Title: Hello Goodbye
Category: Angst/RomanceRating: K+
Summery: You say yes, I
say no, you say stop, I say go. Remus/Sirius musings.
Blame the Beatles. And yes, this is slash, particularly, Wolfstar slash. Not heavy, but if you can't stand this kind of stuff, don't read.
Disclaimer: Harry Potter belongs to J.K. Rowling and Warner Bros., the song Hello Goodbye from the title and summery belongs to the Beatles.
Hello Goodbye
Sirius laughs, Remus frowns. It's been that way forever, Sirius commented once, from the first time they met, when Sirius yelled hello across the crowded Great Hall and Remus hugged his books to his chest and hurried on. It's just the way they are- Black is Black, Lupin is Lupin, and that's why they're so perfect.
Sirius cries, Remus ignores. The one time that Sirius cried in front of him, Remus pretended that he didn't exist. Remus told him afterwards, when they were talking again, that he almost gave in. But he didn't, and that's all that matters. Besides, they don't talk about that now. Sirius thinks about it, and Remus cries about it (only in the dead of night, when he thinks that Sirius can't hear), and they ignore the matter.
Sirius lets go, Remus mourns. Years later, when they've found each other and forgiven each other and realized the truth, Sirius finds that Remus still misses them. It's not to say Sirius doesn't- he would be lying through his teeth if he didn't. But Remus can't forget them. He sees her in Harry's eyes, and James in his smile, and that is slowly eating him up inside. And so Sirius hugs him on his birthday when everyone else has forgotten, caught up in the war, and kisses him on the cheek when he's sorting out relics from the Most Ancient and Noble House of Black, and slowly tries to save him.
Sirius hopes, Remus dreams. Most people wouldn't know the difference, but Sirius does. Remus wishes often that the war will end, and that they'll all be free and able to leave this house, and get a house in Italy and kidnap Harry and escape and live in peace, all of them forgetting the past and basking in the present. Sirius knows this will happen.
Sirius sits, Remus fights. It's the ultimate irony, really. Remus, ever the pacifist, is the one that must take up the spear to defend the home. Sirius pretends he doesn't care, shut up in this house with only the house elf to yell at and the memories to keep him company, and Remus pretends that he doesn't notice his lies, or the way that he's falling apart. They are ever so happy, really, look how they smile as the bags under their eyes increase, and they move to different beds, and try to pretend it never happened.
Sirius dies, Remus lives. In a second, he falls, and Remus must leave and live with the memories and guilt and horror. He tries to forget Sirius, pretending to fall in love, pretending to be happy, when he knows in his heart that this is all wrong and that Sirius wouldn't do that. But that's what they're supposed to do, aren't they? Opposites, beautifully parallel. And so Remus kisses her, and wishes and mourns and lives.
Fin