Chapter 66 - Fatality of Remorse
(RPOV)
"How long ago!?" Ratchet demanded almost hysterically.
"Ten hours," Lennox reported sharply. "Vachenkov said they would stick to her veins in twenty, Petrov didn't expect her to have military backing!"
They had a chance.
"I need to completely purge her system then!" Ratchet stated in an icy tone, "I need everyone with clean O positive blood to donate a pint! NOW!"
Lennox sprinted into the hangar proper.
"Everyone with O positive! We need you now!" he bellowed as Optimus carried his spark-mate into the hangar and quickly set her on Ratchet's workbench.
Ratchet onlined his holoform and snatched up an enormous syringe filled with blue dye. He poked her elbow for a second until the vein stood out and quickly injected her.
"What do we do?" Lennox asked sharply, sprinting toward the makeshift hospital with a dozen men running after him.
"The gear is in that box over there, hook everyone up to donate a pint of whole blood." Ratchet commanded briskly, scanning his assistant every second. He found the Ricin pellets, still floating freely through her blood and heaved a sigh of relief. He looked at Optimus. "They're not sticking yet. The nanites you gave her have decided the pellets are their number one priority, they've been isolating them and are looking for an exit. The amount of actual toxin in her tissues are minute enough for her to overcome."
Ratchet slowed his processors for a second, syncing them, then picked up a scalpel.
"You may want to look away, Optimus," the Medi-bot said gently. He watched as his Prime's holoform winked into being, gently taking his spark-mate's hand.
"If you're going to stay, grab those bags of saline," Ratchet stated firmly, Bumblebee onlined his holo next to the Medi-bot's and scrambled to get the tubes and bags in place as Ratchet cut away the cloth covering Mikaela's leg.
"What are you going to do?" Lennox asked in a worried tone as he tied off the first full bag. The newly freed soldier pressed a cotton ball to his arm as he wandered toward the mess in search of food.
"A bloodwash," Ratchet growled, he brought the scalpel down and sliced deeply into Mikaela's thigh. Several shouts of horror echoed through the hangar at the spurt of blue-black blood.
"Steady!" Ratchet bellowed, slipping the Saline IV into his assistant's arm.
Bumblebee held up the bag, looking down at his big sister with tears in his eyes. Ratchet would fix her, he had to. She stirred, her eyes opened to look at the tube in her arm.
"What are you doing?" she asked softly.
"Saving you," Ratchet growled. "You're awake, now stay awake."
"We're in Garcia again?" she asked softly.
"We are," Optimus rumbled, squeezing her hand gently.
"Why are you saving me?" Mikaela continued, staring at the tube in her arm. "There's ricin in my blood, I'll just die in another eight days. If I'm bleeding to death just let me go quickly."
"You're not going to die," Optimus snarled, she looked up at him with unnoticed tears running down her cheeks.
"I'm sorry Optimus," she whispered. "Take my remains to Cybertron, heal your home." She reached up to touch his cheek gently.
"You are not allowed to die!" Optimus bellowed, fully using the voice of command for the first time in centuries and cupping his beloved's face in both hands. "The nanites are removing the ricin from your blood, you need to stay awake and stay alive. That's an order! For Primus sake don't leave me behind!"
His head dropped to nestle into the crook of her neck.
"If you loved me enough to accept my mark for Primus sake stay alive and let me live again!" he moaned as Mikaela began gasping.
"Bumblebee! The ricin's gone. Switch to whole blood!" Ratchet commanded.
"Optimus I'm a murderer," Mikaela whispered, "I don't deserve you. I deserve to die."
"You are not a murderer," Optimus stated coldly, pulling back slightly to look her in the eye. "You are forgetting that we spent ten hours on a plane watching each one of your kills. You killed quickly, cleanly and for the sole purpose of protecting innocent lives. You made the majority of the deaths look like they were natural causes and set bodies up so that their families could think fondly of them. You comforted scared children, kept them safe. Those are NOT the actions of a murderer!"
"If you're such a horrible person, why did you have a load of children's shows in your duffle bag?" Lennox demanded, "those kids went from terrified to happy in a matter of minutes and if you don't come peacefully to Christmas at my home I'm going to make Optimus, Chromia and Ironhide kick you all the way there!"
Mikaela looked around at the group of unyielding faces and closed her eyes.
(MPOV)
"So you got my first human kills on camera," I said in a soft tone.
"That's your first proper kill?" Ironhide asked incredulously. "Kae you need to survive to teach me that Primus damned strike!"
"Get in line 'Hide! I called dibs!" Sideswipe protested.
"Would you truly leave us defenceless?" Optimus rumbled softly, catching and holding my gaze.
"Defenceless my foot," I retorted weakly.
"How about inefficient then?" Optimus asked mildly. I narrowed my eyes at him. "You can't make me stop loving you Kae," he rumbled, reaching up and lightly brushing an errant lock of hair back from my forehead.
I could feel the prickling sting of tears as I bit my lip.
"Stop doing that," Optimus murmured, his holoform inches from my face, "I'm the only one allowed to bite that lip."
"Optimus, how do I look you in the eye again?" I whispered.
"By opening your eyes," he murmured.
"Kae, look at me," Ironhide growled. I forced my eyes open and looked at the heavyset, frowning holoform. He glared at me for a second before turning to Prime. "She needs her hope back, that's your area. Not mine. I'm sure as hell not going to kill a femme still grieving that she killed two advancers fully powering up to mow the lot of us down."
Optimus nodded and took my face firmly between his hands.
"I have figured out how you do it," he growled. "You bury every single piece of kindness, love, hope and compassion deep down. You pretend to be an apathetic, uncaring bitch to keep people away to protect them. And you're so good at it you scared the hell out of Bumblebee for a microsecond before you broke your bluff."
He reached down and wrenched open my shirt, laying his hand over his mark on my chest. He smirked.
"I broke your bluff," he drawled, leaning down and pressing a light kiss to my lips.
(OPOV)
Optimus felt her sag as the last of her composure shattered.
"I killed them," Mikaela sobbed. "I ran, I hid I tried so hard and it didn't matter! Fate played her cards and I killed them!"
"Cricket, that's how life is." Chen Sho's voice said gently. "The important thing is that you killed cleanly." Optimus glanced up in surprise, he knew that voice, it was a dead man's voice.
"That's not the point Uncle!" Mikaela sobbed.
"It is the point Carida," Rig's voice stated firmly. A load of men stared at the bag Ironhide had insisted on picking up. He'd stated something about a temple in the Banes' shop. Bumblebee's holo walked to it and pulled out a screen with people on it.
"Men kill for profit, you killed to protect," Sho's voice said sternly.
"And you sure as hell better not have that Ricin in your wrist!" Tinny's voice added. "Yeah, I'm on the VFG, we BOTH knew I'd die before you did, you're a surviver sis. And I know you're feeling guilty that you didn't save me. But for Paddy's sake stop it!"
Mikaela looked weakly over at the screen Bumblebee's holoform was holding and broke down harder.
"Tinny, it's my fault you're dead!" she choked.
"No, it's not." Tinny replied. "And I can do this all damn day. Now you listen to me sis. Stop trying to join us in death, I will not have my little sister coming back as a snail! We didn't inherit our family, we chose them. Why did you think dad gave you the mastery and not me? You protect people, Kae, when the cards are played you're not afraid to get the job finished."
"But..."
"You're guilting over Petrov the most, aren't you?" Cal's voice asked gently.
"He stood straight and proud," Kae whimpered, "we drank vodka together, reminisced of the good old days. He stood straight and proud and let me finish him with dignity."
"Yeah, that's old Viktor," Calvin Banes said gently, "you know he made me promise him that you'd be the one to kill him, eventually. You did me proud baby girl."
"But now what do I do!" Mikaela shrieked, struggling to sit up to face him as the soldiers and auto-bots watched in shock. "Daddy you trained me to be a murderer. What do I do now?"
"You go back and you live the life you were supposed to!" Tinny shouted back at her.
"How do I live my life when I don't even know who I am now? Tinny I've become an assassin, it's not cool, it's not glorious. It's murdering people and preparing to take the blame because nobody else can. It's staying as aloof and uncaring for others so that they don't feel betrayed to find that you're a murderer. Now who am I? Am I supposed to be proud of burning every bridge and shooting every olive branch?" Mikaela shouted.
"You know damn well who you are Chen Mikaela Leanne Banes," Tinny said sternly. "You are the best of all of us. We grew up with love and you proved every day just how much that's truly worth. You're the one who killed the monsters under my bed, because the only thing you were afraid of was crabs. Not STDs, little scuttling crustaceans. And don't you dare give me that bullshit about not caring! You're the one that travelled heavy, not for you, you always had something in your kit to make someone feel better. What bloody assassin has bandaids for a child's scraped knee!?"
Mikaela sagged into the worktable as her sister continued ranting at her from the grave, Optimus watched his love caving in to her dominant sister. It was frankly incredible that they had known each other so well that a message could be received and spoken to years after the death of one.
"And you know what else?" the irate little asian girl continued, "If you're so good at pretending not to care, why the hell are you listening to the VFG? 'Cause you and I both know you're not going to come find us in the temple. There's somebody else there, and knowing you, because I do Kaelie, you're surrounded by awesome friends and family, all of whom you're going to give a hug to from me. Hopefully you've got some extraterrestrials too, 'cause everybody knows Barry would want you spearheading first contact and all that stuff on our soil. So if you manage it, go be a liaison or something."
"Tin, I wish you could have met them," Mikaela whispered.
"HA! I KNEW IT! Now. If their culture allows, give them hugs too. Except, well, you know. Wait until you're healed up little sister, 'cause my bet is you're currently still bruised, bleeding and grieving. Actually, if anybody's there who's not shocked to see a battered girl talking to her dead sister on the computer could please cuddle her, she seriously needs it right now."
Optimus was only too happy to obey, his holoform gently pulled his Kae into a sitting position and sat behind her, tucking her head into his shoulder with arms holding her tight, shocked once again at just how right it felt.
"Only you knew me that well, Tin," Mikaela whimpered.
"Yeah, 'cause we grew up together. You didn't come into this world particularly capable of shutting people out, you had to learn it, and I'm really glad you failed so miserably. It's the first rule of being an assassin and you know it, you can't care. Which means you're a miserable failure as an assassin too." Tinny's tone softened. "Kaelie, get the hope back in your eyes, let me go." the screen winked out.
"Tinny?" Mikaela asked in a soft, lost tone. There was no response. "Tinny!?" she called again, panicked. The screen remained dark. Optimus scanned it worriedly, it had run out of power, the last of it's battery dead.
Optimus held his Kae tightly as she began to shiver.
"Tinny, no, don't leave me Tinny!" she shouted. "Tinny don't go! TINNY!"
Mikaela began to struggle in Optimus' arms. He held her tighter as her shouts became panicked, culminating in a howl of such loss it squeezed every heart and spark that heard her. Will stared at her, a hand covering his mouth.
"Kae, Kae you have to let her go," Optimus murmured in her ear, "you heal everyone else's losses, mend our souls and not your own? Letting go of the pain of loss doesn't mean you're letting go of her."
Mikaela turned in his arms, clinging to him as she sobbed until finally, finally, her eyes closed and the exhaustion finally took it's toll.
Optimus continued to hold her as Ratchet repaired the artery in her leg. Carried her to the makeshift cot in the work area and curled around her tiny, icy form.
Will dragged a chair forward as the mechs transformed, most of them sitting in their bipedal form to stand vigil.