When you had nothing nice to say it was best to say nothing at all.

Shigeko had heard that from somewhere, she didn't know where exactly, but it had been the kind of thing that stuck with her. To her. Like getting gum stuck to the bottom of her shoe. It was there, persistent, but also a good thing to remember. Watch where you step. Don't say mean things to people, bad things. Shigeko had never really had to think too much about it, saying bad things, at least not…not until now.

It was really hard to think of something nice to say right now, or even not mean, so maybe it was best just to say nothing at all.

"How could you?!" shouted Minori. Shigeko looked down and said nothing. There was nothing to be said, really. Nothing nice. All she could do was look down at her shoes and wait for school to start. She had left early, so early that Mom hadn't even been awake yet, and she had hoped to hide in the courtyard before school started and then…well when school started she could have either stated hidden in the courtyard or gone to class…

Did it count as skipping school if you were still in school while you skipped class?

"I trusted you! You were my friend and I trusted you!" shouted Minori. Shigeko didn't say anything. She knew what she should have done, she should have apologized and said that she had been out of her mind or not thinking or suddenly struck by a very selective form of amnesia that only made her forget that she was Minori's best friend and therefore not allowed to do those kinds of things with her boyfriends. She should have lied but she just…she didn't want to lie.

Lying was Minori's thing.

"What? You don't get it? You don't get that you're the only person that I trusted, you're my only friend-" said Minori

"We're not friends." Said Shigeko softly. She broke her own rule. There was nothing nice about what she had just said. Shigeko knew that if she'd had a friend, that if she'd had a real friend like she imagined her dolls were her friends, she would have been devastated if one of them had ever said something as mean as that…but she also knew that she never would have done anything to make one of them say something as mean as that to her…and anyway it was the truth.

The truth always had a way of coming out. She had read that one in a fortune cookie once but there was wisdom in it.

"Ex-fucking-cuse me?" asked Minori. Shigeko looked up. Their eyes met. Minori took a step forward. Shigeko stayed where she was. Whatever Minori was planning on doing to her she knew that she deserved it, she wasn't going to run, but she also wasn't going to stand there and lie. No, she wasn't going to tell one more like because of Minori.

"I said that we aren't friends! Friends don't treat each other the way you treat me!" said Shigeko

"The way I treat you? Newsflash, Suzuki, you'd be NOTHING without me! Do you know what people call you? They call you-" said Minori

"I don't care what people call me. I know that before we were friends nobody noticed me and…and I can go back to that. Not being noticed is better than being friends with someone who…who makes me do her homework and uses me so she has an alibi and…and always makes we feel…you make me feel really bad about myself and I don't like it!" said Shigeko

"Well, you should feel bad about yourself! You slept with my boyfriend, Suzuki! You slept with him just because-because-because you knew I wanted to! Because you knew I loved him! You wouldn't have given a fuck about him if it weren't for me and he wouldn't have even noticed you and you're acting like-like-" said Minori

"You're acting like a bitch! You always act like…like that. He doesn't even like you, you know, he likes me but I'm not with him right now because I knew that you liked him." said Shigeko. That was well beyond the point of not being nice. That had been straight up mean but…but it had also been true. Minori was a bitch, it felt so wrong to even think the word let alone say it, but…but she was. She was a bitch and Shigeko….she didn't want to put up with it anymore. She didn't have to put up with it anymore. She didn't have to put up with anything that she didn't want to.

Not from someone like her, someone as mean as her…someone who was the direct opposite of who Shigeko wanted to be.

"What? Do you want a fucking award or something? You're not the biggest bitch in the world? Well then congratulations, Suzuki, I'm a bigger bitch than you but you know what? You know what? At least I admit it." Said Minori

"Good, it's good to be honest." Said Shigeko. At least Minori was making progress. Maybe now, if they forgave each other, they could be friends…Shigeko had done something unforgivable but something told her that a real friend would have at least tried no matter how weird things got.

"At least I admit that I'm a bitch. All you do is hide behind your braids and your dolls and your stupid Frozen obsession and you're all 'oh I'm so sweet' but you know what? You're a bitch. You're a bitch and a slut and the worst friend that I've ever had." Said Minori. Shigeko decided to scrap the whole forgiveness thing. Minori was still the same, or maybe worse. Shigeko wasn't a b-word. She actively tried not to be. A b-word would have told Minori to leave her alone from the moment that they'd met. She had always been there for Minori in all the ways a friend was supposed to be. It was Minori who had been the terrible friend.

"I've been a great friend, Minori. I always listen to you talk, and I always do what you say, and I always do what you want to do…did. I always did what you wanted to do. I never told you how I felt or…or anything. I was a good friend." Said Shigeko

"No, you were a snake in the grass, that's what you were. Other people, at least, admit that they're using me. They admit that they want my money, and my popularity, and to…to be seen with me but I actually thought that you were different. Turns out you're the absolute worst of the worst." Said Minori

"I…I am not the worst…" said Shigeko. She had done something wrong. She had been so caught up in how terrible Minori was that she had ignored the fact that she, she and only she, had been the one to sleep with Teru. There was no way to justify it. She had done something wrong and…and she had wanted to. She had known what it was that she had been doing but she had still gone along with it. Minori had, at least, never stolen anyone's boyfriend…she had never even had a boyfriend before.

Somehow that made Shigeko feel even worse…and she hadn't even known such a thing was possible!

"It's not fair, you know that? It's just not fair! You get everything that you've ever wanted…that I've ever wanted! You have a mom and a dad who's not up your ass all the time and you don't give a fuck what other people think and-and you don't have people following you around just to use you…pretending to be your friend…" gasped Minori

"I don't have-" said Mob

"You're the only friend I've ever had…you were, Suzuki, I thought that you were the only friend I ever had but you just…you stole the only person who I've ever loved from me. The only guy who's ever loved me back. You knew how much he meant to me and you slept with him." said Minori. She was closer to Shigeko, now, close enough that she could have hit her…but she didn't. She grabbed a handful of Shigeko's school shirt and pulled her close but not to hit her.

No.

Just to cry on her. Minori was crying. She had never in her life seen another person cry let alone someone like Minori. Someone who had always been so cool and collected. Someone who had always been kind of untouchable. Above everything. Minori was crying and it was Shigeko who had done it…and there was no excuse…

Maybe she really was the worst of the worst after all.

"It…it wasn't something that I planned…" said Shigeko. She reached for Minori's hand. She wanted to comfort her. Shigeko didn't like her one bit but…but that didn't mean that she wanted to make her cry. She held Minori's hand and for a moment she held it back.

Just a moment.

"Whatever." Said Minori as the bell rang. She immediately let go of Shigeko's hand, turned around, and started walking away. Shigeko…she couldn't move. She just…she wasn't that person, the one that Minori thought that she was. She wasn't…she wasn't any of those things…

Right?

"Minori, wait! I didn't mean to-" called Shigeko, reaching after her. Minori spun around, her eyes burning holes into Shigeko's as they met.

"Don't ever talk to me again. Slut." Said Minori. She spat on the ground in front of her and kept on walking. Around Shigeko suddenly she was surrounded by people all making their way to the door. They crushed her, it felt like, as they filled every available space around her. It was like being a rock in the middle of a river, or like being in a lazy river on a busy day and your raft tipped over, or like being in line and not paying attention to the people around you and they all started moving and-and-and-

-and you were stuck in the middle.

"I'm not…I mean I didn't mean to…" said Shigeko to no one. Minori had long disappeared into the crowd. Now it was only her. She had no idea how a person could have felt so alone even when they were surrounded by people. To the left, to the right, in front of her, in back of her, all around there were people and…and they didn't even notice her. They just kept walking. It was like she wasn't even there.

Like she was a mob character.

Nobody was even looking at her and…and she wanted them to. She wanted someone to look at her. She had thought that she could have gone back to the way that things had been before but before…she forgot how things had been before. How she had practically been sleepwalking through her life. At least with Minori someone had seen her, someone had talked to her, someone had…someone had been there for her. It wasn't fair…it wasn't!

Life wasn't fair!

Why did she always have to be the one to get the short end of the stick? Why did she have to be the only one on her own? Why didn't anyone care about her? Why did she have to get rid of the only person who had ever cared about her…and for what? Someone who she didn't even like? Someone who didn't even like her? Someone who…someone who still didn't deserve what Shigeko had done to her. What she had done was still unforgivable and…and she…she had no way of taking it back. It had felt good, it had been something that she had wanted more than anything else in her entire life, but getting something that she had wanted had only served to take away what she'd had. It hadn't been much but it had been hers…and Minori's. She had taken away, too, what Minori'd had in her life…what had made her happy. Why did Shigeko's happiness only come when someone else was hurt?

It wasn't fair.

Life wasn't fair and….and she had heard that before, that life was unfair for everyone, but she didn't know why it had to be particularly unfair for her. For as long as she could remember things hadn't been fair. Being all alone. Not knowing what to do…what was going to happen…and nobody noticing or caring…it had all been so much and…and she still didn't know what to do. She knew what she wanted but…but what she wanted was wrong…

It wasn't fair.

She had wanted more than anything else to have…to have people who cared about her. Someone to love her. Someone to be with her. Someone to look at her and say 'I love you' and mean it. Yes, that was what she wanted most of all. Friends and family to love her. A boyfriend. Someone she could make her own family with. Someone who wanted to be with her and no one else. Someone who she was allowed to be with. It would have been wonderful but…but she had none of that. No friends, no family, no nothing. Just her. Just Shigeko…not even Shigeko. Shigeko was a character, a name. She was Mob. Just background filler…just a character in everyone else's world. Someone without a life. No wonder she didn't have any friends or family. She hadn't done anything in her life to get those things. She had just…just existed…she had just sleepwalked through her life.

Well not anymore.

She didn't have to be that person anymore. She didn't have to just be passive. She could be active. She could…she could be someone. She wasn't a mob character. If she stayed the way she was, if she just kept on sleepwalking through life, if she treated life like something to sleep through then…then she was just going to get used and exploited and…and she would never make a real friend…

That was all that she wanted.

She could make a friend. She was more than Mob, she was Shigeko. She wasn't going to…to misuse…she wasn't going to waste her life. She was going to be someone better than she had been! She was going to be someone worth liking. No wonder nobody had liked her before…not even her own family. Mom and Dad didn't love her…Dad was never around and Mom…Mom wished that she wasn't around. Mom hadn't left but she wanted to leave…and Mob…Mob was going to make her stay.

She was going to change.

She was going to be better. She was going to make the world better, more fair. She was going to be the one who decided what was fair and what wasn't! She got up. she started walking through the crowd. They parted for her. They should have. She was Suzuki Shigeko, she was a person, and she…she was going to do something. She was going to be someone. She was going to…

She was going to be better.

She was nothing, nobody thought that she was anything, and that wasn't fair. She didn't know how she was going to do it but she felt like…like she could make things better. Like she had the power to make things better. She opened her eyes. It felt like they had been closed this whole time. She opened them wide and saw…blue. So much blue. It was everywhere…the world felt blue. She reached up. She was…she was there. It felt real, like something that she could reach out and feel….like she had woken up form some long dream.

Like it was a new morning.

The sun had come out. There was more color to the world. It had been grey, a grey day was normal for this season…whatever season it was…but now it was warm. It was yellow and bright. Technicolor. The sun felt so good against her skin. She took another step. The ground under her shook. She wasn't afraid. She was going to keep going. She was never going to be afraid again…even if she was terrible. Even if everyone thought that she wasn't anything…well she would show them! She would show everyone! Everyone who had ever hated her-

"I love you."

She stopped. She felt that. It was ringing in her ears, her brain, everywhere within her. The ground was still shaking. The sky was bright now, blue, no…red? Bright red…or purple…or blue. There was so much color around her. She…she had never felt this before…something so…so…warm….

Purple.

"I'm sorry I left you."

She could see it, feel it, touch it, smell it, taste it. Everything that she could sense was purple. Purple was a feeling, not just a color, and this was it. She reached out and touched it, the purple around her. It was there but also not. It was…the world? The atmosphere? She waved her hand. Purple chased away the red…red? Where had all of this red come from? As far as she could see there was red…red until the end of time…

Aside from right here.

"Please just…just come back."

Here was…here was her and she was here. This place. She was an island. An island of purple. She touched it. It felt like…like safety. Warmth. A warm blanket on a cold winter's night. A warm glass of milk drank in front of an opened refrigerator. A warm pair of socks heated up in the microwave even though you weren't supposed to do that because of fires and also because it was gross but Sho did it anyway and-

"I need you."

-little brothers were gross sometimes…little brothers were so gross sometimes! They were gross because they were boys and boys were gross….boys were gross! They shouted gross things at each other when they were mad! They drank ketchup out of cups like it was water! They opened every single can in the fridge, took a sip, and then put it back! They put on more body spray instead of taking showers! They ate Cheetos and doritos as meals and never washed their hands so everything had orange fingerprints on it! They screamed gross stuff while they played videogames!

"I love…I love you."

Not all boys were gross, though. Some boys were nice. Some boys were sweet and kind and clean, at least they washed their hands, and they needed you but it was ok because they were your friends and…and friends helped each other. Real friends. The kind of friends that stuck with each other no matter what went wrong. The kinds of friends who forgave you for sleeping with their boyfriend. The kind of friends who forgave you for getting way too drunk at a Christmas party and doing gross stuff. The kind of friends who forgave you for doing coke even though you knew you weren't allowed…the kinds of friends who…who would always be there…the kinds of friends who you would always be there for.

She had friends.

She opened her eyes. Pink, blue, purple, and red…very little red. Where there had been red as far as she could see now….now there was an island of red. A shrinking island. Like it was floating away from her. She was standing in a sea of purple, a raft of pink, a sail of blue…she didn't know where she was. She didn't know what she was. Up was down, down was up, left and right had ceased to exist. She was the only thing that existed. She and…and the red thing….but it was gone, now. There was a black dot, a small one…but it was coming closer…

It was coming very close.

She knew that you weren't supposed to go into the light so…so she went into the darkness. That dot turned into a spot which turned into a hole…a whole black hole. It was sucking her in the closer she got to it. She let it suck her in. She wanted…she wanted to see where it went. She needed to see where it went. The purple sea was being sucked into the hole. The blue and pink of her island followed it. She followed them. She was up, then she was down, then she was upside and then…and then she was heavy.

So heavy.

She was heavy and…and cold. Warmth. She rolled into the warmth…moving hurt. She was heavy….she opened her mouth. Her lips were chapped. Her tongue stuck to them. Something was on her face. She tried to brush it aside but…but her hand was trapped. It was trapped in something warm. She smelled…she smelled something good…something familiar…

She turned towards the smell.

Detergent. Her detergent. Shampoo…she knew that shampoo, it was the same boy's shampoo she got for everyone in her family…she inhaled. Home. She smelled home…her real home. She had a home, a home with friends, and family…she had all of those things! This was…she was Suzuki Shigeko but….but this Suzuki Shigeko! She was Mob! She was Daughter! She was Big Sis! She was…she was…

"Miss Suzuki…"

She was awake.