
"I should not be encouraging you to stay awake, but will you explain handshakes to me?" Optimus rumbled curiously. "I know of the social convention but..."
"But knowing a personality in a handshake is more of an oral tradition," I smiled, wiping the grease from my hands onto a rag. I offered him my hand.
He stared at it with a frown.
"That's technically an insult," I told him calmly, lowering my hand, "it suggests that I am not worthy of shaking your hand."
"I am sorry," he frowned at me worriedly. I smiled.
"I'm not taking offence," I responded gently, "you asked me to explain, remember?" I offered him a hand, he grasped it quickly. Firming his grip ever so slightly to match my strength. I canted my head and looked at him.
"A person who's eager to learn," I said immediately, holding his hand, he didn't pull back. "Patient, understanding, a good man, strong," I tapped his hand. "Firm grip, firm strength in your arms, a firm resolve, trustworthy. You don't underestimate people but try to understand them. But the speed that you take my hand says you're at times over-eager to please, that you could potentially be walked over, or used."
Optimus stared at me.
(OPOV)
"That's what your handshake says," Mikaela smiled, gently releasing him.
"How-?" Optimus asked in shock, he pulled his hand back and looked at it, then her.
"You're sure you want to learn it?" she asked quietly, looking at him with sharp eyes.
Optimus looked at her for a long moment.
"I do," he said quietly.
"Offer me your hand," she commanded with a small smile.
Optimus held up his hand, and Mikaela took it in both of hers. "Keep your hand vertical to the ground to remain neutral, facing up is a giver, facing down a taker. When you offer your hand, aim for the receiver's naval." She explained calmly, tilting his hand back and forth. "Now, when you grip you're showcasing more than simply strength, although a lot of males believe that it's a competition to crush the other's hand. It's not, a handshake is supposed to be an offering of peace during a greeting or introduction, a sign of agreement at the end of specific discussions."
Optimus watched in fascination as Mikaela effortlessly explained the nuances of touch and pressure, demonstrating weak and firm grips as she told him what each meant.
"Aggression is the position of the hand," she continued, she held his hand at the palm, the webbing of their thumbs lightly touching. "Here is neutral," she slid her hand back to grip his fingers, "here is insecurity, knowledge of personal weakness and a desire to appear strong. Gripping the knuckles or fingers does not allow the other person to get any kind of grip, and it takes very little pressure to cause pain." she slid her hand to mesh their thumbs tightly, almost painfully. "Sorry," she said calmly, "here is aggression, a knowledge of perceived superiority." she pulled away slightly and lightly caressed the almost hurt.
"Then how did you know what kind of person Director Galloway is?" Optimus asked curiously.
In response Mikaela shifted her grip on his hand, it was... Optimus stared at her in shock, saying aloud what the points on her handshake meant. "Weak, fragile, his hand gives pressure at the top, a taker. He grips toward the fingers, insecure."
Mikaela nodded and turned her body slightly to the side, perfectly mimicking the stance Optimus had observed of the Director.
"He doesn't face you straight on, and he was leery of even shaking my hand, almost refusing the first time, and quick to release," she said calmly, "it's faint, he knows how to hide it, but that in itself means that he knows how to hide that he's hiding. So an insecure taker who hides. His arm is firm, but his grip is weak. Firm resolve, but otherwise weak, yet his vocal patterns, and assumptions suggest that he is accustomed to authority."
Optimus couldn't help but grin as she tested him, shifting her hand and stance with each shake. She smiled up at him as he read off the signals.
She suddenly gripped his forearm and brought his hand to grip hers.
"Very few people use this one, but by no means is it meant as an insult," she said calmly, "it's thought to be a 'warrior's shake' grasping each other's armguards. There are a lot of other handshakes, 'secret handshakes' and the like, that are usually taught by an amiable person. I don't really know them," she laughed softly.
"How do you mean?" Optimus grinned.
"Oh there's all sorts of movements," she chuckled, "fist bumps," she curled his hand into a fist and hit her knuckles against his lightly. "often they say 'pound it' along with offering their fist, those are more an offering of approval, kudos. And there're all sorts of sequential handshakes that Epps would probably know better than me," she laughed. "Just bear in mind that judging a person by a handshake is still very subjective, I'll be the first to admit that my analysis is not always correct."
"How did you learn all of this?" Optimus asked interestedly, guiding her with a gentle hand to sit on the cot, he settled beside her.
"Dad taught me the basics, after that the rest is simply observation over time and experience," she shrugged, toeing off the enormous boots Chance had given her with a promise of getting the right size, and resting delicate feet on the cot.
Optimus looked at her for a long moment.
"It is not something that you teach often," he said calmly.
"No," she agreed, "so my teaching skills aren't all that good," she added with a laugh.
"No, they are excellent, you taught something that seems to be generally instinctive in a manner easy to grasp," Optimus rumbled. "but you asked if I truly wanted to know."
Mikaela sighed and seemed to sag beside him.
"Kae?"
"It's difficult to unlearn something," she sighed, "I've taught you a way of judging a personality by observing unconscious body language. But now you know that I'm not simply capable of observing another, I can control my own, lie at the basest level, and I do so everyday."
Optimus stared at the femme in shock.
"How... why?" he murmured.
"By controlling my own body language," she murmured softly. "Suppress and conceal my initial reactions so that people can't see if something upsets me. Tailor my own handshake to to give the impression I want others to see. I've honestly done it for so long that it's automatic. I can't even remember what my own handshake used to say."
Mikaela stared into the middle distance for a long moment with a sadness in her eyes far too mature for her years before seeming to shake herself. "Of course admitting that is one of the most foolish things a person can do," she shrugged. "But then I've been a fool for far worse things than trusting you," she glanced over at him with a half smile before frowning suddenly. "That sounded like a guilt trip, it wasn't intended to be." she added.
"And how do you know you're not the worse fool for trusting me?" he asked curiously.
"I shook your hand, before you ever had the chance to tailor it." she shrugged.
Optimus couldn't help the snort of laughter that escaped him. He reached over and draped an arm across her shoulders.
"Elaborate, you had to teach me how." he rumbled with amusement.
"Not really," she laughed, looking up at him, "I informed you of the social conventions behind a handshake that humans tend to assume everyone else knows and taught you my own observations of what each grip and posture indicates about a person."
"Why did you share your observations if you are so sure it would break my trust?" Optimus asked curiously. "You could have simply explained the conventions."
Mikaela stared into the distance for a second.
"Probably," she said quietly, "but you deserve at least the option to know. You aren't the type to abuse knowledge. When you shook my hand it proved a point, that there are more unconscious parallels between our races than we might believe. Your handshake confirmed most of what I'd already observed of you. You're a good person, someone who deserves the knowledge humans often need to protect themselves." she snorted, "I probably would have wound up telling you anyway. You're too damned easy to talk to."
"Make a deal with you then," he chuckled. "We avoid lying to each other as much as existentially possible."
"Deal," she chuckled, idly offering her right hand. Optimus took it and was astonished by the points he read from her grip. He gripped her hand and looked at her.
"You are a strong, hard working person," he told her calmly, "you give more than you take but are still somewhat unsure of your own self-worth. Your strength does a lot to hide your innately gentle soul, and you refuse to underestimate people, trying to find the best in all of us."
Mikaela shot him a wry look.
"And how do you know that I'm not tailoring that handshake for you?" she asked.
"Because it confirms what I have already observed of you," he echoed her words. "So if it was the handshake that came first, then you tailored the rest of you to follow." he added with a gentle smile.
She looked up at him in shock for a second then began to laugh quietly, leaning against him trustingly.
"See? I told you, too damned easy to talk to," she chuckled.
Optimus leaned his holoform's head comfortably against the wall and tightened his grip around her shoulders slightly, enjoying the easy, companionable silence. His thoughts turned inward as he somehow knew, hers would too.
Mikaela... Kae displayed almost every second of the day her easy comfort around him, all of the Auto-bots really. He hadn't seen much of her in the past two years, and yet she accepted them effortlessly, even working alongside Ratchet everyday for the past three weeks with barely an argument. Really, they only argued about how much work she was allowed to do without food or rest. Arguments because truly, Ratchet loved a good debate, and apparently, so did Kae. The soldiers though...
"Penny for your process?" Mikaela asked quietly.
"You are the only human who finds it easy to speak with me, or any of the Auto-bots," Optimus rumbled softly. "The majority of the soldiers have to make an effort to work alongside us without showing their discomfort. I feel as though we have offended them."
"It's possible," Mikaela said musingly, she gave a low laugh. "I'm sorry, the traditional line after someone says they may have given offence is 'nonsense, I'm sure you've done nothing wrong.' but when two similar yet different cultures try to exist alongside each other some frictions can exist. You lot speak earth's languages so well it's easy to forget that you don't necessarily know all of the social conventions that are implied with a certain language. It's nothing wrong, simply an unintentional faux-pas. Like refusing a handshake, Primus knows even human cultures mess that one up. In a lot of asian countries you don't shake hands with someone, you bow to them, and there are hundreds of readable variations in the positions of their bow."
Optimus froze.
"I refused a handshake," he rumbled softly. Mikaela looked up at him silently, waiting for him to continue. "The first time I used my holoform, I unintentionally refused a handshake," Optimus repeated himself, "the soldiers aren't simply uncomfortable around our forms, they're uncomfortable with the holoforms as well."
"You could always test the waters," Mikaela shrugged, "how long ago?"
"A few months ago," he answered.
"That's not too long, if you're amenable you could go up to the man whom you refused the handshake to and apologize, gently remind him that you don't really know all of earth's social conventions and offer him your hand. In it's own way, it's a peace offering. Humans, the males especially, tend to have a great deal of difficulty admitting they're wrong, but often gain respect when they do."
Optimus looked down at her in shock.
"You don't have to, but it's a nice gesture," she added quickly.
"No, I will try it," he said calmly, deciding then and there. It was a simple thing, and humble pie hurt no one. "Tomorrow," he added firmly.
Mikaela's arms crept around his chest in a gentle hug.
"What do you think, any more processes to clear away before you get some rest?" she asked with a small smile.
"One more," Optimus rumbled with a low laugh. "How to increase your feeling of self-worth, get you to your own recharge cycle and figure out how to have you appointed as my ambassador."
"I would be a terrible choice for ambassador!" Mikaela protested with a laugh.
"Why?" Optimus looked down at the smiling femme with a frown, "you are intelligent, personable and more often than not you see through to the heart of a problem in moments."
"I'm also just fresh out of high school, and now I'm a college dropout," she said patiently. "If I were to suggest to the President that he come meet you in person, using the line 'in my experience, it's often best to meet someone face to face a few times rather than constantly use an intermediary.' their immediate response would be 'what experience? You're an eighteen year old! College dropout with a juvenile record for stealing cars!' And in truth, I am." she finished with a shrug.
Optimus frowned at her for a long moment, she glanced up and sighed.
"I'm sorry Optimus," she said quietly, "In a few years, when I'm older and more likely to garner respect then I would gladly be your ambassador. Absolutely honoured, but about all I can do now is give you my own opinion, and perhaps some advice if you wish it, but frankly? You're likely the only one who would listen to it."
He sighed and held her a bit tighter, bringing his other arm around to wrap her in an enveloping hug.
They sat in silence for a long moment.
"And my other two issues with you?" Optimus rumbled suddenly.
Mikaela looked up at him sadly.
"I'll go if..."
"Absolutely not," he rumbled firmly, "I want to know how to get you to sleep, not how to get you out of here." He looked down to see her looking at him somewhat unbelievingly. "We agreed to not lie to each other," he murmured. "I like having you here, you will always be the first human who looked at me and smiled. Who didn't look at us with repulsion or fill the air with the scent of fear. Who... who still doesn't."
Mikaela smiled then, a beautiful, trusting smile that reached her eyes, lighting them with hope and showcasing the kindness in her soul. He tightened his hold on her, pulling her close as they sat in comfortable silence. Her presence was a soothing effect. But he still needed to decide.
"Kae?" he rumbled quietly. She looked up at him in silence. He paused a moment and sighed softly. That was a presumptuous question, not for him to ask.
"How do you always seem to know what to say?" he quietly asked instead.
"I don't always," she murmured softly, she turned and looked at him fully. "But that's not the question you actually want to ask." Her eyes pierced into his soul, seeming to cut through every last one of his defences. He slumped into the wall, and could feel the tension radiating through his spark.
"What the pit do I do now?" he asked in an exhausted tone. Mikaela reached up and touched his cheek.
"If you were human," she said softly, "I would tell you to take a breath, and then another, put one foot in front of the other. Life continues on whether we want it to or not. Sometimes it's simply best to stop, take a breath and blink. And then we do it again. We wake up, do what needs to be done, and at the end of the day we sit back and agonize over the decisions we made, the decisions we still have to make until it's the only thing we can think of. But the longer we're awake, the harder the decisions seem to be. So what the pit you're going to do now?" she smiled up at him.
"You're going to shut down the... four? Processors you've got grinding away, burning the midnight oil. You're going to offline your optics and look at the darkness, even for a minute. And if you don't slip into your recharge cycle you're going to take a deep breath and realize that the air smells of oncoming rain. And that if you listen hard enough, you can hear the crash of the waves on the ocean. Listen to the earth as she breathes, as life goes on whether we are here to watch it or not."
She turned to lean against his holoform again, snuggling into him.
Optimus closed his holoform's eyes and looked at the darkness. He sampled the air and smelled the ozone dropping from a pressure front moving in. So much closer was the scent of her skin and hair. Warm, living scents swirling intoxicatingly amid the scents of the world. Her heartbeat was slow, patient and restful.
He listened as her breathing slowed, indicating that she'd slipped into slumber. And in the distance, waves crashing against the shore. One mimicking the other.
Peaceful
Trying to figure out a problem when you're under duress only increases the duress. Optimus thought quietly, enjoying the inherent trust of the femme sleeping against his side.
Optimus slowed down and synced his processors, using the input of her heartbeat, of her breathing and the sound of the ocean meeting the land.
There was plenty of time to be irritable and stressed. But the earth had turned from the sun, telling her children that it was the time for rest.
Slowly, making sure he didn't wake her, he laid her down on the cot and covered her with a blanket, lightly brushing her hair from her face. He stayed silent for a long moment, making sure she remained asleep before offlining his holoform and slipping into his own recharge cycle.
And never once noticed that he had yet to stop smiling.