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We don't develop courage by being happy every day. We develop it by surviving difficult times and challenging adversity. - Barbara De Angelis
You gain strength, courage, and confidence by every experience in which you really stop to look fear in the face. You are able to say to yourself, 'I lived through this horror. I can take the next thing that comes along.' - Eleanor Roosevelt
Chapter Five
Karanisuri
To say the land does not change would be a lie but even newness can become old. I have traveled along the plains to know this as such. The flat plains only had the gentlest of hills that only grew steep as it met the mountains that Orosundova sat at the base of. It is hard to tell the position and one could circle around the plains forever if it was not for the Stars. The Stars guide the way and in that I feel reverent and thankful too. The hills around Orosundova melted into flat plains and then turned into gentle hills with trees, boulders, and beautiful flowers dotting the landscape. We even passed a herd of deer. Despite the landscape felt old it was still new to us all. Traveling was always pleasant to me especially as I got to know my companions of the search party more.
Elwë, I knew of my youth from chasing around Kanatasulo and and Elmo. The same could be said with Elwë's youngest sibling at the time, Elwen. Still it was pleasant seeing the side of Elwë that was full of adventure. Finwë though, was more reserved though I gleaned that there was more to him and only time would tell. I knew Istakemiel of the Minyar from my childhood though she was older, it was pleasant to begin a friendship with her. She taught me about healing along the way. I knew the barest of basics and she helped to expand my knowledge. However Berekegyi of the Tatyar was another new face for me and from her tales of daring, she was bold hearted and a risk taker in the pursuit of knowledge.
It was different when we finally reached our destination. I am not sure what we expected even as we headed towards where the stars are blotted out. Whatever blocks the stars never really drift away and do not act like the storm clouds. Yet the more I observe the more I wonder, is it some kind of fire in the distance? I do not know how such a strong fire could keep on going as it does. What strength of force haunted that direction?
At Ingwë's direction we set up base camp in a well rounded spot. There was areas to pursue the planting of food. There was a river for a water source but also hills to build the important buildings in case the river have flooded. Most importantly it was small distance away from where the forest was thick.
We helped at first setting up the main lodge for others to sleep in for temporary tents would not last in the Storm Season. There was also the stable to build for the horses. Smaller buildings would be built in time to serve more functions including an area for food storage. There was also the matter of homes for who knows how long this adventure would last? It could take several Dry Seasons or few. Then a little over halfway through the Dry Season as the Stars were reckoned our orders came to go into the forest.
"The main lodge is done and so are the stables. The other buildings will take some time to build, but it is time all of you go into shades of the forest," Ingwë informs us. The main lodge was just finished several Wolf risings ago.
"We will have a time of resting before going forth," Finwë speaks up giving a command and not a suggestion.
"Indeed it would be the wiser course to face what may come." Ingwë nods in agreement. We prepared our packs and weapons and then took our rest underneath the stars. It did not take long for we had been ready from the beginning to go forth and explore the shadows. The chance of storms was little as this Dry season seemed particularly weak.
We arose forth as the Hunter constellation dipped below the horizon. I had hardly rested feeling adrenalin rush through my body. It felt like before a hunt. Perhaps it is a hunt in a way, for it is a hunt for shadows. The whole camp turned out to see us off. It could have been their way of saying goodbye fearing that we took would disappear.
Elwë took point leading us along the river as the decided course of this trip. Finwë followed him closely behind and Tarakano took to the rear. The forest was much the same as that near the Great Water and that connects partially to the mountains near Orosundova. The trees were of similar height and width. The further we went the further there was a dark whisper among them. I am not as versed as communing with the trees as the rest of my Nelyar kin. I was closer to the winds that carried words and news to me of storms to come and of wolves a hunting. I wondered what darkness clung to the trees and stifled the winds.
"The wind is so still here. It is almost stifling," I comment to Elwë once we came to a stop. The river we were following kept getting wider and wider and giant boulders rested alongside it. Sometimes we had to climb or go around the boulders. We knew not the strength of the river and dared not to enter it. Eventually these open shores along the river became enclosed in a forest again. We eventually met an area filled with thorn bushes. At first we tried to cut through them with our knives but the thorns seemed to go for too long. Elwë finally decided it was best to go around and we back tracked. We took to skirting along the thorn bushes. I was grateful knowing that our bodies did not need the water that we did as elflings. We carefully rationed as we did so not knowing how long till we met the river or if we would.
"The trees are sleepy here but there is something not welcoming in them," Tarakano grumbles as we stop in meeting.
"At least it is not entirely silent, I think then we would have to worry," Istakemiel speaks up breaking her silence. She steps on a branch and cringes at the sound as she bends down to take a sampling of a plant. Istakemiel was not able to melt and keep quiet footsteps such as those who were part of the Tir-e-Twaina. Olwë and Tarakano were masters, but Finwë, Kanatasulo, and I had dwelt among them and had begun to learn. As we are not traveling fast, Elwë and Tarakano took to teaching all of us how to keep our footsteps quiet and how to mark our passage through the forest to know our way back. Istakemiel knew well enough to mark the passageway as she was often foraged for herbs and plants to bring back to study. It was the quiet footsteps that was not so easy for her. Berekegyi on the other hand was a quick study but was by no means a master.
"Come, Tarakano I think it is best to climb a tree to see the position of the stars. It may be time to head back," Finwë orders with strength in his voice. Tarakano nods and makes his way up the tree disappearing into the foliage. Berekegyi passes around the waterskin and we all take a sip. Tarakano does not take long. He descends and takes a sip before speaking.
"It is time to head back, already the Hunter Constellation is just about to arise again. The Wolf constellation sinks below the horizon," Tarakano states.
"Swiftly, swiftly, as the river ever flows, let us go and make report to Ingwë," Elwë states. We travel swiftly back following the thorns to the river and the river back to the base camp. There was laughter and song. Tarakano makes up a new song about running swift through the forest that has us all laughing at the tongue in cheek lyrics. We arrive back and it feels like the whole world shifted as we step from shadows to starlight.
"By the stars," Istakemiel breathes and does a small dance. I join her spinning in a circle. We are then crowded by a few neri who had been standing on watch. They begin to fire questions at us.
"Halt! Let us give report to Ingwë!" Finwë commands. I notice Elwë smiling at Finwë's showing of leadership. Soft spoken Finwë was coming into his own as a kherū of his people. There are sighs of disappointment among those who are with us. Ingwë finally arrives and he grins at the sight of us, gripping our arms in a hunter's embrace and kisses upon Kanatasulo's and I's cheeks as kindred.
"Well we are glad to see you back! I ask of you to only give me of the most basic reports. You all look tired." Ingwë's eyes were carefully discerning. The shadows seemed long and the stars so far from us in the forest. The whispering darkness wore at each of us.
"The winds are still there which is strange. Here we have the winds but the further you go in the less there is. What little air movement seems stifled almost by force," I inform Ingwë. His expression does not halt from a pleasant mask of listening.
"That is a strange fact indeed to discover. I hope you can tell us more later. What about the trees? I know two of you can commune with them," Ingwë said.
"The trees are hardly awake like our trees. Some slumber yet still," Tarakano spoke then.
"Yet those that are near wakefulness seem not quite right. There is something there that is not welcoming and their language is twisted. I hope to commune with them more to ascertain what is going on," Elwë said.
"There were creatures that we noted but they are not all the same as ours. Some have same looks but there is an intelligence there that looks almost unkind. It is worse than a wolf's gaze," Berekegyi added.
"I have little to add that it is quiet there almost like the quiet before the Storm Seasons. The plants are much the same though I noted a few species that I have not seen before. I took a few cuttings to study them." Istakemiel said and then she opens the bag to reveal the flowers and small plants. There was even a branch from a tree and some pure white bark.
"You have two Restings to study them and out you must go back. We must continue to search for the answers to the stillness of the wind and the unwelcoming trees. I would like to have more discussion after you rest," Ingwë ordered us. Istakemiel and Berekegyi disappeared together to study the plants.
"What are your thoughts cousin?" Ingwë asked of me. I stared at him and then shrugged.
"Hope and joy, for we are all working together. It is ever a pleasure to see us three clans together and not separate under the Stars." There was truth to this for the Minyar kept to themselves hardly leaving Minmbar except to hunt, attend the Great Gathering, or go for a season or two among the Tir-e-Twaina or Palar-e-Rokasta. The Tatyar were ever busy with new discoveries and questing for more knowledge always wanting to know why and how. The Nelyar were so numerous we hardly knew each other. My amme spoke when I was child of how many of the original 144 Quendi knew each other rather well until her father, Imin chose to continue to search for more Quendi. Even as a child she did grew up with many of the Quendi and now we are numerous. The Minyar are close knit and even I could claim that or did.
"Do you think we can find anymore answers?" Elwë asked.
"What more can we learn? There seems little to be seen here," Finwë said.
"Peace Finwë, we have only explored only a little bit of the forest," Elwë said.
"Remember the forest is vast and we are not where nearing what blights the sky," Tarakano said quietly. We all stare at him.
"Come Karanisuri, let me teach you more of woodcraft," Tarakano said holding his out to me. I take it and we leave Ingwë, Finwë, and Elwë to discuss the next part of our journey through these strange woods. We do not go far, keeping the camp in sight.
"Remember careful placement of your feet is key," Tarakano whispered into my ear. I nod and follow him quietly except for a few missteps where I made noise. Tarakano then makes his way up a tree leaving me following him. We sit up near the top staring up at the stars together. His back is against the tree and my back is against his chest.
"Are you worried?" I finally ask of him.
"In part yes. I am worry this will all be for nothing or perhaps we will find something. I think I fear more to find what we cannot handle. Though…"
"Hm? What is it?"
"I am more afraid to lose you to foolishness," Tarakano barely whispers but it is enough for me to hear with his lips so close to my ear. I grasp his hand tightly with mine.
"You are here with me and we are together on the search party." Many Dry Seasons have come and gone since my promise to let him woo me. My heart has slowly turned to him but fear chokes my heart. Fear because there is an unknown and wondering why I never saw him in the mirrored pools. There is also fear because while it happens less I am reminded of Berowë. We were never meant to be, but we were lovers. I wonder if Tarakano knew or suspect. This secret that I have kept in my heart of my nights that I would seek pleasure in Berowë's arms to drive away loneliness and fear. We cared for each other but no love bond and no desire to be wed. Would he not desire me knowing this? I had not sought out Berowë's company since our fateful meeting by the river.
"This is true but I wish to have you as wife if we are to die and travel among the Stars," Tarakano said interrupting my thoughts.
"We are not going to die," I could not help but assert this. To me that was the only acceptable reality that we would not die. We were Quendi, we fought against bears and wolves and won. I would lose no one and that was a private vow that I made to myself every time the Wolf arose and the Hunter arose.
"If it is in the Stars we will die. Do not be to willful or fight what is decreed."
"And how are we to know what is decreed? There are few who get glimpses though nothing is ascertain. Look to the mirror pools! Look to the talents of the Minyar who get glimpses and my brother…"
"Kantasulo?"
"No Kandatuo," I hold my breath for a moment before rushing on, "he glimpsed that I would live through many seasons through great sorrows. I would live and endure. So I hold onto hope. Regardless I would still fight onwards. I will not go quietly to what is to come."
"Oh Suri, Suri," Tarakano said rocking me back and forth a little.
"I know I am strong willed, would you have me any other way?"
"No, Delyanin, not at all it was attracted me to you in the first place. I saw the fire in your eyes after I got over the shock of seeing you were real."
"I still wish I could have seen us in the mirror pools," I whisper. It would have assured me I was on the right path. I have learned to trust Tarakano's wisdom but it is another thing to have experienced the mirror pools.
"It is what it is but the Stars brought us together. We should head back and they will be getting worried." I nod and start to descend. Tarakano follows behind and we make our way to camp and join in tasks to keep us busy before taking a rest under the Hunter's watchful stars. Too soon we were leaving again into the quiet forest.
"You are heading into the woods proper, be careful all of you," Ingwë told each of us as we left. We all remained silent having grown used to each other's company. The beginning of our mission is much like before, walking carefully and taking notes upon the surroundings. The trees were whispering to each other but they were only mumers, the quiet moans of waking up. Tarakano and Elwë both stopped at points to touch the trees and commune. I often took to climbing trees during this time to note the passing of the Stars but to listen to the winds. The winds seem to brush and sway the tops of the trees. They rarely pierced the ground. I was beginning to learn to listen to the stillness of the air. The staleness spoke of one way and the disturbance of the air spoke another.
"Do you think the forest is waking up more because we are are here?" Tarakano asked Elwë.
"Such is the way from what I understand from our grandparents who were woken by Enel and Enelyë. The trees were asleep but they spoke to them and the more the Quendi spoke to the trees the more the trees awoke," Elwë said.
"The question is if it's a good thing or not? Or if it is some force?" Finwë asked quietly. The trees swayed gently in the breeze. I closed my eyes and listened but there was no warning on the wind.
"There is no warning on the wind at least for now," I said jumping the last bit of the way of the tree into the ground.
"Then let us proceed," Finwë said. We continued forth carefully marking our way. We stopped every so often to share food and for a nes or a ner to climb a tree to help tell the passage of time. It was mainly me who climbed the trees but we all took turns. We had spent several risings of the Wolf constellation in the forest though one could not be truly certain. In walking in the forest where starlight did not pierce it was easy to lose track of time. All as well for the most part and then we came to where the forest seemed to open up into hills and large rock formations with caves. My heart was filled with misgivings and the wind blew through the trees and I felt the warning upon it. We were the hunted. I pulled out my bow and strung it with an arrow.
"Karanisuri?" Finwë asked me.
"We are the hunted the wind whispers," I explain. Finwë, Istakemiel and Berekegyi take out their spears. Elwë, Tarakano, and Kanatasulo readied their bows. We shifted into a circle formation keeping our eyes out. There is a crack of a twig to the right and we all turn at once. My arrow is fired quickly and automatically I load another arrow fast. There is a loud roar. The neri's arrows flew true and strike as I get my second off and move to the side out of the way. Finwë moves in fast with the spear thrusting with the length of at the creature's side. Istakemiel uses her spear edge as a club to strike the head. The creature lets out a loud howl as it tries to get up.
"To the left," Berekegyi cries out rolling to the side. She thrusts out the spear and catches it in the side. The creature turns and I shoot another arrow into the creature's gut as it rears in attack. There is another loud roar and it charges Berekegyi and slashes her in the leg as she tries to escape. Berekegyi cries out and stumbles. One more of the dark furred creatures jump out and I fire a shot and striking it in the eye. It instantly crumples. The other injured creature charges after the stumbling Berekegyi. Istakemiel reacts fast throwing a small throwing knife and it strikes it in the side. It is not enough to distract the creature but the neri's arrows that launch do enough to send it howling in pain trying to stumble away. Finwë throws his spear and it slumps to the ground. The creatures lets out a labored hiss. It is dying slowly. Tarakano shoots it in the eye and the creature dies.
"Do you think there is anymore?" Kanatasulo asks. I glance around and Elwë is poking the body of the first creature we killed with a stick. I do not bother to answer but follow Istakemiel as she runs to Berekegyi's side and drops her bag to her side. I sink to the ground next Istakemiel. I whistle at the slashes on her leg knowing it was not good. I have seen worse but in this shadowed forest and with the possibility of more creatures it was not well.
"This is not good," I whisper.
"Agreed, we must act fast and leave this place. I may not be the huntress you are, but even I know blood will attract more predators. This is not going to be pleasant Berekegyi," Istakemiel said.
"Is that a promise?" Berekegyi jokes.
"You neri keep a look out but I need one to help hold Berekegyi down." I glance over at the neri. Tarakano is gathering the weapons. Finwë, Elwë, and Kanatasulo are investigating the creatures using sticks to pry open the mouth of the creature who looked like the cat that haunts the mountains of Orosundova except larger. The first one is exceptionally large.
"Now you don't trust me…" Berekegyi teases. Istakemiel gives Berekegyi a weak smile.
"I shall help." Finwë comes over and helps to hold Berekegyi's leg.
"Drink this first, it is drink made of willow bark with a little extra. Karanisuri cleanse the leg with alcohol," Istakemiel orders us around. Berekegyi grimaces as she drowns the tea. I grab the small clay vessel that carried the alcohol used for cleaning wounds. It was a strong alcohol that tasted awful when drunk but got us Quendi drunk faster than the wine or mead. The belief that the pain from such stronger alcohol was cleansing to the wound.
"By the Stars!" Berekegyi curses as I begin to pour it gently down the leg wound. Berekegyi lets out a loud shriek and jerks but Finwë holds her leg down. Finwë grimaces when Berekegyi's fist connects with his arm.
"You have a mean fist Berekegyi," Finwë said to her. Berekegyi laughs at this compliment but is looking relatively pale.
"Karanisuri please apply a tourniquet," Istakemiel said her voice detached. I pour what is left of of the alcohol into Istakemiel's hands and she rubs her hands and then up to her elbows. Carefully I applied the rope and the stick, twisting the stick until it was tight enough. I double checked to make sure it was not too tight. Istakemiel works fasts sewing up the skin as best as she can. Thankfully the gashes are far enough apart that she can seal the wound closed to prevent infection. After that Istakemiel applied a mixture of Korkatál oil, a Panyaxo ointment mixed with the powder of Henkulub, and applying a bit of lint. Istakemiel carefully wraps the wound in linen before securing it.
"This will do. I need you neri to carry her out of here. We need to move fast away from here. We will need to stop for me to check the wound and change the dressing.," Istakemiel said.
"Well we cut this journey short, I'll be glad to be back in my own bed," Berekegyi said quietly her voice drowsy. The medicinal drink was kicking in to make the journey easier. We all chuckled at Berekegyi's comment.
"Perhaps but this is not the way to do it," Istakemiel said. There was a gentle smile on her face. It was one of those I love you but you are a fool smile. It is not the same as a parent's to a child's but a friend to a friend.
"I will carry her first," Finwë said. Istakemiel and I help Berekegyi to stand and then shift her so she was being carried on Finwë's back.
"Let us know when you get to tired," Istakemiel says seriously. We start to head back. Finwë surprises us all with his strength and stamina. Somehow I am not surprised as his form is more muscular than the slender forms that were given more to the Minyar and Nelyar. We do not go in a straight line but more akin to a flock of birds.
"Those were some kind of cat like creature, black fur, golden eyes. The claws looked far larger than wolf's," Elwë spoke up. Kanatasulo and Finwë join the conversation. Tarakano joins me and takes my hand in his. I squeeze his in return and note the worried look in his eyes. I wonder if our eyes look similar in the shadows, like the deep waters of the Great Water spied from the cliff homes of Minmbar.
"You were supposed to be looking out for anymore of those creatures," Istakemiel hissed.
"Relax Istakemiel we had this well in hand," my brother says with a grin.
"I thought I was the trouble maker, are you not supposed to be older than me?" I tease my brother back. I know what he is trying to do, to make people laugh and to feel joy. We are alive and we get to tell another tale. Istakemiel and Kanatasulo begin to argue back and forth. I share grins with the other neri. We stop to give Finwë a break and for Istakemiel to change the dressings. Istakemiel points out concerns for the slash marks.
"I think there is possibly infection here. You see this discolored skin here? That is not normal," Istakemiel points out as I help her again. Tarakano is holding Berekegyi's leg down this time. We take a moment to eat the smoked meat and drink water. We break the last piece of bread. Kanatasulo is next to carry Berekegyi and we continue on from there. We stopped for a third time and built a small fire for Istakemiel to brew a tea to help Berekegyi. Berekegyi was beginning to feel ill and fever set in. She was in pain and while it was plain to see, she did not complain. It became a full out run after that, each of us taking turns to carry Berekegyi on our back keeping pace with whoever was the horse.
This is probably one of the few times I have never been more grateful to return to home. It was a flurry of activity once we arrived back at camp. Due to Berekegyi's wound and subsequent illness our travel into the forest came to almost a halt. Istakemiel was spending time attending to Berekegyi as a healer with Phanarigyë. We were down two healers and it was a risk neither Ingwë, Elwë, and Finwë would agree to. Seeing Berekegyi ill was strange experience for all of us at base camp. We have seen infections but this was something else. It is like when one has been exposed to Ñugurempanya. Small doses could make one terribly sick. We had witnessed an animal eat one and died. Istakemiel never seemed to worry about Berekegyi dying but was still deeply concerned about the health of the nes.
During this time I learned from Istakemiel but I also spent time with others making friendships. All the while I spent time with Tarakano as well. Yet the most interesting interaction I can recall of this time was a moment with Finwë. Finwë's behavior was moody. It was strange to see the normally reserved and quiet ner speak harshly and seek to be by himself. I discovered where he disappeared one day as I walked the river bank shores. It was by pure accident due to me listening to the wind and the trees.
"Finwë, is this where you have been hiding?" I asked him. I looked up and found him looking startled. I am sure he did not expect to be found.
"Not always."
"Would you tell me what is wrong? I have good ears." I grin pointing at my ears. Finwë snorts at this.
"Can I ask you a question?"
"Ask away!"
"Do you love Berowë or Tarakano?" I stared at Finwë with my mouth wide open. Finwë was used to skirting around questions of private nature if he bothered with them at all.
"What brings this about? Tell me before I answer this question."
"I have stared into the mirror pools and have seen nothing. I heard that you had too. I was wondering what your thoughts on this was."
"This is what is bothering you?"
"Today it is." I could not divine Finwë's thoughts. I sigh and look at the ground.
"Tarakano came into my life unlooked for. He had a vision of me you see and that is still hard to account for. The feelings that I have for him versus the feelings I have for Berowë do not compare. They are different people."
"Then do you see Berowë as a friend then?" Finwë asked of me. The tree creaks as he shift in position as I think carefully of my answer.
"What I feel for my friends is different for what I feel for Berowë. There is truth to it. Yet he has hid a vision in the mirror pools. We have discussed marriage but I made him promise to hold onto hope that vision would become true."
"So there was love between you too."
"Of a sort but it seems lacking in hind sight. Yet every relationship with my friends and even those who rode with me is different. The rush of emotions that I have felt towards Berowë has paled next to the feelings that have arisen towards Tarakano. Berowë is but a small shadow upon my heart that has dimmed." I paused and then I continued. "If your concern is of whether to pursue a relationship or not I will not say yes or no. There can be joy and pain as I have heard from others who have not seen in the mirror pools. Perhaps it means we would have a chance to choose our own destiny. It could also mean that we could perhaps have more, shall we say relationships? Who is to say what the Stars were planning and why we cannot see."
"Do you think others cut themselves short when they marry early and don't wait?"
"Who is to say? We know not what the Seasons bring Finwë. The winds, the rains, they call come and go. I would say trust what your heart tell yous."
"Do you regret Berowë?"
"No. I fear rejection for my relation with him from Tarakano."
"You have not spoken to him Karanisuri?" Finwë's voice is so shocked I burst out laughing.
"No, for the fear shadows my heart. I think sometime soon I will. I know I am not ready to marry Tarakano though it could be soon. Please do not tell anyone of this. I know there are rumors of my closeness with Berowë but I desire not to hurt Tarakano."
"You can trust your words with me Karanisuri. I would not do that to Tarakano. He has become as dear to me as Elwë."
"Thank you. I know the way seems long but enjoy the now. I know some would say not that it is somehow an insult to what we are."
"I too have sought pleasure," Finwë said and I can hear the blush in his voice.
"Yes but have you joined yourself to another?" My voice is but the barest of a whisper. It is so soft but Finwë hears.
"No, but I have come close. I have often wondered what it would feel like but the thought of others hearing about it or even an accidental marriage has deterred me."
"It is harder when you care for someone so I have been told and experienced."
"Have you been with others besides Berowë?" Finwë asked.
"There was one but I will speak no more of it. I will not name him."
"Thank you for revealing your secrets to me. I hope you find the courage to tell Tarakano. From what I have learned of him I think he would have already guessed but is waiting for you to speak to him."
"Perhaps." I give Finwë a smile and continue walking on. I remember both my lovers and I wonder what it would be like to be with Tarakano our bare bodies dancing together under the stars. Tarakano and I have been ever so careful with only a handful of shared intimate moments outside of kissing. My body aches with desire at times but I am afraid in some ways. These thoughts lingered with me for a long while.
When Berekegyi was finally out of the woods and her wounds finally healing we began to go into the forest again. Under Finwë's suggestion we would take a time worth of one Hunter rising to the next to be in and out. We had yet to find anymore sign of those creatures. They did not seem to come so far in the direction of our camp. The Storm Season was upon us but it was a strange one. There was not the rain that we were used to.
"This speaks bad for the farms. The land will not be so plentiful. I hope that it will not continue," Ingwë's only comment on the whole situation was. Berekegyi healed during the Storm Season's peak and then the light rain was gone. There was no more rain.
We waited and waited but there was no more rain. It was then decided before the Dry Season normally would begin to go back into the forest. We left again for the forest and it was more alive and Berekegyi was excited. The forest seemed darker and louder. It felt more wild and dangerous as plunged further into it's depths walking along the other side of the river. We did this for several sessions and spending more and more time within the dark shadows of the forest. We melted quietly into the forest hardly speaking except when necessary. We came across more of those cat creatures. There was a strange intelligence to them as they hunted us. There was others included strange three eyed deer.
It was during my second to the last trip that disaster struck. We had grown comfortable in the forest learning its ways. We even learned to predict when the cat creatures were about thought the instincts of us those descended among the Nelyar seemed more intune with this. Kanatasulo and I were the best at it though Elwë and Finwë both have suggested it might be a mix of heritage that aids in this ability.
Kanatasulo sat on top of a boulder looking out munching on boar meat. Even at rest we had to keep watch for those cat creatures. The rest of us were down below breaking out fast. We learned to be careful with our supplies and ration it out. We learned how much our bodies could go without food or water before filling ill. We had just killed a boar in the forest that had chanced upon us. Rarely did we light fires for light draws creatures abound to us. The meat of the boar was too good to pass up.
"It has been a long time since we have returned," Istakemiel admitted tiredly, looking down at her food.
"We will be heading back shortly. The Storm Season draws near by our reckoning of the Stars," Elwë announced.
"You better, even I am getting a little tired of these shadows. Even when do rest I do not feel at peace," Berekegyi said rubbing her leg that had injured. It no longer pained her but there was memory there that haunted her in waking and in rest that she had admitted to the group.
"Other than these cat creatures we have found little evidence of a Dark Hunter in these woods. I do not believe these creatures are the source," Finwë said and then he took a bite to eat. He looked thoughtful as the light danced around his face.
"Perhaps alone but the reports that we heard revealed no animal prints or footprints other than the Quendë or Quendi who have since disappeared. You would have thought the Dark Hunter would have come for us. So what does this suggest?" I know in my heart it is not the cat creatures or some of the strange animals. Bones and prints would have left a tale for the Tir-e-Twaina to be able to see. I have spent long enough with them and with Elwë and Tarakano now to know they can read a great deal among the forest floor. The trees speak to them in ways that I don't understand. Though it is much the same with them when it comes to the wind and me. When the winds blow I just know.
"It suggests there is some aspect we have yet to understand or encounter in these woods." Finwë grimaces at this and the feeling is mutual. We have no desire to fail and yet fail we have. The wind drifts and I hear a howl in the distance. It is a howl that is all too familiar.
"We are going to have company." I stand up and climb up onto the rock and then ready my bow. The others follow suit readying to help take as many down with our bows before switching to spears. There is silence and the whole forest seems to be waiting and then there is another howl joined by a few mores. My eyes dart about looking for where the wolves come.
My breathing is as steady as my arm as I wait. My mind slips into battle mode to slay these predators. I am not afraid. I will live. We will all live if I have my way. Then there is a brush of movement among the leaves and an arrow that isn't mine strikes true. There is a growl of pain before the wolf charges with the arrow in its flank. I had no time to think of it's largeness as I fire down upon the wolves. One arrow notched, aim, fire. Repeat. Berekegyi, Finwë, and Kanatasulo got down in favor of fighting a few with the spears. They kept the boulder at their back. One arrowed notched, aim, fire. I hit one in the flank and another I strike into the ribs the arrow embedding deep. My eyes dart around as I try to keep an eye on where the wolves and the neri and nes was. The neri stab and guard each other's back with Berekegyi close behind.
A wolf encroaches upon Kanatasulo as he strikes a wolf in the head keeping it away from the jaw. I aim, fire, and strike the wolf in the eye. The wolf staggers and collapses. Kanatasulo pulls back his spear and strikes at the gut of the wolf. The wolf lets out a loud yelp and pulls away. It begins to run away.
It doesn't make it far before a large wolf, larger than the rest comes barreling in going straight for my brother. Aim, fire, miss. By the stars! Aim, fire, miss. No! I am out of arrows and my heart is in my throat as it comes closer. I know not what struck me as I jump down from the rock and with the flick of my own spear I flung the embers and hot coals directly into the wolf's face as it rears up. Some of the fire flies past the wolf and lands on the dry leaves as my brother moves toward the right striking out with his spear at the gut. I dodge to the left and strike aiming at the lungs. The wolf lands with a howl of pain. Finwë is there striking at the wolf's side and then, an arrow strikes the beast in the eye. The largest wolf I have even seen collapses.
I turn to face my fellow archers with a big grin. There is a moment of horror upon their faces and then, suddenly I am knocked over and teeth catch my skin. I act instinctively grabbing my knife and shoving upwards. There is the sound of firing arrows and then body goes slack on top of me. It is a large weight on my body and I feel like I am suffocating. Someone rolls the body off me and I am gasping for breath.
"Never again," I gasp out. My clothes are torn and I am bleeding from teeth wounds. I feel shaky and clutch to Kanatasulo as he pulls me up.
"It is not me this time! Now I get to take care of you!" Berekegyi shouts happily.
"I think we need to save the tending of Karanisuri's injury till later, look behind you," Tarakano said his voice shaking. We all look and the fire had spread. In that moment this stands out as it spreads fast upon the dead leaves and catches onto a dead fallen tree. The forest is alive with the fire and dances with the shadows.
"We do not have water to put this out," Elwë growls out. He too jumps down from the rock.
"I suggest we make for the river just in case. We run faster than it but this way we can hopefully not be caught in the blaze and make our way back to camp," Finwë suggests.
"I think this is a wise course of action!" Istakemiel agrees her looking pale in the light of the forest fire. "Karanisuri, as soon as we get to the river I will tend your wounds, I have no desire to be caught up in this fire. I dare not give you a pain medicine at this critical time, you must endure."
"Aye, I will endure. Lets us go and make our course more swift than the Stars," I say to them all. We took off running them leaving the dancing of flames to consume the forest. My shoulder and arm ache and feel like it is on fire.
One step. One breath. This is the mantra I repeat to myself.
Focus. This is the one word reminder I say internally. The actions are numbing as we travel swiftly running as close to full speed only slowly as we climbed over rocks and fallen logs. We ducked under limbs and hopped around rocks across streams. The sight of the forest wreathed in shadow and flame haunts me. I could also feel the fire licking at our backs for my foolish mistake. I stumble at one point and Tarakano steadies me. My breathing is labored and sweat, a rare symptom of the Quendi is dripping down my forehead.
"Stop!" Tarakano shout out and he is holding me up.
"I do not feel well," I manage to say and then it is a blank. The next I knew I was laying on a soft fur bed. Tarakano is sitting next to me carefully crafting more arrowheads. I must have moved or made a noise for his green eyes were upon me. Emotions flew on his face as fast as the wind before settling into a look of concern.
"You are awake," Tarakano states. "How do you feel?"
"Well," I croak out, "could I have some water?"
"This I can do." Tarakano grabs a bowl and fills it with water. He helps me to sit up. My hands are shaky as I sip it slowly.
"So tell me what happened Tarakano."
"You slipped into a delirium. It seems the wounds these creatures cause are a cause for concern. They affect us in adverse ways that none of the creatures we are used to do. There is no sign of the Dark Hunter. I believe Ingwë is going to call of this search over with. We might be leaving soon if the rain does not strike soon." Tarakano then points in the distance and not in the direction of where the stars are blocked but across the river. I gasp out for great smoke is billowing up and it too blocks the stars in that direction.
"Karanisuri our foolish actions have provided us with at least one answer. We can safely say what blocks the stars in that direction is that of smoke. Though what could cause such fires to rage and there to be enough fuel is a question no one has an answer too."
"I am sorry."
"No, do not be. You were doing what you do best, fight. Any other season it would hardly be nothing but the Storm Seasons have been too gentle and with little rain." Tarakano's voice trails off and he is looking thoughtful.
"Did you say Ingwë might ask for us to travel soon?"
"We have been doing our best to keep an eye on the level of smoke but the fire continues. If the strong rains do not appear we will need to start putting as much distance between us and the fire." At this I sigh and fear is in my heart. It is not fear for me but what if this fire goes beyond the river? What if the river takes to the plains and races across like the wind towards our families and our homes? I physically do not feel well at this thought.
"Oh Stars!" I gasp out loud and start to cry. Tarakano embraces me and rocks me back and forth. His voice is rich in my ears but it does not soothe my being.
"All will be well. I do not think the Stars would abandon us in our plight." Tarakano tells me. For a few risings of the Wolf I was slowly getting stronger. The fire was ever closing on our camp and Ingwë was ready to order everyone to leave when the storms camp. They came hard and fast. Several homes that had been built closer to the river had to be abandoned as the river swelled and flowed mightily over its banks. Many ended up living on top of the hill in the main lodge. Even I was afraid at the strength of the storms. I was just grateful for Ingwë's foresight to build most of the important building and several homes upon the hillside.
Tarakano and I had a small home that we dwelt together after we threw out my brother Kanatasulo. He went willingly with a smile and a wink. I have not often spoken of my feelings but Kanatasulo knows me too well. It was towards the end of the Storm Season that I finally gathered my courage after we broke out fast. I was craving little wooden beads.
"Tarakano?"
"Hm?"
"I…" The words stop in my throat. I can feel the weight of his eyes on me. I put aside my tools and bring my knees close and rest my chin on them. I stare at the fire ignoring his expression.
"I love you," I finally manage to say out loud. These are words I have never said to anyone but family, not even to Berowë. Tarakano's quiet presence in my life almost like a guiding hand that stops me from my more foolish actions. We learn together, we hunt together. We are partners. I have done similar actions with Berowë but Tarakano was not Berowë. My thoughts are so fast and before Tarakano could speak I am speaking again.
"I would speak to you of my fears or more so of the secret that I have long guarded. I do not desire to keep going forward without me laying my heart bare to you," I find myself saying. I glance up only enough to see him looking thoughtful.
"I do not know what you have guessed or even heard rumors. What I feel for you I have never felt before. I wanted this feeling to be there between me and another. I know there are some marriages that are done not in love but out of simple companionship and not believing in the mirrored pools. I never saw any vision in the pools and so I thought to myself, I will have no husband. I desired it seeing my parents and even my eldest brother fall in love and marry. I saw this as friends did but I also saw others who waited, others who did not, and those who chose to have companions of flesh." I heavily sigh at this. I do not want to look at him. I wonder if he guesses for he was ever wise.
"My family wondered for a time if Berowë and I would marry. I know others did to as we were every close companions. There was even encouragement for us to settle down, for my lack of vision and his strange vision of the trees." I paused gathering my own strength.
"I heard of these rumors though no one said outright that two were in a secret relationship."
"What did you think?" I finally ask him, my heart feels like it is in my throat. There was a long stretch of silence between us. I stare intently at the fire waiting for his answer.
"At first I was distraught and not for the fact that you may have had pleasure. It was more the idea that you may love someone but then I remember your promise. What I have heard and seen of your character you were a nes of your word. Have you…?" His voice trails off.
"Was joined with him once? Yes, but I made a promise and unto that I was true. How could I have given you a chance if Berowë laid shadowed over my heart? There was not the love I have for you but I do care for him. It is not the same and what I feel for him is but a shadow of what I feel for you. I told him as such and did not seek his companionship after that. I won't lie that I have not been in turmoil. First by your words and then by my own emotions and fears. As I came to love you, I wondered if you would reject me. I know how some of the Quendi look down upon such relations." My voice trembles at the end.
"Alatarasurin, oh my, perhaps I will call you this instead of Delyanin, hm?" Tarakano is swiftly by my side and kissing me soundly. He kisses each of my tears that I had not known I was shedding.
"I would not reject you for the world. As much as it pains me you did not wait I understand your choice and his. I too had such thoughts but I held true. I would not put you off to wait for someday we stand before those glowing trees of gold and silver. I would make you my wife now if you would have me but I think our families would be most upset if we did."
"Well you do not have to make me your wife now," I find myself teasing him. "You could just uh, express how much you love me."
Tarakano throws his head back laughing, "Perhaps it is too much temptation. Though there are other ways hm?"
It was like that, the releasing of the tension that I have held so long I felt at peace since I first met Tarakano. It settled the fires of desire that had building like a fire that had turned into a bonfire. The winds and the storms seemed to echo my emotions as they slowed and the rain became gentle. It was gentle enough to allow people begin to wonder about even if the river was still high. This is what led to the second disaster and my final trip into the shadowed forest and the closest to an answer we ever got to what happened to the elves.
Phanarigyë is her name a maiden of the Nelyar who had silver hair just like Tarakano. I was standing at the hilltop when I saw her disappear into the forest. All of us who had become defacto leaders of this camp had agreed no one was to go into the forest alone and specifically in small numbers and especially not armed. Phanarigyë while a wonderful archer was not here for her skills as such. Her knowledge of growing plants, of plants themselves, and her skills as a healer of both people and animals made her valuable. We are the Quendi in our youth we are foolish too.
Still this seemed unnatural and I followed quickly melting into the forest in a way that would make my teachers among the Tir-e-Twaina proud. There was a dark song in the wind though I could not understand it. It was then I saw it a dark shadow drawing close to Phanarigyë. I followed in Berowë's footsteps and ran out with a song upon my lips. The wind turned flowing with my song speaking of love and wakefulness under the stars. I threw my spear at the figure and grabbed Phanarigyë's hand. This distraction was barely enough as the dark song arose even stronger. I felt it grip's upon me and I stumbled.
"We must go! Sing! Sing any song!" I sang a song of glimpses of stars beneath the leaves of the great trees and fires that carried warmth and song. Phanarigyë sang her own songs as we struggled forth. The rule is never to look back when one is chased. I was drawn to look back and stumbled at the look of the twisted song. Courage spiked in my heart and I sang even louder and the wind whistled around us and the very trees seemed to twist before us making way for Phanarigyë and I. Yet the dark song weighed heavily on me and exhaustion was sinking into my limbs as I pushed onwards. It seemed like a whole rising of the Wolf had passed before I stumbled beyond the trees half mad with song clutching Phanarigyë.
"Star, star, star, so bright, guide, guidance, light, walking in light," the words tumbled forth in a sing song manner. Our strange actions of sing song words and stumbling about caught the attention of the others. Tarakano and Ingwë pushes through the crowd. Phanarigyë faints but someone catches her.
"A shadow in the woods, a shadow haunting in the woods, bad, bad, bad, bad, we need to leave," I start to speak very fast. I do not remember much beyond that for I felt into delirium and then into sleep. I woke to being on a Tarakano's horse.
"Tarakano…" My voice feels parched and I feel weak. I curse my own foolishness inwardly.
"I have never seen you so pale and frightened. Ingwë ordered no one to go into the woods and we are to leave right away. We are almost to Orosundova."
"Has Phanarigyë awakened yet?"
"She sleeps in a very deeply slumber yet. Could you tell me what has happened Karanisuri?"
"I saw Phanarigyë go into the forest. I thought it was so strange as it was not her. She was not here for her courage but for her other skills. She never once set foot into the forest." I close my eyes and shiver at the memory of the dark song. I woke up later to find myself on the ground with Tarakano next to me.
"What happened? You were awake one moment and then sleep the next."
"I would like to know this as well," Ingwë interjects coming to stand at my feet. His blue eyes are bright with worry.
"Phanarigyë went into the forest alone...I thought how strange so I followed her and then there was this song. It was dark," I shiver at the memory but turn away from it thinking of other memories. I still feel so weak.
"And?" Ingwë's voice is filled with curiosity. I think back to the experience trying to make sense of the confusion. It was wild, dark, and light. It was not easy to explain as it seemed to happen so fast and yet so slow. Ingwë remains patient staring down at me and Tarakano fidgets at my silence.
"There was a shadow. I know not much but it was a shadow creature that was singing a dark song luring Phanarigyë away. I being a foolish nes decided to throw my spear at it. It seemed to break the dark song and then," I stop at this point recalling the winds and my own songs and the trees that seemed to move on their own.
"Then?" Tarakano prompts. I sigh knowing how strange it all seems.
"Then I was singing like it was some kind of song battle. The winds seem to change and Phanarigyë seemed to wake up and then we were running. We were both singing and the winds were moving and the trees were moving on its own. Oh, I know it sound so strange but that is what it is," I finish. Ingwë looks at with me disbelief but nods slowly.
"A shadow creature, you say?"
"Yes, but not like the cats or the wolves or the other creatures of the forest. No, it has little substance for the spear only seemed to interrupt it." The experience was strange and rather unpleasant.
"Phanarigyë woke up briefly and she confirmed much of what you said. Her account was very confused. As much as it pains me to say there is a shadow in this land that we cannot face alone or few in number," Ingwë said. He turned away from us and looked at the stars. Ingwë shifts from side to side and we wait for what he will say next.
"I do not know whether to be pleased or unhappy about what has come to pass. At least we have a few answers even if we do not understand the connection of them," Ingwë confesses to us both.
"It is not the answer we were looking for but it is too. I am just grateful to have survived. I wish it not upon anyone else." Ingwë turns around to look at me at that, studying me carefully before nodding.
"Indeed. Let us go home and go to Grandfather and speak of this."
"Grandfather will probably rage like the storms upon us," I said with a cheeky grin. Ingwë threw his head back and laugh.
"This is true. I will leave you be, rest well," Ingwë bid us and left.
"I do not think I can take much more of your bravery." Tarakano said quietly. His green eyes are veiled with the shadows of worry.
"I think Tarakano, I might just want to settle down somewhere for a time. I am done with adventure."
"For now, but I am sure you will go out on adventure soon enough."
"Will your heart take it?"
"As long as you return to me, oh yes," he murmured. His silver hair forms a shower of starlight as he gives me a quick kiss.
The trip to Irin Orosundova was uneventful. I grew stronger and I even briefly talked to Phanarigyë about what happened. It seemed the experience made Phanarigyë uncomfortable and rather fearful of being alone especially during her recovery. She took far longer to recover than I. From Orosundova we traveled to Minmbar to face the wrath of our Grandfather. He was not pleased to say the least.
Language Notes:
Delyanin- My lovely, my beautiful
Korkatál - Crowsfoot, or Germanium, a oil from this can be used to stop heavy bleeding.
Henkulub - Eye Root or Goldenseal and is a powerful antimicrobial, antiseptic, anti-inflammatory, helps to stop bleeding. It is used in powder format with a wound.
Panyaxo - Boneset or Comfrey used as a salve or ointment.
Ñugurempanya - Death Plant, or Belladona.
Alatarasurin - My unwise wind, a pet name
Character Notes:
Finwë, Olwë, Elwë, Ingwë - I'm trying to craft unique personalities for them, but I am trying to explore them through my character's eyes. I am trying to push wise and thoughtfulness but also create friendships especially between Finwë and Elwë...also revealing a bit of why they were chosen as leaders.
Enel & Enelyë - The third of the couples to awoken and claimed the Nelyar as their people. One would know these people as the Teleri, the Falthrim, the Sindar, the Nandor, the Silvan.
Chapter Comments:
Hunter & Wolf Constellations - I decided on constellations for it would make sense that Elves, observing the stars that they love dearly would notice the movement of stars and would most likely liken them to shapes and create stories. Thus the Hunter is a time of resting, because the Wolf is gone. I likened th is better to "resting period" and to create a simple way of telling time.
Young elves need more sleep but the older they get the less they need. It is much the same with needing food and such. Elflings need far more and obviously there is kind of a cap but the youngest generations of elves were according to Tolkien in the Silmarillion chapter Of The Coming of Elves, "In the beginning the Elder Children of Ilúvatar were stronger and greater than they have since become; but not more fair, for through the beauty of the Quendi in the days of their youth was beyond all other beauty that Ilúvatar has caused to be, it has not perished, but lives in the West, and sorrow and wisdom have enriched it."
Relationships - I've decided on perhaps an approach that I know others may disagree with. Finwë is a good example that elves can love again but also have unrequited love in the case of Indis. There is also a desire to show "wildness" and "uncultured." I want to express these differences that begin to separate from those who are Avari and those who are Sindar and even Aman. I would well imagine under Melian's kingdom that the Sindar would be lovers but without joining their bodies. In Aman it would be different following the dictates of the Valar. This would even show in differences between those who end up following Olwë to Aman would be a bit more "wild" than the Noldor and Vanyar.
Author's Note:
I hope you enjoyed this chapter! I tried to make it as long as possible to set the stage for the arrival of Oromë!
I apologize for any mistakes as I am chugging through for CampNaNoWriMo. Feel free to comment about the mistakes!