Hurt me, Heal me

Challenge by: Heather (I change my name too many times to make a username)

Pairings: Jamber, Trega

Others to include: Mallrats etc if fixable

Words: spectrum, stereotype, stereo, commercial, interest, love

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(Post S5)

Pain. Total pain. That was the only thing to describe Trudy's mood right now. She was in total agony as she sat down on the boat crying her eyes out. Her world was a wreck- totally a wreck, and she had nothing left… things got better and then they got 100 times worse. She couldn't understand what she had done in life to deserve this?

First Bray, then Martin- Zoot- whoever he was… Jay…. Amber…. And now Mega. What had she done to deserve this? The last few weeks had destroyed her in ways she couldn't comprehend until now… and now that she did all she wanted to do was die.

(A month ago or so)

Trudy was on second floor listening to the sounds of the noisy Mallrats. In the background, she could hear Gel and Sammy.

"You know those old commercials for McDonalds? I miss McDonald's," Sammy to her.

"What does spectrum mean?" Lex asked Jack finally.

"We need a stereo," Gel announced to Sammy.

"You know Lex is the perfect sterotype of a male ," May said to Salene.

Trudy laughed and shook her head at them all- some of them had interesting conversations, and some even stranger interests. She wondered where Jay was- if he was okay- she missed him. He was the love of her life. Together they'd be a family- it would be perfect harmony. Tucking away her giddy smile, she went back to folding clothes when suddenly she heard tears from the bathroom.

"Amber?" she said turning her head in panic.

Amber crying? Amber never cried unless something was really wrong. Trudy stopped her folding and ran towards her, "Amber! Amber, what's wrong?" she called as she came over.

Standing in the open doorway in tears was Amber.

"Amber, what's wrong?" Trudy asked her.

"Oh god," Amber muttered in between sobs, "Oh god, oh god," she repeated as she held a hand over her mouth.

"AMBER! TALK TO ME," Trudy commanded.

Amber's eyes turned sharply towards Trudy- they looked haunted and blood shot- her sobs then got louder and she started towards hysterics, "Oh god, I'm so sorry, I'm sorry," she cried looking over at Trudy.

"Amber, what IS it?" Trudy demanded.

"I'm pregnant," she cried out.

"Preg-nant? But Amber…." Trudy began…

Pregnant? Amber was Pregnant? How could that be? Who had Amber been with that she could get pregnant? Jack? Not likely. Lex? No. Sammy? No way. That left…. Jay… Jay…. JAY?

Trudy shot a look at her, please don't let that be reason for her apology.

"Whose the father Amber?" Trudy cried suddenly.

Amber just looked at her.

Trudy started to back up slowly tears started to surface, "Please tell me you're lying- please tell me it's not Jay. Please tell me that you'd never do that behind my back?" Trudy cried covering her own mouth as she started to back away from Amber.

Amber just looked at her and freed her hand from her mouth, "I'm so sorry Trudy," she said finally.

Trudy gulped, then turned, and fled down the hall- Amber wondered if she should run after her but instead ran down the stairs- she had to find Jay and tell him.

(Flashback ends)

So Jay and Amber were going to be parents and the best part all of this happened while Trudy was still with him. What a fool she had been. No guy could resist princess Amber. What a fool. Then, she did it again- this time with Mega. Mega had used her to get Jay and Amber- but trust Trudy helped save them!

It got worse and then the party hit- Trudy was upset still- hysterically upset and her hate of Jay and Amber was going to have to wait- there someone else who had deserved it more. So then the next series in her life took place that lead to this personal moment of hell she was now in.

(Flashback)

Trudy came flying down the stairs and came face to face with a locked up Mega- she grabbed the key opened the door, walked in, and slammed it shut.

"Okay Mega- let's talk," she said angrily.

Mega just looked at her- his expression neutral- his gaze right at hers, he just sat there cross legged on there floor- Between his attire, his skin, the darkness of the basement, and those glasses- he looked really creepy- enough to make her shake slightly. It didn't help that his expression look positively terrifying like he was half a mind reader and have studying into her soul. Trudy would have made a joke he looked Tai-san right then but she was too angry.

"You used me- you sick jerk," she between angry tears, "You used me and you played me for own advantage- why- why did you manipulate my feelings that way?" she demanded.

"Your nothing more than street scum, your far worse than Ram, The Guardian, and Zoot combined- you're a disgusting pig!" she said through gritted teeth as more tears came out.

"Are you sure I'm one this is meant for?" he asked her.

"What do you mean? Of course it is. You ruined my life," Trudy exclaimed in the same tone.

"No, That was Jay and Amber. Transference- you're transferring your anger at them to me," he reported.

"No, I'm not- why else would I be here, if I wanted to yell at them- I'd be up there," she announced.

"No you wouldn't. You don't want make waves- furthermore, you figured by somehow talking me that I'd give want you want to hear," he informed her.

Trudy looked at him, "And what is that?" she demanded.

"That it wasn't all a lie," he countered.

"It was though wasn't it?" she said with eyes tearing.

She wanted to believe so bad that he was different- he sounded a lot more sincere then Jay ever did, even Martin. She wanted to believe he meant it so bad- but he denied it. She wanted for him for than ever to say it was a lie that he really did care.

"Of course it was," he said evenly.

"You're lying," she retorted trying to hide her pain but failing.

"Am I?" he said, "I don't think I am".

"I don't believe you," she said back.

"Then don't believe me but that still doesn't change the truth," he said as if bothered him either way.

"Truth? Truth? You talk about truth- but what do you know about truth? When you lie even to yourself… Slade didn't leave you- you left him. Ram didn't destroy the city, you did. You say you don't care- but you do, and I'll prove it," Trudy announced through her pain.

"And how-" Mega began but without warning Trudy cut him off when she came over and without a single tossed her arms around his shoulders and kissed him.

At first, he had not kissed back and then slowly he did- and before they knew it they were undressing- and the rest was history.

(Flashback ends)

She should have been happy in those moment. Mega had cared for her- no Mega had loved her. She had convinced herself that they had a chance but how was she? This time though- the final result was a lot worse than Amber's pregnancy…

(Flashback)

"The city is going to blow?" Trudy said shocked her mouth hanging open from Amber's announcement.

Amber nodded, "That's why we were hoping Mega would help- we- I was hoping that you could convince him to help us," Amber said looking at her.

"Convince Mega? How would I do that Amber?" Trudy demanded, "I-" Trudy began.

"I know about you and Mega- I saw you guys together the other night," Amber replied suddenly.

Trudy's mouth flew open as she looked at her, "You knew?"

Amber nodded, "That's why you have to convince him to help- I know you can in a way no one else- please Trudy- for the entire city- we need your help".

(Flashback ends)

That had done it- Trudy had been committed- all she had to do was convince Mega. She remembered how uneasy she felt about it. How nervous she was. She had learned in that short time that he was very hard to push around- and that he didn't aid others easily. It didn't matter to her though- he was not like the rest of the guys she knew or had like of the past. He was no saint, he was not a good guy but it did not matter to her she loved him for him.

(Flashback)

Trudy came walking down the staircase uneasily until she came face to face with him on instinct he stood up and stood by the door of his cell as if to show respect for her entrance of some kind. Like he answered and respected her and only her. It made feel good normally but right then it only increased the butterflies. She did not want to force him to do this but she knew she had little choice.

"Josh," she began as she entered shut the door but did not bother to lock it and sat down on the bench next to him. On pure instinct, as if he sensed this was all business he sat in a very formal manner and his gaze locked on hers- like he could almost sense the fear from the shakiness in her tone.

"What is it?" he said simply- no tone to his voice- Trudy had gotten used to that- he was not one to ever show any feelings in his voice.

"Ram's computer- they think you can stop it… can you?" she asked but really was pleading.

Mega sighed and looked down, "Ram failed and so did Slade so they sent you then?" he inquired.

Trudy nodded still shaking, "I'm sorry-I didn't want to- I know that you hate… but I don't want to die Josh, I don't want to die and I don't want you or Brady to die and if stopping computer is what we need to live…" she began.

He let one more and then turned his head back to her raising it, "Okay"

"What?" she asked in surprise.

"I said I'd do it, don't make me regret saying it so easy," he repeated.

"Why? If you wouldn't do it for them, why would you do it for me?" she asked with a nerves seeping in. Trudy was trying desperately to stop the tears she felt coming again- more tears was not what she needed nor hope- this was hope she did not need but god did she want to hear it.

Please let him say what she hoped he would.

"Because I love you," he announced emotionless without another word he then stood up, "Let's go save a city," he replied extending his hand.

Trudy let out and choked on a sob as she grabbed his hand tears now spilling out- he loved her- he really loved her- finally someone that cared about her and she cared for back. Now all they had to do was make it alive.

(Flashback ends)

Of course, they- he hadn't. Everyone else did but not him. Mega gave his life to save there's. All of there's. It broke her so badly. She had not even been there at the time. She had been stuck at the Mall and then she saw the look on Slade's face that's how she knew- he was dead.

Her entire life had been filled with nothing but endless pain- pain after pain and finally she found happiness and in the blink of an eye it was gone forever. Like a tidal wave crashing down on her heart. She had lost it all and now all she wanted was death. She wanted to die just so she could be with him. She then turned and looked over the boat and wondered if maybe she could right now…

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The end.