Minori could feel her body again.
She couldn't remember the last time she had been able to feel her body. To be able to wiggle her fingers, her toes, her ears…not that she should have been wiggling her ears. That was weird. The other kids at school had been sure to tell her, when she had been in first grade, how weird it was. Dad had called it her special talent, the thing that she could do and nobody else could. Then the other kids had made fun of her. Then Mom had been smarter and told her that, yes, it was her talent but if it bothered the other kids then maybe she should have only done it at home.
So she did.
She made sure to do everything right. She had the right look, the right friends, the right school, the right phone, the right…the right everything. She had done everything that she could to have the right life. Even when life had gone wrong. Even when Mom had gotten sick, even when she had died, even when it had been just her and Dad. Even when Dad hadn't known about the right clothes, the right look, the right friends, the right anything. Even though Dad had always been just…obsessed! He had been completely obsessed with keeping her a little kid. He hadn't bothered to even tell her what was right, so she had to figure it all out on her own.
She had done everything right.
So why was she on the floor? She knew her eyes were opened and she knew that she was looking at the ceiling…the wrong one. Not the one from the hospital, or the one in her room, or even the one in her fake…fake room. Her dream room. Her dream room with her big bed, round and with curtains like in a castle, with her wall to wall vanity, with her giant TV, with her balcony so she could look down and see what everyone was doing but they couldn't look up at her…where she could have some peace…where she wouldn't have to worry about having the right life. It had been her dream room…her dream…her nightmare.
It had been completely fucked!
It hadn't been her dream room at all! It had been all grey and dirty and….and huge! There had been an echo and nobody else noticed but her…not that anyone had ever bothered to come in and actually listen. The servants hadn't even come in her room. They hadn't just left her stuff outside of her door…she hadn't even seen one of them…or Dad. Just her and the guards…
They never left her the hell alone!
She looked to the left. No one. She looked to the right. No one. Just her. Her and her alone. She had never been this alone in…she didn't know how long she had been asleep for. How long that…that thing, and it was a thing. It had felt like a presence at first, then a voice in her head, and then she had started losing time. It had started with minutes and then turned to hours, then days, then weeks and then…and then she had only woken up for a few minute every so often. Just long enough to ask for help…help that had never come.
Dad had been there.
He had been there and so had been so many guards. There had been doctors and priests and shamans and psychologists and phonies…so many phonies. People trying to take Dad for all he was worth…and she was the same. She just used people. She had nothing inside of her, right? Just a collection of wants…not even needs. She didn't know the difference between wants and needs. She just wanted things and assumed that she would get them…just assumed that the world had been set up for her…and it had been. The Asagiri Mniori's of the world. She had just…been there taking and taking. From Dad, from Mom, from everyone…and that was why she had been all alone…
Except for the guards.
That was what she had wanted, wasn't it? People to watch her, to care about her, to be obsessed with her. So why had she been complaining? She had gotten what she had wanted but…but freedom. She had just wanted to be free….but she had been free. She could have done whatever she wanted but she just…she did such stupid things. She was so stupid. She was such a loser and…and she made fun of losers but that was just because she was scared of facing up to who she was…to what she was.
A loser. She was a loser.
She was such a loser that Shige of all people had stolen the love of her life…Shige…Shige! Minori sat up. Fucking Shige! Now she remembered! Shige had stolen her boyfriend! She had been dreaming about Shige…no, her body had been taken over and it had actually happened…no, wait, it had happened in the dream…the dreamworld. The totally fucked up dream world! She had been in the dream world with Shige somehow and she had, again, pretended to be her friend. Just like before. Just like she had pretended for all of those years…
Her so called friend.
Her so called best friend. Shige…two faced Shige! How could she had stolen everything from Minori like that?! How could she just just…just come into the world and…and she had been real. Minori knew that she had been real. Everyone else had been so…flat. Flat and wooden, like those old dolls she had played with when she had been a kid. Shige had been real. She'd had color. She'd been the only real thing in her life and…and she had just been pretending to be Minori's friend…
That was the only way that Minori could make friends.
The only people who could stand to spend time with her were the people who stood to gain something from being her friend. She got used the same way that she used people. The same way that she used Dad. The same way that she had used Mom. The same way that she had used Shige…they had been using each other. She rubbed her eyes. She wasn't crying. She had no reason to cry. They had…they had deserved each other…right?
Why had they even been friends?
"What the fuck is the matter with me?" muttered Minori as she tried to stand up. Whatever it was it was over now. She was here. She could feel her body. She was real. She opened and closed her hand. Her fingers were painted pink. A bright pink, with glitter. The moonlight got caught in the glitter. The moonlight…there was a hole in the ceiling. She could see right through to the sky. It was so big and…and colorful…even though it was black it was colorful.
Real. It was real.
This was real and she was real. It was true. She had nothing to be afraid of anymore. She had no idea what it was that she had been afraid of…literally. What had that thing been? It had been a ghost or a virus or a parasite. That made the most sense. A parasite, like all of her friends. That thing had just been holding onto her because it had been a parasite, because it had been hanging onto her, it had stood to gain something from her.
That was just how the world worked, right?
She could have gotten up, she could have figured out where she was, she could have figured out when it was, she even could have figured out where that parasite had gone. She could have done lot of things but she didn't, she didn't see the point of it all. It was a problem, not knowing. She had always known just what to do or what to say or just…what. What she needed. What she needed to have the right life…
There was no right life.
There was just her life, the life that she was living, the life that she had messed up. There was no point to it, was there? She could have just laid back down. She tried to draw her leg up…she winced. Something was on it. Something sharp was sticking in it, jabbing into her, but that was alright. It was real, right? This was real and…and she should have been happy to have been able to feel…
That was so fucking depressing.
Not as depressing as that crying. She could hear it, it wasn't in her head. It was someone actually crying. What did they have to cry about?! She was the one who had almost died…she was the one who was all alone. She was the one who was…was here and…and Dad was gone. No Dad, no servants, no guards. Just her…her and whoever the hell was doing all of that crying!
A guy.
"What the hell…" said Minori as she tried to stand up. She pulled the thing off of her leg. She could feel blood, smell it, sticky and clinging to her leg. Her pants were ripped. Her shirt was ripped too, she could feel the air against her stomach. She looked horrible. Someone was there, she couldn't look like this…that was all she ever thought about, right? The way she looked. That was all she had to offer, right? Anyone. Her looks. Her looks and her money. What was even the point of her…
The point was to get up.
So she did. On shaky legs she stood up. She was all alone. She had to get up and get out of here. Someone was crying but she just didn't care. She didn't know what she would have done for them. She didn't know what to do for a crying person. Nobody had ever come to her when she had cried. Dad hadn't done anything. He had just put her in her room and gotten her more dolls and toys and just…junk. So much junk everywhere. She didn't need junk, she needed him, but…but she had been a kid then. A baby. She wasn't a baby anymore. She was fourteen. She was an adult, practically.
She could take care of herself.
She took a step forward. It hurt. She took another step forward. It still hurt. She didn't know where she was going to go. She was…she knew this smell. This was the country house, of one them. She hadn't smelled this smell since she had been a kid. A little kid. She hadn't been back to this house since Mom had been…around…alive. Since she'd had a family. Since she'd been there and…and Minori wasn't crying. Someone else was crying. That guy…gross. Guys crying was always tragic. At least she wasn't that guy…she took another step.
She felt a little stronger.
Something crunched under her feet. Glass? She could see a lot of it. The moonlight was catching on it…she knew where she was. This was the party room. The wall, the west wall, was all glass. There was supposed to be a curtain in front of it to keep it clean, not that Dad ever gave parties here, or anymore. Not in this world or the dreamworld…it wasn't real. It hadn't been real. It had just been this really fucked up place and…and….
And she was out.
Another step. This time a little more shaky. She stumbled, she gasped, she may have even screamed a little. She had no idea where that had come from. She was all alone, mostly alone. She didn't have to be anything or anyone. No one was looking at her. Who was she when no one was looking? Was she even real? Could she even call herself real?
Something cut through her slipper.
"Fuck!" shouted Minori. She was real. The cheap slippers Dad had dressed her in were broken. She had something slice right through her foot. She was real….even if people weren't around she was real. Not like that thing had said, that stupid thing. That thing had just told her stupid shit. She was Asagiri Minori! She was…
She was something. Someone. Just…not that someone.
It didn't feel the same, her name. Dad had always told her, whenever she felt bad, that she was Asagiri Minori. It just wasn't enough anymore. She could think for herself, not like that thing had said, she didn't take every part of herself from someone else. Her name was hers…sort of. She hadn't chosen it. She hadn't earned it. Her name was just something that had been given to her like everything else in her life…everything else had been given to her or taken by her…but what was she? Who was she?
She was bleeding.
Another step. Another piece of glass. She had to get out of here. If this was the house that she thought she was in, and it probably was, then she still had a room here. One from when she had been little, back when she had been obsessed with princesses, even more obsessed than Shige…fuck Shige. She had been real. She had known what she had been doing. Minori had found one thing that had made her happy in that world, truly happy, and Shige had just taken him from her. She had just gotten up one day and decided that she was going to ruin her supposed best friend's life. That was all that she was, right? Just whatever she could take…whatever she could take from Minori.
She was nothing without Minori.
Maybe they were all nothing. Maybe everyone was nothing and they were all just a bunch of people just trying to be something, someone, that they weren't. Everyone was just trying to morph into someone or something else, something better, but in reality they were all just…nothing. Just bodies. People suits for parasites…nothing of all…they had nothing…
Not even control.
Another step. She just had to get out of here. She just had to find her room and then she could…she didn't know. She just had to go to her room. She had to keep it up. She couldn't…she couldn't keep it up on her own. If Mom had been there then she could have helped. She couldn't keep it up on her own. She didn't know if she could…she didn't know why she was here alone. In that dreamworld she had been alone. How did she know that this was another dreamworld? Because nothing felt wrong, off, cold, or grey? If it could make one world it could make another world just as easily…maybe this one could have had Mom in it for a change.
Would it have been so hard to make Mom?
It had made Dad, gotten him right. Always there even when he wasn't. A thousand pairs of eyes. Servants and guards. People he paid to follow her around and report on what she was doing, who she was doing it with, and trying to make sure that she didn't do anything fun. That she didn't have any kind of a life…at least Dad had been there. At least Dad…Dad was gone. Dad was gone and she was all alone here…this was what she had wanted, right? To be alone, to be able to live on her own, to be able to be like…to be like Shige.
To be able to run her own life.
But she couldn't run, no, she could barely even walk. But she had to. One foot, then another, and then another. She could see the doorway. She had to get out of here. Out of this room, away from the glass, away from all the sharp and broken parts of the wall and ceiling. She just had to get out of here away from everything…including all that crying. What the fuck was up with all of that crying? What the hell!? What did he have to cry about?! She was the one getting all cut up! She was the one who'd had her time, her body, her mind, her entire LIFE stolen from her! That guy was just…that was him, right? Over near that pile of ceiling. A guy and…she heard voices…
She knew those voices.
The guy's voice was vaguely familiar. She had heard it before, she just didn't know where from. The girl's voice, on the other hand, she knew well. Even with the muttering, that soft muttering, she knew that voice. That weird monotone. It sounded like she was bored, bored and tired, but also there was a sadness to her…so tragic, so depressing, so weird, and just so-
-so Shige.
"Shige." Said Minori. She was right there. Minori could hear her voice. She couldn't see her…she couldn't see in the dark but she knew that Shige was there. The light was so bad in her but she could barely make out what looked like a person, no, two people…Shige was definitely there…
Fucking Shige!
Shige who had stolen her boyfriend! Shige who had only pretended to be her friend! Shige who had only hung out with her because she was so weird and…and it didn't make any sense how someone as weird as her could have had friend or done the cool things that she did. She hadn't done anything right. She dressed like a first grader, didn't know anything about anything important, and looked like a ghost. Why did everything good happen to her?
It wasn't fair!
Minori felt herself get cut again. She couldn't see anything, barely anything. Either the power was out or someone had been dumb and forgotten to turn the lights on…there wasn't anyone around to be dumb. She was alone. Aside from Shige and her friend. Why was it always Shige! Well Minori was going to…she didn't know. Tell her to fuck off or kick her ass or…or both? Or maybe she was just going to cry…she wanted to cry. She wanted to cry like a little kid because it was just too much and it was all going to come out and she couldn't act like this and…and…
And she knew better than to cry.
"Shige!" shouted Minori. She wasn't going to cry, no, she was too old for that. Besides, Shige didn't deserve that. She deserved to have her ass handed to her. She deserved to…girls didn't fight. That wasn't right. There had been plenty of times in Minori's life when she'd wanted to kick some girl's ass but she knew better. She wasn't going to fight Shige. She was just going to tell her off, to make HER cry…yeah.
If anyone deserved to cry it was Shige. She deserved to cry for what she did.
"Minori? Minori!?" shouted Shige. God, even her shouting was weird. It sounded like she was concerned and bored at the same time. Of course she sounded bored, she probably was bored. She had done this before time and time again. She was going to pretend to be Minori's friend and then stab her in the back as soon as she could. Like when she was a total bitch at her birthday party, or the boyfriend stealing thing, or any of the other ways Shige had stabbed her in the back over the years.
Some best friend.
"Stay there!" shouted Shige. Minori could see her now, the outline of her. A splotch of black in the darkness, like when you got a blackhead up by your hairline and you didn't know if you needed to get rid of it or if you could blend it in with your roots. Shige would have blended in. She always blended in…but not in a good way. So why did good things always happen to her!?
It just wasn't fair!
"Don't tell me what to do!" shouted Minori as she took another step forward. That was the one step too far. The ground, which had been uneven, gave way there. She had been standing on a broken piece of something and now her ankle, it felt like, was a broken piece of something. She didn't cry, she didn't even scream. She wasn't going to give Shige the satisfaction of knowing that she was hurt…that everything hurt…that her entire life had been ruined…
That Shige had ruined her entire life.
"Minori! I don't mean to be bossy but don't move!" shouted Shige
"I can't." said Minori as she tried to get up. She pushed herself up from the ground and…and now she was flying through the air. She must have still been in the dreamworld, she figured, since this wasn't in any way normal. And not just a little bit abnormal, no, this was extremely abnormal. Like people her age who still watched Disney princess movies and played with dolls.
Yeah, this was the 'Shige' of life experiences.
"Minori, are you alright?" asked Shige. She was standing, Minori was floating, so maybe this meant that she was the better one out of the two of them. Maybe that meant that in their version of the dreamworld Minori would be the one to ruin her life, not the other way around…she would have liked that. She would have liked that a lot. Shige deserved it. She deserved to have the love of her life stolen from her. She deserved to have the only person in the world, the only other real person, and her best friend betray her. She deserved everything that Minori could have thrown at her and then a whole lot more.
This time Minori welcomed the spirit or ghost or monster or whatever it was. At least this time it would be Shige who had to suffer.
"I'm fine." Said Minori
"You're bleeding?!" said Shige. Minori rolled her eyes. So what, in every dreamworld they were going to start from the beginning. It would have made more sense to reset her memory, at least that way she could have been able to mistake whatever that had been for genuine concern.
"What, now you care about me?" asked Minori
"I've always cared about you, Minori, always." Said Shige
"Really? You really expect me to believe that?" asked Minori
"Yes, because it's the truth. I've always loved you. I mean I've been kind of a…kind of a bitch and I'm sorry about what I did before with Teru-" said Shige
"Don't say his name!" said Minori, shaking her head. She didn't want to even think about what had happened. About how she had…how she had finally met someone who loved her and…and the only other person she trusted and cared about had betrayed her. It would have hurt less if he had cheated on her with some random girl. At least then Minori wouldn't have had to face up to the fact that Shige had only been her friend to use her…but that had been kind of the point, right? That spirit had been trying to teach her some kind of messed up lesson? Well fine, message received! Could she please go back to sleep now?!
"Sorry, sorry, I didn't mean to. I mean I did, because that's his name, but I didn't mean to hurt you." said Shige
"Stop lying to me. I know that you're lying, you know that you're lying, so just stop it already. You're bad at it." Said Minori
"Fine, I'm not as good a liar as you are, I know that. That doesn't mean that I'm lying now. I never meant to hurt you, Minori. Everything just kind of…it happened and…and I forgot where I was and who I was-" said Shige
"You were my best friend, that's all that there was to know. You were my best friend and you fucked me over by fucking my boyfriend and now you're lying about it to my face…and you're calling me a liar! I have never once lied to you!" said Minori
"Yes you have, you lied when you said that you were my friend. You always pretended to be my friend but you were always mean to me." said Shige
"No, I was honest with you. You're weird, Shige, and I'm not going to pretend that you aren't. Accept it. You're weird and you're lucky that I even took the time out of my life to hang out with you, you backstabbing bitch!" said Minori
"I-I'm not…I'm not that. I'm…alright, I did something bad but…but it wasn't real. Nothing in that world was real. I think that the spirit just took pieces of everyone it took over and made a world to…I don't know, torment people, I think? I mean I know it took over Teru, and it'd had you for a while, and then it tried to take me over, and then…and then all of that happened." Said Shige
"I told you not to say his name." said Minori. God, was Shige going to be a bitch in every world? Of course she was, she was a bitch in real life, wasn't she? Minori had only kept her around because she had been too desperate for a friend that she couldn't see when she was being used. It was because she was nothing, inside and out, absolutely nothing….
"Sorry, sorry, I just forgot his family name and…and anyway that's what he wanted me to call him." said Shige
"Will you shut up already! I don't want to know about what happened in there or why you fucked me over-" said Minori
"No, I mean in life when we met. I knew him, I mean I kind of did. It's…it's complicated and long. My Dad kept on sending people to kidnap him and then I kept on saving him…it's a whole thing." Said Shige
"….this is the weirdest dreamworld I've been trapped in yet." Said Minori
"Dreamworld? No Minori, this is real life. We woke up." said Shige
"Yeah, this is totally real life, that's why I'm floating in the air. Totally normal." Said Minori. Shige gasped and then waved her hand. Minori was gently put down on the ground…so Shige had been the one doing that. So what, was this a superhero AU or something? God, it wasn't a creative evil…whatever it was, right?
"Sorry, sorry! I should have put you down, or just not picked you up in the first place. It's bad manners to pick people up with your powers and it's even worse manners to use your powers on people who don't have any powers in the first place." Said Shige. Minori glared at her. A superhero universe and she was one of the normal people…great. What was she supposed to learn now? Some cliched lesson about humility or something?
"Great. So I don't have any powers in this world? What fucked up lesson am I supposed to be learning now?" asked Minori
"Um…I don't know. I don't think that you're supposed to be learning anything. I mean this is life so…I don't know. But I am sorry that I used my powers on your and I promise I won't do it again." Said Shige
"Right, this is real life. So what, you've just had superpowers this whole time or something?" asked Minori sarcastically. In this world, like in any other, sarcasm was lost on Shige.
"I was born with my powers, if that's what you mean. I'm not one of the Awakened. I mean you can be awakened if your powers don't show up good enough or soon enough, that's what happened to my brother, but I've had mine since I was a baby." Said Shige. Minori blinked. She had no idea how Shige could say something like that with a straight face. She was…even she wouldn't have been able to keep a lie like that up so this wasn't the real world but…she felt her leg. Blood. Real blood and real pain. Every time she had been in the dreamworld everything had been kind of…far away. Far away and muted. Like she was living in a-a cloud or a dome or…or something….
So this was real.
"Wait…you're serious? You're being serious right now?" asked Minori. This couldn't have been real. This couldn't have been alright. This couldn't have been…she couldn't have been back. She had spent so long wanting to be back, wanting her body and her life back, but now…now she just…she just…
She wanted to go back to sleep.
"Um…yes? I mean I'm not lying…but you didn't know? That I had powers?" asked Shige
"Of course I didn't know?! Why in the…ok, so spirits are real and powers are real and-and-and-and what else is real!?" asked Minori. Ok, so ghost were real. She could accept that. After all people had to go somewhere when they died. She had to accept that ghost were real but…but now psychic powers were real and…and…
This couldn't have been real.
"A lot of things are real. I'm real, you're real, and…um…Serizawa's over there and he's real too. So a lot of things are real, I guess. I can make a list of everything in the world but that would take a lot of time and also I think you'd be bored. Can you be more specific? That way I would know what you wanted to know about…if that's a good idea. Is that a good idea?" asked Shige. Minori couldn't deal with this. Not anymore.
"How about this. I'm going to ask you, specifically, to get the fuck away from me. How about that?" asked Minori. She couldn't be here. She couldn't look at Shige. She couldn't be around Shige. She couldn't…she felt like she was going to throw up. Shige had been keeping this from her. She had been lying and…and this had been going on since the day that they'd met. This was just how she was…she had been using Minori and…and now…now…
Superpowers were real. She had to accept that…somehow.
"But I think that we should really talk about what happened so we can make up and be friends again." Said Shige
"I wouldn't be friends with you if the world was flooded and you lived in a tree." said Minori. She hung onto what made sense. Shige was a bitch and Minori wasn't. There. That made sense. Something in this world…in the real world…made sense.
"But…but I'm sorry…" said Shige
"That's not good enough! You lied to me, you ruined my life, and now…now you have superpowers that you've been keeping from me for our entire lives?!" asked Minori. She made a fist but hid it in her other hand. There was no way that she was going to hit Shige. Not only because it wasn't right but also because if she hit someone with freaking SUPERPOWERS she knew that she wasn't going to live to do it again! Not that Shige was the kind of person who would kill her but…but then again she didn't know much about Shige now did she?
"Psychic powers and…and I didn't know that you didn't know. I mean your Dad is, used to be, a Claw backer and that's what we're kind of all about." Said Shige. So Dad had known about this the whole time. She remembered, back when Mom had gotten sick, that Dad had spent so much time finding people who promised that they could make her better. Doctors but also psychics and shamans and priests and medicine people and…and bunch of people that Minori thought, had thought, had been completely crazy. Even after Mom had died Dad had been trying to find a way to talk to her, to bring her back, and other crazy things that Minori had tuned out…but no, Dad hadn't been crazy. Dad had been right and she had been a bitch…she was a bitch…
No. Shige was the one who was a bitch.
"Well right now I'm all about getting the hell away from you!" shouted Minori as she tried to walk away. Her ankle was killing her, she had to put most of her weight on her other leg, but she was going to walk away. She was going to go…she didn't know where she was going to go but she knew that it had to be far away from lying Shige!
"But-" said Shige
"Leave me alone!" shouted Minori as she limped away. She didn't want to see or hear or anything else from Shige. She walked out of the room, through the dark, and down the hall. She hugged the wall as she walked, her feet her killing her, her ankles were killing her, and she wanted to lay down…she had to get out of here. She didn't listen to her body. It wasn't like it had been listening to her.
Not lately.
She kept on walking. She walked until she found stairs. She knew that her room must have been at the top of the stairs…if she was in the right wing of the house. She didn't know. Tonight…tonight was so dark and she was so tired and…and she just…she sat down on the stairs. She would try and go up later…even though there wasn't any point in it. What was she going to do, go to sleep again?
It wasn't like there was anything left to dream about.
So she stayed there. She rested her head against the wall and just sat. There was no point in going back to sleep, no point in staying awake. No point in talking to Shige, no point in yelling at her, no point in telling her off, no point in…in anything. So she just sat there, resting her head against the wall, and just…just being there. In the real world. The real world where evil spirits and superpowers were real. The real world where your best friend betrayed you with your boyfriend…your boyfriend who wasn't real but was. Your best friend who kept things from you. Your best friend who…who…who pretended to like you but was only using you. There was just no point…in being there, in her body. Her body that was finally hers again…even though the whole thing was just kind of pointless.
So she just went back to sleep. Even though there was nothing left to dream about. Nothing that she even would have wanted to dream about.