an honest mistake, an alternate universe unrequited love story
warning: use of coarse language

the dream life, straight from nightmare land

Sometimes I forget I'm still awake. I fuck up and say these things out loud.
My old friend...I swear I never meant for this. I never meant...

With an ecstatic squeal, Ginny grabbed Harry's hand so they didn't get separated in the crowded walkways of Diagon Alley in Christmas time. Snow fell as the redhead trekked onward, peering in store windows and keeping a tight hold on her boyfriend's hand. "Oh, look at this! It's a child sized Firebolt, Harry," she halted as she turned over her should to look at him and saw the smile already stretched across his face. They walked into the toy shop to get a closer look at the broom. Mothers and fathers and their children surged in and out of the store in excitement for the Christmas season.

Harry had been reading the packaging that came along with with the product when his girlfriend squeezed his hand crushingly. "Hermione!" Her voice pierced his thoughts and he lifted his head, his eyes scanning the crowds to see where his friend had been spotted. Ginny waved her free hand frantically and she saw Parvati leading the brunette witch carefully through the crowds. "Parvati," Ginny leaned in to kiss her cheek, "how are you!" The dark skinned female spared her friend a weary smile, clearly exhausted from her day. Perhaps it had more to do with the slight bump of her stomach, but her sister-in-law answered anyway. "I'm great! Bloody tired," she added with a grin. Finally, Hermione managed to find her shopping companion, but not without another of her own.

Harry stared at the little girl that clung to Hermione's neck, blocking her mostly from view. Her hair was the same color and texture as Hermione's, but when she turned her shy gaze towards the couple in front of her, he could see that her eyes were a bright, stunning blue. Ginny instantly gushed over her and she returned to hiding in the safety of her hair, long and falling over her shoulders. "Hey, you two," Hermione managed to call out from over the grip of her overprotective toddler-sized attachment. "I asked Parvati to come and help me pick up a few things to donate to the orphanage from Christmas." Reaching, the girl in her arms reached for Parvati and Hermione allowed her to shift. She leaned towards Parvati and whispered something in her ear before she handed her the small, jingling bag of coins before she exited the store.

All that Harry could manage to do was watching her retreating form push through the bustle of adults and children and through the frosted glass. He barely listened as Parvati talked about Ron passing out when he heard about her news of pregnancy and then her introduction of Hermione's daughter, Kelly, to Ginny and an absentminded Harry. She was three and an orphan from the aforementioned orphange. Hermione had adopted the little girl when she first arrived at the orphanage at only six months old and Parvati, she allowed herself to boast, was her godmother.

Hermione took slow, measured steps down the windy streets of Diagon Alley. She wandered off the pathway, tipping her head down to watch her feet so that the wind didn't whip the snow and her hair around her face too viciously. Slowly, the foot traffic of people died down and she allowed her thoughts to catch up to her. It had been five years since she had seen Harry. He hadn't bothered to contact her or reach out to her but he was content masquerading around with his new girlfriend. He had been perfectly fine with Ginny and their one-year-old son; Hermione at least knew about that much. She had remembered that day, the day he told her that he loved Ginny; she remembered it every day of her long life and stomped it down every night before she drifted to sleep. It wasn't fair. She had tried her best to forget and to move on, and his absence from his life should have helped her.

She hadn't even noticed the tears blurring her vision until she tried to inhale and coughed out a sob.

"Hermione? Are you all right?" A foreign voice chimed in. It wasn't foreign in the way that she wouldn't recognize who it was; she knew who it was. But she hadn't heard the familiar, concerned voice in a long time. She sniffled before she turned to look at her former best friend.

"I didn't know you'd care." She raised the back of her hand to dab at her eyes, her cheeks and nose glowing red from the sting of the cold and the threat of tears just moments before.

"Of course I care, I've always cared. I've wanted to see you, Hermione, but I—"

"It didn't seem that way to me. It didn't seem like that way for all those years I spent alone, with only Ron and Parvati caring enough to check on me. I've even spoken to Ginny a few times over the years. If she hadn't told me, I would have even known that you had a child." Her voice was brimming with quiet, malicious rage and Harry could see it as he watched her fists clench at her sides.

"I'm engaged," he answered weakly, and Hermione only wanted to slap him. "How do you—"

"I don't care! I was your best friend, Harry! At one time, in at least one small moment, I remember seeing you every day. I remember you, Ron, and I were inseparable. I remember not being able to go anywhere without the two of you. Everything...everything is different now. Just because you don't love me like you love her," she allowed the bitter ring to contaminate her words, "it doesn't mean you had to just leave me behind."

"Hermione!" Harry called out as she started to walk away. "You can't just leave, you don't understand. That day...the day I told you about my feelings—"

"What's that got to do with anything!? Please, just tell me," she demanded, pulling at her long curls.

Momentarily, Harry's eyes shifted and noticed how long her hair was, like it had been when they were eleven, but the texture was less frizzy and more smooth. He shook his head gently before he stepped closer to her. "Hermione, I do love you." His voice was soft and his eyes searched hers carefully. "That day tore me apart...I forced myself to stop leading the two of you on. I tried to make a careful decision between the both of you. I couldn't tell...I didn't know that you felt that way. Not until it was too late."

Hermione remained quiet as she thought over his admission. "I was still your friend," she cried freely, not bothering to wipe her tears now, "I didn't want to interfere, but Harry, I loved you more than anything in the world. I thought I was going to die of heartbreak before I saw you and Ginny happy. Sometimes...sometimes I still wonder if I'll die before I get used to it."

Harry closed the distance between them slowly, his eyes boring into hers. She knew what he was going to do, what he was about to do, and she had no heart to stop him. One of his arms pulled her waist closer to him and the other ran through the length of her hair, settling it by her elbows before he pressed his lips against hers. Her cold hands pressed against his warm cheeks and she opened her mouth to him, crushing her body against his, wanting to do so much more than that. But she didn't; she pulled away from him with an icy fury behind her eyes.

"You're engaged," she spoke as if she had just discovered this, even though she had. "You're engaged and you have a son, Harry. I can't do this with you, not in this situation. Certainly not like this." Hermione finally turned herself around and walked off, her thoughts in a flurry. Harry turned back the way he came and his heart was in a flurry.