Serizawa didn't always know what to say.
It came from years of not having anyone to talk to. Fifteen years of nothing, only talking to Mom once every few weeks, and then three years of being around his friends and Miss Suzuki…they didn't balance out. He knew that Miss Suzuki had told him that he was always welcome to talk to her but he didn't know if 'always' truly meant 'always'…like in the middle of the night when she was trying to sleep. She needed her sleep, well everyone needed sleep but she especially needed sleep, she needed it an h-word of a lot more than he did.
He had been up all night. He didn't care.
He had been sitting up on his side of the bed all night. He knew that Sho was in danger, Fukuda had been very clear about that, but he didn't know if Miss Suzuki wanted to know. If he told her right when he had heard about it then she would have been woken up in the middle of the night and then she wouldn't have gotten enough sleep and she would have had a bad day and maybe even lost control over her powers and there was nothing worse than losing control, he knew better than most. Of course in not telling her the danger got worse and worse and then….and then something horrible could have happened. Something even worse…he didn't know what that could have been. He didn't know what was happening…he really should have asked. But this wasn't his thing…that hadn't been his phone and Sho wasn't his little brother. He didn't know if it was ok to even call Fukuda back. Maybe he was sleeping now, too, it was still early enough in the morning that most people were sleeping.
He hadn't slept at all.
The light was coming in through the gaps in the blinds. Miss Suzuki was still sleeping. She was curled up around her blanket, holding it tight like she was afraid it was going to run away. Her face was screwed tight, too, like she was having a bad dream. Maybe he should have woken her up. Maybe she had been in the middle of a nightmare all night and she had been needed to be saved just like her little brother was…of course a nightmare wasn't as bad as what had happened to Sho…not that he even knew what was happening…
He should have asked more questions.
Then he would have been able to tell her what was going on. She was starting to wake up, now, he could tell. Her eyes were starting to flutter open, her face was starting to soften, and the blanket was starting to float up and off of her. She was just wearing one of his shirts, his Princess Peach one, and socks. She was probably cold. He knew that he was. Some nights she pulled the blanket off of him and wrapped it around herself tightly. He didn't stop her, mostly because he didn't want to wake her, and because he didn't really need to be warm. Not like she did. She deserved to be warm and comfortable at all times. She deserved all the warmth and comfort and happiness that he could give her…and he didn't like to take it away from her.
But he had to…it was the right thing to do.
"What time…what time is it?" asked Miss Suzuki with a yawn. Her eyes fluttered opened completely. Her eyes were still kind of glossy with sleep, and she had sleep in the corners of her eyes too. She stretched and rubbed it away. He kept the blanket down over her in case she got cold again.
'It's five fifty seven…you don't have to be awake for another three minutes." Said Serizawa
"I should have been awake half an hour ago." Said Miss Suzuki as she began to stretch. Serizawa could see his aura. He did his best to stay calm…it was hard. He had no idea what he was supposed to say to that. Sorry? Her alarm clock hadn't gone off…maybe he should have changed it for her…or maybe he should have set his own alarm.
"I-I-I'm sorry! I mean I don't know…I mean if I had known that you needed to get up then I would have set an alarm or I would have woken you up myself. I mean I've been awake all night and I could have told you when it was five thirty…I mean…half an hour ago would have been five twenty seven and I would have woken you up if you needed to be woken up…I mean if I knew…I mean if I would have…I mean-" said Serizawa. He knew what words were, he knew how to make them, and he knew what they meant…but right now they just came out. He knew how to pick them but they didn't want to be picked. They came out no matter what he wanted to say…not that he even knew what he wanted to say. There were so many things that he had to say but he didn't know how!
Miss Suzuki didn't care.
She leaned forwards and put her hand over his. He gasped and tried to pull the blanket back up over her. It was so cold in here…he should have turned the heat up. He'd had all night to turn the heat up…he was such a bad friend. He should have thought about her. He should have thought about someone other than himself. He was such a bad friend. He didn't deserve to have her hold his hand, and he didn't deserve to be hugged either…but she still held his hand and she still hugged him, too.
He didn't deserve to hug her back.
"Don't be sorry, Serizawa, I should have set my own alarm. Come on, it's too early in the morning to be sad." Said Miss Suzuki as she held him tight. He tentatively held her back. He didn't deserve it but it was obviously what she wanted.
Miss Suzuki was the important one here, not him.
"I…I still should have thought about you…about what you needed. I mean I was up all night. I had plenty of chances to tell you, I mean to wake you, I mean to set an alarm for you, I mean-" said Serizawa
"I know what you meant, Serizawa, you don't have to apologize." Said Miss Suzuki as she let go of him…it really was cold in here.
"I…I should, though. I mean I want to." Said Serizawa
"I don't want you to." Said Miss Suzuki
"I…I understand." Said Serizawa. That was what mattered the most, what she wanted…even if it did feel wrong to not apologize to her. Even if he…even if he should have thought about her more. About what she needed…he kind of wanted a hug, again, but he wasn't going to ask her. It just didn't feel right, asking things of her like that.
"Good, so don't say sorry anymore." Said Miss Suzuki
"I-I won't! Not if you don't want me to! I mean…" said Serizawa. Miss Suzuki smiled and hugged him again. He forgot what he had been trying to say.
"What do you want for breakfast?" asked Miss Suzuki as she let go of him. He shrugged.
"Whatever you feel like making, Miss Suzuki, but you don't have to make me anything. I can pour my own cereal." Said Serizawa. She smiled and shook her head.
"I like making breakfast for you. Besides, I don't think that cereal is really food. It's mostly sugar and Minegishi…they said that sugar was poison. I mean they say it a lot…it's better to eat real food. Sugar isn't good for you. Sometimes I think that maybe all of that sugar was bad for Sho." said Miss Suzuki
"I…um…I don't know." said Serizawa. He knew that he should have told her but he didn't know how. She was happy now, which was good because she had been really unhappy before, and…and he didn't know if he could have taken her happiness away. There had been so few reasons for her to be happy lately. Everyone had left and her not stepmom had run away like her real mom and she'd gotten into a fight with her little brother, which was the worst kind of fight of all in Serizawa's opinion. He didn't have any younger siblings, or older ones, or twin siblings, but he knew that a sibling was someone closer even than a best friend and fighting with friends was already really hard and painful…
Miss Suzuki didn't need that kind of pain.
She got out of bed. He followed her, passing her his robe as she left their room. It was cold in here and all she had on was one of his shirts and some socks. He could feel the cold though his socks and they were thicker than hers…she didn't deserve to be cold. She didn't deserve any of this. Sometimes he wondered why it had to be this way for her. She was such a good person but so many bad things happened to her.
Why did bad things have to happen to good people?
Life wasn't fair. If life had been fair then her little brother would have been ok and with her right now. Her friends would have been with her, too, and her parents. Her mom and dad…at least the President had an excuse. Her Mom had just left. He could have understood if his mom had just left him one day, he had been nothing but a burden onto her, but Miss Suzuki couldn't have been anything even close to a burden onto her mom. She did all kinds of things for her family, things that Serizawa still didn't know how to do even at his age, like make breakfast.
She was very good at making breakfast.
"Do you want an omelet? I'm making omelets." Said Miss Suzuki as she used her powers to get her ingredients out of the refrigerator. He ducked as eggs, milk, and cheese went flying over his head. Mom put green peppers and onions into her omelets when she made them, but Miss Suzuki wasn't Mom. She had her own way of making these and as long as she didn't put any ketchup on his then he was ok…and even if she did put a lot of ketchup on top then he would still eat it. The last thing he wanted to do was to make her upset.
In any way.
"That would…that would be good, Miss Suzuki. I mean whatever you want to cook is fine." Said Serizawa, sitting down at his spot at the kitchen table. She turned the fire on and put the pan down on the burner, with her powers. He would never have been able to do anything like that…he knew that he should have helped her, it would have been the polite thing to do, but he just…he didn't know how. He would have just messed it up.
He always found a way to mess everything up.
"I think I'm going to make omelets…I don't know. I haven't made omelets for a while. My Dad is the one who likes them and he's been gone for…you know how long he's been gone for." Said Miss Suzuki, her back to him. He could still tell that she was sad, though, her shoulders were slumped and her voice got kind of high there…high and far away.
He couldn't make her any sadder than he was now.
"Maybe-maybe he'll come back. I mean when he finds his girlfriend, I mean…I mean he's looking really hard for her so I guess he's going to find her soon. I mean…I don't know what I mean. I'm sorry. I just wanted to cheer you up." Said Serizawa
"You don't have to cheer me up, Serizawa, I'm fine." Said Miss Suzuki as she poured the eggs into the pan. She wasn't fine, some of them wound up on the oven. He tried to wipe them away with his powers but he couldn't even pull the paper towels off of the roll. Too many wound up coming off and he nearly set the whole thing on fire.
He was so useless sometimes.
"I-I'm sorry! I-" said Serizawa
"That was really good, Serizawa, you almost got one off. You don't have to help, though, I've got it." Said Miss Suzuki as she not only cleaned up his mess but hers, and she still made sure that her omelet didn't burn either. She could do so much…so much that he couldn't, and she did it all without letting how sad she was show…not in the way that he would have. She was so amazing, sometimes….most of the times.
"I…I shouldn't have made it worse on you. I always make it worse on you." said Serizawa
"That's not true and you know it." Said Miss Suzuki
"But it is, though, I made a mess for you to clean up and I didn't wake you up even though I was already awake all night-" said Serizawa
"You don't have to keep yourself awake all night just to make sure that I don't sleep in, Serizawa. I want you to get enough sleep too. When you're too tired then you sometimes lose control of your powers, and you get kind of upset too…so please, don't stay up all night, or at least if you can't sleep then you can wake me up and then we'll be awake together." Said Miss Suzuki
"I could never ask that of you….and…and I don't want to wake you up. I mean I didn't want to wake you up. I mean I should have woken you up when Fukuda called-" said Serizawa
"Fukuda called?" asked Miss Suzuki, the omelet behind her jumping right out of the pan. It landed back in the pan…mostly. She didn't seem to mind. He managed to push most of it back into the pan. She didn't notice. She just took the pan off of the fire and crossed her arms, pulling his robe close around herself like she was trying to hide.
"He…he called about….I want to tell you what he called about but you seem sad and worried and I don't want to make you any sadder than you are but I don't like to keep secrets from you, and I don't even have any, and I don't want to start keeping secrets from you now. especially not about your own little brother-" said Serizawa
"Sho? What happened to Sho?! Is he ok? Is he-" said Miss Suzuki. The whole kitchen felt like it jumped. He didn't know what to do. He didn't want to lie to her…and he didn't know how to tell her the truth…but he had to tell her the truth. He had to be a good friend and he had to tell her the truth but…but it would hurt her and…and the last thing that he wanted to do was hurt her.
Maybe keeping this from her had hurt her even more than…than if he had woken her up…
"It's Fukuda, he-" said Serizawa
"Is Fukuda the one in trouble or is Sho?" asked Miss Suzuki
"I-I don't know who's in trouble or what the trouble was, or is, or…um…Fukuda called and I picked up your phone because you were tired and I don't want you to be tired, I mean I didn't want you to be tired." Said Serizawa
"What happened?" asked Miss Suzuki
"He called last night and said that Sho…that he was in danger and that he wanted you to…well he didn't say what he wanted you to do but he told me that Sho was in danger and you were the only one who could pull him out…and I don't know what he meant by that but…but I didn't know if I should have asked him and I got scared and…and I don't….I'm sorry!" said Serizawa
"It's….it's ok. It was just Fukuda. He lies sometimes…he's lied about Sho before, where he took him and stuff, and he doesn't even like me…I don't think that he would have asked me for help if he didn't need it, though…I don't know." said Miss Suzuki
I-I'm really sorry and I understand if you're mad at me. I shouldn't have kept that from you, I just didn't know if it was ok to wake you." said Serizawa softly. Miss Suzuki shook her head…and then she started to walk over to him. She still had food to make. She still had to have breakfast so she could go to work…unless she wanted to go right to her brother…he didn't know what she wanted to do. He didn't even know what she was doing now…
Oh. He was being hugged again.
"Don't be sorry. You didn't know…but next time wake me up if Fukuda calls…ok? Just…wake me up next time." Said Miss Suzuki as she hugged him, her arms around him. He put his arms around her, carefully though, since she was so much smaller than he was...even if they were nearly the same height when he was sitting and she was standing.
"I-I should have…" said Serizawa
"It's ok. It's going….I don't know what's going on but it's going to be ok. Don't worry about this, Serizawa, this is…this is something that I have to worry about. Me and only me." said Miss Suzuki softly
"I…I can worry with you, I don't want to leave you all alone in this…I mean I don't even know what 'this' is-" said Serizawa
"I don't know either. The last thing Sho said was that he was going to find Shiori…but he should be ok. Shimazaki is with him and…and maybe Fukuda is lying again. He's lied to me before, he's been so mean to me before, and…and he lies a lot…but I still have to go and see what happened. Even if I don't…even if I don't know if Fukuda's even telling the truth." Said Miss Suzuki as she let go of him.
"I…I don't know what you should do. I mean if he's lying. I mean it would be kind of a…a really bad thing to do, to lie about something like this…um…but I'm sure that whatever you want to do is going to be the right thing!" said Serizawa as she let go of him. He let go of her. it was cold in there again…the whole house was cold…and it was going to be even colder if she left him…
There was no way that he could go with her.
He didn't know anything about danger, dealing with it. He didn't know what he could have possibly done to help. He just…he was so useless sometimes…but still she let him be near her. Still she kept him around even if…even if he had made so many mistakes. She was such a good person like that. He wished that he could have been more like her, even a tenth of the person that he was….
Someone who at least knew what to say, if not what to do.