Techno Wars III: Techno fighters of Adumar
Pairings: Sludy und Maylene
Cast: Mega, Jack, Jay, Java, Salene, May, Slade, Trudy, Lex, Ram, and Gel
Rating: PG-13
Words: crystal, pogo stick, safety pin
Challenge by: Lie to Me
Sentences: "I'm the man from Nantucket.", "What do you mean: 'We are what we pretend to be.' That's just a load of . True , but none-the-less."
Disclaimer: I own nothing. Warning no drinking. No eating. Be alert and aware. Try to breath. Oh and George Lucas rules all as well as Aaron (the author of Adumar). Thank you also to the tribe for existing, and the genius of Patrick Duffy. As well as much love to Mega for being Mega.
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"So let me get this straight, they want you to retire and become a general- I'm sorry where's the downfall in this?" Slade demanded crossing his arms in the living room of his house with his wife Trudy sitting there on the couch as he looked right at his brother.
"I don't do desk work," Mega replied shortly.
"Oh you don't- and what's that laptop for then? To look at and admire, wish it was your girlfriend?" Slade inquired getting himself a drink.
Mega just glared at him, "You know what if you're not going to help me fight this little crinkle in the system of justice- then I'm not sure why I even bothered to come. Apparently, your too far up your ass- I'll see myself out," Mega said heading towards the door.
Trudy looked at Slade as Mega took off, "You know I could force Admiral Mouse's hand if it came to that," she said looking at him with a cross look.
"Yea, I know but I am that selfish for not wanting him to get his head kicked in?" Slade asked her as he moved to sit back down beside her.
"Yes and no. It's his choice. He isn't married with three kids you know. He's got to do something- and he happens to like taking a glowing laser thingy and pointing it at people and shooting out a blinking light. So if that's what he likes then that's what he should be doing," Trudy declared with a serious expression.
"You scare me sometimes," Slade said to her.
"It's a good thing you never met Jackwise Yoda then- now come on and help me take over the world," Trudy said with a smile as she got up jumped onto a pogo stick and jumped towards the kitchen with Slade trailing after her on his.
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(Mega's house)
Sighing as Mega headed towards his apartment passing the flock of dancing flamingos out on the fake holo lawn, and the jawa's walking around he got to the door where his droid let him and passed her silently.
It had been two months since he heard from Java Jade and last he checked she was somewhere on the other side of the Galaxy working the New order of Mallrats. Mega couldn't believe they resorted to becoming Mallrats now. He missed being a techno. It was so much easier, less political.
Getting ready to take out his frustrations on his kick ball he started towards his weight room when he heard the bell chimed- rolling his eyes he went towards the door.
As he opened it up he saw a delivery man there, "Package for Luke Skywalker, Jedi Knight"
"Wrong apartment, I'm Mega Skywalker"
"Oh, I got one for Jay Skywalker too that you?"
"No," Mega said rolling his eyes.
"Oh… well I don't see a Mega on my list- just a Luke, Jay, and Josh, I'll go now," he said turning to leave.
"Wait- now that's me," Mega replied stopping the guy for heading off.
"Great! I got one right- here you go," he said pulling out the letter and handing it to him.
Mega looked at it oddly as he walked back into the house slamming the key door shut.
He then ripped it open and noticed it said "Play me" on the holo, so he did.
"Luke- I mean Mega, we have a mission for you, it's of intergalactic importance. We need you and a trusted team of men: Jay Skywalker, Lex Chewbecca, and Ram Solo to head to the planet of Adumar and be not only delegates to the people but their champions. Meet Salene Tammer next week at Adumar she'll be waiting your arrival," Admiral Hawk spoke as the message shut off.
"But wait- how am I to find Jay?" Mega inquired.
As if by Magic, the holo turned back on, "You can find him on a retreat at Yoda's palace on muddville- bye bye," it said shutting off.
"Wait! You still didn't tell me how I got chosen for this, I thought I was on desk duty," Mega demanded to the again blank screen.
"Oh well that's easy jockie you're sister in law, Trudy Solo pulled some strings there. Now be gone, I got things to do like play with new set of rare jedi crystals, and dance the night away with my new stuff monkey," Hawk declared holding up a monkey and taking off.
Mega blinked twice at the screen, "I'm a tribe of morons," he decided out loud before heading to the door.
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(A day later or so….)
'S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y NIGHT, S-A-T-U-R-D-A-Y'
It was a cold day in the middle of the swamp, the place was still ever bit the pig stye but now the small hut had been replaced with a giant pink castle that looked like it was melting into the mudd with lace all around it.
As Mega hopped out- he looked at oddly as he climbed down and he heard it…
'At the good ole rock and roll road show, I gotta go, Saturday Night, Saturday Night, Gonna rock it up, roll it up, Do it all, have a ball'
"Oh damn," he muttered, "Jay's definitely here," he said rolling his eyes.
Mega then taking a breath turning around and coming to face to face with Jay and Gel. Jay was dressed in Jedi robes and Gel in a pink dress both of them doing really bad disco dancing… meanwhile Jay was floating a safety pin in front of him.
Mega banged his head against the ship momentarily- why did this happen to him!
"Hey Mega!" Jay shouted seeing his former enemy standing there on the side looking at them- waving him over noticing he had traded his techno uniform in for some conservative black flight suite though losing the 't' and the stripes not bothering to put a Mallrat symbol anywhere.
"You're treehugging loving Admiral wants to go on a mission with Lex and Ram," Mega said to him.
"Where they sending us exactly?" Jay asked.
"Adumar," Mega replied deadpan.
"Cool- don't know what or where that is- but I'm for it- say Mega you wanna see my new clothes? Gel picked them out for me," Jay said enthusiastically.
"Not really but I have feeling you don't care not to show me do you?" he inquired.
"Here," Jay said whipping off his top.
Underneath a shirt that said- 'I'm the man from Nantucket', and pants that read 'What do you mean: 'We are what we pretend to be.'
"That's it? You mean it doesn't get ANY weirder?" Mega said slightly impressed looking up and down Jay- and here he thought Jay was going to have a Barbie doll outfit underneath.
"I'm not done yet!" Jay protested putting his hands on his hips.
"That'd be too easy wouldn't it?" Mega muttered under his breath kicking the ground as he looked down trying to brace himself for whatever frightening thing Jay had.
Jay shrugged and pulled off his shirt to reveal a giant 'S' and a cape on his back, and then he stripped off his pants to reveal red tints on blue tight pants.
"Oh dear god"
Gel ran over, "MY HERO" she cried racing over throwing her arms around Jay.
"Okay now I need to die," Mega muttered darkly now to in his head to know that he was listening to more strange music, but this time only worse- she drives me crazy by the fine young cannibals was now on.
Jay then took Gel over his shoulders and lifted her into the air with the Schwartz as Mega shook his head and the door from the castle opened, out stepping Yoda.
"Fake brown Barbie doll- you have returned. Is there something wrong again?" Jack inquired coming out to meet Mega.
"Yea, I'm around a parade of idiots- can you give them brains?" he said turning to Jack.
"That's just a load of . True , but none-the-less. And though true… alas I am incapable of giving them the intelligence required. It is beyond the ability of the force," Jack said with shame looking down onto the ground.
"Oh you mean so there's power in a blinking light and a fake religion," Mega said impressed.
"But of course. It's called the power of fear. People fear what they do not understand and will always fear us because of this," Jack answered.
"Okay so like psych out… but the thing is Master if the power is fake then what is there to back it up? And how Jay lifting her into the air? Isn't a defiance of gravity?" Mega said finally after looking at Gel and him for a minute- as well as the paper clip.
"Well… actually there's nothing to back up except big names like Luke Skywalker, and Darth Zulu. As for Jay- he's using invisible strings- they're my newest invention, he's not actually lifting anyone up," Jack informed him calmly.
"Oh good 'cause I was about to be seriously freaked out," he answered, "Okay Jay can you drop the mail order wife now? We got work to do- besides if you go with me now, I'll give you some dog food- and we'll get to see RAM, do you like that?" Mega taunted.
Jay nodded and barked dropping Gel and racing over nodding his head, "Let's go see Ram!"
"Moron"
"Goodbye Barbie dolls," Jack said.
"Bye bye," Jay cried waving like a dork as Mega dragged him up the ramp.
"Bye Matt Robinson," Gel called to Mega, "Bye Conner," she yelled to Jay.
Mega just rolled his eyes- one of these days, he was going to kill that chick.
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(Adumar)
"So let me understand this- I'm supposed to kiss babies and do FLIGHT DEMOSTRATIONS?" Mega demanded darkly when he landed to Hawk's image, "That's not in my description".
"Mega, we need a diplomat to aid Senator Ned Hallis," Hawk replied, "He shall be your superior for this stay- you and your officers should report to him if you need anything".
"Oh joy," Mega snapped back as the screen went dead.
He then rolled his eyes and left his cockpit to find that Jay, Lex, and Ram were already waiting for him. Ram and Jay holding hands and talking; while Lex was trying to flirt with a woman with red hair standing next to him. She however looked disinterested.
"Hello, you must be General Mega Skywalker," she said with a smile.
"Yea, are you Salene Tammer?" he asked going to shake her hand.
"Of course, I'm glad you're here, we've been waiting for your arrival. Now tomorrow you have a speech in front of the public- after being welcomed in a ceremony of course about how you want to help us here at Adumar," she began.
"Speech! I don't have one prepared…" he said panicked.
"Don't worry- I have one for you," she said putting her hand out sympathetically.
"Thank you," he mumbled.
"Then you have a dinner Rovo's, and the next day a demonstration at the Windsor Hall," she informed him, "Don't worry you're guide will get you there," she said.
"Oh great, whose our guide?" Mega asked.
"My wife, May," she reported with a smile as she pointed down the way to a brown haired woman with short hair.
"You're wife? God is everyone gay here?" Lex demanded angrily upon hearing that.
Mega then turned sharply to him, "And what am I?"
"I don't see you with a girlfriend," Lex retorted.
"Lex- run fast," Mega said after a second.
Lex looked to both sides before racing away as Mega turned back to Salene, "That's great thank you, so we'll see you later then?"
"Absolutely"
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(Hours later- Rovo's)
It appeared as if the day could not get any weirder. First, Mega had to actual pose for pictures, give interviews, and hold children- that being beyond weird to begin with.
Then Lex actually got love letters- the first time in history Mega was perhaps speechless. And then, as if to add to the weirdness of this all- they were asked to take place in a paint ball star fighter match. This just left Mega baffled but according to May this was a huge honour.
Now they were sitting filled with giant water fountains, males dressed in pink clothes, women in dark colour dresses, and cakes all over the room along with drinks.
"Have we walked into the twilight zone?" Lex as he turned around and saw men in pink uniforms.
"Oh no, males here wear the bright colours, women wear dark. We're also the champion fighters," May explained.
"And you don't think that's slightly disturbing?" Ram inquired as they moved to sit down.
"Not at all," she replied.
"He the gay guy finds that weird," Lex said rolling his eyes.
"So, I've been meaning to ask what's with this Skywalker thing- a few years ago there was none and now we have Jay, you, and that Luke guy. What gives?" May asked Mega with interest.
"Well Mega and I have no relation. Luke Skywalker is just a holo actor from that movie star wars- the one they made me about defeating the techno's- I'm that hero. Mega just happens to same the name because everyone who was born on Tatooine in the old slaves quarters has that for a last name. Kind of like Ram and Slade they're both Solo's Slade is on by adoption and Ram is cousin but not his blood cousin," Jay informed her calmly.
"Yea, I'm just no name that got lucky in a battle called Endor," Mega said with a shrug.
"But yet you're both jedi's?"
"That's just random- besides all it is some spiritual farce that involves a blinking light, and a guy named Yoda," Mega reasoned.
"Wait a second! You mean to tell me my zapper DOESN'T WORK!" Jay gasped in horror.
"Where the hell have you been?" Mega demanded, "It's a prop moron".
"Damn it! That's it, I'm calling my agent, and joining the tribe cast as Jay," he declared angrily getting up and walking off.
"Is he okay?" May asked.
"Yea, he just needs a few minutes to realise there's no where else to go- he'll be back," Mega told her.
They all waited in silence as they ate for about thirty more seconds before Jay stormed back in.
"Damn it. I can't find Wellington anywhere. Guess, I'm stuck here," he said with a grunt, "But I want a zapper that works damn it"
"Welcome back lover," Ram said putting an arm around him.
"Yea yea"
Just as they went back to eating their food, suddenly an announcer came to the stage, "And now for the main event tonight Sue Ellen Morang versus May Tammer!"
"HUH?" the guys cried spitting out their food as they turned to May.
"Excuse me guys, I got a battle to win with my blade here," she said showing it to them, it was a blue glowing sword with weird writing on it.
"Say May, what does that say?" Ram asked with interest.
"Oh it's Elvish for 'Monkey see, Monkey do'," she replied with a shrug.
"Riiiigghhhttt…" Mega said slowly, "She's crazy too," he muttered as May went up to fight this other girl with dark braids and short height- as the other guys turned to watch the battle….
Mega noticed in the corner of his eye- another dark beauty looking right at the girl with deep features. She had long braided purple hair but he had sworn he had seen her before… but then as turned her head slightly it hit him….it was …
'JAVA JADE! What the hell is she doing here!' He wondered
Mega then got up as the fight went on walking towards her, "Hey Miss- do I know you from somewhere?"
Java then turned around sharply her eyes filled with fear which she quickly shoved down, "No sir, I don't believe so- I'm Iella," she said extending her hand.
"Nice to meet you Iella- can we talk in private?" he inquired seriously.
"I don't see why not- excuse me gentlemen," she said getting up excusing herself as she gripped him tightly, "What the hell do you want Mega?"
"What are you doing here!"
"I can't tell you that"
"But you knew I was here!"
"It's my job to know that besides you were all over the local news moron," Java interjected as they shoved themselves into the hall, "Now you almost blew my cover. Don't do it again. In fact, go back inside and pretend we never talked," she commanded.
"On what authority?" Mega demanded folding his arms.
"I'm in intelligence and you're just a fighter pilot for starters," she said darkly, "And I don't want to be executed, now go back to your table," she warned gripping his arm tighter so that it drew blood as she held him close to her.
As Mega sighed in defeat he took his hurt arm into the room with "Iella" standing behind him however before they could even reach the table they saw a man in pink come flying at his friends carrying a knife but thank Lex drew out his crossbow and tackled him to the ground but before the guy got a shot off and almost took Jay's head off.
"What was that about execution, 'cause I don't exactly think you're the target," he reported deadpan.
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(Short time later- the chamber)
"So let me get this straight someone is trying to kill us but the question is who are they?" Ram inquired looking up with a book in his hand.
"Jealous boyfriends?" Lex asked looking over a letter.
"Lex, what the hell are you reading?" Mega demanded.
"Uh nothing," he said quickly trying to hide the letters.
"Oh hand them over," Jay replied.
"No!"
"Yes!"
"NO"
"Okay, that's it," Jay declared lunging himself at Lex and the stack of letters knocking Lex off the couch and wrestling him as he shouted to Ram, "Get them"
Ram then went to get them as Lex tried to dive for the letters- as he got one and read.
"Dear Sexy Lexy, I love your hairy back- you seem to make me hot bothered every time…"
"Hey guys- hate to interrupt but now is not the time to be embarrassing Lex with his love notes," Mega said looking out the window.
"And why is that?" Jay asked now on top of Lex.
"Because it seems an army of assassins are on the way up to the room carrying knives and zappers," He reported.
"Shit!"
The boys then scrambled off each other as May went to the closet and pulled out weapons throwing it to them, "Come on"
(45 minutes later- "Iella's room")
"Why would anyone want to kill you?" Java demanded looking at Mega and the guys as May was out getting their things from their old room.
"I don't know, I was hoping you could tell me- you're with intelligence," he reminded her.
"I know but it's not my field," she argued, "I spy, I don't do threats and terrorists".
"But wouldn't you find them that way?" he demanded bringing her slamming into a wall- she doing it to herself because of how nervous Mega was making her.
His intensity flying off the wall. He was damn pissed, whether he liked- no loved Java right now was irrelevant… he just wanted to live long enough to actually tell her how he felt under far better circumstances.
"That's the thing, I don't know of anyone. If I knew don't you'd think I'd tell you? You're my only friend Mega… I got no one else," she said seriously for a second allowing herself to get off the wall and touch him lightly.
"Only friend?" he repeated slightly hurt but not showing it.
'Does she not feel the same way?'
"Yea… I mean, you'd know I'd tell you- really I would," she said stroking his arm lightly now causing Mega's glasses to fog up some as the door opened and May stepped in with a ton of bags in the hall which the guys went to get as she went up to them.
"I discovered whose trying to kill you. Iella- I mean Java, we need to talk alone," she said seriously to her.
"Why?" Java asked turning her head to May.
"Well, after I tell you- the thing is you're going to quit you're job- kill your superior after you help save their lives," May told her honestly.
"I doubt that," Java said skeptically, "But try anyway".
May then pulled her into a spare room as the guys waited outside for almost twenty on the couch. Ram and Jay flirting with each and holding hands. While Lex read his love letters again. Suddenly, the door opened and they all looked up.
"I have something to say. I'm quitting the Mallrats intelligence, I'm getting you guys on a ship back home, and then I'm killing my superior," she announced.
Mega's mouth dropped open, "Wha?"
"Don't ask me now- we'll talk later, right now we need to go, May can only hold them off for so long," she said as the others jumped up.
"But how are you going to get us out the city?" Mega asked.
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(Twenty minutes later)
Walking down the streets of the city dressed in five pink uniforms with yellow hats were Jay, Mega, Ram, Lex, and Java.
"Oh this is just great," Lex muttered.
"We fit in with the general population- no one will notice- that was the idea wasn't it?" Java demanded.
"Yea but pink is so not my colourful," Ram remarked.
"I think I look the sexiest," Jay chimed in.
"You would," Mega muttered as they continued to walk, "Where to?"
"This way"
After some quick dodging and walking in alleyways- they finally made their way to a hidden base with a cargo ship as Java handed Lex the keys who then went to start the ship.
"So…. Now will you tell me what's going on?" Mega asked her.
"It seems my superior Ned is a backstabbing traitor- he asked for you all to come so he could kill you and win over these people making it like you died losing to them in an honourable battle. May showed me the tape she found of Ned and their president talking backstage during your speech. They made a deal. And now I'm going handle Ned myself. I'll be back in a few days but you guys need to get out of here because an entire army is now out to get you," Java said seriously.
"Well that's great- and to think they wanted me to retire- HA," Mega said rolling his eyes.
"I daresay you won't be anytime soon after word gets out of this exploit," she said with a slight chuckle.
"Is that all?" he asked after a moment of pause, "I mean will you be okay here?"
"Sure, no one suspects me of anything yet. Ned doesn't know we're friends, and there's no proof I did anything wrong. Besides I can take care of myself. I'll call you in a few days- promise," she vowed.
"Oh okay," Mega said after a moment as he turned to leave trying to hide his rejection.
"Hey wait a second- is something on your mind, I mean other than this?" Java asked looking at him seriously.
"No, why would anything be?"
"Because you seem so… distance… is this because we kissed before the explosion at the base, and then had sex in your brother's bed because if so… it was just one time thing. I was just temporarily crazy- I swear it won't happen again," she reported.
"No. No. I had fun… it was fun. It's nothing… really," he answered.
"Okay… I just want us to be cool considering I'm hoping you'll be the best man at the wedding," Java replied.
"Wedding? You're getting married…?" he said shocked.
"Of course, didn't I tell you? I guess not, after killing my superior, I'm returning to base- finding Jay and getting married," she declared.
"Wha?" Jay and Ram said as they turned to each other.
"I thought you were gay," Ram said to Jay.
"I thought I was too," Jay replied, "I guess I was wrong"
"Guess so."
"The thing is- I am in love with a Skywalker… but you're the wrong Skywalker. I kissed you accidentally- I thought you were Jay. The truth is I've always been in love with Jay since even before we met, his mother- Darth Zulu said it was written that we should be together and she was right," Java said as she turned to Jay with a smile, "Jay will you marry me?"
"Of course," he cried running over to kiss her throwing his arms around her with tears in his eyes.
"Okay… is anyone else freaked out by that?" Mega said outloud.
"I am," Ram said raising his hand standing next to Mega, "So you ever consider turning gay?"
"No way Ram. Get lost- or go fight Java for Jay," he retorted.
"Damn. And you're ass always looked so good," Ram said as he walked up and tapped Java on the shoulder.
"Is this just for two or can anyone play?"
"Welcome," she said pulling him in as they shared a threesome kiss.
"I hate my life," Mega said deadpan turning towards the ship, "I never get the girl- ever- stupid blonde gay Barbie doll- at least I have my zapper- I think… now I just need to make a real one and test it on Jay"
As Jay and Ram broke off from Java they waved to her racing off after him, "We'll see you soon, bye Java- we love you" they called.
"Love you too," she yelled sighing happily as they raced off into the night, she watched as their ship took off and smiled sadly.
"Now if only Mega really loved me…" she said sadly.
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The end?