It was dark when Serizawa woke up.
That was normal for him. Back when he had been in his room he had gone to sleep in the dark and woken up in the dark. He hadn't ever opened the curtains…but they were opened now. There was light streaming into his room, streetlights, and the moon. He could even see the stars. For a second he gets a little scared. For a moment he thinks that maybe he's back in his room and mom opened the curtains while she was cleaning. For a second he sees his aura, feels the room shake, but that second passes and the fear goes with it.
It doesn't leave, no, it just changes.
"Miss Suzuki?" asked Serizawa as he sat up. He could feel her aura, he didn't need to see that that lump laying beside him was Miss Suzuki. He instantly scooted to the end of the bed. He didn't know what was wrong with him. He should have loved being near her, and usually he did, but now he was…afraid.
And the fear lasted for more than a second.
"Serizawa? Are you awake?" asked Mob as she lifted her head from her pillow. She had brought her own since Serizawa only had the one in his room. It was like he didn't have enough room for a second pillow. This bed definitely didn't have room for a second person. It was too narrow, the entire time she had been here she had felt like she was going to fall over the edge. She missed when they shared Dad's bed, there had been a lot more room, but Dad was back and he needed his room so she had no choice but to sleep here. Well, she could always have shared with Sho but she felt kind of too old to be doing that.
"Um….yes?" asked Serizawa. That was a strange question, of course he was awake. He wasn't talking in his sleep, he didn't do that…did he? He didn't know what he did in his sleep. He didn't even know how he got here now. He'd been on the train and then they had been in a car and then something about the kitchen and now he was in his bed…and he was so thirsty…thirsty and hungry…and his head…
He'd never had a headache like this before. It was almost enough to distract him from the fact that Miss Suzuki was close…and getting closer.
"That's good, I was worried. Shimazaki said that sometimes people die when they take too much of what you took and also I remembered the first time I ever tried that, I slept for so long that Minegishi thought that I had died, so I just came to check on you and…and then I stayed." Said Mob. She was talking too much, she knew that she was, but she didn't know how to stop. There was so much she wanted to say and so few people she could say it to. Dad had fired her and she knew she should have wanted that because it meant that he was being honest with her but he still hadn't been and…and she didn't know what she wanted!
Not to hurt anyone…but like Fukuda said, she'd have to…
"I was worried about you." said Mob as she scooted closer to him. It was nice of him to give her space but that wasn't what she needed right now. She needed to be near him right now. To be near someone who loved her.
"You-you don't have to worry about me, Miss Suzuki, I'm fine." Said Serizawa. His back was against the wall, there wasn't any bed left.
"You don't have to worry about me, either. I have enough bed." Said Mob
"Are you sure? I could always sleep on the floor, then you'd have all the room you wanted." Said Serizawa
"I don't want room right now." said Mob
"Then what do you want? Tell me and then I'll get it for you." said Serizawa. He didn't care where he had to go, the kitchen or even to a store…even though he had never gone to a store by himself before in his life…but he would have tried. He would rather have tried and dealt with that fear than be near Miss Suzuki…and that was terrible.
He loved her, she was his best friend, and he should have been happy that she even wanted to be near him.
"I just want to be near you. I just need…I just need you right now." said Mob as she rested her head on his chest. She felt him tense up, his body and his aura, and for a moment she was worried. He was probably picking up on her aura. She had plenty to be tense about…so much….
"You need…me?" aske Serizawa. He wanted out. He didn't want to be in this room anymore. He was terrible. Maybe it was himself that he wanted to get away from, not her. He was worried that she'd kiss him again even though he had no reason to be worried about that. It felt weird, and he didn't like it, but what he liked didn't matter.
Making her happy, that was what mattered, and that was all he should have thought about.
"I do…I don't have anyone else to talk to." Said Mob
"What about Minegishi? You're their best friend and they're yours. It's so late that they're probably in their room right now-" said Serizawa
"They're probably asleep and I don't want to wake them up…and I don't want to talk to them about this anyway." Said Mob
"A-About what?" asked Serizawa
"About…everything. Dad fired me today." Said Mob softly. Serizawa gasped and wrapped his arms around her.
"That's horrible!" said Serizawa. He had never been fired before but he had been rejected. When he had been little he had tried, before he realized how dangerous it was, to make friends with the other kids. But even at the young age they had known that they were better off not being friends with him. He had been so alone…he didn't know what being fired was like but he knew what it felt like when people said that they didn't want to be with you or around you…
It was such a bad feeling. He didn't want Miss Suzuki to ever have to feel like that.
"It is…and I don't know why." Said Mob
"Because he's your Dad and you love him? I mean I don't have a Dad but if I did, I mean I do because everyone has one, but I never knew him and…and if I did I probably would have wanted him to love me and not fire me…reject me." said Serizawa. He had been too little to even remember his Dad so when he thought about him Serizawa didn't really feel anything. If he had been older, old enough to ask why his Dad had rejected him, why his Dad didn't want him then it would have been different. Then it would have hurt.
He couldn't believe that Miss Suzuki's Dad had hurt her like that.
"I do. I love him but…but also he's mean to me. He says that he loves me, that he doesn't hate me, but then he told me that he didn't like me…" said Mob. Serizawa gasped and pulled her even closer. She reached out and wrapped her arms around his shoulders. She buried her face in the space between his chin and his throat. He was such a good listener and he was so warm…this was so warm…
This was what love felt like. It was warm.
"Doesn't like you? How could anyone not like you? You're perfect, Miss Suzuki, the nicest and most perfect person I've ever met in my life." said Serizawa as he held her as close as he could. He didn't know what was wrong with the President. Maybe he was just mean like everyone said…but why be mean to Miss Suzuki? She had never done anything to anyone except try and be their friend. She hadn't done anything to the President except for be his daughter…
Serizawa hoped that he never had kids. If he did then he'd be a Dad and if he was a Dad then he'd have to be mean and he didn't ever want to be that way towards anyone let alone his own kids.
"He just…he said that he didn't like me. That he loved me but he didn't like me…and then he fired me. Well, he said that I was relieved of duty but that means pretty much the same thing and.. I mean I should have been happy that Dad was being honest with me and…and I shouldn't have wanted to work with him anymore since….since we're going to try and take him down." Said Mob
"So you can be president." Said Serizawa. He felt kind of bad for the President, taking over the world had been his lifelong dream after all, but he tried not to. Miss Suzuki wanted this, she wanted to be President, and he wanted whatever she wanted. Also the President had been kind of a jerk to her so he deserved what he got.
"Because I have to be, I have to be President so I can make the world a better place. So I can make Claw a better place." Said Mob as she pressed her ear against his chest. She could feel his heartbeat. She wanted to be closer to him but there was nowhere else for her to move…so really, the only thing left was for him to move.
He had one arm under her and the other at his side. That wasn't enough arms around her at all.
"And you will, Miss Suzuki, I can't think of anyone who would make a better President than…than you…" said Serizawa. He had wanted to say more, to find all the words he knew and put them in the right order to convince her to see herself the way he saw her, but he forgot pretty much every word he knew as she reached out and took his hand. He stopped breathing. She had held his hand before but this…this was different.
He let go of her hand.
But she put it in on waist…he wanted to pull his hand back. This didn't feel right. His hand was right there on her wait, too near to everything, and…and he didn't know what he was meant to do with this. He didn't know what she wanted. If she had wanted a hug he could have done that, he easily could have held her hand, and he would have been happy to listen to her talking for the rest of their lives…but this was new. This was new and kind of scary…
Kind of really scary.
"Thanks. Really, thank you. I'm so grateful that you listen to me and that you care about me…and that you love me." said Mob. She felt better. She just needed to be closer to him, that was all. Serizawa was so much bigger than her…she couldn't believe that she hadn't noticed before. She had always known, yes, but never really thought about it…never really laid down with him and just felt his heart beating…his arms around her…it felt perfect.
She leaned up and kissed him. Good, now it was even more perfect than it had been before.
"I…I…." said Serizawa. That hadn't been any better than the first time. If anything it had been worse! The first time, at least, he hadn't known what she had been about to do. This time, however, he had known what she was going to do and the anticipation made the whole thing even worse. Like ripping off a bandage only after you ripper it off it kissed you and you were supposed to like it even though there was no way you were ever going to like it and then the bandage hated you and then-
"What's the matter?" asked Mob as she pulled away from him. His aura was all…kind of like it was scared. But he didn't have to be scared. It was just her.
"I-I-I-" said Serizawa
"Are you scared?" asked Mob softly
"No." said Serizawa. It wasn't a lie. He wasn't scared of her. He just didn't want to be around her…so if she had asked if he wanted to be around her then it would have been a lie. He hated it, the sick sort of feeling he got when she kissed him. He wished that he could have felt something else, anything else, but no matter how much he tried to force himself to change he couldn't.
"Then what's wrong?" asked Mob
"I feel…I feel…" said Serizawa. He felt sick but he couldn't tell her that. If he did then she would have been so sad. He didn't think that he could have lived with himself if made her feel that way.
"Are you sick? Sometimes when you take too many of those you get sick afterwards. Its normal." Said Mob. She put her hand over his and held it. She remembered how weird she had felt back when she had stolen one of those on accident from Minegishi when she had been eight. It hadn't been a good night…or day. But that was ok, she was going to be there for Serizawa, and he-
-was going to sit up.
"That's right! I feel sick and-and I should go!" said Serizawa as he sat up. He pulled away from her and started to slid down to the end of the bed. That way he wouldn't have to climb over her. It would have been worse if he had just climbed over her. That would have hurt her feelings more than he had already hurt them…
He never wanted to hurt her. He just wanted to get away.
"Do you need-" said Mob as she sat up. She didn't have much experience taking care of a sick people but she could learn for him. He wasn't going to give her the chance, though, was he? He was pulling his robe on over his pajamas like he was going somewhere…
Somewhere away from her.
"I-I think that I should go! I mean because I'm sick and-" said Serizawa
"Wait, are you going to see Fukuda?" asked Mob
"Y-yes! That's where I'm going to go because I'm sick and he makes sick people better so that's where I should go…right now!" said Serizawa. She really was very smart, she came up with the best ideas even when she wasn't trying to. An excuse to leave and a place where she couldn't go, either, since Fukuda and her didn't get along!
This was perfect. It shouldn't have been but it was.
"So that's where I'll be going…now. Right now. Goodnight, Miss Suzuki." Said Serizawa before he left. He didn't run, he was proud of himself for that, he just walked very quickly. He also might have slammed his door, or at least closed it way too hard. He hadn't been thinking about that. He had just tried, been trying, to get away without upsetting her…without letting her see how he felt.
He had no idea how he felt.
Bad. Bad for not liking her the way she liked him, bad for not wanting to kiss her, bad for running away from her, and just…bad. Happy, though, that he had gotten away from her…but also sad that he felt that way. He didn't know what to call this feeling, he just knew that he wanted it to stop. He couldn't make it stop, though, because he couldn't change the way he felt.
He had tried but he just couldn't.
But he could at least get away from her. He walked more slowly through the house, slower than he'd left his room, he had to. He couldn't risk waking anyone. It was…he had no idea what time it was but it felt late. The TV was off, he couldn't hear Mukai playing, all the lights were off. Aside from something clanking around in the kitchen he-
-was in the kitchen now.
"Taste this." Said Shimazaki as shoved Serizawa down onto a kitchen chair. He needed a guinea pig and since Sho only kept hamsters this was the next best thing.
"What is it?" asked Serizawa as what felt like a mug was shoved into his hand. He couldn't tell what was in it, the whole kitchen was pitch black.
"Hot cocoa, a little rum, a little kalua, dash of expresso powder, and a bunch of mini marshmallows….also some other ingredients that you don't need to know about. Just drink it." Said Shimazaki
"Um…ok. It can't make me feel any worse than I do now." said Serizawa before he took a sip of…something truly awful! He tasted burning, the kind that hit the back of his throat and went all the way down to his stomach. The burning was followed by sweetness, a little bit of chocolate, but just…sweetness. Like the time when he'd eaten all of those sugar packets when he was little. He didn't know what it was but he knew that he never wanted to drink this ever again.
"Well?" asked Shimazaki
"Too sweet." Gasped out Serizawa. The mug was snatched away from him.
"Give me that…you have no idea what you're talking about. If anything it needs more sugar. Serizawa, go get the sugar sack." Said Serizawa as he pointed to the cabinets. Serizawa stood up…and did nothing else.
"It's dark in here….sorry." said Serizawa. Shimazaki sighed and teleported away. Immediately the room lit up.
"There. Now find the sugar." Said Shimazaki. Serizawa, thankfully, did as he was told. Good. Shimazaki might just have let him live…in peace. He wasn't going to kill Serizawa, if he did then Mob would have been pissed at him, and also he was fun. Not as fun to mess with as Hatori was, because of the whole ticking time bomb thing, but he was fun nonetheless.
"Here you go…um…anything else?" asked Serizawa as he quickly got the sugar out of the cabinet.
"Unless you want hang out here testing hot chocolate for me then no, you can get back to Mob or whatever. I'm not jealous." Said Shimazaki quickly. He didn't care what Mob did and he didn't care about Serizawa. He wasn't jealous. He was so not jealous that he wasn't even going to try and poison Serizawa even though it would have been really easy considering all the cleaning products they had in the house.
"I…um…maybe? I don't know, I was going to see Fukuda but he's not very nice." said Serizawa
"You'd rather die than see Fukuda? Yeah, actually, that makes sense." Said Shimazaki
"Well not die, I'm not going to die, I just…don't feel well." Said Serizawa
"That would be the rum I made all by myself out of the remnants of different, what I assume to be, rum bottles." Said Shimazaki
"No, well maybe, but…um…can I ask you something?" asked Serizawa. Shimazaki seemed to be the person to ask about these things. He had no problem looking past the age thing, it didn't bother him, nothing really seemed to bother him. He was never scared or anything. He just…did things.
Serizawa wished he could have been more like Shimazaki and less like himself.
"Ok, yeah, I'm pretty sure Shibata's never coming back. I think he things he can run away but, come on, running away to the Seventh Division doesn't even count. I mean if he wants to deal with Suzuki then that's on him." said Shimazaki as he poured sugar into the mug of hot chocolate. He counted the seconds. Five was probably enough.
"That's not it…um…can I ask you how you got past the age thing, with Miss Suzuki I mean." Said Serizawa. Shimazaki stopped pouring the sugar and swished the mug around. He was quiet for a moment. Serizawa braced himself, he knew Shimazaki, he was as liable to drink that hot cocoa as he was to throw it in Serizawa's face.
"I never got past it because it was never something that I had to get past." Said Shimazaki. He was fine, not jealous, and not happy either. He wanted Mob to be happy. He didn't want Serizawa to break up with her and shatter her entire worldview and ability to trust another human being.
"What do you mean?" asked Serizawa
"I mean that it never bothered me. Mob's…Mob, you know? I don't care how old she is, she's still Mob." Said Shimazaki with a shrug.
"But she's so…young." Said Serizawa. That hadn't helped him at all. He didn't understand how Shimazaki could just be not…bothered! Not bothered at all by the fact that Miss Suzuki was only thirteen years old.
"I don't care, doesn't bother me." said Shimazaki with a shrug. He could feel Serizawa staring at him. If Shimazaki had been feeling more gracious that night he would have imparted upon Serizawa the greatest knowledge he had ever found in his life.
When you got to be strong enough nobody could stop you from doing whatever the fuck you wanted.
"But it does bother me and…and I don't know what to do." Said Serizawa
"Go down on her." said Shimazaki with a shrug. He heard Serizawa's aura start to shriek like a tea kettle. He covered his ears. Maybe that hadn't been the best thing to say, well it had because Mob loved it, but clearly Serizawa wasn't there yet.
Mob was wasted on him. Completely wasted, much like the expensive chocolate he'd wasted in this drink.
"I-I-I don't know what you mean!" said Serizawa. He did know what Shimazaki meant, he had been on the internet for long enough to know what he'd meant, but there was a part of his brain that refused to connect that to Miss Suzuki. That was just…that had nothing to do with her! He would never have done that with any girl let alone her!
"That's when you-" said Shimazaki
"I know WHAT it means but I just…I can't do that! Not to Miss Suzuki!" said Serizawa, shaking his head. He didn't want to talk about this, he didn't want to think about this, he didn't want to think about his friend who was in his room who might have been expecting him to-to-to-
He didn't even want to think about it!
"It's not that complicated. Mob's not picky, just kind of dig in and don't say anything when she pulls your hair." Said Shimazaki. He knew that he shouldn't have cared about Mob but he felt a lot of…whatever that long word Toshi used for shameful joy. He should have wanted Mob to be happy but, well, Serizawa clearly sucked so…good!
"I could never do that…I don't think that I would ever want to do that." Said Serizawa
"Are you gay or something? I mean if you are then you should probably put that out there before Mob starts picking out names for your kids." Said Shimazaki
"Kids?!" said Serizawa. He nearly shouted. He, at least, could stop himself before he woke up the whole neighborhood. He was at least proud of himself there…but ashamed of himself in all other ways. He should have wanted…or at least been able to suck it up and…but he didn't want any of that! He hadn't ever given it too much thought but now…now he knew…
He never wanted kids!
"Kids, you know, those little people who run around and break shit? Start fires? Hang from the ceiling? Start fires? Wait…no, I said that already, didn't I?" asked Shimazaki
"I know what kids are but I just…I don't think that I want any. I don't know why I would. I can't even take care of myself, I don't think that I could handle it if I had a kid…I don't even know how to be a dad. I don't have one so…so I wouldn't know what to do." Said Serizawa
"Just don't lock them in a room for the first five years of your life and you'll be ok." Said Shimazaki
"I…would never do that. I don't know what I would…this is a lot. This is a lot and I don't want it…how do I want it? I have to want it. I have to want it because if…if this is what Miss Suzuki wants then it's what I want." Said Serizawa. He wished that he, with all the power he had, could have changed his own mind. But he couldn't. No matter how much he thought about it, how much he begged and pleaded with himself he just couldn't even begin to think of her the way she wanted him to.
"You either do or you don't, Serizawa. I don't know, I guess I just look at her differently or whatever. I'm into…I mean I used to be into her but if you aren't then you aren't. It's not like wine, you can't choke it down until you like it. You just have to." Said Shimazaki
"That's…you, I guess. That's not me but…but ok, I guess. I should go, um, goodnight." Said Serizawa. That hadn't been helpful at all, not that he would have said anything, because if he had it would have been kind of mean and he didn't want to ever be mean to one of his friends. He loved his friends.
He loved his friends as friends.
He just…he had to figure out how to fix that. But first thing was first, he had to get away from Miss Suzuki. The more time he spent with her the more time he had to let how he felt slip. How often could he hide his feelings? Eventually he would slip and then she would be so sad and there was nothing in this world worse, he could imagine, than seeing her sad.
He wasn't going to hurt her like that.
So he would avoid her…even if it meant going outside on his own. It was a choice between going outside, where it was way too big and there were too many people and things and sights and sounds, or staying inside with her and maybe having to kiss her again…or worse. Not that he was entirely sure what 'worse' was. He had seen things and read things but he had played enough videogames to know that life and art were often two different things. He didn't know what to do but what he did know that whatever it was that came next he wanted no part of it.
So he went to someone who Miss Suzuki wanted no part of.
The walk to Fukuda's house didn't take very long. It wasn't as scary as it had seemed in his head. It must have been very late, nobody had been outside, and there had barely been any cars out on the street. Most of the houses around him had their lights off. Even Fukuda's lights were off…all but one, which was good because he didn't want to wake Fukuda up or anything. He didn't want to be mean…even though Fukuda was kind of mean to everyone already.
That was Fukuda. He was Serizawa.
"Hello? Are you…are you home?" asked Serizawa as he opened the door. It had been unlocked, everything was always unlocked. He didn't know what he wanted. If it had been locked then he could have gone back to his room, and he wouldn't have been feeling so scared right now, but if he went back to his room then he would have felt a whole different kind of scared. There was no option where he didn't feel scared at all…so he went with the option that left him feeling the least scared.
He stepped into the genkan and slipped his shoes off.
He made sure to put them beside Fukuda's and face them the right way. Fukuda was awake, he could hear the TV, and he could kind of feel him around…his aura and stuff. If he focused he could even see it. He could see it and feel it getting closer. He glanced backwards. He could have run away…but then he would have gone back to his room and she would have been there and she would have kissed him again and asked him to touch her and he just…he couldn't.
He just couldn't.
"Fukuda?" asked Serizawa. There was the sound of footsteps, a meow, and then Fukuda was there. Fukuda and his cat…he knew that cat better than he knew Fukuda and he had known Fukuda for years now.
"What are you doing here?" asked Fukuda as he took in the sight of Serizawa standing there in his genkan shivering in his socks. Great. Just what he needed tonight.
"I just…" said Serizawa as he felt Fukuda's aura pass over him.
"Concussion, contusion, abrasion? Anything I should take a look at?" asked Fukuda. He couldn't sense anything. What, was this a social call or something?
"N-No." said Serizawa. He wasn't even sure what two of those things were. He wasn't sure if it was ok to ask. Being near Fukuda without anyone around felt kind of like being around the President. Fukuda may not have been as strong but there was something else to him…something that made Serizawa feel like he was under a microscope. Maybe because Fukuda was as old as the President, old enough to be his Dad, even though he didn't look it.
"What is this, a social visit?" asked Fukuda
"Um….yes?" asked Serizawa. A social visit…that meant hanging out, right? He could hang out with Fukuda. They had…they must have had something I common. He was friends with the President, right? And Serizawa used to like the President before he started being very mean to Miss Suzuki. They used to talk about videogames…which Fukuda liked? It made sense since they were friends….had been? They never hung out anymore, not that he hung out with them long enough to know if they regularly hung out anymore or not…were he and Fukuda friends now since they were hanging out?
This was way too complicated. He didn't know how his friends did this!
"I want us to gang out…socially. Like friends do." Said Serizawa. That had been weird, he was weird. He knew that he had sounded weird the moment he opened his mouth. That was why Fukuda was looking at him like that.
"You can't be serious. I mean…come on. There's no way you're being serious right now." said Fukuda. He didn't know what Serizawa's angle was but he knew that he wanted no part of it.
"I am! I want to hang out with you and be friends and…and stuff…." Said Serizawa
"Did Shigeko put you up to this?" asked Fukuda. What, was she this petty? She was only thirteen after all…great. Now he had this to deal with on top of everything. She was never going to leave him in peace.
"No! She doesn't like you, that's why I'm here…sorry. I shouldn't have said that even if it was the truth." Said Serizawa. That had been mean…he was so bad at this! He needed Miss Suzuki. He couldn't do this on his own. He was just so…so bad at this, so terrible.
"I don't follow." Said Fukuda
"Miss Suzuki…she keeps on trying to kiss me and touch me and make me touch her and I don't want to, I can't make myself want to, and…and I know that she doesn't like you so I came here. So can we…can we hang out? Can we be friends?" asked Serizawa
"…sure. Come on." Said Fukuda as he motioned for Serizawa to follow him. He couldn't just kick Serizawa out, not after that, not after knowing what he knew. Normally he would have stayed out of this part of Shigeko's life. She was thirteen years old, too young to be having sex with anyone, but there was nothing that he could do to control her. From the day he'd met her she'd been stronger than him and, from Suzuki, she had learned how to throw that power around for her benefit.
She had learned a lot of lessons from Suzuki.
"You have a nice…um, living room." said Serizawa as Fukuda motioned for him to sit down on the couch. It was a nice room…kind of like the showroom at the store Mom looked at. Serizawa had gone back when he had been little. He had liked climbing under the tables and jumping on the beds. It had been fun so long as he didn't think about it for too long, how empty it felt, how…cold. Kind of hollow feeling. That was how this room felt.
Like a furniture store. It was weird but he still sat down.
"It looks like all the others. Sit down." Said Fukuda as he sat down and closed his laptop. He didn't know if Serizawa was the sneaky type or not but he didn't want to test it. The last thing he needed was Serizawa going to Shigeko and telling him exactly what he had been doing, who he had been emailing, even though he was pretty sure that those emails were going to nowhere. He didn't care if she went to Suzuki about it, if Suzuki hadn't believed him when he'd confessed to sleeping with Masami then he most certainly wouldn't believe her about this.
But still, he didn't need her to know. He had no idea how she'd react. She'd been so unpredictable lately.
"Ours is different…I think maybe because it's always a mess. There's always toys everywhere and wrappers and dishes and plants and dirt. It's just always a mess no matter how many times Shibata tries to clean up. Sometimes I feel bad for him." said Serizawa as he sat down. He brushed the seat before he sat down…there were no crumbs. That was kind of weird…nice, but weird. He knew something new about Fukuda, he was neat and tidy.
There. Now he knew two things.
"Don't feel bad for him, he made his choice." Said Fukuda as he grabbed the remote and went back to the homepage. He didn't feel like watching Zootopia with Serizawa. He had barely felt like watching it alone. Sho was his Zootopia buddy, not Serizawa, and without Sho all he had were the memories. The memories of that little boy who knew the movie line by line, who recited it under his breath to his Zootopia dolls as it went by, who begged to watch it just one more time…who Fukuda always gave into even though it was well past bedtime…that boy was gone and he'd left Fukuda with only memories.
Sometimes memories weren't enough.
"Yeah, I mean maybe. If he didn't clean up then nobody would. Minegishi is too tired, Tsuchiya is always too busy with Mukai, Hatori doesn't know how, and Shimazaki would probably just make a bigger mess so he could mess with everyone." Said Serizawa
"Yeah, that's pretty much normal for him…or whatever." said Fukuda as he checked his phone. Nothing from Sho…they were still fighting. It was bad, it must have been, especially if Sho would rather have been at home with Suzuki of all people than here with him. He didn't know why. There had been some differences between them over the years but nothing that should have ended their friendship…nothing that should have ended it in one fell swoop anyway.
Nothing that should have sent him running and blabbing to Shigeko of all people.
"Miss Suzuki is good at cleaning, though, but she has enough to clean up in her own home and-" said Serizawa
"Don't talk about her, the last thing I want to do is to talk about her…and that's the last thing that you should want, too." Said Fukuda, slamming the remote down on the table with more force than was strictly necessary.
"Sorry…I just…she's my best friend. I mean she was before she got so…so different." Said Serizawa quietly.
"She isn't being different. She's just showing her true colors." Said Fukuda
"What do you mean?" asked Serizawa
"Never mind…no, yes, mind. She's always been this way, she just hasn't shown it to you before." Said Fukuda with a knowing nod.
"But…why? Why would she hide this from me?" asked Serizawa. She was…hiding things from him? But she was his friend and friends didn't keep secrets from each other…right?
"Because she wasn't comfortable enough with herself, honest enough with herself, and now that she's ready to stop being so emotionally dead you're the one who has to pay the price and deal with three decades worth of pent up romantic and sexual tension. Even if you don't want to…especially if you don't want to." Said Fukuda
"Uh…" said Serizawa
"So she's not going to give you any choice. She's just going to get drunk one night, demand your presence, and then the next thing you know you'll be inside of her and she'll be wrapped around your waist begging you to fuck her." said Fukuda
"I don't want-" said Serizawa
"And you will, and you'll think that you can deal with this, but then she'll want to cuddle and this…this feeling is going to settle over you. This horrible, disgusting feeling that's never going to wash off no matter what you do. It'll stick to you, cling to you, and there's going to be nothing that you can do but lay there and just…and just live with it." Said Fukuda
"Very…um…specific. But Fukuda, what do I do? How do I…how do I stop her? Or make myself want to?" asked Serizawa
"…you can't. You really just…you can't. You just take it one day at a time and then…yeah. I don't know what else you want to hear." Said Fukuda
"I don't know either…this is so…so…" said Serizawa
"Horrific? Disturbing? The kind of thing that makes you wish you could drink a bottle of drain cleaner but you know it's not going to do anything but give you an upset stomach for a few minutes?" asked Fukuda
"Um…I was going to say 'bad' but your things are better." said Serizawa
"Yeah…better. Whatever." Said Fukuda wish a sigh.
"Um…do you…" said Serizawa. Fukuda looked so sad. He didn't want him to be sad, especially not for him, and especially not because he had done something wrong. He needed to figure out what to do to make Fukuda feel better…he was bad at this. When he felt bad he just played videogames…and everyone loved videogames…didn't they?
Well, most people did.
"Do you still like…I mean do you like videogames at all? I mean you must have used to but…um…" said Serizawa
"Not for a while." Said Fukuda. The last time he had ever played a videogame was with Sho, the one about condemned criminals who tore out each other's spines with rusty hooks. Before that, when he had been a kid, he…well, the less he thought of those times the better.
"But if you want to play your Gameboy or whatever the two screened Gameboy is called then go for it." Said Fukuda
"Oh, ok…um…and thank you." said Serizawa. Fukuda hadn't been much help but Serizawa still felt better…but at the same time worse for feeling better. He never should have felt better for making Miss Suzuki feel worse…but he did. Did that make him a bad person?
Maybe…but he could always try and be better…even though he really didn't feel like it.