Chapter 39: A Storm Approaches

By ElvenHope

Admir would not come out of her room the whole day after that despite how much the rest of her family tried to get her to. She was confused and angry. Confused, because she had begun to question her existence and place in the world, after all, the hope of men rested in Estel, did it not? Yet she was the elder of the pair, what did that mean? Did no one think that she was just as capable of this as her brother? Would Elrond simply hide her away when she would one day be the rightful Queen of Gondor? She had seen the great city in maps she had borrowed from her father's study, and was beginning to wish that she had never over heard that conversation about her heritage all those years ago. It wasn't fair, ignorance was bliss, and Estel was blissfully unaware of what his future held.

She was angry because of Rogir. Firstly, he had ruined everything, everything. All of her childish fantasies had been squashed by that arrogant elf. And he had not come to say goodbye to her, not that she wanted him too, but there had been some part of her that had hoped he really did still like her, and would come to say goodbye. Then she was angry with herself, angry that she had let her own pride get in the way of everything. She knew that she would feel oh so much better if she had just gone outside and said goodbye, but she hadn't, she had stayed in here sulking. And what had that achieved? Nothing. Now she was just miserable.

There was a knock on her door. "Admir." It was Estel.

"Go away," Admir said her words betraying her true feelings. She very much wanted to talk to someone, even if it was only Estel.

Estel jiggled the doorknob impatiently. "It's my room too."

"Well I'm older," Admir said flatly.

"So what?" Estel asked crossly stamping his foot. "It's still half my room!"

There was a pause and then the door opened. "Just don't annoy me."

"I won't," Estel said walking into the room quietly and looking at his sister. "You've been crying."

"No I haven't," Admir said furiously. "I just... had dust in my eye."

"I know I am young, gwathel, but I was not born yesterday, you've been crying," Estel stated. "And it's because of Rogir isn't it? I don't know why you like him..."
"I don't like him!"

"Well why are you sad then?" Estel asked. Admir hated him for his naivety sometimes, his childish ways of working out problems and seemingly finding the solutions to dilemmas so easily was infuriating. He didn't think - didn't know - about the other complications of life he didn't understand that one day there would be a time when he would have to make terrible and great decisions that would not be so easily solved. So for now he was content with his life and Admir envied him more than she would like to admit.

"Because... because he makes me so cross, that's why I'm sad! He makes me sad," Admir said trying to find a way around her little brother's question.

"Well if I were you," Estel said calmly continuing like he hadn't even heard Admir speak. "I would write him a letter and make up with him."

"Why would I want to?" Admir asked anger in her voice. "And why would you want me to?"

"I don't like seeing you sad Admir," Estel said quietly. "And if the only way you'll be happy is if you're his friend then I don't mind at all."

Admir smiled slightly and ruffled the boy's hair. "Thanks Estel."

Rogir glared at the fire as the flames danced in front of him. He was furious at himself. How could he have left Admir without saying goodbye? Most of the guards had gone to sleep and so had his brothers and father, after another terrible evening of arguing which had resulted in Aradwyn stalking off after his father had nearly hit him. Everything was not going well, not that Rogir cared much, he knew who was responsible for the stake, which had been driven right through the heart of his family. But for once he knew that he also was responsible for this and that pained him more than anything did. His father was cross with him and Aradwyn was angry with him and Legolas probably was although he did not care. He would not see the only person in the world that he could talk to for two years or more and even then she would probably hate him. It felt as though the world had turned its back on him, he felt so alone.

He kicked at the dying fire with his foot. "Good for nothing, lousy rotten life!"

The sentry close by was watching him, but he paid the elf no attention. After all why should he? It was his business what he did, not anyone else's. Still he felt like kicking the smoldering embers of the fire in the older elf's face, and would have, had he been standing closer by.

He heard a noise as someone sat down beside him and knew instinctively who it was.

He stiffened. "Go away Adar."

Thranduil looked at his son with concerned blue eyes. Normally he would have told Rogir off for being so blatantly rude, but he knew that something was troubling the boy, besides it would only cause an argument if he did.

"You are up late," Thranduil commented watching the firelight dance in Rogir's emerald green eyes.

Rogir grunted in response drawing up his knees and resting his head on his crossed arms, which in turn hugged his knees closer to him.

"Aren't you tired?" The elven king looked at the younger elf wondering when he would get a response.

Rogir shook his head - well at least he was communicating, if only in a primitive form.

"The stars are bright tonight, ion-nin," Thranduil said looking up at the sky. "It is good to be out under the stars, is it not?"

Rogir glared at the glowing lights that covered the sky. "They are mere pinpricks of light shining from the heavens, they do not help me or care for me and the feeling is mutual."

Thranduil shook his head slightly. "I'm sorry you feel that way."

"Why?" Rogir asked turning hateful eyes on him. "Why do you care how I feel?"

"I know it is hard for you to understand, but I am your father, and I do care a lot about you," Thranduil said wrapping an arm around his son's shoulders. "I hate seeing you like this, you seem so distant lately."

"I don't have to share my feelings with you," Rogir said pushing his father's hand away.

"No," Thranduil said. "But I would like you to."

"Well, I'm not going to," Rogir said hostilly.

"Then can you please go to sleep? We have to get up early in the morning and I don't need you slowing us down." Thranduil said truthfully although he would have much preferred to talk to Rogir.

Rogir nodded and stood up walking over to his bedroll and lying down, turning away from his father and the fire.

Thranduil looked back into the flames conscious of the guard's gaze upon him. He was such a terrible father, all of his sons hated him, their lives were in total shambles and he knew that everything was going to get worse before it got better.

The next day all Rogir could think about was Admir's singing the night before they had left. He sighed wearily looking our at the forest, they were only a days ride from the palace now and it was most likely they would reach it tonight rather than have to stop again. Aradwyn looked across at him, careful not to jostle the young elf that had fallen asleep some hours ago and was now resting against him.

"Are you alright?" The elder elf asked concerned for his brother's well being.

"Why do you care?" Rogir asked grumpily.

"Because I'm your brother," Aradwyn said. "And I know sometimes you're well..."

"You can say it if you want to."

"Loud and opinionated," Rogir grinned knowing those were not the right words to describe his temper. "You are still my brother and I want to make sure you're alright. I feel like I should protect you, even though you do a pretty good job of that by yourself."

Rogir grinned. "Maybe I overreact a little bit, even," he took a breath he didn't want to say this, it wasn't the truth, he didn't want to lie about something he felt so strongly about. "Even towards Legolas, he is my brother."

Aradwyn smiled. "I'm glad to hear it," he paused. "Want to go swimming when we get back, it's nice and warm."
"Aren't you forgetting that we have to do all that work for Adar seeing as we miss behaved a bit in Imaldris?" Rogir asked looking at the sky, Aradwyn was right, it was warm, very warm the humidity in the air made one feel hot and clammy and he was glad that they were riding under the trees in the shade. "Besides, there's going to be a storm soon, I can feel it."

"Admir can you open this door please?" Elrond knew there was something wrong with his daughter and he was determined to find out what it was.

The door opened, Admir knew better than to argue with her father.

"Now what seems to be the matter?" Elrond asked the sulking child.

Admir sat down on her bed picking up a book from her bedside table and resting it in her lap.

"I... Nothing," Admir said hoping that Elrond wouldn't have heard what she had first said.

"What?" Elrond asked quirking an eyebrow.

"It's just," Admir looked up at her father - not her father, her stepfather - before looking back down at her book. "Who I am?"

"Pardon?"

"I know Ada," Admir said the words she had been hiding for so long suddenly coming out. "I know who I am! Who I really am! Who Estel is! I know!"

"I see," Elrond said standing up and going to lean against the desk. "You won't tell Estel will you?"

"I can't believe you think that I would ever deprive Estel of his childhood!" Admir said crossly.

"Thank you Admir," Elrond said quietly looking out of the window. "How...?"

"I over heard a conversation you were having a while ago," Admir said knowing the question her father wanted to ask.

There was silence for a while then Admir spoke again. "The one thing I don't understand is that if I am older than Estel then why is he the one that will rule Gondor?"

Elrond looked at his daughter carefully, Admir was opinionated, she felt strongly about showvanisim she hated boys who thought that they could out do her simply because of their masculinity and she made it known. She wasn't like Arwen - it was probably the human in her - and sometimes Elrond wished that she were because it would make the whole thing a lot easier.

"You're not going to like my answer," Elrond said looking at her and seeing the sparks in her eyes.

"I need to know," Admir insisted.

"Iston le car," Elrond said gently switching into the silvan tongue. "The first reason is that Estel is a full adan and you are a peredhil. And secondly it is because Estel is a boy." He winced on the last word waiting for an explosion, but none came.

"So what about me?"

He looked at her confused; this was a question that had often plagued his mind. Admir had in all truth been a mistake, but he would never call her that for she could never be a mistake, she was just perfect.

"You, you can stay here, there will come a time when you have to choose between being an elf and a human," he paused the thought bringing about painful memories. "And whatever you decide we'll still be your family. The choice is yours when your old enough you can choose, but you should not worry yourself over such things now, your are young and have many years before you, do not burden your young mind with this when the time comes to decide we'll be here for you."

Admir stood and rushed to hug the other elf before Elrond knew what was happening. He smiled down at the child and hugged her back. He hoped beyond hope that when the time came for her to decide whether to become an elf or a human that she would stay with him and the twins. The idea that he would one day loose Estel was a terrible one, he didn't want to loose Admir too, but he would understand if she wanted to follow Estel. Sometimes Elrond could swear that his family was cursed with these terrible decisions.

"Hannon le Ada," Admir mumbled hugging her father even tighter.

Elrond smiled. "le gar alnad an hannon enni an."

Iston le car - I know you do

le gar alnad an hannon enni an - you have nothing to thank me for

Shawna D.