Happy Christmas

Main Characters: Mega , Java

Others: People in the tribe

Words: jolly, brat, suck

Phrases: "Bad Santa" "Guess who"

OTHER: Basically, Mega is Santa at a mall, and Java is his little elf.

History Notes: I didn't do this for last and maybe I should for this one- this takes place during the 'Twas the night universe. Meaning that pairings and situation have already been mapped out since two years ago when it was first released.

Pairings: Jay/Salene, Ram/Java, Mega/Siva, Bray/Ebony, Amber/Slade, Pride/Danni, Tai-san/Lex, Zandra/Ryan, Luke/Ruby, Jack/Ellie, Alice/Ned, Dee/Patch, Darryl/May, Martin/Trudy (keep in mind this before the divorces, deaths, and moves)

Disclaimer: Cloud9 owns it

By: Heather

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"So let me get this straight… you want me to be Santa because the clothes are too small for Jay this year- you want Java as an elf because the elf costume was too big for Lex- and you want Lex to be Mrs. Claus because Ebony isn't big enough but Amber is too big… am I getting this right?" Mega demanded folding his arms.

"Yea…" Salene said slowly looking at the entire group with Mega standing up in the middle with his nostrils flaring, his eyes in a dead lock stare, his arms folded making him look downright violent.

"Someone get me a knife"

Salene looked at him, "Now Josh- this for a good cause…"

"Yea, and so is selling a kidney but I don't see you doing that- so how about this- I donate your kidney and I'll be Santa?" he suggested in a condescending tone.

Salene felt her throat dry- okay now she had to bargin, "You do it- I'll give you a bonus and I'll buy you a computer," she offered.

"Not good enough," he said with gritted teeth with a death glare.

"-And I'll make everyone dress up in drag elf costumes and sing carols on the side during the entire 8 hours we agreed to do it at the Mall"

"Deal"

"BITCH," Ebony screamed standing up and stomping her foot as the others all made faces and stared talking among themselves, "What gives you the right?"

"It's that or everyone else hits the streets ringing bells- giving out soup at the kitchen, along with cleaning up, and then caroling door to door," Salene said seriously.

"I'll take the drag," Zandra interjected.

"Same here," Ryan agreed automatically.

"I prefer the soup kitchen," Amber said.

"You would- do gooder," Lex mumbled, "I don't think it's fair that Mega gets a bribe to do this- and HE'S not dressing up as HIS WIFE," Lex said darkly.

"Lex- you already got a car last month for doing Frankenfurter with your bonus payment," Salene said.

"So? This is embarrassing- and the stockings give me the itches…" he said.

"I'll fix that for you baby," Tai-san said putting a hand on his leg and running it up and down.

"Never mind- you got yourself a deal woman"

"Thank you," Salene mouthed to Tai-san.

Tai-san then gave her a smile, "Okay- so when can we get suited?"

"I'll have everything there and ready next week before go time- everyone be an hour early- don't forget to wear something to slip on underneath- others will have to wear these… and try to be happy- besides you're getting paid and a dinner out of this," Salene told them, "You guys can go now"

"You realise we're gonna get killed for this right?"

"Considering last year we had Ebony as Mrs. Claus, and Bray as Santa- trust me- it can only get better- or did you forget the nightmare with Ved and Ryan back stage with the Rudolph costume- and then the fact that Lex almost quit before he had to go on?" Salene asked Jay seriously.

"Hmm and that was last year- I'll bet you anything- it'll be a mess"

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(The day of)

"HAS ANYONE SEEN MY BRA?" Lex screamed at the top of his lungs in the dressing room running around in the Mrs. Claus bottom with stocking and high heels trying to find his wig, bra with stuffing, and make up kit.

"That's not something I'd ever shout out loud again," Bray said looking at him as he zipped up his dress.

"Look whose taking Miss Elf," Lex said with a sneer.

"Isn't there supposed to be a white beard or am I crazy?" Mega asked finally finishing off his look, "Gentlemen- I mean ladies I present to you the first black Santa"

"You're Maori and Samoan"

"As if they can tell the difference"

"Good point," Martin said looking over him.

"Your also half white," Slade chimed in.

"Gee thanks for that princess biker girl," Mega snapped before turning around storming off.

"And Santa went on a diet too," Slade noted.

"Your asking to get hit by your own little brother aren't you?" Ram asked.

"Banking on it- yes- wanting it? No. But I do feel it coming? Absolutely"

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"Guess who?" a voice said placing his hands over Salene's face.

"You and the other guys ready Jay?" she asked.

"Yep- everyone out," he called.

The group of guys then filed out dressed in skirts and shirts both green and red with elf ears, hat, and girly shoes.

"I am never living this down," Martin mumbled.

"None of us are," Ned informed him adjusting his top again.

"The girls are already outside in uniform- and Java is watching the line of kids set up for Santa- Mrs. Claus seat by the gingerbread play house is on display already with Amber and Trudy guarding it. Now where are Mega, and Lex?"

"Here," Mega said walking in this time with a white beard and layers to his clothes to make look bigger, "Ready as I'll ever be- and this computer better be high definition"

"I'll even throw in graphic programme's"

"I'd say I love you if I wasn't dressed as some jolly old fat guy"

"LEX"

"I'm COMING GOD- HOLD OFF FOR ONE SECONDS- THOSE BRATS CAN WAIT- I'M TRYING TO PUT ON THESE HEELS FOR CRYING OUT LOUD- STUPID KIDS, YOU SUCK SALENE"

"Gee thanks Lex- everyone just head out- I'll be there with Lex in a second"

Everyone, then headed outside as the guys went to join the girls lining up behind them each other with fake smiles already plastered on their faces for the screaming kids and their parents in line.

"Quick- let's get a move on- Joy to the world everyone?" Ellie said trying to distract the kids fast before they could see the guys frown's.

"Works for me," Tai-san replied.

"Right three, two, one- JOY TO THE WORLD…"

"Lex- they've started without us.." Salene said once outside- she then ran towards the group as Lex made to his seat in between Amber and Trudy winking at both of them as they rolled their eyes.

"Try that when you not dressed as a girl Lex," Amber said.

The kids then began to come towards Mega and Java as they looked at each other.

"This is going to be long afternoon," Mega said to her whispering.

"Oh hell ya- but don't worry I got your back"

"Java… that worries me"

"You'll be fine- and remember they're suffering, Lex has it worse, and we're getting bribes," she said with gritted teeth as a kid moved to sit on his lap.

"Santa, did you get a sun burn?" the little boy asked.

"Remind me to kill her later," he said in return as he faked smiled at the kid.

"Will do- one down- 600 more to go"

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(An hour later)

Another kid was screaming on his lap until finally Java grabbed it and handed it over to his mother causing Mega to wipe his forehead. So far he been asked by three kids if he was sick, two if he had make up, by one older kid why his wife looked so ugly, by another why he had a white beard if he was black, three that asked why Santa was black, five that asked if he was really old and same to his wife why they were still working, nine that asked if he was on a diet, and thirteen that asked why his glasses were so thick and black.

"I need a break…" Mega said.

"Now?" Java asked.

"Now or else Santa is going to kill his singing elves with a lead pipe and then use his reindeer to run over those kids… meanwhile while robbing a store since that all "black Santa's" are used for it seems," he said darkly.

"Touchie are we?" Java asked, "Though I don't blame you- those kids were saying some cruel things"

"No kidding"

"KIDS- Santa needs a bathroom break- he'll be back soon- until then his ELVES will entertain you with O Christmas Tree.." she said turning around and following him out the side door.

"Smoke?"

"Oh yea"

Both went outside and started to smoke to free up tensions.

"We gotta go back…" Java said finally.

"I know but god do I wanna get high"

"You can tonight at dinner- besides its Christmas and… we're getting a pay off- not to mention, those mutants will start screaming"

"Guess you're right- hey thanks by the way"

"For?" Java asked.

"Rotting in hell with me," Mega said.

"Anytime Josh- anytime"

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The end