It surprised even Fukuda, really, good Serizawa's company was.
At least compared to Hatori's.
"Fuck you! Fuck you! And fuck your moms, too!" shouted Hatori as he…Fukuda didn't even know. He could have been winning, he could have been losing, and he could have been working on those expense reports that Fukuda had shown him how to do at least ten times now. It wasn't like Fukuda was going to ask him. No, that would have meant speaking to him, and speaking to him would have meant conversing with Hatori, and conversing with him...
Well, that was a mistake even at the best of times.
"Goddamn it…" muttered Fukuda as he made yet another mistake. It was important now more than ever to have all of their financial ducks in a row. It was hard, Shigeko hadn't really been on people to keep track of their expenses, and that left them with a lot of money that was simply unaccounted for. A lot of money that he, now, needed to hound pretty much every department in all of Claw for. It would have been easier with some help, any help…
No, wait, competent help.
"Again with this fucking…" muttered Fukuda as he made a mistake in correcting his mistake. So many numbers…they all danced across his screen. He couldn't think. The screaming couldn't help. The screaming, the crunching, or the constant crushing of soda cans…like now. A soda can was crushed and then went sailing across the room, leaving a trail of stickiness on the rug, before completely missing the trash can and hitting the wall. There was an orange splatter, there, where the can had hit the wall and the room was filled with a cloying sort of sweet smell…
He didn't know how he was supposed to work under these conditions.
But he kept on trying to. He went back and corrected his first mistake…only to discover another one. So much money gone to so many different places…his head was killing him. He pulled up the slush funds, all of them, including the one that Suzuki had set aside for personal projects. He could have moved some money around from there…Suzuki would have noticed. He always noticed. He always doubled checked Fukuda's work despite the fact that not only was this his area of expertise, he'd gone to university for math after all and his scores in the subject had always been better than Fukuda's, but also he genuinely enjoyed the subject…but no, he was up in his office trying to figure out a way to spread out their manpower between Tokyo, Seasoning City, and now Osaka since he worried about his girlfriend…stupid fucking…
"…fucking bitch…" muttered Fukuda. If it hadn't been for her then he could have put a stop to something or at least gotten ahead. He'd had too many scruples when he'd been younger. Even if he hadn't known that Suzuki had been in love with him, looking back it had been willful ignorance, he never would have gotten ahead by giving head…or receiving, since Suzuki was amazingly enough a giver and it got him off…
Things he never wanted to know about his former best friend.
But no. That woman had to come into his life, obviously to use him for her own gain, and now Fukuda was stuck down here in his office listening to Hatori either win, lose, or just plain insult people. He could have at least gone and sat in Suzuki's office with him if things hadn't gone as badly as they had…but no, he was here, with useless and uselesser-
Well, no. To be useless Serizawa would have had to have been there to do something. He was there to hide from Shigeko and, if that was the only metric to access him with, then he was employee of the fucking year.
"And you can suck my-" shouted Hatori, his feet meeting his desk and sending an opened soda can flying to the ground. It didn't spill, though, all the liquid was caught mid air along with the can and then returned to Hatori's desk. Hatori, finally, looked up from what he was doing.
What he was wasting their time and annoying everyone with.
"That was actually pretty cool." Said Hatori as he pulled his headset off. Serizawa smiled and nodded.
"Thanks, I've been practicing. The house has been getting kind of dirty and it's easier for me to clean if I do it from one corner of the room. All that moving around kind of…kind of…" said Serizawa before immediately looking back down at his Gameboy. The light at the end turned red and he gasped, the room shaking a bit…but Fukuda was used to it.
"That's been you? I thought Minegishi had finally had enough." Said Hatori as he tossed a grey cord to Serizawa. He caught it with his powers and plugged it into the wall…into the overstuffed socket. Fukuda knew how many cords a socket could take before it caught fire, ten, and they were still under that amount. Plus they hadn't plugged any microwaves or toasters in…and he didn't care what Suzuki had said all those years ago, it was the microwave that had pushed them over. If they had been to try it again-
-they were grown men in their forties, not a couple of middle schoolers, and anyway they didn't get along anymore. There was no way that they would be trying it again.
"No, they're still seeing their boyfriend I think." Said Serizawa
"Shimazaki? He's home. Last I checked he and Sho were making tiny cupcakes for hamsters." Said Hatori
"Pancakes." Said Fukuda without thinking. Sho always made tiny pancakes for his little friends, not cupcakes, because it was way too much sugar and not enough fiber for the little guys…not that he'd been invited to a hamster pancake party in a while…though, really, Hatori was out of line rolling his eyes like that.
"Whatever." Said Hatori as he rolled his eyes and put his headset down. Fukuda rolled his eyes too and tried to get back to work…another email, this one from Seoul…and no, they hadn't done any accounting for a while because the entire accounting department was on vacation…a vacation which Shigeko had approved…
"Motherfucker." Said Fukuda. He knew that he was starting to sound like Sho. He needed to stop it, he was turning into the worst kind of hypocrite, but he couldn't find any other primal way of expressing himself without finally kicking Hatori's ass. He deserved it, of course, but if he went after Hatori then Suzuki would go after him…and not in the way he needed him to. Yes, it would have been stupid to go after Hatori.
Someone just needed to tell Serizawa that.
"Um….Hatori?" asked Serizawa, his aura glowing bright and the lights above him flickering. Hatori took his headset fully off and sat at the edge of his seat. Fukuda, smartly, sat back. Yes, he could heal from just about anything, but he didn't much like the pain of being blown apart. He wondered if he should have done anything to stop this…but then again Hatori had it coming for some time now…
And, anyway, what in the hell could he do? This wasn't Suzuki. He had no idea how to calm him down.
"What's up? I didn't freak you out, did I? Oh shit…Mob's going to kill me…" muttered Hatori as he rocked back and forth in his seat.
"No! No, it's not me. I'm used to you…mostly. It's just that…it's just that Fukuda can't work when you shout at him…at least I think so. I mean he's been saying a lot of bad words lately but not in the way that you've been saying bad words." Said Serizawa softly, looking up from his Gameboy or whatever it was that he was playing. He was shaking, there, in his chair…though Fukuda had no idea why. It wasn't like Hatori was capable of doing anything to him, this was Hatori. He was tiny, he was young, and he had once spent six hours locked in a bathroom out of fear.
If anything Hatori should have been afraid of Serizawa. If things had played out differently in that man's life then they all would have been.
"So? Fuck Fukuda. I don't know why you're even hanging out with him. I mean, yeah, without Shibata the house pretty much sucks all the time and, yeah, I wouldn't even want to be home alone with Shimazaki but Fukuda? Just hang out with Suzuki, he's not that bad when you get to know him. He can actually be kind of cool. Like, did you know that he can multiply anything in his head? Like, even two digit numbers by other two digit numbers and-" said Hatori
"So can a calculator." Said Fukuda with a wave of his hand. Serizawa shook his head.
"I can't hang out with the President because if I do he'll beat me up just like he did to Shimazaki." Said Serizawa
"Why would he…oh, yeah, the thing with Mob…you know, he isn't that unreasonable…I mean you have to learn how to speak his language first but-" said Hatori
"I only know Japanese." Said Serizawa
"No, I mean if you know how to work him. Like, if you just told him that you weren't into Mob then maybe he'd probably at least go easy on you. I mean he didn't do anything to me when he figured out that Mob was into me." said Hatori
"That's terrible advice, Serizawa. Shigeko isn't nine anymore, for one thing, and what she wants from you is…God, how do I explain it to you in a way you'd understand?" asked Fukuda as he ran a hand across his head. Serizawa's 'just popped out of an egg' routine should have been annoying but compared to everything else that Fukuda had to deal with this was a walk in the park. It was like talking to a kid, maybe, but a younger one. One that was even younger than Sho. Serizawa had some idea of what Shigeko wanted from him but just talking to him about it was…well, it wasn't something that he liked discussing with him.
"She wants me to be her boyfriend…and also the other day she asked me what kind of names I liked for a boy baby and it was kind of scary since babies are scary and…and….and she's really scary right now!" said Serizawa, his aura pulsating against Fukuda's. If this had been Suzuki he would have just given him some kind of distraction until he forgot what it was that he was even mad about, or just said 'yes' to whatever until Suzuki got it out of his system. He didn't like this…not knowing what to do…
He patted him on the back. He couldn't think of anything else.
"It'll…it'll be ok…" said Fukuda, looking anywhere but at Serizawa. His eyes danced across the room before locking with Hatori's.
"No it's not, it's kind of fucked up. I mean Mob's-" said Hatori
"We both know that she wants to sleep with him, Hatori, we don't need you to say it." Said Fukuda
"You said it, not me." snickered Hatori
"Can you both please stop saying things? Not to be mean, I mean, I just….the thing is I don't want to talk about it or think about it so can we please just stop and…and do something else? Talk about something else?" asked Serizawa. Fukuda would have wanted nothing more in this world than to be able to discuss anything else, to not have this even be a possible subject of conversation, but it was. Shigeko, the girl he had practically raised, had turned into this person…
Masami would have hated him if he could have seen what he'd done, the man he'd become…and hell, he wasn't even his biggest fan at this point.
But this was the reality of the situation. This was the world he was living in, Suzuki's world, the one that he had made…the one that they had made together. Hindsight was twenty-twenty. There were so many times he could have put a stop, or at least a damper, on this…but he hadn't. He hadn't because he hadn't seen where it was going, the big picture, the light at the end of the tunnel…and now here he was, comforting a twenty eight year old man about the fact that a thirteen year old girl was, at some point, going to drag him kicking and screaming not only into bed but into the rest of her life, too.
This was his life…maybe he should have just made friends with the guy sitting to the left of him all those years ago and left the class weirdo alone.
"You're…uh….you're going to be ok…in the short run. She doesn't like me so she'll probably leave you alone until…I don't know what so why not just play your Gameboy and try to forget about Shigeko?" asked Fukuda, using the same voice he would have used to talk to Sho. Serizawa, thankfully, was a lot more receptive to it. He nodded and opened his Gameboy back. Good. Now Fukuda could get back to his work and-
-and a new message was waiting for him…from Suzuki. He never should have touched the slush fund money.
"He just said he didn't want to talk about it anymore." Said Hatori
"Well then you and him can talk about whatever you want now, Suzuki needs me." said Fukuda as he got up. Serizawa, to Fukuda's immense surprise, got up too. Fukuda took a step, he took a step. Fukuda took another step and so did Serizawa. One step, then another, and then another…like playing Simon says with Sho and Shigeko back when they had been kids but weirder.
"You…going somewhere?" asked Fukuda as he turned around…and nearly smacked right into Serizawa's chest. He took a step back. Serizawa took a step forward.
"I just thought that since we were friends now and since you said I could go with you wherever you went that I could come with you." said Serizawa
"I just said that I was on my way up to Suzuki's office." Said Fukuda
"I know." said Serizawa
"You actually want to come with me?" asked Fukuda
"Yes. Miss Suzuki won't be there, either, since she and the President had that fight." Said Serizawa. Fukuda couldn't argue with that logic. He just shrugged and motioned for Serizawa to follow him, which he did, but without any thought to personal space. Each step he took came with Serizawa at his heels. The elevator was even more claustrophobic than normal. Even the hallway seemed narrower as Serizawa followed him.
He was almost grateful to have finally reached Suzuki's office. Almost.
"Tada…Fukuda…and Serizawa. Explain." Said Suzuki. He didn't even waste time. The second Fukuda stepped into his office it was all business…not that he would have tried anything in front of Serizawa, of course, he didn't need that particular secret of his entering the Claw rumor mill. He didn't even know why he was complaining…because he had lost his chance, the one thing he had over Suzuki?
That was it.
It must have been.
"I used your personal slush fund because there are just too many discrepancies for me to follow up on-" said Fukuda
"No, I mean explain Serizawa. Why is he here?" asked Suzuki
"Twenty nine years ago my mom was working at the perfume and cologne counter at her job, she's a floor manager now, but then she was working at the counter and my Dad came in to buy some cologne and then they went out on a date and-" said Serizawa
"No, I mean explain why you are in my office right now…and do it right now, as well." Said Suzuki. Fukuda acted quickly. Shigeko was down but she wasn't out. He was still taking over the world on her birthday. Suzuki had always said that he had wished that he could have given her the world and now he would…and this was not something that Fukuda could just let happen. No. She may have been removed from office but Suzuki still cared about her, he still held her in some kind of regard.
Fukuda could fix that.
"She's hiding from your Daughter." Said Fukuda. He waited…and waited. Suzuki didn't even look up. He went back to typing away on one laptop with his powers while he scrolled through his phone.
"Why? Is Mukai drawing on people again? Just take the writing implements away and she'll find some other way to amuse herself." Said Suzuki, still not looking up.
"No…I mean Shigeko. Mukai's gone off somewhere, I haven't seen her in a while." Said Fukuda. Well, that got Suzuki's attention. He gasped and immediately slammed his laptop shut.
"Mukai is gone?! Gone where!?" said Suzuki. Fukuda heard something shatter….oh. The windows behind him started to erupt in spider cracks. Fukuda took a step back…right into Serizawa.
"She's not gone, she's with her mom and Shibata. They went to the Seventh Division." Said Serizawa. Suzuki immediately sat down. The windows stopped cracking and the laptop on his desk opened it's self up.
"Oh…did I assign them there?" asked Suzuki
"I don't know, Shigeko's been moving a lot of people around without saying anything." Said Fukuda
"Yes, yes, she has…but that's no reason to fear her. There's really no reason to fear my daughter at all, not for another…" said Suzuki as he turned his neck and checked the calendar.
"Actually, yes, you should fear my daughter right now and for the next two days." Said Suzuki. Fukuda didn't even want to touch that one with a ten foot pole. He knew enough about Shigeko without adding what he figured Suzuki was talking about to the list.
"Why should I be afraid of Miss Suzuki for the next two days specifically?" asked Serizawa
"Because she's currently menstr-" said Suzuki
"Because she's been coming onto you, right? And it's really scaring you?" asked Fukuda, making sustained eye contact with Serizawa…who just blinked at him.
"Well, yes, she wants to kiss me and other things but why should I specifically be afraid of her for the next two days." Said Serizawa
"Because menstruating women are terrifying and…wait…what did he just say?" asked Suzuki, turning his gaze and his aura towards Fukuda. Fukuda took a breath and stood up straighter. This might have been the fine nail in the coffin for Shigeko. She had done so much already from the drinking to the smoking to the drugs to sleeping with the likes of Shimazaki Ryou…and now Serizawa. Shimazaki was at least attractive and had his life, comparatively, more together than Serizawa's. At least he could tie his own shoes, leave the house on his own, and drink from a real glass and not a sippy cup. Serizawa was a mess and knowing that his daughter had managed to sink this low…well, it just might have been the thing.
After this Fukuda would have been surprised if Suzuki listened to a word she said let alone believed her…after this Sho would be safe.
"What does-" said Serizawa
"He said that your daughter is trying to sleep with him, didn't you, Serizawa?" asked Fukuda. He turned to face Serizawa. Suzuki was staring at him, too. Serizawa, to his credit, was doing well. The lights were only flickering a little, the carpet under his feet was only peeling a bit around his shoes, and he was only stuttering and blushing profusely…from what Fukuda could see. He was trying to tuck his head into his robe like some kind of bashful turtle.
"Well?" asked Suzuki. His tone may have been the same, and his face may have been frozen, but Fukuda knew him. He knew to watch his aura, the way all the little bits and bobs on his desk were making their way towards him, the way his fingers were straining against the wood…he was angry.
Good. Mission accomplished.
"She…um…is…I'm sorry!" muttered Serizawa before he made a noise somewhere between a gasp and a shout and then pulled his robe up over his head. Only the poofy, curly, top of his head could be seen. Fukuda turned away and give Suzuki his full attention. He knew it would hurt if Serizawa exploded but it wasn't like it could kill him. He'd been at the epicenter of both Shigeko and Suzuki's explosions, he'd be in pain but fine.
He couldn't move. He had to see this. He had to be here for-
"Give me a moment to think." Said Suzuki. Fukuda was, apparently, going to be here giving Suzuki a moment to think and…and that was just something that was going to happen now, he supposed. Suzuki needed to think and…and…
And there was no way he was going to forgive her for this.
"Please don't beat me up!" shouted Serizawa. Suzuki, in an amazingly show of control, didn't put him through the wall right there on the spot.
"Be quiet. I told you that I was thinking." Said Suzuki
"What's there to think about? Your daughter is trying to sleep with Serizawa. This guy, right here. This is what your daughter is interested in." said Fukuda motioning towards Serizawa just in case Suzuki's eyes were starting to go, too, in addition to his back and pretty much all of what little sanity he'd been born with.
"I am aware, yes, that my daughter is trying to…to sleep with that…I suppose I should call him a man." Said Suzuki
"I'm a boy, yes, but…but can we talk about something else?" asked Serizawa as he peaked his head out from his robe. Suzuki shook his head and, suddenly, the rest of Serizawa's very red face appeared.
"No, we're going to discuss my daughter right now, right at this very moment." Said Suzuki. Fukuda…..wasn't entirely sure what was happening. He had been prepared for Suzuki to lose control, maybe even hurt Serizawa, and he had even been prepared to be caught in the middle but this…this was not something he had ever seen from Suzuki. He was sitting like he did when he was conducting business, hands folded and back straight even though Fukuda could tell from this distance how badly it was hurting him…but this wasn't business. This was someone his daughter, his previously favorite but still much beloved for some reason daughter, was trying to sleep with. She wasn't even fourteen yet…and yet Suzuki wasn't losing it…
The world made no sense anymore.
"Ok…ok. I love talking about Miss Suzuki, President Suzuki." Said Serizawa
"Do you love her?" asked Suzuki
"Of course I do, she's my best friend and she's always nice to me and she takes care of me and she said that she would never, ever, let me go." Said Serizawa. Fukuda took a step to the side. That was…off putting, to say the least. Serizawa may not have been sexually attracted to her but there was still a part of him that saw Shigeko's age before anything, that even still saw her as that little girl in braids excitedly showing off her schoolbag and uniform before she went into the first grade, and that part of him wanted to keep her far away from the grown man who was talking about her the same way Fukuda would have talked about Masami…
She may have possibly been the love of Serizawa's life but, he reminded himself, it wasn't sexual so…so it was alright.
"So you have no plans to ever leave my daughter? With or without warning?" asked Suzuki
"No, of course not. I'm pretty sure that I would die without her." said Serizawa
"And you have no means of supporting yourself that I don't know about?" asked Suzuki
"I don't know…do you mean a job? I don't think that I could ever have one of those. I mean I have money but I don't know how much. Miss Suzuki handles that stuff for me." said Serizawa
"I see…and do you have any kind of romantic interest in my daughter?" asked Suzuki
"She says that we're boyfriend and girlfriend but I kind of…don't really want to be….I'm sorry!" said Serizawa. He even bowed there…and now he was trying to get into a kowtow. Fukuda went to pull him back up but it seemed that Suzuki beat him to it. With a flick of his wrist Serizawa was standing up so straight that it looked painful.
"I didn't tell you that you had anything to apologize for, now stay standing until I'm done with you." said Suzuki
"Yes President Suzuki! I'm sorry, President Suzuki! I mean-oh!" said Serizawa. Suzuki silenced him with a shake of his head.
"Be quiet and answer this final question. Do you have any sexual interest in my daughter at all?" asked Suzuki. Serizawa went even redder, and honestly it looked unhealthy at this point, before looking down at his shoes. He reached up and tried to pull his sweater over his head again but Suzuki stopped him…they actually got into a tug of war. Both of their auras were glowing and the building it's self began to sway before there was a deafening rip and two halves of what had once been a complete robe fell to the floor.
"Answer the question and stop this, you're not a child." Said Suzuki
"I-I will! I just…you told me to be quiet and-and then you told me to answer the question so I was confused about what you wanted me to do and then you said…um…something that I don't like to talk about because it's not exactly a bad word but it's still not something that you talk to people about and-and-and-" said Serizawa
"It's a simple question. Are you sexually attracted to my daughter, yes or no. Now answer before you see what I do to people who are deliberately insubordinate." Said Suzuki
"I don't know what insubordinate means but I…I don't like Miss Suzuki like that! The thought of kissing her makes me feel sick and…and I know that it's mean but I don't like her like that and I don't want to do anything with her! I know that it's mean to her but I can't be like Shimazaki and get past how she's so young and…and please don't tell Miss Suzuki I feel that way about her! If she knew how I felt then she'd be so upset and she'd cry and say terrible things about herself and…and it hurts me so much when she cries and says terrible things about herself!" cried Serizawa. Fukuda actually felt a little sorry for him…and also incredibly grateful for the path his life had taken. He could have wound up like Serizawa if fate had been a hell of a lot crueler…wait, no, he would never have let that happen to himself…
But still, poor Serizawa.
The feeling doubled when Suzuki rose up from his desk. Fukuda took another step back, and another, and then another until his back was to the wall. A framed picture fell onto his head…and old one that Sho had drawn. He rubbed his head, the bump going down by the second. He knew, though, that there was no way he was going to heal that quickly from what was coming next. Serizawa was quaking as Suzuki practically stalked towards him, his aura fraying at the edges like that old t-shirt he was wearing. Suzuki was as stone faced as ever. His aura was held tight and close to his body…Fukuda had never seen him like this before.
This was going to be the explosion to end all explosions.
Suzuki reached out and put his hand on Serizawa's shoulder. There was a gasp, a flash of purple, and then suddenly it disappeared…no, it looked almost like Suzuki was taking that energy into his own body. Serizawa fell heavily into him, almost like he'd fainted, but no. His eyes were still opened, wide opened, and dancing around the room wildly. He was shaking and trying to push himself off of Suzuki.
Suddenly there was a burst of red and Serizawa was standing up straight.
"I approve." Said Suzuki suddenly. Serizawa turned and faced Fukuda. Fukuda knew he should have said something but he was, for once in his life, completely at a loss. Suzuki had just said…well, he had been speaking plain Japanese which was their common tongue, but he had just said that he approved…somehow he approved of this…
Fukuda must have misheard him, that was all.
"Mr. President…um…what?" asked Serizawa
"Yeah Toui-Suzuki, what?" asked Fukuda
"I said that I approve, I wholeheartedly approve of your relationship with my daughter and I wish you both years of happiness together…and I advise you never to displease her, stray from her, or leave her unhappy in any way or I will come and I will find you and I will show you the true meaning of punishment…understood? It is in no way unclear to you that I will find and punish you if you are not everything my daughter deserves in a partner?" asked Suzuki. Serizawa nodded, quickly, up and down like a bobblehead. Watching him was making Fukuda feel sick…this whole thing was making him feel sick. How was he supposed to feel when Shigeko had, essentially, won?
Even when she was out she was in and even when she had lost she had won…the universe hated him, it was the only explanation.
"Suzuki…you can't be serious. You just…there's no way in hell that you're serious right now." said Fukuda
"I'm always serious, Fukuda, especially when it comes to Shigeko's future. Now, both of you, back to work." Said Suzuki. Fukuda still couldn't believe what he was hearing. Suzuki was going back to his desk now like…like nothing had happened. Like this had just been a normal sort of exchange that normal human beings had on normal days in normal places. He didn't sound at all, and didn't act at all, like a man who had just given a twenty eight year old man the green light to date his not even fourteen year old daughter.
Either Suzuki had lost his mind, Fukuda had lost his mind, or the world had lost it's minds…and all he could do was stand there and watch everything burn around him.
"Yes President Suzuki!" said Serizawa before he turned around. All Fukuda could do, though, was stare. Serizawa got close to him and actually tried pulling on his sweater. That seemed to do the trick, the physical contact reminded him that this was real, that everything had been real. This was…this was his life…somehow…
"But…what…what about-" said Fukuda, trying to remember how words worked. Suzuki sat back down at his desk and pulled his laptop close. Fukuda wondered, briefly, if he had been playing Minecraft this whole time. It would have been the final cheery on this insane sundae he'd found himself living in.
"And Fukuda? Move my personal slush fund back to where it's supposed to be and simply deplete the activity and party fund I set aside for Shigeko. She's thrown enough parties and activities to last her a lifetime." Said Suzuki, his head buried again in his laptop. His phone was floating in the air next to him. Fukuda could hear typing and…and Suzuki had seriously just gone back to work like…like it was a normal thing he had just said…
Too much. This was too much.
"Yes President Suzuki, I'll be sure to do that." Said Fukuda as he turned and left. Serizawa was at his heels the whole time, again, but he said nothing. He did nothing. Nothing but his job. He went back to his office, sat at his desk, and did his job. The entire time feeling like he was controlling his body from some remote location. Like he was playing a game, living a life that wasn't his, and any moment now he'd wake up and everything would be different. Not even better, necessarily, but at least different…he just had to wake up.
But he didn't. He just finished out his working day in his office with his normal office company and then went home to his empty house also like normal…the whole time wondering how he had possibly gotten here.