Shiori did not like being poked and prodded.
"For the last time, Touichirou, I'm fine." Said Shiori as the healer gave her a once over…or maybe thrice over would have been the better word. Touichirou simply could not accept the fact that, aside from being very hungry and tired, she was perfectly fine. No injuries to speak of, and even if she had been injured she wouldn't have said anything anyway. Not to Touichirou, or the healer, or the group of people she could sense hovering just outside the door.
Didn't these people have anything better to do.
"She's fine. No concussions, contusions, or abrasions." Said Fukuda as he gave Shiori yet another once over. She had lost a lot of weight but there was nothing that he could do about it now. He was the healer, not the cook, and aside from dipping into the snack supply there was nothing else that he could do to help. Of course Touichirou wasn't going to take that for an answer. He loved her, after all, and when he loved someone he got more than a little obsessive.
Fukuda didn't care.
"Check again." Said Suzuki as he pushed Shiori's plate closer to her. They didn't have anything even approaching actual food around here. Just the shelf stable sorts of things that traveled well, the sugar laden snacks that the children loved. She needed real food, or at least hot food…something that she would have liked. It was Friday and on Fridays they had Chinese food together. Of course that wasn't going to happen, obviously. They were in the middle of nowhere, kilometers from civilization, in the frozen north…ok, there was a town, but she wouldn't be going to it. She wouldn't be going anywhere.
He wasn't going to lose her again.
"Touichirou, I'm fine. I'm not going to spontaneously develop leprosy or whatever in the five seconds between this guy looking me over. Now let me eat in peace." Said Shiori as she broke off another piece of the toaster pastry on her plate. Touichirou's son made her this…well, plated it up for her. Double fudge toaster pastries, served cold from the packaging, a can of cola, miniature red and pink Valentine's Day marshmallows, and stovetop popcorn. Truly the…whatever this meal counted as of champions. She didn't care.
Anything was better than thin noodle soup.
Though she would have preferred to take her meals on her own. She heard someone coughing from behind the wall, and then words of protest. She didn't much like being poked and prodded, the only thing she liked even less was being made a spectacle out of. Touichirou's people were still here, apparently they had nothing better to do. Touichirou had clearly ordered them to strip the base bare and leave no survivors…so shouldn't they have been doing that?
Her people would never have acted like this…if she even still had people to command…something else she had to worry about.
"I'm not worried about that. I just…want to know that you're safe, that's all." Said Suzuki as he broke up her food for her. She was here, she was with him, and she was safe. He had found her…of course he had found her. He was the most powerful man in the world. There had never been a question as to whether or not he would succeed. She was not Masami, she had not wanted to leave, and…and…and he needed to stop this. This emotion he felt…this sort of panic. A frantic sort of panic that he felt whenever he looked away from her.
He was just going to have to stop looking away from her. There, the solution was simple.
"I'm safe, see? Safe and sound." Said Shiori, waving her arms. The sleeves of her robe fell down over her hands. She missed her robe, the fluffy blue one with the clownfish on it. She had a silk robe, too, the short black one. Impractical for anything other than making Touichirou forget his own name. It did nothing to keep the cold out, and the blue one looked ridiculous, but right now she would have worn anything…anything that was hers…she looked ridiculous…
Though she doubted that was why Touichirou was giving her his best unblinking stare.
"For now." said Suzuki. He just couldn't take his eyes off of her, that was all. If he took his eyes off of her then something terrible would happen and she couldn't have something terrible happen to her and he had to keep her safe so he just could never take his eyes off of her ever again. He would think of the logistics of it later, he had so much work to do…he was supposed to be in Singapore right now, wasn't he?
Shiori was more important right now.
"For the love of-" said Shiori
"Touichirou?" asked Fukuda. She was rolling her eyes, now, like a petulant teenager. She was way too young for him. What was she? Forty, forty one? She was younger even than Masami had been, and acted decades younger. She at least could have been grateful. People put their lives on the line for her and she was acting like this?
What did he even care…he didn't. He didn't care if she got Suzuki all twisted up until he didn't know up from down…actually that would have been advantageous for him.
"Do as I asked of you." said Suzuki
"I've checked her over three times already, she's perfectly fine." Said Fukuda. He was getting tired. He didn't have the time or the energy to deal with this woman right now…to deal with any of this. He could heard mutterings from the other side of the door, and then Sho cursing out whoever was doing the muttering. Sho needed him. This whole thing had been so much for a little boy…slightly older boy. He was a child, that was the point, and he hadn't needed to see any of that. He hadn't needed to be a part of any of that. That had all been so much…too much for him to deal with. It had been too much for all of them to deal with.
"See? He says that I'm fine, I say that I'm fine, so clearly I'm fine!" said Shiori
"I don't know that." Said Suzuki
"Want me to check you hearing while I'm here?" asked Fukuda. The sarcasm, of course, was lost on Suzuki. Shiori, on the other hand, chose to glare at him…there was no winning this woman, was there? He had been defending her. Masami wouldn't have…this wasn't Masami, this was never going to be Masami.
Masami was twice the woman Shiori could ever hope to be.
"My hearing is fine, Tadashi….Fukuda, now check again. There's probably something that you missed." Said Suzuki
"I know my own body, Touichirou, and I know that I'm fine. See? No concussions, contusions, or abrasions, just like your healer said." Said Shiori
"You can't possibly be." Said Suzuki simply. She wasn't fine. She couldn't have been fine. Didn't she realize how…how small she was? How fragile? How…how she was just so…so…a woman. She was a woman, he had always been aware of that, but now…now he could see it. How much smaller than him she was. How much weaker than him she was. How much…how much she needed him.
A man protected his woman. That was his job, his role, the role that he was born to fill.
"Excuse me?" asked Shiori, her eyes narrowing.
"I…cannot excuse you. Wherever you wish to be excused to I will accompany you there. It isn't safe here for you." said Suzuki
"It's a goddamned safe house…" muttered Fukuda. Where was this when he'd been gone? They had been apart for months and Touichirou never gave him so much as a…he had left Masami for months, when they had been together. He hadn't cared one bit about here but now here he was offering to, what? Follow Shiori around the house like a lost puppy?
"No, you need to be excused. You think that you know my body better than I do? I am a grown woman, Touichirou, and if I say that I'm fine then I'm fine. I don't need you fussing over me like I'm one of your kids!" said Shiori. She slammed her plate down on the table. The snacks on top of it fell. Touichirou caught them…,and watched her. Stared at her.
Studied her.
"I would never worry this much over my children." Said Suzuki as he replated her food for her. He had no idea what any of this was about. He was a man, she was a woman, and his job was to care for her. Masami had expressed numerous times that she felt he didn't care for her because they didn't spend much time together. At the time he had corrected her and told her that his job was to provide money, shelter, and safety for her…but now it seemed that he may have been wrong. Women wanted you to be near to them and he was going to be near to her. He had listened to her, before, when she said that she didn't want any kind of guards near her home…that had been a mistake. From now on she was going to guarded constantly.
He was going to be the one to do it.
"Well maybe you should." Said Fukuda before he could catch himself. Now he had two sets of eyes on him.
"Tadashi, don't overstep." Said Suzuki
"He kind of has a point, Touichirou. Isn't your thirteen year old daughter's lover around here? The grown man she, apparently, had some kind of consensual relationship-" said Shiori. She was opening up wounds that would have been better left to fester, she knew that, but right now she just…she needed space. A lot of it. She was hungry, cold, and dirty. She needed to just fill her stomach, lay her head down, and plan her next move…and she had to do it in peace. She had a home to worry about, her fish were probably long dead, and she had a city to worry about too. With her gone the others either picked over everything she had or let someone else waltz in and do just that…there were also the more practical matters like the bills to deal with…and a full DVR…
She needed space to think about her own life, not worry about Touichirou.
"He's been…removed. Everyone who is not needed right now has been removed. You don't have to worry about him or my children or anything other than your own recovery. Whatever you need is yours. Time and money are no objects. Just tell me what you need and I'll get it for you…so please, tell me what you need." Said Suzuki
"I need….what I really need is a bath, Touichirou. I'm filthy right now. Run me a warm bath and find me something to wear. Alright?" asked Shiori. This was Touichirou. He didn't mean anything by it. She knew, objectively, that he wasn't trying to insult her. He was just worried for her and this was how he showed love…she just didn't have the time to deal with his 'love' right now. It could be downright overbearing, suffocating, even smothering…and right now she didn't need someone smothering her with a pillow like she was a wealthy, aging relative.
What she really needed was a bath.
"Yes. I can do that…thank you." said Suzuki. He wanted to kill her. He didn't care that she was filthy. He needed to kiss her, to hold her, to even bring her with…but she was eating right now and he couldn't just move her. Not while she was in the middle of a meal, that would have been rude and he would have ruined her meal. He didn't want to leave her, though, and he wanted…he wanted so badly to kiss her. But he couldn't.
Not while Tadashi was watching.
He had never been unfaithful in his life, he and Masami had been separated for years by the time he met Shiori, but he was pretty sure that this was what it felt like to…to be unfaithful to someone. As if he kissed another woman in front of Masami…or another man. A truly insane thought. Kissing Tadashi in front of her. He hadn't even had any idea of his feelings for Tadashi back then. He did now and…and it would have been adulterous to kiss Tadashi in front of Shiori, not the other way around…
He was forty six years old, he shouldn't have been kissing anyone in public, so he wouldn't be.
"You're welcome, now go run me a bath and find me something nice to wear." Said Shiori. Touichirou leaned in close and then, suddenly, pulled away. His eyes darted outwards, over to the healer…oh. Right. Tadashi. THAT Tadashi…this was not something she wanted to deal with right now. Touichirou's lover, his male lover…Touichirou could deal with this on his own.
This wasn't her problem.
"You can leave now." said Shiori as she went back to her plate of snack foods. She popped a pink marshmallow into her mouth…it tasted just like a normal one. She would have thought that it would have been strawberry or something…she would have killed for a strawberry bubble tea right now…or anything with strawberry in it. But, clearly, she had as much of a chance of finding something with strawberry in it as she had of getting a moment to herself.
Her chances were, clearly, slim to nil.
"You can leave, too, you know. I can send for a car to the airport and I can have you back in Osaka in-" said Fukuda
"We both know that Touichirou wouldn't stand for you trying to get rid of me. How about you leave, I stay, and this can be the last interaction between us." Said Shiori
"I'm afraid I don't follow, Shio-Miss Sakata." Said Fukuda. He was outwardly calm, in that way he had cultivated over the years, but inside he was backtracking. She had made herself perfectly clear, he wasn't wanted here, but why? What had he done to her? He knew for a fact that he wasn't popular in Claw…and Touichirou had pretty much dissolved whatever they had been, but he had done nothing to this woman…unless she knew…
Of course she knew. Touichirou couldn't keep anything to himself when he decided he cared about you…when he decided that you were safe enough that he could share things with you…
"You know why it would be better if we stopped speaking." Said Shiori
"I really don't follow, Miss Sakata." Said Fukuda
"I have zero interest in getting in the middle of whatever the hell is going on between you and Touichirou. I'm tired, I smell, and the only thing I've got eat right now is toddler food. I have a tire fire waiting for me when I get home, if I'm lucky, and that's not even mentioning the fish tanks I'm going to have to clean out…and the cat I'm probably going to have to bury. I do not need, right now, to be in the middle of whatever this lover's quarrel is. Touichirou has no interest in dating you or whatever it is that you want. My offer to be the piece of bread in our sandwich still stands, I'm not above experimenting, but aside from that nothing is going to happen between you and Touichirou." said Shiori. His aura glowed green and his eyes darted to the door. It had gone quiet since Touichirou left, and she couldn't sense the auras, but…maybe she had been a bit too loud.
Obviously Touichirou didn't need the world to know about his proclivities and she didn't need to be the one to tell the world about them.
"There's nothing to get in the middle of, Miss Sakata." Said Fukuda quickly. There wasn't, Suzuki had made his choice already…and anyway their relationship couldn't compare to a three year infatuation. He just thought that he loved her because she was a woman and she gave him the time of day. That had always been enough for him. Fukuda was in a category all of his own. Not that it mattered, of course, because he didn't need whatever it was that she thought he needed from Touichirou.
"Good, I'm glad that we're in agreement. So leave me." said Shiori. She waved her hand and the door opened…it felt good to be able to do that again. To be able to use her powers, to see them, to feel them. Being without them had been like being cut off from a sense, or having one of her arms tied behind her back. She was never going back.
Touichirou made sure of that. She doubted, by now, that anyone had survived the purge.
"I…as you wish, Miss Sakata." Said Fukuda. He bowed, of course, deep and polite. Maybe some mocking there. She deserved it. She of course…he wasn't in any kind of a competition with her. She was just a woman, that was all, the latest in a series of Touichirou's infatuations. He'd been attracted to women before and he would be attracted to them again. What he had to worry about was what they did to him. He had dropped everything for this woman and-
-and this was a good thing.
Fukuda straightened out and left, just as she had asked him to. Let Touichirou lose his mind over this woman, he didn't care. It was good for him. Maybe he would completely lose his mind. Maybe he would let Claw slip right through his fingers. If this whole thing crashed and burned then…then he should have been sending her flowers or something, not resented her…and he didn't resent her…
He had no reason to.
He closed the door behind him quietly. There. It was done. Now he could get back to his room, pack him and Sho up, and then take them back to…he didn't know. He could always have gone back with Ootsuki and Higashio, back to Korea. Or he could have followed Sho back to Seasoning City. Fukuda didn't like it, the fact that he had a boyfriend there….and who that boyfriend was…but it was better for Sho to be in Seasoning City than here with Touichirou and the others. His family. His father and sister…
And older brother.
"Hatori." Said Fukuda, putting extra emphasis on Hatori's family name. He had no idea if Hatori had taken the Suzuki family name yet and he didn't care. Another one of Touichirou's mistakes. He didn't care for his own children so, of course, adopting an adult was the thing to do. He had no idea what went through his head sometimes. He used to, years ago, but lately…it didn't matter. Nothing mattered anymore.
Especially not this moron.
"Fukuda…hey. So, is Shiori done eating yet? I fixed her phone for her like-" said Hatori. He was going to try and be nice, for Mob's sake. She was still freaking out about all of the fighting. She didn't need him to start with Fukuda, that would have been bad big brothering, and he may not have ever had a little sister before but that didn't mean that he got to fuck this up. She was just a kid and she was already freaked out.
As much as Fukuda deserved it Hatori wasn't going to start with him…but he would, maybe, publish his search history later.
"Ask her yourself." Said Fukuda
"You do it, she hates being bothered while she eats." Said Hatori
"She probably doesn't hate being bothered as much as she hates having people eavesdrop on her private conversations…and I happen to know that Touichirou…that Suzuki isn't a fan either." Said Fukuda
"You guys didn't talk about anything that I didn't already know about." Said Hatori, holding eye contact with Fukuda. He wasn't going to freak out…even though Fukuda could look kind of scary when he wanted to. His aura, mostly, and maybe the fact that he was so much bigger than Hatori…no! He didn't get to freak out right now. If he wasn't scared of Shimazaki anymore then he wasn't going to be scared of Fukuda either…and anyway Fukuda may have been a bastard but Shimazaki was completely out of his mind so…yeah. Fukuda was the lesser of two assholes or whatever.
"Then I suppose I can trust you to keep your mouth shut." Said Fukuda through clenched teeth. Hatori was getting at something…Fukuda wasn't going to stand there and wait to hear what. Probably some kind of blackmail, that was what Fukuda would have done if it he had been in Hatori's place. There must have been something that he wanted, even though he had so much more than he deserved, and he could get it from someone else in that case. Running his mouth would have just gotten him ousted from the Suzuki family…maybe he should have let him run his mouth…
Everything, eventually, got back to Sho…and this was not something that Sho ever needed to know about.
"What makes you think that I-" said Hatori
"Whatever it is, Nozomu, I know it's probably your fault so be quiet. You know how you tend to carry on, I know how you tend to carry on, and we both know that you probably started it." Said Suzuki as he turned the corner. Tadashi and Hatori looked like they were about to get into some sort of conflict…this was not the time. Hadn't they had enough conflict for one day? Why did Tadashi have to have conflicts with everyone…and why did Nozomu have to be so…childish? He could be so childish sometimes, even worse than Sho, and Suzuki didn't even have time to deal with it from Sho…
Wait, no, Nozomu would never get to Sho's levels of childishness…and Touichirou couldn't really deal with childishness right now.
"…didn't start anything. He started it." Muttered Hatori
"Well in that case I'm ending it. Now go find something to do." Said Suzuki with a wave of his hand.
"I fixed Shiori's phone for her, at least I'm pretty sure that it's hers-" said Hatori as he pulled the phone from his hoodie pocket. It was immediately pulled from his hands.
"Good, if Shiori had been here then she would have thanked you. She is not here and I won't bother her so she won't. Now Nozomu, both of you, actually, go and find something to do. There's a base to strip survivors to hunt down, and several smaller jobs that I can't think of right now. Now go." Said Suzuki. He didn't bother to stay and see what they would do, he just turned and opened the door. Shiori mattered the most out of everyone else right now. Shiori, Shiori, Shiori….her name rang through his mind like a broken record.
He didn't mind.
She was important, the most important, and…and he knew he had other things to worry about but he just couldn't. He had come so close to losing her…he couldn't go through that again. He couldn't lose her again. He couldn't lose the woman he loved the most again. He couldn't lose Claw either…but he wouldn't. That was what Shigeko was for, what Tadashi was for, even what Sho was for. He had other people who could keep Claw afloat for him…Shiori was his, she was more important…she was the most important…
Right now she was the most important thing in his life and he would treat her as such.
"The bath is full." Said Suzuki as he opened the door. He shouldn't have left her alone. He would have thought that Tadashi would have had enough sense to stay with her, to keep her safe from any danger that may have come, but…well Tadashi was good at helping him run Claw so that was what he would stick with.
Maybe it was better, actually, if he stayed far away from her…not that he didn't trust her…or him or…or maybe it was himself that he didn't trust.
"Thank God. Did you find me something to wear?" asked Shiori as she put her plate down.
"Yes…but my clothing, I mean…I didn't think to have clothing brought here for you. I apologize for that. I have been…distracted, lately. I don't know where my mind has been. I mean I know where my mind has been, I just-" said Suzuki
"Been worried about me?" asked Shiori
"More than I can express in words." Sighed Suzuki. She always knew exactly what he meant.
"Well you can stop worrying, Touichirou, because I'm safe. Even if you hadn't found me I still would have been fine. I was fighting my way out when you found, if you recall." Said Shiori
"My memory hasn't gone yet, I know what state I found you in…but it was much too close of a call. You could have died…I don't know what I would have done with myself if you had died…" said Suzuki
"I'm fine now, alright? Now show me where the bathroom is. I'm starting to get sick off of my own stench here." Said Shiori as she got up. She pulled the robe close across her chest as she walked over to Touichirou. She couldn't wait to get into the water, into some real clothes, and into some space…she'd had nothing but space for weeks. She'd nearly lost her mind in that endless void of time she'd spent alone…so why did she need it now? She should have been happy to be around Touichirou but…but he just…he smothered her…
That didn't mean that she didn't love him, she just…she loved…not being smothered.
But there was nothing that she could do about it now…more powerlessness. Nothing as bad as if she were still locked in that cell but more than she wanted to feel right now, or ever. This wasn't her home. This was some ancient house in the county. Old, cold, and dusty. She could see soot spirits hanging out in the rafters as Touichirou led her down the hall to the bathroom. The floor creaked under her…at least it was heated. She had never been one for these big, old, country houses. She'd seen all the specials they put on television about the dying countryside, about how the cities were eating people up and a way of life was dying. She had always thought that, if the way of life was dying, then maybe it wasn't worth keeping alive.
She couldn't see herself living out here.
She wanted to go back to her own home. Her own, tiny, modern home. With her pets, her clothes, her furnishings, her food, and no soot spirits. Just her and the cat…if it was still around, and the fish…which were most certainly dead by now. No, wait, they weren't dead. Touichirou's son had been caring for them, hadn't he? All of her lessons on fish care had better have paid off or she was going to be really pissed off at a certain little boy.
Better to be pissed off at him than herself.
She was the one who had gotten herself into this situation…she could feel sorry for herself, angry with herself, later. Right now all she wanted to feel was the warmth of a nice bath. Touichirou led her to an old fashioned bathroom. A sink and bucket for scrubbing and one of those high tubs, the sort that small children drowned in, for soaking. She was going to have to sit with her feet up to her chest…there was a reason she had chosen a house with a western style bathtub. There was nothing like reclining after a long day…long week…long however it had been…
Beggars didn't get to be choosers…and whether she liked it or not she was a beggar right now.
"Thanks." Said Shiori, mainly because it was the polite thing to say. At least now she could soak. She let the robe fall over her shoulders…and Touichirou was still there. Still watching her, studying her, taking her in…and he better not have been thinking about what she thought he might have been thinking about.
No. Not happening right now.
"What are you staring at?" asked Shiori
"You." said Touichirou. He had no idea what else he could have been staring at. She was there and she was so…so small. Thin. Thinner than she had ever been. The softness of her stomach, her thighs, her arms was gone. Her breasts were smaller, too, not that it mattered to him…well it did…but not in a sexual way. There wasn't a single sexual thought in his mind right now. The only thought running through his mind was, of course, to keep her safe…to protect her…
This had happened because of him. He had nobody to blame for this but himself.
"What about me?" asked Shiori
"I just…I have to watch you right now, that's all." Said Suzuki
"Well can you stop? It's not happening, alright?" asked Shiori. Touichirou, gentleman that he was, immediately turned to face the wall.
"What isn't happening?" asked Suzuki
"I'm not sleeping with you, alright? Sex is the last thing on my mind right now." said Shiori as she started to scrub herself down. The water here was way too hot, like the water in the bath, but she didn't have the energy to complain. She just wanted to get in the tub. Touichirou, thankfully, was quiet after that. Men…honestly. The minute her clothes come off his mind only goes to one thing. Well, she wasn't in the mood, and if he needed it that badly then there was always his healer friend. She honestly didn't care what they did together at this point. Clearly Touichirou would always come back to her.
He had saved her after all.
She wanted to kick the bucket. She wanted to kick it clearly across the room, through the wall, out of the house, and into the sky…the layer of it, the highest…what was it called again? Touichirou would have known, space was his thing. He knew everything, didn't he? He had known where she was and that she needed him and…and he had found her. She could have saved herself. She wasn't going to…to depend on him like that, and she hadn't depended on him at all! She was perfectly capable of saving herself. She had been in the process of saving herself. She wasn't one of his kids. She could do things on her own.
She scrubbed the filth of her ordeal from her body…and took some skin with her.
"Shiori?" asked Suzuki. His back was to her, as she wanted. She didn't want to be looked at and he would do as she asked. She didn't want to have sex and, really, he didn't either. This was just not the time. Whatever she wanted he would do, or not do, as she instructed. She just needed to instruct him. He could see her aura, he knew that she was upset with something, but he had no idea what it was that she wanted or needed. She wasn't saying a word.
That wasn't like her at all.
"This had better not be about sex." Said Shiori. There was another aura getting closer…she knew that aura. Fine, if Shigeko wanted to press her ear to the door and scar herself for life then fine. Let her hear all about things that she would end up having to describe to a man in a lab coat from inside of a padded cell in twenty years.
"It isn't. Right now sexual intercourse is the last thing on my mind…one of the last things. There are other things that I used to value as well that I have no current interest in." said Suzuki
"Then what is it?" asked Shiori as she rinsed off.
"Why are you…you're upset. I can see it in your aura. Please tell me what's wrong and I can and will fix it for you." said Suzuki
"Fix it? What, you think that you can just come in and fix any problem that I'm having in my life?" asked Shiori
"That is my goal, yes. You're mine and I have to care for you…I want to care for you. You are the being that matters most to me in this world and the thought of being without you…it pains me more than anything has ever, or will ever, pain me again. The thought of waking up and knowing that you're gone, that you've left, that there is no hope of finding you again-" said Suzuki. It all just came up, like vomit. Fast and unpleasant, like the time he had been a child and ate all of the red gelatin thing Mother had made for Christmas. Red and slimy and sickly sweet and just…uncontrollable. There were so many things he wanted to say to her but he just…he couldn't, he had no idea how to string the words together…and there were so many things, too, that he never wanted her to hear. Things that he knew would make him sound weak…things that would devalue him to her…but she had also told him that she liked it when he was weak, that he could never devalue himself to her…
Maybe, then, he was actually afraid of devaluing himself in his own eyes…
"I'm not your ex-wife." Said Shiori as she climbed into the tub. The water sloshed over the sides and onto the floor. She wanted it swirl down the drain. Touichirou was quiet again. Good. She didn't want to hear it right now. She didn't need to think about how, of course, this was just him making up for a previous failure…why did that make it worse? She didn't, she shouldn't have, anyway, cared about why he did it. She should just have cared that he thought that she was so helpless and fragile that she couldn't save herself…that she had no hope of getting herself out of whatever troubles she found herself in. She could take care of herself and…and she wasn't the last Missus Suzuki…
She wasn't even any Missus Suzuki, not yet, and she didn't even know…she both knew and didn't know what she wanted right now.
"…I never said that you were." Said Suzuki quietly. She so clearly wasn't Masami, she was better in every way, and the pain of losing her would have been a thousand times worse than the pain of losing Masami. He had chosen to spend his life with Shiori, after all, and she had chosen him. Sho…his conception had everything to do with their marriage. He had loved her before she had shown him that piece of plastic with the positive symbol on it…but clearly she had not loved him. Shiori was different. She had both chosen him and pursued him as well. No woman had ever pursued him like that before…
She loved him and he loved her…and that was twice as much love as had existed between him and Masami at any point in their marriage.
"You were acting like it." Said Shiori
"I…that was not my intention. I know that you are not Masami. You are better in every single way and…and the pain of losing you would have been much worse…if I had lost you. I came so close to losing you today-" said Suzuki
"No you didn't! Touichirou, I was in the process of saving myself when you found me! I was going to be fine! I didn't need you to-to-to-" said Shiori
"You were hurt, malnourished, and exhausted…all of those things are incompatible with the word 'fine'." Said Suzuki
"It was nothing that I couldn't deal with on my own and you know it…or maybe you don't. I'm not your ex-wife, Touichirou, I'm not some powerless normal person. I can and will take care of myself. I don't need you swooping in to-" said Shiori
"Yes you did! You did need me! You…you could have died! There had been so many instances in which you could have died that-that-there had been an acceptable number of instances in which you could have died and then you would have been gone and…and I can't…I love you, Shiori, I love you with everything I have within myself and-and…and I know I look…I know how I look and sound to you right now but…but I just…I can't. I cannot be the man I'm supposed to be to you right now…I just don't know how to be that person right now." said Suzuki. There was water on his face…he looked up. He wasn't crying again, no, it was dripping down from the ceiling. He heard the creaking and groaning of pipes…he turned around.
Oh.
"Touichirou, I don't need you to be anyone right now. The only thing I need is a hot bath and…and just…I don't know, alright? I want to be alone but I want to be with you, too. I love you but right now I'm just…infuriated…with you. I know, ok, how close I came to dying. I know how badly that could have gone and…and I know that I could have gotten myself out of that. I'm not fragile, helpless, or incompetent-" said Shiori
"I never said or thought that you were any of those things." Said Suzuki
"Then why are you so hellbent on making me feel like I am? Why do you keep on insisting that I wouldn't have been able to save myself? Why do you keep on saying that I would have died without you? Why do you…why are you this way?" asked Shiori. The tub filled quickly but she kept her knees drawn up to her chest. She was protecting her internal organs instinctively. Maybe she was trying to negate some of the vulnerability she felt…this had always been Touichirou's problem, really, trying to be invincible…but maybe she…maybe they had more in common than she had ever imagined.
"I… don't know why I am the way I am. Why I just…I can't express myself as you can. Why I just…there are so many things I need to say to you but I don't know how and so many emotions that I know I should exorcise but I can't…I just…I need to keep you safe, Shiori, not because I think any of those negative things about you, I have never had a negative thought about you in my mind once, I just…I need you. I need you more than anything else, anyone else, in the world…" said Suzuki
"Touichirou…" said Shiori
"Without you there can…there can be no me. That is…that is what I'm feeling right now. If I were to lose you then…then I would be…nothing. Everything I was, everything I am, everything I ever would have been, would cease and…and I would want it to. What is…what is the point of anything, of my life, if I can't share it with you?" asked Suzuki. There. That was it…what was inside of himself. What he should have exorcised. Who would have wanted to hear that, what woman? That he was helpless without her…that he was nothing without her? Weakness…unadulterated weakness…she could see it in him and he could see it in himself as well…he should have exorcised it at the source….
But she didn't want him to.
"That's what I feel…I apologize." Said Suzuki softly.
"Don't…don't apologize…don't ever apologize for that." Said Shiori. She let her legs down. He was the vulnerable one there, not her. She had never seen that from him before…she had never thought that she would see it from him before…but there it was. He was even crying a little…or maybe that was just water from the ceiling…no, no, he was certainly crying. His eyes were red and his face was following. His aura was bright…so bright…so bright and so warm…
She scooted to the side of the tub.
"This is…what you want?" asked Suzuki
"Obviously yes. I'm not complaining, am I?" asked Shiori. She wanted this from him. She wanted…maybe she just didn't want to be the most vulnerable person in the room…or maybe she wanted him to finally admit that he was as human as everyone else…or maybe she had just been away from people for so long that her mind was turning on her. She needed to be near him, she needed him more than anyone else in the world at that moment in time. Everything that she had been feeling, all of that anger, was gone…the only thing that was left was this aching desire to just…to be near to him…
No wonder it had been so hard for Touichirou to admit it.
"No, not at the moment…but I don't know if you will. I don't know if you want this from me. I don't know…I don't know how you can feel safe around someone who's too…too weak to protect you. Who let something like this happen to you." said Suzuki
"You didn't let anything happen to me, it just happened, and it's over now. You…we both came together to save me…and we're both together now. That's all I want from you, Touichirou, you know that. I want you, Touichirou, I want you to be with me." said Shiori
"I am with you." said Suzuki
"No, I mean I want you to get in this tub with me…I want to be with you. I just…I just need you to be near me right now." said Shiori. His eyes went wide and his face turned a shade of red that she, previously, hadn't been fully sure existed.
"Wait…so you do want to have-" said Suzuki. She rolled her eyes and splashed him. He had no idea what that meant. Either she wanted him to come in and she was being playful or she was offended and wanted him to leave…but he didn't want to leave her. He wanted to be with her just as badly as she wanted him to be there…or he thought she had. It wasn't sexual…or at least it hadn't been…but without that layer of emotional pain there between them he could see her and she…she had lost so much weight…but she was still the most beautiful woman he had ever seen in his life, and he'd seen twelve women like that in life at this point.
"Get your mind out of the gutter and get in her with me." said Shiori as she splashed him again. Somehow, completely naked, she felt more at ease than she had before when she had been completely covered. Maybe because there was just…less….between them. There had been this undercurrent of anger, at him and at herself, but now…now it was just them, there, together…as they should have been.
As she had wanted.
She made as much room as she could for him but there really was no room for them to sit side by side. This was one of those old, tall, narrow bathtubs. The sort that her grandparents would have used. There was no way to sit beside him so she sat on him. A feat, really, since in his enthusiasm he had climbed in fully dressed…
Touichirou.
He was ridiculous, as usual, but he was hers. He was hers, she was his, and they were together now. She had been…if she didn't think about what had happened then she was fine. She just focused on him, on her, on how ridiculous this whole thing was. He made it ridiculous. Everything about him…but especially this…climbing in fully dressed. If anyone needed to be poked and prodded, studied, than it was him. He was so…so himself…but that was why she loved him.
If she just focused on that then everything…maybe it would be alright.