Winter's Emotions
By
Chibijem
Disclaimer: You know the drill.
A/N: Short and sweet. Enjoy!
Misao quietly slid open the shoji to Aoshi's office, silently placing the tray holding his afternoon tea on the floor inside. Entering, she just as quietly slid the door closed behind her. She then turned to see Aoshi at the large window, staring out at the hush of the snow falling. He had been quiet for the last few days, even more than usual. She was worried; he had been opening up to her and the others and now something was keeping him from her. Misao stood and carried the tea tray and laid it on his desk. The office of the Okashira had been remodeled in western fashion after Aoshi had been given the title back. That had been a trial, Misao thought. He had been so unwilling to take the title back until Okina had had words with him. Misao admired Aoshi's face and noticed how sad he looked. She moved to his side and laid her hand on his arm, bringing him out of his contemplation.
Aoshi, startled, looked down at Misao, "What is it Misao?"
"Are you alright, Aoshi?" she asked gazing into his sea green eyes, trying to see what troubled him.
"Yes, I'm fine," came the reserved reply. He returned to his study of the snow. He felt Misao gently squeeze his arm in an effort to soothe him. What's wrong with me, why can't I shake this feeling of melancholy? Aoshi thought. I'm worrying Misao.
Misao turned back to the desk and began to pour tea, "I have your afternoon tea. I even brought your favorite sweets. I managed to get the last of them from the Master Yugi's shop." Aoshi moved to his desk and sat,
"You were out in this snow? You shouldn't have; I'm not worth it." The teapot hit the desk with a bang, Aoshi lifted his head to peer at Misao from behind his bangs.
"Don't you ever say that. You're worth everything to me!" Misao told him vehemently. She reached out and brushed his hair away from his eyes, "What's troubling you, Aoshi?" she asked, desperate to know, to help him in any way.
He dropped his eyes back to the tea, "I…I don't…I can't…" he tried.
Misao raised his face, with her hands, to make him eye level with her once more. "You can't…" she began questioningly. Aoshi looked deep into Misao's sapphire eyes, drowning in them. He thought for a moment.
"I can't explain it. Maybe it's the weather. Winter…. Everything in slumber, everything dead outside…." His eyes were trying to explain without words.
Oh, Aoshi. You mean everyone: Hannya, Beshimi, Shikijo and Hyotoko. You're missing them. Misao knew, even if he didn't. I thought we'd moved beyond this, that you have forgiven yourself for surviving. You know it's alright to live your life, to be happy. To know they would have wanted you to do so. Misao moved to stand behind his chair and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She laid her head on his shoulder so her face was next to his. She rubbed her cheek against his, feeling light stubble.
"It's okay, Aoshi. I miss them too." she whispered. She felt him shudder and held him tightly.
"Misao," he began in a rough voice. She always knows. "Sometimes, at the oddest times, I feel so…. I miss them so much." he couldn't go on, too much emotion flooding his senses.
Misao realizing he had never truly mourned them, let him.
"I'm here, I'm not going anywhere." She soothed him. He laid his hands over hers and hugged them to his chest. He bent his head and let the grief overwhelm him. In the back of his mind he heard the door slide open and felt Misao shake her head, but he couldn't respond. He didn't know how long the tears poured out of him, but like she promised, Misao never left him. He finally let his head fall back onto Misao's shoulder. She turned to look into his eyes and saw he looked better for his tears.
"It's alright to feel the sadness, Aoshi. But they would have wanted you to move on and be happy." She told him wiping his face. He sighed and closed his eyes.
"I'm trying, I'm trying." came the soft words.
"But sometimes you feel you have no right." At the almost imperceptible nod, she continued. "Oh Aoshi. It's normal. You're finally letting your feelings out after so many years closed off inside. They would have wanted you to be so happy," she repeated. "They lived for you and they did their duty, honorably. Don't let their deaths be in vain."
"I won't." Aoshi replied firmly. "I have so much to live for, don't I, Misao." He pressed a kiss to Misao's neck, just under her ear. "Our wedding in the spring." Misao could feel his shy smile against her skin; she was glad he was returning to his affectionate self. She stood to her full height, which wasn't too much taller than him seated, and bent to kiss his soft lips.
"Yes. Our wedding in the spring." While finally sharing tea, they talked of wedding plans, Oniwabanshuu business and of nothing. Aoshi pushed Misao from his lap, "I've got to get busy; I've let business and correspondence go today." he told her hugging her to his side and pressing his face into her stomach.
"Are you alright, now?" Misao asked, running her fingers through his hair - a favorite occupation.
"Thank you Misao." He nodded.
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Misao ran into Okina in the hall. "Is he alright?" Okina asked concerned.
"He's fine. Just needed to let out some emotion." Misao replied. At Okina's expression, "He's fine, Jiya. He's finally letting emotion in or out, as the case may be. He's not used to it." Misao explained, taking Okina's hand and giving it a gentle squeeze.
"Yes, that's true. He was always so in control emotionally, especially after being named Okashira the first time. Maybe we were too hard on him during training." Okina mused. Misao readied herself to listen to one of Okina's stories about Aoshi when he was young. She never tired of them.
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A couple of hours later, Aoshi stretched, trying to loosen muscles that had stiffened during his work filled afternoon. He heard a thump from behind him and turned to the window. He saw Misao outside in the snow, laughing at him. She threw another handful of snow at him through the window and bent at the waist, still laughing. He left his office and after donning a coat, walked outside. Not leaving the overhang he called out to Misao. "You're going to get cold."
"Come on, come have some fun with me." she replied standing several feet from him, forming a soft snowball.
Aoshi quirked an eyebrow at her and stepped off the porch just as Misao's snowball hit him in the chest. He looked at the snow on the center of his chest and raised his head and looked Misao dead in the eye. "So, you assault your Okashira." He said bending and scooping snow into his palms.
Misao watched as he packed the ball tightly and did the same. As Aoshi hefted the ball, Misao turned and ran into the garden. Aoshi followed and as he entered, was the victim of another pelting of snow. Wiping his face, he saw Misao behind a tree. He continued packing the snowball, knowing he'd never throw it at her but was enjoying their game. He was amazed at the broad range of emotions he'd felt in just a few short hours. He felt good and knew it was because of Misao; she completed him, made his life worth living. He smiled as he watched her back away from him.
"Now Misao. Be a good girl and come take your punishment."
"Oh, no." She replied trying to get her breath back. She studied his beloved face; "You wouldn't really throw that at me, would you?"
"No," he said, dropping the ball at his feet and ran towards her. He gracefully, scooped up snow and tossed it at her coating her hair, turning it white. She shrieked and the cold snow began to melt and run down her neck. She turned around and returned the favor. She laughed as Aoshi began jumping around, trying to dislodge the snow from under his shirt.
As they ran around the garden, neither of them noticed Okina and the others step out onto the porch.
"Whom is that laughing?" they all asked. Okina merely nodded his head at the two playing in the snow.
"That's Aoshi-sama!" Shiro said shocked as the others watched, incredulously, as Aoshi tackled Misao, both of them laughing.
"Yes, it is." Okina replied, a smile on his face. "Yes, it is."
END