"Miss Suzuki…Miss Suzuki, wake up!"
Shigeko woke up. There was a voice calling her name. Miss Suzuki, not just Suzuki…someone was calling her. Someone was shaking her. Someone was holding her. She buried her face in someone's shirt…a boy's shirt. A boy was holding her. She should have been freaked out but…but she wasn't. She knew this boy. She knew…it took her brain a while to catch up to her thoughts. She had been asleep for so long. It was kind of like she had taken a nap in the middle of the day. The way too long kind of nap where you woke up with a headache…her head was killing her. Her back was killing her. Her everything was killing her…
How long had she been asleep for?
She opened her eyes. Darkness. Shigeko had been asleep all day. It must have been late, or even tomorrow…not that she was sure what today was. A school day? No…no. She didn't go to school. Her brain told her without even having to look…she hadn't gone to school since she had been little. Someone's pulling her close again…a friend. Someone she could trust. She had friends! She had…she had many friends…lots of people liked her! Nobody had ever liked Shigeko before-
Mob
"Mob." Said Shigeko, testing the word on her tongue. Her tongue that was currently trying to stick to her teeth. How long had she been asleep for? She was so thirsty…she needed milk, the strawberry kind, cold…or maybe warm. It was cold in here. She leaned in closer to him, closer to her friend…he was repeating her name over and over again. Not Mob, though, and not Shigeko. Miss Suzuki.
Serizawa always called her Miss Suzuki.
"Miss Suzuki…you're alright! You're alive!" cried Serizawa as he held her really close. She freed her arms and wrapped them around him, too. This was her friend. He had…stayed? Stayed with her for whoever long she had been asleep for…and what she had been asleep for. A cold feeling ran down her back and across her….aura?
Pink and blue.
She could see it, feel it, touch it, taste it, hear it, and any other way that there was to sense it. Her aura. It was there, around her, surrounding her. It WAS her. Auras were the parts of the soul that couldn't fit inside of the body. Dad had told her that, once, when she had been little….when she had lived in the Castle…but she had always lived in the Castle? Right? The Castle was her home…the Castle…
This wasn't the Castle.
Her eyes were getting used to the darkness, now. She could see past her aura, past the purple aura that surrounded her…Serizawa's aura. He was holding her. He was holding her body and her aura close and tight…he wanted to be with her. Wherever they were he wanted to be with her. Someone wanted to be with her….someone wanted to be her friend….
After what she had done.
There's a gross feeling all around her. That gross feeling…it WAS her. an inky blackness was setting around her. It was there for her, it was there because of what she had done…the kind of person that she was. She was a selfish person. She wanted people to think that she was a good person, she wanted to convince herself that she was a good person, but really she was terrible. She took whatever she wanted with no thought to anyone else…even her own best friend…but that had been a dream…but…
But it had been in life.
She was a terrible person. She let other people use her just because she wanted to be liked but also she used other people because she didn't want to be alone. She was a terrible person. She was such a terrible person that her own mother had left her, and Dad wanted to leave her. Replace her. Have a new family with a new person. Forget all about her even though she had spent her whole life with him, taking care of him, being there for him…but that had just been her job….she hadn't been able to do that right like she couldn't do anything right. No wonder she was going to end up all alone. No wonder nobody liked her. No wonder…no wonder….
No wonder she had gone to sleep. It wasn't like she had anything worth getting up for…
Shigeko closed her eyes. The world behind her eyelids was as dark and as colorful as the world in front of them. She could see darkness, blackness, but she could feel colors. Pink and blue…getting dimmer and dimmer….but purple, too. Getting brighter and brighter. She couldn't let the purple get dim. She forced whatever was left in her, whatever color she had left inside of herself, to the purple in front of her. It got brighter and brighter and she got dimmer and dimmer. Soon all she could see, even behind her eyelids, was purple. The kind of bright, warm, purple that drew her to it…made her want to open her eyes and throw herself into the light…to get away from the darkness…
The darkness, the cold, and the never ending tiredness.
"Will you just leave her ALONE!" shouted Serizawa before…before the darkness was gone. The entire room, no, the entire world had been full of nothing but purple. Now there was nothing but…not blackness, no, just darkness. She heard a sound like something choking or…or struggling, maybe? Like the time Sho had tried to drink two cans of Coke at once while laying down on the couch but somehow worse. The blackness was…leaving. It was running away, if a color even could. it was running away from her, from them, to the corner of the room and then to the ceiling…the sky…upwards and upwards until it was gone. Until it was done.
Until it was over. It was all over.
"Serizawa…." Said Shigeko…Mob. She was Mob and he was Serizawa. She felt so weak. She laid there in his arms. He pulled her close and held her tight. She never wanted to get up, to leave his arms. Someone wanted to be with her. He wanted to be with her so badly that he had stopped that…that thing…
Spirit. It was a spirit. It was a spirit and it had been exor-it had been scared away.
"Miss Suzuki! I'm sorry, I'm sorry! I just lost control and…and I couldn't help it! It was just so…so scary and it was after you and I couldn't let it have you! Not again!" cried Serizawa. She felt something warm and wet hit her forehead. Then she felt it again…and again. She heard sniffling…oh. He was crying. He was crying over her. He cared enough about her to not only cry over her but to keep her safe and…and to try and fight that spirit…
She remembered that spirit.
She had been trying to stop it. Dad had been sending people after it for months now, whenever it would surface and make it's self known. Whenever it would go after someone and…and hurt them. That thing killed people. It possessed people, made them do terrible things, and then when it was done it sucked the life out of them until there was nothing left. Then it moved on. She had been trying to stop it when she had fallen asleep…no. She had gotten caught, she had gotten trapped. She had been there to stop it but then she had been the one stopped…she could have died. That was why Dad had told her to leave it alone, because it was dangerous. It could have killed her…
But Serizawa had saved her.
Serizawa was afraid of everything, though. He always had this nervous kind of energy near him. She could feel it in his aura. Normally she could feel it in his aura. Right now all she felt was warmth. Warmth and safety. He had gone up against that spirit for her. He had stayed with her, gone up against the spirit and…and pulled her out of her dream. He had been the one to wake her up. His voice…that was the one that she had been hearing. He had been there for her. He had done all of that for her but…but why? She didn't deserve it.
She was a terrible person. She should have stayed asleep.
"It's alright, Serizawa, you're ok. That's what matters." Said Mob as he cried, big heavy tears right onto the top of her head.
"No, no it's not. I should have been there for you, Miss Suzuki, I should have saved you before-before you even needed saving!" cried Serizawa
"But why would you have wanted to save me? I…I'm terrible." Said Mob. She wasn't a good friend. She knew what she had done, in her dream and in life. It was the worst thing that a person could so. She had betrayed her best friend, someone who cared about her most in the whole world…someone who used her. Someone who was only her friend when she needed something…but that was how SHE was…
They were different.
She had another best friend. Not Serizawa, no, he was a good friend but he wasn't her best friend. No, they were her friend…they with the purple hair and the shirts with the flowers on them…they who always read books because they liked the quiet…they who always shared what they were smoking or drinking because they knew it made her feel better….they who tried to get her to stop smoking and drinking because they didn't want anything bad to happen to her….they who had been her friend since she had been a kid. They had always been there and she had…she had betrayed them. She knew that they loved their boyfriend but she had still done all the things with them but…but…but it got worse.
She had liked it.
"Don't say things like that! You-you aren't allowed to say things like that, Miss Suzuki! You're not terrible!" said Serizawa. He was crying, now, and shouting. Shouting through his crying or crying through his shouts. She wasn't sure how it worked. All she knew was that she deserved to too tight way he was holding her, she deserved the way he was screaming in her ears, and she deserved, too, the sharp thing that was digging into her leg right now. Someone as terrible as her deserved every single terrible thing that she could get in this world.
After what she had done in this world, and the other, she deserved every single terrible thing that could be thrown at her.
"I am…I am. I did terrible things and-" said Mob
"You didn't do anything at all! I'm the one who's terrible!" said Serizawa
"No, you're not. You're…I remember now, you're my friend. You're one of my best friend, you're always there for me, and you were here for me now…then. When I was stuck in the other world…when I was asleep…you stayed with me and protected me the whole time even though you must have been scared out of your mind. You're not the terrible one, I am. I'm the one who dragged you into this and…and I'm sorry. I made you stay by my side and-" said Mob
"But I didn't! I didn't stay by your side. I-I ran away. I felt it, the thing, the spirit and…and I got scared and ran away. I almost left you here all by yourself because I was too afraid to-to be with you…to save you…." cried Serizawa. She could feel one of his tears rolling down her forehead and into her eye. She batted it away with…with nothing…right. That was something that she could do, wasn't it? Something that they both could do?
She could do it better.
She was Suzuki Shigeko, she was the second most powerful esper in the world, and she should have been able to protect him. That was what friends did, right? They protected their friends…she was a terrible friend. What use was all of this power if she couldn't even protect the people who loved her the most? What use was this power at all…it was useful in bringing people to her. Everyone she knew, everyone she had ever been friends with, she knew because of her powers. Even her own siblings. If it hadn't been for her powers then she never would have met Dad…met? Dad was her Dad…if it wasn't for her powers he never would have kept her…if it wasn't for her powers Sho wouldn't have been born, since he needed a boy with powers too. If it hadn't been for her powers Mukai would never have been born, too, because if she hadn't been born then Mom and Dad could have been happy together and then Mom would have stayed with Sho in the Castle and then Dad wouldn't have fallen in love with that way too nice lady and done…things…with her and then Mukai would never have been born. Everything that Mob had in this world she owed to her powers.
Without her powers she was nothing. Without her powers she had nothing.
"I never should have run away. I should have been with you every step of the way, like a good friend. Like…like I loved you…but I acted like I didn't and…and you almost died." Cried Serizawa. Mob sat up. The sharp thing that had been digging into her leg cut into her. She didn't let it show. This wasn't about her…she was so self centered…she couldn't even calm Serizawa down without thinking of herself…
She was terrible.
"I could have lost you, Miss Suzuki, and I don't know what I would have done if you hadn't….if you hadn't woken up. I don't know what I could have done. I don't know how to be…how to be anything without you." said Serizawa
"You know how to be something, someone, yourself. You're Serizawa." Said Mob softly. She wrapped her arms around his shoulders and buried her face in the space where his shoulders met his neck. He was so warm and she was so cold. She had been so cold for so long. She could feel it deep, deep within herself. She had been here for so long….she had been there for so long, it felt like a lifetime. Maybe it had been. That endless…she didn't even know what season it was supposed to have been. Grey. It had been grey like here…grey and black and just….cold.
She wanted to be warm.
She pressed herself against him. He wanted her there. He actually wanted her there…but she was terrible. He knew that she was terrible but he still wanted to be with her…because of who she was. She was no one without her powers. If not for her powers she would have never met him. Without her powers she was nothing and with them…what had she even done with them? Besides be terrible…
She shivered. Somehow she was even colder than she had been before.
"I know who I am but…but without you I'm not anything. Without you I would still be in my room. I'd still be trapped, no, trapped isn't the right word. Stuck. I could have left at any time if I had just worked at it. If I had just…just done all the things that I did with you." said Serizawa
"We didn't do anything." Said Mob softly
"That's not true! We went so many places and did so many things and…and you were so patient. You were always with me even though I know that I was so…so…I don't even know, needy, or maybe that's Shimazaki's word. He says that a lot, that he's not needy…mostly to Minegishi, though." Said Serizawa
"I don't want to talk about them." muttered Mob. The last thing she wanted to do was remember them, what she had done. She wanted to be with Minegishi but…but maybe it was better that they were apart. She remembered, now, that they had been against her going after this spirit. She was always doing things that they told her not to do. Smoking, drinking, going places that she wasn't supposed to, sleeping with their boyfriend…her best friend's boyfriend…
It was a terrible habit of hers.
"Oh, ok, right. We were talking about me…that's what I'm talking about. You were always there for me and…and you always will be. But I wasn't there for you. I left and…and I came back but that doesn't change the fact that I still left." Said Serizawa softly, so softly that she could barely hear him. She barely heard the words but she certainly felt them, the words reverberating through his throat and against her head…her ear…she could hear everything. What he said, the sound of him breathing, even his heartbeat.
It was so warm.
"I don't care about any of that, Serizawa. I don't care that you left, you're here now…you're here for me even though I'm so terrible…I was so terrible…I stole my best friend's boyfriend…again…" said Mob softly. Serizawa gasped, a sudden sound, it ripped right through him and her. She held him close. His aura, if it had been as bright as before, would have lit up the room if this had been normal times….if he hadn't exhausted himself defending her…protecting her…
He had kept her safe.
"You weren't terrible, Miss Suzuki! Not ever! Far from it! You were…I mean you are…you're my best friend and the best…the best person that I've ever met in my life. I love…I love you, Miss Suzuki…" said Serizawa softly. She hugged him tighter, closer, with every word. She was terrible but…but he loved her? Someone loved her…but that was everything that she had ever wanted, right? Someone to love her?
That was why she did the things she did, right?
That was why she let people take advantage of her, and why she did the horrible things she did, because she wanted to be loved. That was why she put up with everything that she put up with, because she wanted to be loved. It made her weak, Dad would have said so, she could even hear his voice ringing through her mind. Love made her weak, he hated weakness, and he hated her. She knew it was true. He hated her. That was why he had left her, that was why he wanted a new family, and that was why he had said that he hated the person that she was becoming.
He hated her.
She had heard him when he said that he hadn't but Mom had been a liar, too. She had told Mob that she would love her forever. That she would always be there. That they would always be together even if the world got frozen, or they got put in a basket and driven off to the countryside and they needed an orange cat to help them get free, or if they were all different species and there was a big conspiracy to make them hate each other. Mom had told her that they would always be a family…but then she had left.
Family could lie.
Friends could lie, too…right? She couldn't think of a single time her friends had ever lied to her. They were only her friends because she had powers, without them she never would have met them, but that…that was ok. Her powers were a part of her, the best part, like Dad had told her. Her powers were the best part of her and…and that was ok. Serizawa was her friend and they had met because of her powers. She never would have met him…she didn't know what she would have done if she had never met her friends…especially him.
He loved her.
He loved her and…and that was all that she wanted. That was all that she had ever wanted from anyone in her life. She wanted to be loved and…and he loved her. She felt warm, hot even. It was spreading up from her chest through the entirety of her body. She was loved and….and…and she loved him to. She was loved even though she was terrible, he knew the terrible things that she had done, but he still loved her…so now she was left with only one thing to do. One thing to say.
"I love you too."