Lisswyn sat on a log, looking into the fire. The evening meal was over, and the rest of the women and children had gone to the tents to sleep. She would go as well, in just a few more moments. She was enjoying the relaxed atmosphere.
After the others had left, she had sat quietly listening as the two kings told Eoden and Andric stories. She knew the men were attempting to find ways of distracting the boys from their grief; she also knew they were trying to find tales that weren't all of war and violence. The problem was that such stories appeared to be what the boys were most interested in hearing.
It finally occurred to her that with the boys planning to sleep next to the fire again, that none of them would go to sleep until she did. A little embarrassed at causing the delay, she rather awkwardly got to her feet. Apart from some tenderness on the right side of her head and a sore arm, she was mostly recovered from her injuries. But her balance could still elude her when she stood too quickly.
Immediately, the King was next to her. "Let me escort you back to your tent."
She sighed a little, wondered what he would do if she insisted she could do it herself. But she might as well enjoy the touch of his hand on her back. Tomorrow, they would arrive at Edoras, and everything would be different. She looked over, nodded goodnight to the boys and King Elessar. The other man had a slight smile on his face she did not completely understand.
They walked slowly back toward the tent she was sleeping in, but then, instead of leaving her at the entrance, he led her around behind it. Confused, she looked up, but he only responded with a raised eyebrow and his own slight smile.
Behind the tent was a grassy area and then a drop-off onto some steep cliffs that looked out over a valley. The kings had judged it a particularly safe place to camp because the orcs would not be able to scale the cliffs, making it one less direction from which they could be attacked. When they left, they'd follow the cliffs as they angled down onto the valley floor; not long after reaching it, they would have their first sight of Edoras.
For the moment, though, the view was of a sky of stars and nearly full moon. Lisswyn took a deep breath, enjoyed the scent. Autumn had its own specific smell, and she was able to enjoy it now that she no longer worried about surviving winter in the caves.
She started when the King moved behind her, slipped his arms around her waist, and her stomach twitched when she finally understood he had brought her here for the express purpose of being alone with her for a few moments. Not that they were precisely alone, of course. From where she stood, she could see two guards, one in either direction. And that was assigned to watch the side of the camp deemed most safe. But the guards were far enough away it was possible to pretend they weren't there.
She leaned back against him, her head on his shoulder. She had promised herself not to question time spent with him on this journey. Everything would change once they reached Edoras. She looked out at the stars, tried again to imagine living there.
They stood like that for a few moments, then he leaned down and nuzzled her cheek, and she shivered in response.
"Are you cold?"
"No." She looked up at him, and had to clear her throat. "Not exactly."
In the dim light, she saw his face change, knew he understood. He turned her around, stared down at her for a moment before bringing his hand up and cupping her cheek. His touch was warm, his skin a little rough as he stroked the flesh next to her eye.
Then he lowered his head, and kissed her.
It started very much the way the first one had, in the caves before the battle, with a gentle brush of his lips against hers. But then the similarity to that other kiss faded. That had had an element of desperation to it, had been an attempt to say something, to share something before their lives were ended.
But this was slower, more deliberate. He slipped his hands beneath the cloak she wore – his cloak – to her back, and gradually deepened the kiss. He was taking his time, a leisurely exploration that left her mind spinning with a dizziness that had nothing to do with her recent injury.
And was making it clear that he wanted an active response from her, wanted her to join him in the exploration.
Lisswyn was happy to oblige. She eased her arms around his waist, felt the cloak slide to the ground behind her. Held tightly by him, she barely noticed the increased chill, indeed, was glad the garment was gone, giving her greater freedom of movement.
The tempo of the kiss increased, and he pulled her even closer to him. Impossibly close. His body was hard against hers, and she trembled in response.
When he finally lifted his head, they were both out of breath. Lisswyn laughed weakly, rested her head on his chest. His heart was thundering beneath her cheek, a companion to her own.
"I've wanted to do that all day," he finally murmured. "Now I'm thinking it was a bad idea."
When she looked up at him, he smiled down at her, then leaned down and kissed her nose. "I've probably just guaranteed neither of us will sleep well. At least I won't," he added ruefully.
She could still feel his heart racing and it made it easy to be bold in teasing him. Her smile was a bit impish as she asked, "What do you mean?" Though with their bodies pressed so close together, she knew exactly what he meant, and enjoyed the knowledge that he was as affected as she.
He raised an eyebrow at her teasing, then lowered his head, but instead of kissing her as he had before, he moved her hair out of the way and touched his lips to her neck, below her ear.
His kiss had left her dizzy and trembling, his touch there, on her neck, wiped her mind clean. Her legs went weak, and she might have fallen if he hadn't been holding her so tightly against him. He licked her lightly, and then his beard and moustache rubbed softly back and forth over the same sensitized spot. She tightened her arms around him, and heard something, a cross between a whimper and a moan, escape from her own throat.
He lifted his head again, buried his face in her hair. He was laughing softly, though it sounded as if he were also in some pain.
"You did that on purpose," she finally got out.
"I did. Why should I be the only one to suffer?"
At his tone, Lisswyn joined him, laughing weakly.
They stood that way for a few more moments, until their heart rates finally steadied. She didn't want to move, didn't want the time to end. She'd enjoyed their teasing nearly as much as the kissing and touching, and this, this standing quietly together with strong, warm arms wrapped around her, this was nice, too.
But finally he sighed, and moved back a little from her. Bending, he picked up his cloak and shook the dew off it before once again draping it over her shoulders.
"I should give it back."
"It looks good on you."
She smiled at that, and he leaned down and gently kissed her. "We need to get some rest."
She reluctantly nodded. He turned her around and they silently walked back to the tent together. He touched his lips to hers one final time before watching as she slipped inside.
Lisswyn stepped over Brynwyn to the empty sleeping skin someone had unrolled for her, and settling down on it, pulled his cloak over her. It was completely silly that he wouldn't take it back from her, but she loved having it. Loved being able to smell him on it.
Oddly enough, tears wanted to come, and she forced them away. She would allow no hint of fear, of uncertainty about the future, to taint the memory of what had happened on the bluff.
The scene played over in her mind, and she touched her lips. Her body was still aching, and when she closed her eyes, she could reclaim the feeling of standing out there, pressed against him, surrounded by his warmth.
She was again alone in the tent when she awoke. Memories of the night before rushed back, and she sat up, felt her heart beat harder. Was it possible she'd dreamed it? No. It was too easy to recall how his body had felt pressed against hers. A delighted smile crossed her face.
He had kissed her and held her, and the memory of how he'd done so made her body tingle. And then they'd teased each other. Why was it that in the cool light of morning, that amazed her nearly as much as the kiss? When she was with him, she very nearly forgot who he was – no. No. That wasn't right. She never really forgot. It just somehow didn't matter. But now, it seemed incredibly foolish. It was a dangerous game she was playing, and the only possible outcome would be a shattering blow to her heart.
Maegwen had said he didn't have a reputation for being casual with women, and it didn't feel like he was being so. There was too much there, even in what he had shared of himself, his fears, for it to mean nothing to him.
But that didn't mean anything could come of it, something he no doubt knew quite well. She looked down, touched the cloak. She loved him, would do so whether she wound up with these few precious memories or not. In particular, she would not be sorry that she had the memory of the night before, of his passion and tenderness, to take with her into that depressing and bleak future.
She shut her mind on those thoughts, and stood, folded the cloak.
She'd finished breakfast without seeing him and reluctantly decided that something had distracted him. He no doubt had been well-intentioned in his promise to let her ride with him again, but as they drew closer to Edoras, he no doubt had more urgent things to do than to entertain her.
With a silent sigh, she stared at the cart. Perhaps they'd at least let her walk for a while at some point. She would very much like not to arrive at Edoras in the cart. Maybe if she rode quietly that morning, they would let her walk during the final hour or so of their trip.
As she was about to ask for assistance in climbing into it, she heard a noise behind her. Turning, she saw the King on Firefoot, and smiled at him, even as she felt a blush heat her cheeks at the memory of the night before.
He returned the smile. "I thought you were riding with me again this morning?"
Against her will, her blush deepened. "I did not want to presume anything. I thought perhaps something more pressing had arisen."
He dismounted, crossed to her. Touched her cheek gently. "You may presume as much as you like."
Then he led her to Firefoot, lifted her up on the horse before settling back in the saddle behind her, where he pulled her close to him.
Mute with shyness, she puzzled over his comment about presumption, wondered what he had meant by it. But he said nothing else, did not seem to expect her to talk, and gradually she relaxed into a comfortable silence. It would be easy to get used to having his arms around her in such a fashion.
Eventually, however, the scenery around them drove her to speak. "I have never been this far away from the village before."
"Haven't you?" He looked around them. "It is not so very different, is it?"
"Yes and no." She laughed softly. "I know that makes no sense. But it somehow feels different, though I can not put my finger on why."
"The wind perhaps. It blows more fiercely here than it does near your village, though today it is greeting you calmly. At times it seems it is trying to blow Edoras completely away."
"I can not quite imagine that, either."
"Edoras being blown away?"
"Edoras."
"Ah." He said nothing for a moment. "We have not really spoken of it, have we?"
"King Elessar told me of some of your plans for us."
He was silent again. "I am sorry, Lisswyn. You were not awake when the decision was made. But I still should have—"
She looked up at him, understood that he thought she was reproaching him. Reaching up, she touched her finger to his lips to stop him, then felt herself color at the forward action. "I understand why the decision was made. I was not questioning it." She turned, looked again toward where her first sight of Edoras would eventually be. "I just can't imagine living there."
"It will surely not be that different from living in your village?"
She nearly laughed out loud. Could the man be that dense? Strangling her amusement, she asked a different question rather than trying to respond to his. "King Elessar said something I did not quite understand, though."
"What is that?"
"He said cottages are standing empty due to the war, and that is where you plan to put us. But I did not realize that that many of the women of Edoras died."
"They did not." He sounded sad, and she was sorry she'd asked the question. "But many widowed women chose to relocate, either to return to the villages of their youth, or to live with their grown children – including some daughters who were themselves widowed."
There was another pause, as Lisswyn thought of Maegwen and Liffild, and all the other women who had been widowed by the war. Then she changed the subject. "What will we do there?" She asked the question hesitantly, feeling a bit foolish.
"Many of the cots, including the ones I intend to place you in, belong to Meduseld and are attached to the royal household in some way. There are farms, gardens, orchards, sheep, all that need tending." After a moment, he continued, "Your people have suffered enough. My desire is to give them places to live in peace and security, doing meaningful work that they can again find joy in." His voice was soft, then he looked down, frowned.
"I've been assuming that that those kinds of tasks, which Edoras is in great need of at the moment, will suit them. But if I am wrong in that, and there are those who are skilled in other areas, I will rely on you to tell me."
She shook her head. "You are correct. We were a simple farming village, and the women will be more than content with that kind of life again." She sighed softly. "At least most of them will."
"You are thinking of someone who will not?"
"I am worried about Maegwen's boys." She had also noticed that he had made no reference to Edoras needing another weaver, either, but that was fine. She would cheerfully farm if it meant food and shelter for the children, and would perhaps eventually be able to acquire a wheel and loom.
"In what way?"
"I know how to care for Brynwyn. But as much as I love the boys, I am not sure what they need right now. I am not sure how to help them through their grief." Her voice thickened on the last word, as her own grief rose up to choke her. His arm tightened around her waist in response, and he squeezed her hand.
"Will you trust me with them?" The question was softly asked.
She looked up at him. "Of course. But…"
"What?"
"What do you plan for them? May I ask?"
"Certainly." He frowned. "I do not plan to take them from you. They need you."
He was silent for a while. "Eoden will eventually become a warrior, I think, whether we will it or not."
"I do not." Her voice was sharp, and she winced at the tone.
His was gentle in response. "I do not believe we will be able to prevent it. I see the anger in his eyes. He will never forget watching his mother die, will never forget knowing how his father and brothers died."
The memory of Maegwen's death was still too close, too fresh. Lisswyn fought down the tears, had to swallow hard, and still they escaped. She wiped them away, frustrated. But the King merely shifted her so she could lean more fully into his chest.
"It is not only the boys who yet grieve for Maegwen, Lisswyn." His voice was still soft.
She nodded, swallowed, and cleared her throat. Did not bother apologizing. "I do not want him to die as they did."
"Neither do I. And as I've said before, my desire is that by the time he is old enough to think of being part of an eored, that there will no longer be any great danger to it. There was a time, long ago, where we lived in relative peace, and riders in most eoreds were first and foremost horsemen. That is my hope for him. But I do not think there is any point in pretending that as long as there are orcs anywhere still threatening the Mark, his first thought will be to be there, fighting them."
"And Andric?"
"Andric…Andric will fight when it is necessary, but will be first and foremost a horsemaster. He has a special talent with them that is a joy to watch."
She nodded, appreciated that he already seemed to have such an accurate sense of the two boys.
"That is what you anticipate for their futures. What of now?"
"I think to have them spend most of their days in the stables at Meduseld."
Lisswyn looked up at him, troubled. They would love it, of course, as it meant being around the horses. But it sounded like a lot of hard work. They were still so very young, and hurting.
"You doubt my choice."
Flustered, she shook her head, knew it for a lie, knew he did as well.
"I do not blame you. But they will be fine there. The head of the stables is a man named Breghelm. You will like him. He will keep them busy, but will let them talk about their parents, their brothers, as it seems necessary. He will not push them too hard, Lisswyn, either in physical work or in things that might cause them pain."
She didn't answer, was not sure how to do so.
"Maegwen's boys will not be the first orphans he and his horses have helped to heal." His voice was very soft.
She looked up, startled. Knew he was talking about himself.
"I was very angry when I arrived at Meduseld. Angry at my father for allowing himself to be killed by the orcs, angry with my mother for not surviving her grief. Angry at myself for not somehow being able to do something about it. Any of it. I was eleven, and nearly uncontrollable."
There was a long pause before he continued. "My uncle loved me, and wanted to help me, but I would not allow him to do so. I was civil to no one save my sister. And then I lost my temper and did something …inexcusable."
She looked up at him. "What?" Only after the question was out did she notice his face was tinged with red, which deepened as he looked down at her. "You do not have to tell me. Forgive me for asking." She rushed to reassure him, dismayed that she had managed to embarrass him.
He shook his head. "I do not mind your questions, do not mind telling you, though even now the memory of my destruction shames me."
He was quiet for a moment. "As I said, I was very angry, at very nearly everyone around me, and particularly myself. I wanted to fight, to be trained in the use of a sword, but my uncle judged me unready, mostly due to my temper."
"That is why you recognize Eoden's anger for what it is." She said softly.
He nodded before continuing. "One day, after he had again denied me, trying to point out that until I mastered my rage, it would be dangerous for me to be in training, I went into the room where my father's sword was being kept for me, and took it."
There was another pause, and she looked up, but he was looking away, over the fields, lost in memory. "And then I sneaked into the stables with it while the tackmaster was out and destroyed my uncle's formal saddle." He gave a quiet sigh. "It was a beautiful piece of leather-working that had been used by the Kings of the Mark for many years during certain ceremonial occasions, and I hacked it to bits."
Turned from him again, Lisswyn could not help a wince at the thought of the loss of something some craftsman had no doubt put much effort into.
"There were those who counseled my uncle that the only hope for me was a sound thrashing. To some of them, I was just a spoiled young boy who had destroyed an heirloom. But my uncle knew it was my grief that was driving me, and because of that, he was reluctant to be over-harsh with me, despite what I had done. He just was not sure how to help me. He was spending as much time with me as he could – time I was not appreciative of, of course – and was at a loss as to how to reach me before I destroyed all of Meduseld and myself in the process."
"I believe it was finally Breghelm, who my uncle was quite fond of, that suggested I be punished in another way, and thus I was sent to work in the stables. Unlike Eoden and Andric, I did not want to be there. But Breghelm…" his voice softened. "He was more patient with me than I deserved. He put me in charge of one of the horses that was about to foal, and by the time she did, my heart was easing some. Horses can do that, somehow. And against everything I expected and knew I deserved, my uncle gave me the colt for my own."
At the thought of the grieving young boy, a tear slid down her cheek, and Lisswyn brushed it away before looking up at him. "I am glad you were not thrashed."
He smiled before leaning down to press a kiss into her hair. "I no doubt deserved it." He was silent again, and the smile faded. "I eventually came to understand and appreciate my uncle's mercy as well as his love. He continued to spend much time with me, as well as with Eowyn. And when he realized that I was quite taken with Theodred, as younger brothers often are with much older ones, he encouraged my cousin to spend as much time with me as he was capable of as well."
"And I am the man I am today due to the efforts of all three of them." He looked down at her again. "So you see, there is no one I can trust the boys to more than Breghelm. I will spend time with them as well, but the stables will be a good place for them to be, and he will care for them. Differently than you would, but with no less compassion."
She had to clear her throat. "Thank you for that, and for the interest you take in them."
"I care for them, Lisswyn. They are good boys, and I am proud that the Riddermark has such fine men in its future. And while I believe all of the Mark and Gondor owe them the best future we can provide due to where and how they lost their father and brothers, I owe them a personal debt as well for Maegwen's loss." His voice was soft. "You may not recall it, but you were not the only one to make a promise to Maegwen as she was dying. And the boys themselves make it an easy promise to want to honor."
She nodded, wiped her face of tears again, and was glad when they lapsed back into that easy silence.
After lunch, the King offered to let Brynwyn ride with him for a while, and Lisswyn quite willingly went into the cart. Her sister was wildly excited at the honor of riding with him on Firefoot, and seeing the two of them together brought forth a bittersweet emotion Lisswyn couldn't completely identify.
Hilde and Brecka were in the cart with her, and she turned to the younger woman. They hadn't really spoken since before the battle, something Lisswyn regretted.
"How are you?" she asked the question gently, wondering if Brecka would even want to talk.
Brecka didn't respond at first, turning instead to look back in the direction from which they'd come, toward the caves they could no longer see, and the village that no longer existed.
But when she looked back at Lisswyn, her eyes were dry. "I did not want to live. I couldn't imagine doing so without her." Silence stretched as she seemed to struggle to find the right words. "But after the battle, when I realized that of the three women who went into it, I alone escaped injury…it was clearly not my time to go." Sorrow washed over her face, and she had to clear her throat. "I will miss her, and the rest of my family, every day, for the rest of my life. But I will live."
Moved by the younger woman's strength, Lisswyn tried to find an appropriate response. But before she could do so, Brecka changed the topic by motioning in the other direction. "It would be easier, though, if I knew exactly what to expect when we reach Edoras."
This she could respond to. "Many of the women who were widowed by the war have now left the city, and there are cottages standing empty. The King says they are in great need of the skills we have – farming, herding." Put that way, it sounded so focused on Meduseld's needs. It was more than that, but she didn't know how to explain what she'd heard in his voice. He was concerned with providing more than just food and shelter for them. Certainly more than just replacing workers. There had been so much more than that in his voice. He wanted to provide them with good lives. He wanted to give them hope. But she couldn't find the right words to say so.
"He sees us as his kin." Hilde spoke for the first time, and both Lisswyn and Brecka simply stared at her.
"What?"
"Before the battle, before we left for the cliffs, he gave me his seal, told me that sooner or later his men would come, and I was tell them all that had happened, and that we were to be treated as his kin. I thought it was just words," she admitted. "I thought it was just because he couldn't figure out how to save all of us. But when I gave it back to him, after the battle…" she fell silent.
"What?" This time it was Brecka who asked the question.
"He told me that nothing had changed," Hilde finally replied. "I'm not exactly sure what he means by it. But I do not think he wants us to fear that the people will see us as so many more mouths to feed."
Lisswyn looked over at the man in question, saw him bent low over Brynwyn, answering a question. "He is a good man," she said softly.
"Aye, he is." Hilde said. "And you've been spending a lot of time with him. Is that wise?"
Trust the older woman to get straight to the heart of things. "Probably not," Lisswyn answered, turning back to her. "But I'm not sorry for it. I can not be, even though I know he is not free simply to pursue any woman he might be interested in, either." She hesitated, stared off in the direction they were heading. "We'll reach Edoras in a few hours, and everything will change. I know that. He will have many duties to attend to, and so will we, as we settle in. I doubt we'll even see him that often."
She hid from the other two women just how desolate that thought made her feel.
A/N: Eomer's story of his childhood at Meduseld may sound familiar if you've read my story, Swords and Saddles -- when I wrote this part of the story originally, my beta was curious for more details, so I provided them, then posted the result.
Leaf of Lorien: Keep guessing. (grin)
Istarriel: LOL. Thanks for much for your comment. Knowing that you like my OC that much made my day.
Phia: I'm so sorry you've been hammered so hard by the hurricanes! Fingers crossed that the rest of the season is storm-free. As to why they don't tell each other how they feel -- Eomer feels he can't until the other situation is cleared up; it doesn't occur to Lisswyn to do so for a number of reasons.
Nienor Niniel: Thanks so much for your comment. It means a great deal that you actually don't want to see it veer back too closely to canon. Wait and see, though. ;)
For all the rest of you -- Saga123, ZombieGurl98, seyyada, wondereye, seansbeanie (I'm glad you found the story again!), Lady Bluejay (I enjoy your stories, btw -- will try to review them this week), salrianna, plzkthx101, ElvenRyder, enyamorntuilr...and everyone else, please know how much I appreciate you taking the time to review. It means a lot. I hope you continue to enjoy the story.