Chapter 69 - Ratchet Stories
(RPOV)
Ratchet watched the soldiers as they shook themselves out of the daze that the unit drawing together seemed to put them in.
"That..." Chance whispered finally.
"You did not think that we were simply saying that Kae is one of us," Ratchet murmured with a small, sad smile. "She is my daughter now, and my daughter gathered her strength in life from song, from the voices of family raised together."
"That's just absolutely incredible," Jacobs murmured, shaking himself and straightening with a smile. "Another thing that the bots have that humans need to remember more."
"What's that?" Ratchet asked curiously.
"Never leave a person behind," the marine stated quietly, settling down beside Ratchet.
Optimus was taking care of his Kae now. Ratchet glanced over as he heard her keen, that wasn't anywhere close to pain. He smirked slightly.
"What's up?" Chance asked curiously, looking up at him. Even if Kae had repaired the soldier's hearing, they evidently couldn't hear that shout.
"I just figured something out," Ratchet stated with a grin.
"You gonna tell us what?" Epps laughed.
"Maybe at some point," Ratchet smirked, looking at Optimus' truck form again. His cooling systems were being tested to the breaking point, his fans roaring.
::. That sounded fun.:: he sent to Optimus with a small smirk.
Optimus snorted and seemed to shift slightly before dropping into a recharge cycle.
Ratchet burst out laughing, shaking his head and picking up the servos Kae had stripped down to their protoform metals, carefully setting them into the forge.
"What the hell?" Chance asked in shock. "Aren't you going to use those for parts?"
"I am," Ratchet stated calmly. "Mikaela has stripped every useable piece from these, but these frames have been badly damaged. They need to be cleaned."
"You're burning them!" Epps shouted.
"Mmm hmn," Ratchet shrugged and glanced in the forge at the green fire of impurities being burned away, one finally began to burn white, and Ratchet levitated the first piece into the air. He began sculpting it.
"Woah!" Lennox stared at the glowing white metal as it hovered, stretching and folding onto itself in front of the Medical Officer. "You're..!"
"Creating a blank form," Ratchet supplied calmly, "Mikaela will polish them eventually."
"A blank form?" Epps asked with a frown.
"Can't upload a new auto-bot without a body," Ratchet grinned, directing the glowing metal into an enormous barrel of water. It hissed and spat as Ratchet picked out a second piece of twisted metal.
"How are you..."
"It's a levitation field," Ratchet shrugged.
"No, how do you know..." Lennox frowned.
"How do I know what she'll look like?" Ratchet asked with a laugh. "I have no idea, but judging by the amount of Energon she produces, and the size of that flight frame she transformed I'm estimating that she'll be slightly smaller than Optimus. I'm preparing her protoform metals. Purifying them."
"So she said yes?" Lennox asked with a grin.
"Optimus hasn't asked her yet," Ratchet shrugged, then grinned.
"What's got you so happy?" Chance asked with a laugh.
"You mean other than the fact that they just finished interfacing the pit out of each other?" Ironhide asked, onlining his holoform amid the group of curious soldiers.
"Ironhide!" Ratchet protested mildly.
"What?" the holo laughed. "they're dead to the world, and they're gonna be recharging for hours after that one. Good call on the batteries though."
Ratchet snorted.
"Batteries?" Lennox asked, sitting down with confusion on his face.
"You know that Mikaela produces energon yes?" Ironhide laughed. Will nodded. "Anytime she lets Optimus lower the levels in her tissues they wind up... what's the human phrase for it?"
"Fuckin' like rabbits!" Chromia piped up in a celebratory tone, her hands in the air. "And the second they start doing that she just starts pumping out more energon. You'd think she was pregnant or something!"
Ratchet, Ironhide and the soldiers stared at her in shock.
Chromia rolled her eyes.
"Just how much of the mechanics do I have to explain?" she stated in a weary tone.
"Just the assumption that that's the action of a pregnant Femme," Ratchet stated weakly, staring at Optimus as the bot recharged.
"Is she!?" Bumblebee asked excitedly, bouncing around Chromia. "Do I get to be an uncle? I would be an awesome uncle!"
Chromia laughed and wrapped her arms around the excited holoform.
"Not yet, give her time to get used to a new body before you expect her to let Optimus get sparkings on her. I said she's acting like a pregnant Femme, it's the all-spark integrating itself, Femma, Creator, Wisdom. The three levels of Femme."
"Maiden, mother and beldame," Will said softly, "But... Kae's 19... holy crap." he smacked a hand to his forehead in shock. "She's doing it backwards, isn't she? She came here fighting to understand every piece of history and learning, then she mothers everyone, now you're saying she's acting pregnant? Sarah was horny as hell when she was carrying Ellie. What do you want to bet that she'll be a maiden when you put her in that new body?"
Chromia stared at the man and burst out laughing.
"She's restarting," Ratchet grinned, "she knows already."
"Now you're just assuming that," Ironhide stated calmly, "She may not know herself that she's restarting. Don't any of you spill the bearings. Let Optimus ask her in his own time."
Chromia threw herself into his holoform's arms, kissing him soundly.
"Good Bot," she told him teasingly.
"It's getting late, shall we go charge a few batteries?" Ironhide rumbled with a smirk.
"Yes we shall," Chromia grinned, offlining her holoform.
"So when we get new headquarters, do we get our own rooms?" Bee asked with a grin.
"How..." Will stared at the parked Auto-bots.
"We've been having to settle with interfacing with binder cables," Arcee shrugged. "With the exception of getting to polish Ratchet," she smirked at the bot. "We've been trying to keep your minds as unscarred as possible. Do you really want to know what goes on behind closed doors?"
Lennox shook himself and visibly made a mental note that he'd have to pass that on. Headquarters needed rooms for the 'bots to find some privacy.
"I, am going to go see my wife now." Will stated vaguely.
"You want me to keep an eye on Ellie?" Sideswipe asked with a grin.
Will opened his mouth and closed it a few times.
"C'mon man, I'll drive," Sideswipe chuckled, wrapping an arm around the man's shoulders.
"Anything to get more time playing with a hatchling," Ratchet grinned.
Sideswipe laughed.
"I have not had the opportunity to hold and play with a hatchling since my master was killed, of all things, that is what I truly miss," Sideswipe stated piously. Flare looked at him with adoring eyes.
Ratchet watched the dispersal of soldiers and auto-bots with a grin. He'd have to warn Optimus that Mikaela would likely be hearing secrets resonating soon.
(JaPOV)
Jacobs resettled himself somewhat in his chair, sitting comfortably and watching Ratchet work on the metals. He contemplated asking Ratchet how it all worked for them, worrying that it would be offensive.
"You have a question," Ratchet told him in amusement. That wasn't even a question. Jacobs suddenly understood why Kae was always calling him a bloody psychic auto-bot.
"Yes I do," Jacobs stated pensively. "But I'm not sure..."
"If it's something you can ask without giving offence?" Ratchet stated cheerfully, glancing at him.
"Kae's been rubbing off on you," Jacobs snorted, grinning at the mech.
"Well, ask and I'll tell you if it's offensive or not," Ratchet shrugged genially. "I'm a medic, information sharing is part of my programming."
Well that certainly worked.
"Cool," Jacobs grinned. "So you guys seem to be incredibly fond of children..."
"No matter what their species," Ratchet murmured, nodding agreement.
"Why?" the marine asked curiously. Ratchet stood still for a moment. He didn't look offended, but still it wouldn't hurt...
"I'm sorry-" Jacobs began.
"No, by no means is it offensive," Ratchet snorted, glancing at him. "I'm trying to decide how best to answer that. There are several reasons, much the same as humans have varying responses to the needs of the young. I suppose the easiest way to answer, would be to tell you that every bot -including a great number of the Decepticons I might add- has a circuit devoted entirely to the protection of the young. Primarily, we did not propagate our race by individually reproducing, the all-spark created us. But when she gives life we begin just as unformed, un-moulded as your own children. More so, we have no bodies. To all of us falls the protection and rearing of the hatchlings."
"So yours is a society that views adopting young..." Jacobs began in awe.
"Not simply as an act of good will," Ratchet smiled at him. "it is a part of who we are. My own spark-mate, Nova, was first and foremost a hatchery attendant. Where even the sparkings created by a pairing of sparks were brought to be placed in their spark chambers. Am I boring you yet?" Ratchet asked in amusement.
"Shit no," Jacobs grinned. "I'm getting the birds and the bees from your perspective!"
Ratchet looked down at him in what was obviously surprise.
"Did you want me to start from the top then? Tell you precisely how our race reproduced?" Ratchet asked curiously. Excellent!
"So long as you don't mind," Jacobs grinned at him, settling a bit more comfortably in place. "We keep hearing terms like hatchery, and sparkings, which in our terms sounds... I don't know, almost heartless, but you guys really aren't. And I know a good few of us are still trying to reconcile that." It was awesome that the medic grinned down at him.
"In the name of learning," the medic stated piously. "Our hatcheries were never made for the mass reproduction of stock, like your animal farms would be. Instead they were a sacred place where the souls of our children were housed, where our sparks were placed in our chambers to protect them, and our chambers given bodies to sustain them, to give us autonomy. The majority of us were brought online by the All-spark, our creator, but several of us, Optimus included, began as sparkings, a new life created by the merging of two sparks."
"So why are there bots and femmes?" Jacobs asked intently.
"You'd be surprised to learn that Arcee, Chromia and Flare chose to be femmes," Ratchet grinned at the man, okay that was a surprise. "Gender does not really mean anything to us, for us we have perhaps... twenty eight genders, I suppose. The only thing that separates Arcee and myself is that structurally, she is capable of maintaining a sparking in a separate chamber within herself. Something that I'd be able to do myself, except the programming responsible for the changes: she is as capable of as you are of breathing, but it is one of the only things capable of putting a knot in my processors like nothing else. I could do it, theoretically, but I am uncertain as to how well I'd be able to maintain it."
"So... you can only reproduce with..." Jacobs frowned, admittedly struggling his way through that one. Just a bit.
"No, now here's the piece of information that may just break your brain a little bit," Ratchet snorted. "And why we have tried to respect your race's apparent need to keep reproduction a secret: Gender does not matter to us, for example, Optimus could just as easily get a sparking on me, as I could on Arcee. However, if he did, we would need Arcee to carry our sparking to the hatcheries, because neither Optimus nor I would be capable of it."
Okay true, that was a bit of a brain buster. Jacobs sat in shock for a moment.
"Are you alright, Lieutenant?" Ratchet asked worriedly.
"I'm good, give me a minute, I'm processing my way through that," he murmured. Ratchet smiled tolerantly and continued working on his project.
Mind awash with new information, Jacobs promptly began to employ the trick Kae had told him calmly in one of their first real heart to heart conversations. He thought back to that conversation and smiled slightly.
...
She was just so damnably serene! Absolutely nothing seemed to phase her, she'd driven in a jeep, seen it blow up not half an hour later and was right back servicing them the second the all clear had been given. And the bots, she got along with them effortlessly!
She was a great kid and all, and she'd certainly sorted out the handshake thing. Which was cool. But still, she was just so damnably serene, it was annoying. He was half glaring at her, barely even realizing he was doing it. Kae had turned to look at him, her expressions registering first surprise, then a calm curiosity.
"What's bothering you?" she'd asked patiently.
"How do you deal with all of this?" he'd asked her in a frustrated tone, plopping down on the med-area cot as she patiently stripped a servo. "I mean, yeah, you saw them enter the atmosphere, but nothing seems to phase you about them. About anything! Ever!"
"Contrary to popular belief," she'd snorted, "Some of the things do throw me for a loop."
"You don't show it." Jacobs had stated grumpily.
"Of course not," she'd chuckled. "If I allowed every single emotion that passed through my mind to show on my face I'd have more wrinkles than a ninety-year old."
"But..." Jacobs started with a frown.
"Start from the beginning," she'd smiled. "I find it helps to remember that as human as they seem at times, earth's languages are not their first. Concepts that to us are as commonplace as breathing, are just as often as bizarre to them as they are to us. So rather than stewing irritably that you don't understand something, take a deep breath, start from the beginning and take heart from the fact that for all the time I've spent taking care of Bumblebee, the gods only know how many times the two of us have just stopped, stared at each other and called each other-"
"Fucking weird!" Bumblebee had interjected as he wandered past, grinning at Kae as she laughed at him.
Jacobs had just stared at the two of them and laughed.
"Okay like what?" he'd asked with a snort, looking between the cheerful scout and young woman.
"Well like that breathing thing of yours," Bumblebee snorted, cutting the soundbytes together. "Every now and then Kae did these really heavy vents, which I know now means she's irritated. I kinda like it now, actually, it's a really easy one to mimic to let you guys know when I'm irritated."
"You didn't think that the bots vent sighs, or let out a slow breath for their own sakes, did you?" Kae had smiled at him. Jacobs stared at her.
"Jacobs, they don't breathe," she'd explained patiently, gently smiling. "the only need they have for air is to combust fuel and keep their processors cool."
"So you guys sigh when you're irritated for us!?" Jacobs demanded of the scout.
"Yeah," Bee shrugged. "But Kae's started using our phrases, so it equals out."
"Heh?" Jacobs frowned. Bee opened his mouth.
"You don't need to explain everything, Bee," Mikaela had smiled. "Just give Jacobs a moment to process everything, he and I only run single processors, remember?"
"Right right," Bee grinned. "Dunno how you do that sis, drive me insane."
"But how many times do I have to remind you to slow down and notice the roses?" she smiled back at him.
"Those are just weird. They don't move, they don't talk, they just sit there and smell pretty," Bee snorted.
"And that is why we have them," Jacobs had smiled at the bot. "We keep them there simply to look at, because they smell pretty and remind us to stop and take a breath before we continue on."
"I still don't get it," Bumblebee had grumbled, which made Jacobs feel a great deal better.
"When you're irritated you sync your processors to clear and calm them," Mikaela had smiled at the scout. "Stopping to smell the roses is the catalyst for us to do the same."
"How'd you know I do that?" Bee had grinned down at her curiously.
"Because when you're irritated, little-brother, your processors buzz like a swarm of pissed off bees," Mikaela laughed. "I can hear you syncing them, because you grow quiet for a second before you begin humming properly again."
"You can hear what?" Jacobs asked in a shocked tone.
"I can hear his moods, all of their moods," Mikaela had explained patiently. "Actually, Bee, d'you mind crouching down and letting Jacobs hear your spark?"
Bumblebee had shrugged and knelt down, crawling toward him.
"Your hearing has probably been damaged by bombs, yes?" Mikaela smiled at him. "Press your ear to his chest, as you would to hear a heartbeat."
Jacobs obeyed and was surprised to find a rather musical hum emanating from the incredibly personable bot.
"Commencing processor sync," Bumblebee played the soundbytes quietly, which was nice of him actually, this close Jacobs could almost feel the sounds as they vibrated through the scout's armour. The humming quieted somewhat before returning again, it had changed, a tone that Jacobs could only interpret as... calmer.
"That's just cool," he'd grinned at the scout.
"Thank you," the scout grinned at him. "I'd return the favour, but I can actually hear your heartbeat two uni- sorry, ten feet away."
"Two what?" Jacobs asked curiously.
"Two units," Bee shrugged. "You wanna come for a ride while I do my rounds? We can hash out just how weird we are," Bee had grinned at him.
"Oh! Done!" Jacobs had laughed. He glanced back to see Mikaela watching them with a tolerant, almost motherly smile. Of course the second he looked at her her face composed itself back into it's neutral serenity.
Fascinating.
...
Jacobs took a deep breath and looked at Ratchet, starting from the beginning and working his way through the information.
"So let me see if I've got it straight so far," he stated finally. "You lot are technically genderless, you've applied male and female titles more or less for our sake, like you did with the breathing thing."
"Yes," Ratchet nodded.
"The only real difference is that the femmes are capable of transporting a sparking... a new life from one place to another with a great deal more ease than you would be able to." Jacobs stated calmly. Ratchet nodded.
"The hatcheries are where your souls were given bodies."
Ratchet nodded, turning to look at him with a mildly impressed look in his optics. Which was cool, it took a hell of a lot to impress that bot.
"So it's actually kind of weird to you guys that I'd need a female to produce young," Jacobs grinned at him.
"Sort of?" Ratchet laughed. "I mean, I've come across several different species in my time, including a silicon based life form a few systems away... uh... that way... from here that rather resemble a giant form of earth's amoeba." he stated, pointing toward the horizon.
"You're joking!" Jacobs laughed, looking at the bot with a broad grin.
"Have you ever known me to joke?" Ratchet grinned down at him. "Ask Ironhide, he stepped on one while we were there, it just got back up... well... reformed itself, swore at him for a second and I don't even know how to describe how they move... I want to say ooze, but they don't lose any material as they go, they just go. They communicate verbally... sort of... they form a bubble out of their exo-skin and force it back out again through a small opening. I honestly would like to show you them, your lot would die laughing to hear them talk."
"Why?" Jacobs grinned at him.
"Because the vast majority of sounds they make sound like your human flatulence!" Ratchet snorted gleefully.
"They speak in fart sounds," Jacobs stated flatly.
"I only wish I could come up with a tall-tale as good as the truth of their existence is," Ratchet chuckled gleefully.
"What, the schlorph?" Arcee asked cheerfully, rolling back in from the hangar doors on her way to her recharge. "They're a nice people, very generous, Glorb was kind enough to give me a tentacle of it's form to repair my circuits. He even shaped it perfectly for me."
"What did you give in return?" Jacobs asked, fascinated.
"Oh, I used my cannon and exposed a vein of the raw minerals they survive on," Arcee shrugged genially. "According to Glorb, I provided enough food for his village to survive modestly for the next five centuries or so. Good recharge Jacobs, Ratch," she smiled at them and transformed, parking beside her sisters.
"Anyway, they grow, split in half and somehow form two entirely separate beings without trading any kind of genetic material whatsoever. They have failed to evolve at all as far as I can tell. They simply exist, and have done so for approximately two billion of your solar-cycles. And yet they are just as sentient as your or I." Ratchet grinned down at the man. "Comparatively? Your lot are quite a resilient, evolve-able species that has come up with a remarkably effective form of reproduction. I know the schlorph have sex, they combine with each other because they think it's both fun and pleasurable, but they just don't trade any genetic material! Which if you ask me? That's just weird."
Jacobs burst out laughing, understanding once again why Kae loved working with the old Medic. When he was in a good mood he could tell you the weirdest friggen things, and despite what you thought, you knew it was absolutely true.