Chapter 30 - Roadtrip!
"Because," I shot him a wicked smirk of my own, fully intending on getting my revenge. I set my bags down and strutted toward him, grasping the front of his shirt and pulling him down. "There's an automotive shop on the way back, and I want to pick up some proper... cleaning supplies." I murmured in his ear, dropping my tone to a sultry level.
(MPOV)
His hands flew up to grip my shoulders for a second, pulling back to look me in the eye. I gasped at the hint of fire beneath the calm facade.
"I think we can do that," he rumbled with a slow grin.
"Excellent!" I grinned, picking up my bags again.
"We're going to the sex shop?" Flare asked with a bright laugh.
"Flare!" Optimus rumbled, lightly touching a reproachful tone.
"Oh come on Optimus! Everybody needs a good polishing now and again!" Arcee laughed. I strutted toward the doors, irrevocably falling in love with the shoes and throwing a final 'coming?' over my shoulder.
"Little bit," Arcee said with a laugh, tucking her hand into my back pocket. I gave Chromia's arse a smack before shifting my bags and wrapping an arm around Arcee's waist. "You're driving him crazy, you know that right?" she murmured in my ear.
"Oh I do hope so," I grinned, "Primus knows he's been running me up the wall." I shot a wink back at Optimus' holoform before shoving the doors open in front of us and grinning at him. He started up his engine with a deep roar.
"So what're we getting?" Arcee asked curiously, sitting her holoform over her seat.
"Some things I've been sorely missing," I said patiently, crawling back out of Optimus' sleeper and running my hands over his abused bodywork. "Optimus' paint is starting to fade a little, you still look gorgeous but even you need a bit of upkeep," I kissed his fender. "And with the speed the three of you have been running at I have absolutely no doubt in my mind you've got oil sprayed up in your wheel wells."
"You're going to take care of the lot of us!?" Chromia squealed, dragging me into a crushing hug.
"You guys have been taking care of me," I retorted gently as Optimus threw a gentle arm across my shoulders. "It's only fair I return the favour." I wrapped my arms around Optimus' holo, squeezing gently before climbing up into his cab.
"Question for you," he rumbled, revving up and following the ecstatic girls onto the highway.
"Shoot," I smiled.
"Not in a public area," he retorted, I laughed and snuggled a bit deeper into his seat.
"You..." Optimus started and trailed off.
"Are you okay Optimus?" I asked worriedly.
"You always seem to know when I need a translation," Optimus rumbled finally. "You always explain something when we are confused, but never when we're not."
"You know," I laughed softly, "Sam thought Bumblebee was named after his colours."
"And why was he named Bee?" Optimus rumbled in amusement.
"Because when he's pissed off he buzzes. It's not even a singular buzz, he sounds like a swarm of pissed off bees." I laughed. "And it's different for all of you, when Ratch is pissed he gets really really quiet, same for Sideswipe."
"Is that how you always know how to deal with us?" Optimus rumbled with a laugh, "you listen for our moods?"
"If Ratchet is being quiet and starts yelling I offer to swap jobs. If he's humming quietly he's good, but if he's staying absolutely silent you'd better stay pretty quiet too, and be prepared to do precisely what he tells you, yesterday." I chuckled. "It's an absolute blessing to work for a bot who practically announces his mood every second of the day. You however, are a confusing one, a great deal of your moods are run on different variations of the same tone. Sometimes it's ridiculously easy, other times it's beyond difficult to tell if you're irritable, grumpy or mildly pissed."
"What are the other tones?" Optimus asked, his laugh was forced.
"You're uncomfortable right now," I said quietly, "I'm sorry."
"You can hear that even over my engine?" his holoform looked at me in shock.
"No, your laugh was forced," I said apologetically. "I can hear it too, yes, but you're forcing yourself to keep a light tone." Optimus shook his holoform's head. "What were you actually going to ask? If it's okay for me to ask?" I murmured.
"You are not upset by the girls' advances?" Optimus rumbled.
"Not at all," I replied with raised eyebrows. "Should I be?"
"Humans are not particularly comfortable about talking of such things," Optimus rumbled.
"Not all of us, just most of 'em," I snorted. "I can't help but laugh, we're upset by the prospect of our parents having sex, and yet they are very obviously our parents. We aren't exactly to the point of growing fully formed, viable foetuses in test tubes. They think that animals reproducing is disgusting. Even if the bible was correct, they're doing 'god's bidding to go forth and multiply.' Same bidding is sin. Hypocrites."
"Then..."
"There isn't exactly a social precedent to ask you how Auto-bots have sex," I grinned, canting my head toward him as he parked.
"But you still blushed," Optimus shot back at me with a grin.
"Of course I blushed!" I protested, "females blush when an out-of-this-world-gorgeous male up and kisses them before hefting them onto his shoulders with no visible effort!"
"That wasn't when you blushed," Optimus teased me lightly. I bit my lip and forced a mischievous grin.
"So if we're being out and open come show me what you like?" I bounced on the seat for a second before hopping out of the cab. I leaned against the fender, lowering my voice as I added, "Squishy carbon unit or not, I will proudly admit that I do a damned good detail."
I grinned as his air-brakes burped slightly.
The holoform got out of the cab slowly, watching the girls pull up beside him.
"Just remember, it is auto-parts, not a sex shop." Optimus rumbled in amusement behind me, following the enthusiastic femmes.
"Says you," I grinned at him over my shoulder. "I'll come here long before I go to a love boutique. Any day." Chromia began laughing brightly, swinging an arm across my shoulders.
I strutted through the first set of doors and grabbed a cart, palming my debit card. A quick mental calculation said I had five hundred dollars mad-money burning in my account.
The girls stopped dead in their tracks, staring at a mid-range polisher on display. I glanced at Optimus with an amused expression and found him staring at it as well.
"Wow," I said with a small laugh, "low standards you guys! Come on."
I walked forward and grabbed hold of Arcee's hand, fairly dragging the femme along behind me. I glanced back and laughed at her as she gazed back longingly at the polisher, the rest of the holoforms doing the same.
"Did you even read the stats on it?" I asked mildly.
"2500 RPM," she moaned.
"At top range and it doesn't last long," I said firmly, pulling her down one of the aisles. "See?" I pointed at the polisher in it's box, "it says two, but it's one speed, the top speed on it is for limited bursts. Now that's what I'm talking about!"
I reached up and pulled down a box, a full fleet kit really, two motors, one small one large, extender bits, the works. Five speeds, top 5000 RPM. Three hundred bucks.
I turned around in the aisle to find four holoforms staring at me in shock.
"What?" I asked curiously, "if you're going to do something, you do it right."
"That's the store motto," a young man laughed, "you've got good taste ma'am, I take it you already tried out the one we have on display?"
"I totally burned the motor out polishing the fleet," I laughed.
"Yeah, it really is more of a hobby polisher," the guy nodded, rubbing the back of his neck. "You're doing a lot of work?"
"Yeah, I'm going to need a hell of a lot of pads," I said ruefully, keeping the man distracted as the holoforms crowded around the box. Flareup looked quite ready to swoon.
"Would you prefer one of the boxes from the back?" he asked, I looked at his tag, Jerry.
"Jerry, that would be wonderful. Do you have any of that orange cleaner? Cuts through tar grease and doesn't touch the paint?" I asked curiously, "And I'm definitely going to need a massive amount of wax."
"That's where the real sale's at," Jerry grinned, gesturing me to follow, "have you seen the new diamond finish? Just came out a month ago, apparently it has a better sealing factor than the regular stuff, and it's scratch resistant."
"I'm leery of trying new waxes," I said with a frown. "How long did they test it before throwing it out on the market?"
"Six months," he grinned, "Damn you're good." he looked at the holoforms following me with dreamy looks in their eyes. "Are they okay?" he asked worriedly.
"They're fine," I laughed, "enthusiasts, but the polisher I caught in their shop is a piece of crap, poor Chrome here thought 2500 was an incredible thing. I can't help but prefer multi-speeds though."
"Amen to that, here's the orange, you want mix or concentrate?"
"Concentrate, it's gonna be a while before I can get back, ooh and the neutral detergent too. Sponges, chamois', I've got a billion rags already."
"Did you want the re-useable pads? I tried them out the other day, fluffed up a treat in the dryer," Jerry grinned.
"Excellent!" I laughed. "So box of those, and the waxes?"
"If you want to stick with the traditional, I've got something awesome," Jerry grinned, he hefted up an enormous tub.
"Tubs," I frowned.
"Get crap in them and the wax goes bad before you're halfway through," Jerry nodded, he opened the tub and pulled out a flat disk on a sheet of plastic, setting it down and pulling out a second.
"Brilliant!" I laughed.
"And about friggen time yeah?" he laughed.
"Absolutely, I'll take two of them." I grinned. "Jerry, you're awesome, in and out in ten. Record time."
"If you're gonna do something, do it right," he laughed, lifting the tubs into my cart. "Can I help you find anything else today?"
"That's the lot," I laughed. "You guys still have the survey?"
"Up front," he grinned, "I'll bring the box up. Have a good day miss."
I waved with a you too and glanced at my watch, driving for the checkout.
"I'm buying," Arcee said immediately.
"Mine, a leader takes care of his troops," Optimus rumbled.
"Correction, I'm buying and that's final," I said firmly, smiling at the clerk behind the till as Jerry set down the box on the counter and gave me a last wave before going to help another person. I quickly filled out the survey as the lady ran the stuff through, adding a 'knowledgeable without being obnoxious, give the man a raise!' to the bottom, and lightly knocking Optimus out of the way as he tried to sneak in and pay.
"Mine," I growled at him with a grin. "You've been paying all day." I handed the girl my card and watched with satisfaction as the screen claimed 'approved.'
"We'd better get going," I added calmly, wheeling the cart out the door, "we've been in here for a while."
I quickly opened the sleeper door and was tackled by squealing girls.
"You are the best ever!" Chromia shouted gleefully as Optimus quickly loaded everything up and Arcee ran the cart back. "Oh I can't wait until we get back!"
The holoforms scampered to their respective Auto-bot, revving up excitedly and taking off at high speed.
"You have absolutely made their day," Optimus rumbled with a smile as I climbed up into his cab, "be prepared, you may be tackled by holoforms when we get back."
"Duly noted," I laughed. "I do hope it might have made your day a little too, taken a bit of the sting out of escorting a carbon unit shopping and pretending to be my fiancee."
His holoform reached over and lightly gripped my chin.
"There is no sting," he smiled gently. "But I am still going to get you to admit why you blushed," he added, the smile turning to a grin. "It wasn't because I picked you up."
"Oh now you're being a prat!" I laughed.
"But a prat who is hopefully your friend," he smiled.
"Optimus I'm your friend whether you want me to be or not," I smiled, rubbing the seat. "Although by what definition I'm not entirely sure." I added musingly.
"How do you mean?" he asked curiously, pulling onto the highway.
"Well, the girls are dear friends, potentially sisters, Jolt and the twins are like cousins." I looked at him musingly. "I know it sounds like an oversimplification, but knowing that allows me to move comfortably in that dynamic..."
"And I?" Optimus prompted me gently.
"You're the first person to intimate that you love me, even if it was just for the benefit of the guard." I murmured, blushing again. "Mind, you're one of the first people to actually know me for me, too." I crossed my arms protectively.
"Ratchet loves you," Optimus murmured gently.
"Ratchet's is the love of a father," I smiled, thinking of the grumbling, gentle bot. "Ironhide an uncle, Sides and Bee my brothers. But I'm still the squishy carbon unit."
"What did you want to be when you matured?" Optimus asked suddenly.
"A pilot," I laughed and clapped a hand to my mouth. "Oh god don't tell Lennox, I don't think I could stand being joshed as the maggot!"
"You wanted to fly," Optimus said gently, I glanced over at him. The look in his eyes was pure kindness.
"I've spent my entire life on the ground," I shrugged, "when I fight I take my stability from the ground, I walk, I run, I ride and I move across the ground..." I looked out the window at the planes taking off and landing. "But sometimes I wonder what it would be like, to nod to one of the defining laws of our species and completely defy it." I grinned. "Because if I could fly, what other impossible things would be possible?"
Optimus parked and reached over with his holoform's hand, lightly squeezing mine. I smiled at him and turned in the seat to face him fully.
"I'm sorry if I make you uncomfortable," I said quietly before beginning to get out. He held my hand and pulled me back slightly.
"We interface," he said gently, "that is the closest parallel to sex, our sparks unite entirely, and in some cases a bot and femme could unite absolutely. Become one unit with dual consciousness. Many of us are capable of such a union anyway, held in battle to make us bigger, stronger. But without the pressure of fighting, uniting with another is an absolute of intimacy. The twins and the femmes are capable of it because they love each other as siblings. But between two spark-bound, it is the ultimate pleasure."
I listened with wide eyes. Sitting in silence for a long moment. Finally, I took a deep breath and looked at him with a small smile.
"I knew I envied you lot for a good reason. A great deal of humans say that that is what sex is like, but it's not, not really. Or rather, it's one in a million that get that."
Optimus looked at me with worry in his holoform's eyes.
"You've never..."
"Had sex? Yes, I have. Made love and had a fraction of that bond? Never. Boys liked me for the popularity, to be seen with the pretty one. Never for the person I am." I shrugged. "Like I said. It's one in a million." I shot him a weak smile and straightened my back with a "Let's get this show on the road," before I got out of his cab and strutted toward the soldiers.
"Where's my big brother at!?" I demanded with a broad grin.
"Kaelie!" Chance laughed, running forward and picking me up in a bear hug for the benefit of passerby. The soldiers around us laughed. "C'mon!" he grinned, "We're goin' on a roadtrip baby sister!"
"KAELIE!" Chromia shrieked, as though we hadn't just spent the past two hours shopping together, she streaked toward me, closely followed by an enormous group of grinning holoforms. Ironhide, Arcee, Flare, Ratchet, Sideswipe and Bee. Chance the traitor, abandoned me to their mercy with a laugh. In seconds I was struggling to keep my balance as everyone crushed in on me.
"Air!" I shouted in a mockingly strangled tone, "squishy carbon units need air!"
"Your breathing is unimpaired," Ratchet told me smugly. "That's what you get for being the best scrapping assistant in a hundred worlds." he planted a firm kiss to my temple.
"And you thought I was kidding when I said this is my favourite place," Bumblebee grinned at me before stealing me for a crushing hug. I looked at him in shock. He laughed. "The holoform talks just fine," he teased me quietly in his light tenor.
"Everybody ready to go?" Chance called out with a broad grin. He grabbed hold of my hand and dragged me to Bumblebee.
Epps and Jacobs took the back seat. I looked at the enormous African incredulously.
"Dude, sit in the front," I laughed, "Tiny people sit in the back."
"You calling me fat?" Jacobs stated in mocking indignation.
"No, I'm calling you a great six foot some muscle bound bastard," I laughed.
"You calling me tiny?" Epps grinned.
"No! I'm calling you all butt-heads who just lost viable claim for shotgun!" I grinned sliding into the front seat and buckling in. I still shifted the seat forward to give Jacobs some leg room.
"Oh god, you remember that show?" Epps grinned. I groaned.
"Message from Starfleet Captain, Let's get to it," Bumblebee played the soundbytes cheerfully, locking his doors and pulling out behind Optimus.
We ran with the radios on, the banter light and cheerful among all of us. Epps tapped my shoulder.
"Thought you'd want some reading material." he said with a grin. He handed me a book with a handsome man holding a swooning lady wearing a gorgeous gown.
"You did not just buy me girl porn!" I laughed.
"Whaat?" Lennox's voice called over the radio. I glanced at the spine.
"Yep, Harlequin, they actually have a standardized format, anyone can send in a story following that format and potentially get published. Just so long as the initial steamy sex scene is ooon," I fanned the book until it opened of it's own accord. "Page 68, ooh, this chick was eager to get laid," I laughed. "Usually it's in the early hundreds."
"You're having us on!" Andrev called out.
"And I quote," I laughed, I dropped my voice into a mocking, sultry purr. "'William laid a warm, callused hand on her bare shoulder, her skin as soft as the petals of her namesake. Lillian sighed, leaning into his touch. She burned, her breath coming in short pants. His hand slid slowly, gently up the alabaster pillar of her neck to cradle her head, tilting it just so as he leaned down to lightly touch his lips to hers. She sagged against him, dizzy and desperately wanting more. His tongue brushed her lip, seeking entrance.
"'Lillian swooned, collapsing against his powerful frame. William scooped her into his muscular arms, carrying her effortlessly up the stairs to his bedchambers.' – nicely done Lennox! – and let's see, a full page dedicated to undressing her, and now that she's not completely devoid of oxygen thanks to ablessed lack of corset she's watching with lust glazed eyes as he slowly strips out of his five layers of royal naval uniform – ooh! Not a fop! Girl's got taste after all! – aaand, yep, three pages of painless sack dancing despite her current deflowering and his ginormous cock. Finished with the coup-de-grace: 'Gasping, she could feel his essence burning into her womb as it poured into her, William roared as he finished, the muscles standing out in his neck – blue balls! – collapsing on top of her and catching her lips in a Fierce! Passionate kiss! He rolled to the side and held her close as she drifted into an exquisitely sated slumber!'
"No doubt written at a time when..." I looked at the cover, "Sophia Jasper hadn't got laid in two years. Minimum." I finished as the men riding with Bee and over the radios, hell, even Chromia, Flare and Arcee howled with laughter. Bee though, Bee was resonating a tiny bit of loneliness. Not really a part of the conversation.
Just to pound in the point I looked at the dash.
"Bee! Soundbyte me! Admiral Akbar!" I laughed.
"Its a trap!" Bee played the byte gleefully, renewing the laughter.
Optimus' deep, rumbling laugh joined the next round, my own smile becoming exultant at the sound of his voice.