Of Rappers, and Weddings
Challenge by: Mamberlover and Starlette (Joint challange)
Couples: Mega/Amber and Ram/Trudy (Romancex2)
Other people: Jay, Java, Darryl (aka "Dizzy D") and Lex (Master of Wedding Ceremonies)
Disclaimer: I am smart enough to not claim ownership, SEE?
Words: Gamer, Heaven sent, Snakehead, and Faithless
Sentences:
"I'm just another notch on your bedpost and you're just a line in a song"
"You can't come back after all this time and think I would come running like a puppy dog."
"See I can do it too...choose me."
Must Include: A wedding, a rap concert, doing laundry
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Fact 1- In order to be a member of the group, the first thing- understanding the group. The Mallrats are a complicated species- driven by madness, romances, pregnancies, poverty, and sex. For every member there is a story that reads like a soap opera. And for everyone who marries into this group- well you just gotta pity them.
You have the original members- Amber, Ebony, Trudy, May, Salene, Lex, Bray, Darryl, Ryan, and Jack. All of them met sometime before adulthood. Not sure exactly when or why they even got together but they did.
Under the pretense that once you were in- it was like the mob there was coming out alive. At first, their dating was inter tribal- Amber was with Bray; Ebony with Lex; Ryan with Salene, Jack with Trudy, and Darryl- well with May because she felt sorry him- that and her ex boyfriend, Martin needed to be taught a lesson- and it was only fitting his wannabe clone be responsible for it.
But again incest can only last so long before siblings decide it's time to look beyond the group for love. Trudy found some poor sole named Jay, Jack met this girl named Ellie who then would join the Mallrats under the condition that her sister, her sister's husband, and their children would be accepted.
Lex found Tai-san after Zandra who he gave to Ryan, May found Pride, Bray found Danni, Salene found Luke, and May found Ram. Of course, Ebony struck gold and found Slade.
That's how I got sucked into this mess- through Slade. My brother the bargain man. No joining anything unless I'm his prisoner and by his side under his protection. There's no winning with him. So he forced me- and Ebony forced her sisters in. The Mallrats were now officially a mob organisation in a figurative sense of course. Before anyone knew it- college was over- and couples started to get married- move up and on…
Until, only a few remained, Amber, Ebony, Trudy, Java, May, Lex, Slade, Jay, Ram, and me sadly. We kept in touch with the others but our broke little group decided to move into a shithole apartment complex with virtually no heating, ventilation, or appliances, the beds all on the floor, the walls stained and broken up. The couches with rips and springs loose, a tiny tv, and really old stove etc.
All just so we could continue with our dreams of being struggling entertainers. Me wanting to continue my writing, Amber/Slade/Jay/Ram with acting. Lex, Java, and Ebony with signing. Trudy and May both with artist intentions on the brain. Of course, that's not the only thing binding us together….
"So are you going to just sit there and write all day or are you coming out at some point to play with me?" a voice asked from the doorway- the door was broken so actually shutting it was impossible.
"You can't come back after all this time and think I would come running like a puppy dog. I have a project I'm working on," Mega answered continuing to write down his notes.
"Okay you're life story is not that important drop it, and help me finish the laundry," Amber commanded folding her arms looking at him with a sharp glare.
"Is there an option B?"
"Going to Darryl's concert rehearsal with the others," Amber said after a second.
"I'll take the laundry"
"Thought so"
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Fact 2- The faithless are tortured in life by the faithful- and the gamer is forced to play the game laid out by the faithful. In short, Ram and I the pessimistic unattached atheists are controlled by the god loving women of kindness and fertility commonly known as Trudy and Amber that keep us in life with threats and torture. And to keep them happy- we gotta play the game- The Mallrat game. Spreading peace, justice, honesty, and virtue to others whether we like it or not.
"Heaven sent us another gift- a wedding invitation to the wedding of Bray and Danni- which means we're covered for food for one full day," Amber announced folding some clothes and handing them to Mega.
"And hell has too- called Lex's preacher speech"
"Didn't think about that"
"Maybe you should think about that first- that and the fact that possible auditions will be thrown out the window to fly ourselves back to Auckland for this wedding- and then we may come up short for the water bill this month," he replied a second later as he shoved more in the basket.
"Always have good news don't you?"
"Well apparently bad news is sad so I decided to share the upbeat one first and save the horrific told you so for later"
"Ever thought about a career in bounty hunting- you have the same sarcastic traits of a regular snakehead," Amber said after a minute semi glaring at him, "And I'm sure murder for hire would never bother your anti morals"
"You're right- it'd be perfect of course that is until Slade applied for the job- then I'd lose out. Might as well give up now- I mean for that matter- I might as well hand over you too- I'll just lose in the end," Mega replied deadpan.
Amber looked at him and stormed off- sometimes, she couldn't talk to him. At all. Jay and Bray were so much easier but all the same- she didn't love them, and they didn't hold the appeal that Josh did but sometimes… he just wouldn't knock off his attitude.
"Something wrong?" Trudy asked as she saw Amber storm into the kitchen.
Amber moved to turn in her direction and then froze when she saw that Trudy was lying on the couch naked with a sleeping naked Ram below her.
"Uh… no…"
"Mega?"
"Possibly- blanket…"
"OH sorry," Trudy said quickly realising what she looked like as she grabbed it and tossed it over her and all of Ram.
"Trudy! Way too much- I take you guys might not be ready for later?" she inquired.
"Oh yea, we'll be ready for Darryl's concert- promise"
Just as they talked- then the door opened and Jay walked in, "Guys- we gotta go- we got 45 minutes before we have to be there"
"WHAT?"
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Fact 3- Darryl cannot rap for shit, and yet out of the three aspiring singers- he's the only one with a record label. It's like god lives to the punish the Mallrats.
"I'm just another notch on your bedpost and you're just a line in a song baby- Yea another NOOTTTCH," Darryl sang loudly off key to some kind of rap beat.
"Oh my god my ear drums are bleeding," Java said taking a sip of her drink.
"Mine are already gone," Mega told her.
"How Dizzy D became a rapper- he said the following at a karaoke night- "See I can do it too...choose me." And suddenly, he's got a label- is what Lex and I have done wrong?" Ebony demanded.
"Yea and we don't sound like we're dying on stage- they think of him as a joke," Lex retorted.
"Let's hope so"
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Fact 4- Christmas when you're broke SUCKS. All you have is this sick together time in which you all you can afford. No gifts, no holiday treats, and no rugby on tv. The only good news no god damn lights, and no damn decorations. Suddenly, the entire holiday becomes about cheer and together which can give any normal sane man hives. Meanwhile, trying to figure out how to escape and get drunk safe from prying eye.
"Can you forget that book for once and focus…" a voice said entering the room.
"Look Amber, I've already apologised to you- now I'd like just write…" Mega began before she entered his eye sight.
Suddenly, he dropped the books and his full attention switched to her- she was wear a red laced bra and panties with little mistletoes patterns on the front embodied. With a Santa hat over her head.
"Well fine- if you'd rather write then open your gift…"
Mega wordlessly tossed his notebook, "Book- what book?"
Fact 4 rewritten- I LOVE CHRISTMAS
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Fact 5- Weddings are meant for a time of happiness- where two people can love each other openly in front of all their friends and family- and god. It's a time for blissful moments of happiness exchanged between two people for what their life should be like however… that is unless you have Lex as a priest. In which then it becomes a Wedding like the Nightmare before Christmas which should be written as The Nightmare during the Wedding. Freaks, geeks, and unconventional people need apply.
"Incest couple number two has gathered here today in this building, in this small town, in this spot located on this small island in the Middle a Mall called The Phoenix Mall to get married with a room full of weirdoes, hot babes, geeks, and clones. And for this…" Lex began.
The entire room already on defense rolling their eyes and making hard looks at him. This would be a fight before the day ended.
"Do you former boyfriend of Amber, clone number 1, with some stupid idealogy and low brain mass take your identical clone down to the hair colour to be awfully wedded clone saint with a stick shoved somewhere up her butt?"
Bray looked at Lex sharply, "I guess"
"Good- great- wonderful- NEXT- same to you dopey"
"I do"
"That's great- k you're married- I'm done- get out of my face"
Fact 6- Whether or you not you agree with them, whether you like them or hate, whether your one by marriage, or choice, you just can't live our world and survive without the Mallrats. Through love and hate- and all in between- we make one hell of a team. Successfully a set and we have our tv show. That's the magic of us down to the last drop.
This has been Mega Roberts report- see you all on comedy central tomorrow night for our usual comedy hour.
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The end.