When he had felt his first sting of shame, at first it was not necessarily for who he was born to be, or of his people, but when he saw what his element was capable of, and what had happened because of it.
The start of what would be for him, a string of horrible instances when he would look at himself and cannot help but think the same recurring, irritating thought.
"If only I never had to be born a firebender."
He remembers that day in the village of Pyong Yu, its brightness, the chirping of the cicadas in the grass and the prickly heat of the sun as he walked in the grass field, being a young and carefree boy.
His little sister, Hyeonji, she had only been four, maybe five. She had been so small.
He also remembers, vividly, how she had looked that day before it had happened.
There is a peaceful image of her in his mind; Hyeonji walking behind him in that field of yellow grass, tossing her hair and yawning a little bit.
"Ne, Jeong-Jeong, why are we outside? It's too hot." she had called out to him in a small voice.
She had followed him around as she always did. She never liked to be left out.
He had also been quite young, eight or nine perhaps. But he was supposed to be the responsible one and look after her. He was supposed to have more control, just as he had been taught. But that day, of all days, he chose not to listen.
"Do you want to play a game? Let's play 'Fire-toss'. He had suggested.
Their mother, Sung-hae, had been busy working back home in their small garden, picking vegetables to be sold in the market. There had been a terrible drought, so even with a measly early harvest, they could still earn just enough to profit from it. The woman had been getting tired, yet she had still worked hard to provide for and feed her two small children.
But a mother had enough to do as it was, without having to worry about what they were up to while her back was turned.
In the dry fields, Hyeonji continued to follow after her older brother, farther and farther out. She began to think that Jeong Jeong was up to something, she knew that when her brother was silent like that, he was deep in thought.
Even if she was little, Hyeonji had undoubtedly been a mommy's girl, always doing what she was told.
"B-but Mother says not to fire-bend and stuff during the dry season. We're not even suppose' ta be outside, and, and--"
"Oh come now…It's
alright, here, let's go to the field. No one can see us there."
Jeong-Jeong said as he climbed over the stone wall that surrounded
Farmer Han-beo's field.
He pulled his sister's hand and helped her over the wall. It was the only secluded open space where he knew no eyes would be watching.
"But—but…we're not supposed to--"
"You wanted to play right? You said I'm always busy with my friends and not doing things with you like I used to, right? RIGHT?"
"I know but…" the little girl frowned
"Well, let's play, already."
He had been lying.
What her brother really wanted was someone to 'spar' and practice with so he could sharpen his own skills. So he could show the other boys in the village how much he could surpass them even more in the bending exercises.
And he KNEW he could.
Soon he would be more powerful than all of them. They were just jealous of him, anyway.
He had been begging his teacher to show him more, but the man simply told him that the weather in their valley was becoming quite arid, and it wasn't safe to be using any fire at this time. Not even for practical purposes.
But Jeong-jeong did not yet know how this was supposed to matter to him. He had still been too young and impatient to realize why it should have.
He thought it would be like any other day of the season to be sneaking off and playing outside. But unlike other days, the sun had shone bright, too brightly in fact. The climate was particularly dry, and the air seemed to sizzle. Fire Nation summers are known to be harsh, and that year, it seemed to be the worst. Everyone had stayed indoors. Some farmers had even kept their livestock inside their huts. The grass and leaves almost crackled.
But one cannot blame the air and the sun for the sins one commits…