These Days
Chapter 7- Dirty Little Secrets
The car drove slowly on the snow-slicked road. It came to a stop and the engine was shut off. JJ slumped down in the passenger's seat. Drake rubbed his shivering shoulders. "Don't be scared," he said. "You've already passed the two important people."
JJ shook his head. "No. They still haven't accepted me."
"But they will."
"…We'll see."
They exited the warm car and entered into the blistering, winter wind. Drake grabbed his lover's hand and ran up the driveway and stopped on the porch. "Take a deep breath," Drake ordered. JJ did so, but it felt like his lungs were freezing over.
Drake knocked four times. Footsteps sounded behind the door and a click of a lock. JJ's heart pounded. A young girl, about sixteen, with dark brown hair answered. "Hello!" she welcomed sweetly.
"Hey, Brooke," Drake greeted with a smile. She hugged him tightly. After she let go, she clung to JJ, who wasn't expecting it at all.
"Hi," Brooke said vibrantly. "Nice to meet you."
"Uh, nice to meet you too." JJ breathed when she let go of her tight grip. She moved out of the way and let them come in from the cold. She offered to take their coats. Brooke smiled sweetly at JJ, who was becoming more uncomfortable with every stare. Brooke hooked their arms together and dragged JJ into the living room where a gob of people were seated.
"You're a bold little girl," JJ noted. Brooke smiled while shoving him into a chair that was facing the crowd. Drake seemed to have disappeared.
Drake's family sat quietly, slowly breaking their visitor down. Brooke sat down on the floor near his feet. JJ could pick out the few people he'd met before. Drake's parents, of course, along with his four other siblings. JJ figured the little rugrats running around were his nieces and nephews.
"Welcome, JJ," Shirley finally spoke up. "Let me introduce everyone."
She started off with the oldest sibling, Aaron, and his wife, Sarah, with their five children, Isaac, Brooke, Danyelle, Michael, and Zach. JJ tried to commit all that to memory; but before it sank in, Shirley began with Eric. Eric has a wife, Lauren, and four children, Nick, Alyx, Victoria, and Austin. JJ's mind was reeling with names and faces, even more to come. Next in line was Courtney and her husband, Ben. They had four children also, Nathan, Morgan, Sophie, and Hailey. Britney was a newlywed with Hunter, and was expecting. All the names blurred together.
"Don't be embarrassed if you forget who's who," Shirley ended. Easier said then done. "So anyway…We have a tradition for new members coming into the family, " she informed. JJ became skeptical from the giggles around the circle. The girl at his feet nudged him and whispered, "Good luck."
"It's called the 'Question Game' for lack of creativity. All you have to do is answer the questions each of us have prepared. Easiest is first." Shirley eyed him. "You have to tell the truth. If you don't, we can't trust you." JJ breathed deeply. He hoped they would only ask dumb, 'What is your favorite…' questions.
As if on cure, everyone--including the little kids-- pulled out a piece of paper. JJ started to sweat. He feared the numerous questions to come. Shirley nodded to a young boy; JJ already forgot his name. The boy giggled and slowly read, "What is your favorite color?" He giggled again and ran behind the couch.
"Uh, blue," JJ answered. So far so good. JJ furrowed his eyebrows when Shirley and David both whipped out notebooks and wrote something down.
"Ok," David said. "Danyelle."
A cute girl with strawberry blonde hair held out her slip of paper and read, "Do you like pizza?"
JJ laughed. "Yes. Very much so." The girl threw her slip on the ground and ran off to play.
"Brooke."
The girl at JJ's feet didn't have paper but asked a question anyway. "Where have you lived?"
JJ listed off, "Los Angeles, Beverly Hills, and New York."
Brooke smiled and said, "What is your favorite band?"
He thought for a moment. "I guess Green Day," he answered. Brooke grinned widely and high-fived him. "Favorite song?"
"OOoo. I have no idea. I have so many favorites."
Brooke patted JJ's knee and nodded to her older brother.
Isaac started, "When did you realize you liked men?" JJ knew that would come up sooner or later. Though he wished for the simpler questions with no real meaning.
"I realized it when I was thirteen after all my friends kept fawning over Christina but I was fawning over Christian."
Isaac questioned, "How hard was it to come out?"
"…I really never did. It was just known."
"Did you have a boyfriend?"
"Yes."
"Did your parents know?"
"Unfortunately."
"How'd they react?"
"Badly."
Thankfully, Isaac passed the torch. But to JJ's horror, David began. "What exactly draws you to my son?"
JJ stared ahead. Well, there were obvious answers, but none to say in front of the family. Then there were the cutsie wootsie things that he didn't dare repeat. So he said the simplest thing to sum it up. "Everything." David seemed pleased with the answer. He nodded off to his daughter, Britney.
"Have you ever dated a girl or done anything with a girl?"
JJ blushed. "I did…to see if I could change. It was the most awkward time in my entire life."
There was a few murmurs and laughter. The oldest sister, Courtney, asked, "How many previous lovers have you had and why did you break up?"
As if JJ would name off everyone. "First was Daniel. He died in a car crash. Then Steven, who was too old for me. Taki, who moved back to Japan with his parents. And that's really all the 'lovers' I've ever had."
"Were you ever in love?" Courtney questioned.
"…I thought so. But I don't know…"
"To whom?"
"Daniel."
"The one in the car crash?"
"Yes."
"What age?"
"Seventeen."
"So young…"
There was a momentary silence, that was soon broken by the second eldest sibling, Eric. "How old were you when you first had sex?"
And just when JJ thought things couldn't get any more embarrassing. Why do they care? That's personal stuff. "Uh…fifteen…" he answered softly.
"With who?"
"Daniel."
"You had quite a thing with him," Eric remarked. He then hit his brother in the arm, who looked very unpleasant. Drake had warned JJ about Aaron, who was very homophobic and hated Drake since the day he was born. The eldest sibling had claimed that Drake had stolen all the attention because he was the baby in the family. JJ feared the man's question.
"Have you ever done drugs?" he asked with a creepy eye on his victim.
JJ didn't like that question at all. "Uh…no…"
Aaron smirked. "You're lying."
"No…"
Aaron raised his eyebrows. "You were a druggie," he stated as if it were a fact.
JJ didn't answer. It was true he had done drugs, but it wasn't an everyday thing. It was something he got turned onto when he was a teenager but hasn't touched since graduation. It was just a temporary relief from his hectic life.
"I wasn't an addict," JJ defended himself.
"But you still did drugs."
JJ kept quiet. David and Shirley wrote something down, both wearing frowns. JJ felt his heart crumble. Did he say the wrong thing? To further worsen JJ's misery, Aaron continued, "Have you ever lusted after someone who was completely different generation?"
What the hell was that supposed to mean? Like he was a pedophile? Sick. "No." JJ thought that Aaron was sick in the head, not just mean. Aaron looked at him evilly but stayed silent.
"Well, JJ," Shirley said, "It's my turn. Describe your family and childhood."
JJ would be damned if he told the truth. Hell, Drake didn't even know the whole truth. "My father died when I was eight. My mom remarried to a surgeon who already had a son and daughter. Later my baby sister came."
Shirley smiled gently. "How would you describe your life in feelings?"
"Uh…as normal as it could be," JJ lied. Shirley seemed to be judging him.
"You're lying," she concluded.
JJ wiggled in his seat. He was a detective. He knew how to fool people into believing him. Just like the people who did it to him. "It wasn't normal, like tv sitcom normal…er…there were some qualities…" JJ slapped himself mentally. 'Good going, Adams. Now you sound like a babbling idiot.'
"How did you feel?" Shirley pressed on.
Angry, furious, sad, depressed, suicidal… "Like a normal child." 'if they were abused…'
"And that would be…?"
JJ felt like hitting her. 'Shut up already!' "…happy?"
"You say that like it's a question."
"No I didn't."
"You have on chance to claim my trust."
JJ would never have her trust then. There are just some things he never wanted to tell, even to his life partner. Where in the hell is he anyway? He left him to fight off the dogs alone. JJ repeated, "I had a normal, happy childhood." They didn't buy it.
"You asshole! How the fuck could you leave me alone!" JJ yelled.
"I was dragged upstairs and locked in a room!" Drake defended.
"You can pick locks!"
"It was on the outside!"
"Son of a bitch. They absolutely hate me!"
"You don't know that…"
JJ slapped his lover in the arm harshly. "They don't trust me. It's like your family has the goddamned Circle of Trust and I'm not in it! And it's all your mother's fault!"
"…Did I forget to mention she's a psychiatrist? And is used to lies and stuff?"
"Thanks a lot for saying something EARLIER!" JJ flopped down on the bed.
"Sunshine--" He earned glaring daggers. "Baby-- calm down. You're taking this way out of proportion."
"No I'm not! They don't like me and that's all I want! I want them to like me!" JJ admitted.
Drake smiled sadly. "You don't understand, Baby… They do like you. If they didn't, you'd be out on your ass by now."
JJ shook his head. "Bull. They hate me and want me dead."
Drake saw that his lover was shuddering uncontrollably and tears were streaming down his face. He didn't understand why he was acting so badly when it wasn't that big of a deal. He grabbed his shoulders and hugged him fiercely. "Sunshine, it'll be okay…" Drake continued to embrace JJ tightly, who continued to bawl. "Why are you so upset?" His only answer was more sobbing. "JJ, tell me." JJ shook his head. Drake sighed. He held his lover closer. They sat there on the bed, embracing tightly, JJ crying. Drake didn't understand. He would never understand.