Extra Characters for Episode Two:
Marsha - Cornelia (W.I.T.C.H.)
Carol - Francoise AKA Cyborg 003 (Cyborg 009)
Mrs. Gellar and Mr. Gellar - Mr. and Mrs. Lesleh (Just random made-up people)
Susan - Helen (Cyborg 009?)
Barry - Josh (random dude)
Robbie - Rin (Inuyasha)
Jason Greenstein - Lilian Hale (W.I.T.C.H.)
Dr. Oberman - Dr. Uberwo (random person)
Mindy - Ukyo (N/A)
Episode Two: The One With the Sonogram at the End
(PRE-INTRO SCENE: THE LOUNGE)
(all present)
"What you guys don't understand is, for us, just being together is as important as any part of it." Cait Lin said.
"Yeah, right!" Duo laughed. ". . . You're serious?"
"Oh, yeah!" Irma said.
"Everything you need to know is in the first kiss." Marissa agreed.
"Yeah, I think for us, the first kiss is the opening act, y'know? It's like the previews before the Harry Potter movie," InuYasha said.
"Yeah, it's not like we don't like the previews, but it's that . . . that's not why we bought the ticket." Joe answered.
"The problem is, though, after the movie's over, no matter how great the show was, you girls are always looking for the previews again, y'know? I mean, we're in the car, we're fighting traffic... basically just trying to stay awake." InuYasha said.
"Yeah, well, here's a little word of advice: Bring back the previews. Otherwise, you're going to find yourself at home, watching that DVD alone." Marissa said.
There was a pause. ". . . Are we still talking about making out?" Duo asked.
SCENE 1: History auditiorium(Joe and Cornelia are setting up a life-sized Diorama, WHICH INCLUDES SOME MANNEQUINS OF CAVE PEOPLE)
"No, it's good, it is good, it's just that- mm- doesn't she seem a little angry?" Joe said.
"Well, she, like, has issues."said Cornelia
"Does she."
"He's out banging other women over the head with a club, while she sits at home trying to get the mastodon smell out of the carpet!
"Cornelia, these are cave people. Okay? They have issues like 'Gee, that glacier's getting kinda close.' See?"
"Speaking of issues, isn't that ,like, your ex-girlfriend?" Cornelia pointed behind them
"No. No." Joe moaned,trying to ignore her.
"Yes, it is.Francoise! Hi!" Cornelia called.
"Okay, okay, yes, it is. How about I'll, uh, catch up with you in the Ice Age." Joe said,waving.
"Hi."
"So." Francoise mumbled.
"You look great. I, uh... I hate that."
"Sorry. You look good too."
"Ah, well, in here, anyone who... stands erect... So what's new? Still, uh..."Joe trailed off.
"A lesbian?"
"Well... you never know. How's, um.. how's the family?"
"Jean Paul's still totally paranoid. Oh, and, uh-"
"Why- why are you here,Francoise?"
"I'm pregnant."Francoise admitted,embarassed.
"Pregnant!" Joe exclaimed.
(CUT TO Cait Lin AND Marissa's DORM, WHERE InuYasha, Duo, Irma, AND Cait Lin ARE WATCHING 'Gilligan's Island')
"Oh, I think this is the episode of Gilligan's Island where there is some sort of misunderstanding." said InuYasha.
Irma paused. ". . . Then I've already seen this one!" she said, getting up and turning off the TV.
Cait Lin took a pop bottle from Duo. "Are you done with that?" she asked.
"Yeah, sorry, the swallowing slowed me down." answered Duo.
"Who's little ball of paper is this!" Cait Lin exclaimed.
"Oh, uh, that would be mine. See, I wrote a note to myself, but then I realized I didn't need it, so I balled it up . . ." InuYasha trailed off as he noticed Cait Lin's expression. ". . . And now I wish I were dead." Cait Lin started to fluff a pillow as he finished his sentence.
"Hm . . . she's already fluffed that pillow! Cait Lin, you know, you've already fluffed that--" Irma paused, as Cait Lin shot her a annoyed look, and it didn't help that she had orange highlight streaks in her hair. "It's fine though!"
"Look, I'm sorry, guys, but I don't want to give them any more ammunition then they already have," Cait Lin said.
"Yes, and we all know how cruel they can be at the flatness of a child's pillow." InuYasha said sarcastically.
"Cait Lin. Um, hey, you're scaring me! I mean, you're like, all chaotic and twirly. And n-not in a good way." said Irma.
"Yeah, calm down. You don't see Joe getting all chaotic and twirly every time they come." Duo agreed.
Cait Lin sighed, "That's because, as far as my parents are concerned, Joe can do no wrong. Y'see, he's like the Prince. Apparently they had some big ceremony before I was born."
InuYasha looked out the window. "Oh oh oh!"
"What?" Cait Lin asked.
"Ugly Naked Guy got a misuse((that's someone who massages for a living, right?))!"
Everyone looked out the window. "Woah." they all said in harmony.
Just then, Marissa came out of her bedroom. "Has anyone seen my commitment bracelet?" she asked.
"Yeah, it's so beautiful!" Irma answered.
"Oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no oh no." Marissa mumbled as she looked under all the cushions.
"No, don't touch that!" Irma exclaimed.
"Oh, like I wasn't dreading tomorrow enough, having to give it back to him . . . 'Hi Josh, remember me? I'm the girl in the jacket who stomped on your heart in front of your family!' Oh man, and now I'm going to have to return the bracelet, without the bracelet, which makes it so much harder . . ." Marissa ranted.
"Easy, Mars, we'll find it," Irma turned to everyone. "Won't we?"
"Oh! Definitely!" Duo and InuYasha said together.
"Alright, when did ya have it on last?" asked Duo.
"Duh! Probably right before she lost it!" Irma said, shaking her head.
"You don't get a lot of 'duh' these days . . ." InuYasha sighed.
"I know I had it this morning, I had it when I was in the kitchen with . . ."
"Dinah?" InuYasha asked.
Marissa looked at the 2-layer cake and realized something. "Oh, don't be mad . . ."
"You didn't." Cait Lin said.
"I am so sorry . . ."
"I gave you one job!" Cait Lin exclaimed as she looked at the cake through the glass.
"Oh, but look how smooth the icing is!" Marissa said, trying to be optomistic.
"Now, Cait Lin, you know that's not how you look for a commitment bracelet in a cake." InuYasha said.
"I just . . . can't do it." said Cait Lin, putting down the cake.
"Boys? We're going in." InuYasha said, rolling up his sleeves. Him, Duo, and Irma started to pick through the cake without completely messing it up. Suddenly there was a knock at the door; it was Joe.
". . . Hi." he said.
"Wow, that is not a cheerful hi." Cait Lin said.
"Francoise is pregnant." He said with no tone.
While everyone else is stunned, Irma pulled out a silver bracelet. "I found it!" she exclaimed.
"W-w-wha, w-w-what?" Cait Lin stuttered with amazement.
"Yeah, do that for another 2 hours, and you might be where I am right now," Joe said, walking in.
"Kinda puts the whole pillow thing into perspective, doesn't it, Cait?" InuYasha asked.
"Well now, h-how do you fit into this whole thing?" Marissa asked.
"Well, Francoise say she and Helen want me to be involved, but if I'm not comfortable with it, I don't have to be . . . Basically, it's entirely up to me."
"She's so great! I miss her." said Irma, shaking her head.
"What does she mean by 'involved'?" asked Cait Lin.
"I mean presumably, the biggest part of your job is done," InuYasha said. "Although, it's still hard to believe . . ."
"Anyway, they want to me to go down to this-this sonogram thing with them tomorrow."
"So, what are you going to do?" asked Marissa.
"I have no idea. No matter what I do, though, I'm still going to be a father." sighed Joe.
Suddenly, they heard the sound of Duo eating the cake. They all turned around to stare at him accusingly. ". . . Well, this is still ruined, right?" he said innocently.
(SCENE 2: Cait Lin and Marissa's)
Cait Lin and Joe are pouring soda for their parents.
"Oh, Nodaka Saotome's daughter is gonna call you." Their mother said,tasting a snack. "Mmm! What's that curry taste?"
"Curry." Cait Lin mumbled.
"Mmmm!"
"I- I think they're great! I, I really do." stuttered Joe,not thinking it was great at all.
"Do you remember the Saotomes? The tall one had a thing for you, didn't she?" asked their father.
"They all had a thing for him." his wife said.
"Aw, Mom..." Joe moaned,remembering these Saotome girls.
"I'm sorry, why is this girl going to call me?" asked Cait Lin.
"Oh, she just graduated from middle school, and she wants to be in cooking, or food, or... I don't know. Anyway, I told her you owned a makeshift restauraunt."
"No Mom, I don't have a makeshift restaurant, I work in a cafeteria."
"Well, they don't have to know that... " Mrs. Lesleh mumbled,beginning to fluff the pillows.
"Joe could you come and help me with the spaghetti, please?" asked Cait Lin,ushering her brother into the kitchen-nook thing.
"Yeah."
"Oh, we're having spaghetti! That's... easy." Mrs. Lesleh bit her lip.
"I know this is going to sound unbelievably selfish, but, were you planning on bringing up the whole baby/lesbian thing? Because I think it might take some of the heat off me." Cait Lin said.
Time Lapse, everyone is now eating.
"What Marissa did to her life . . . we ran into her parents at the club. They were not doing very well." Mrs. Lesleh said.
"I'm not going to tell you what they spent making plans on their future . . . but 20,000 dollars is a lot of money!" Mr. Lesleh said.
"Well, at least she had the chance to leave a man . . ." Mrs. Lesleh trailed off.
"What's that supposed to mean?" Cait Lin asked, defensingly.
"Nothing! It's an expression!" Her mother said quickly.
"No, it's not." Cait Lin grumbled.
"Don't listen to your mother," Mr. Lesleh said. "You're independent, and you always will be. Even when you were a little kid . . . and you were sort of geeky, and you had no friends, you were just fine! And you would read alone in your room, and your puzzles . . ."
(CUT TO SAME SCENE)
"Look, there are people like Joe who need to shoot for the stars, with his museum, and his papers getting published. Other people are satisfied with staying where
they are- I'm telling you, these are the people who never
get cancer." said Mr. Lesleh.
Time Lapse.
". . . And I read about these women who are trying to have it all, and I'm just glad 'Our Little Caiti' doesn't seem to have that problem." Mr. Lesleh said.
"So Joe, what's going on with you? Any stories?" Cait Lin said, trying desperately to change the subject. She dug her elbow into his hand. "Any news? Any little anecdotes?"
Joe pulled his hand away. "Okay! Okay!" He turned to his parents. "Look, uh, I realize you guys have been wondering what exactly happened between me and Francoise, and so, well, here's the deal. Francoise is a lesbian. She is living with another girl named Helen. She's pregnant with my child, and she and Helen are going to raise the baby."
There was a stunned silence, as Cait Lin expected her parents to blow up, since Joe was only 16. But instead, Mr. Lesleh turned to Cait Lin. "And you knew about this!" he exclaimed to her.
(AD BREAK)
SCENE 3: the lounge (everyone's there)
"Your folks are really that bad, huh?" Duo drawled.
"Well, y'know, these people are pros. They know what they're doing, they take their time, they get the job done." sighed Joe.
"Boy, I know they say you can't change your parents,... boy, if you could I'd want yours." said Cait Lin.
"Must pee." said her brother,getting up.
"Y'know, it's even worse when you're twins." said Irma.
"You're twins?" asked Marissa.
"Yeah. We don't speak. She's like this high-powered, driven brainiac." said Irma
"What does she do?" asked Inuyasha.
"She's a waitress." said Irma
"All right, you guys, I kinda gotta clean up now. " Marissa said.
Everyone got up to leave.
"Inuyasha, you're an only child, right? You don't have any of this." Cait Lin said.
"Well, no, although I did have an imaginary friend, who...my parents actually preferred." Inuyasha groaned.
"The lights, please.. " Marissa said as Duo turned off the lights and she began to sweep.
" ...How long was I in there?" Joe asked,returning from the toilet.
"I'm just cleaning up." Marissa whispered.
"D'ya.. uh.. d'ya need any help?"
"Uh.. okay, sure! Thanks!" Marissa handed him the broom and sat down.
"Anyway.. um.. So, you- uh- you nervous about Josh tomorrow?" Joe began to sweep.
"Oh.. a little"
"Mm-hmm.."
"A lot."
"Mm."
"So, got any advice? Y'know, as someone who's recently been- dumped?"Marissa asked.
"Well, you may wanna steer clear of the word 'dumped'. Chances are he's gonna be this, this broken shell of a man, y'know, so you should try not to look too terrific, I know it'll be hard. Or, y'know, uh, hey, I'll go down there, and I'll give Josh back his bracelet, and you can go with Francoise and Helen to the OB/GYN..." Joe trailed off with a sigh.
"Oh, you've got Francoise tomorrow.. When did it get so complicated?"
"Got me."
"Remember when we were in elementary school together?"
"Yeah."
"I mean, didn't you think you were just gonna meet someone, fall in love- and that'd be it? ..Joe?" Marissa admitted.
"Yes, yes!"
"Oh! Man, I never thought I'd be here.." Marissa leaned onto his hand with a sigh.
"Me either..." Joe mumbled,pulling up a stool and sitting down so he doesn't have to move his hand.
Scene 4: Francoise's OB/GYN, Francoise is waiting.
Joe entered the room, breathing heavily from walking fast. "Sorry I'm late. I was stuck at class. This big dinosaur . . . thing . . . anyway."
When he was finished, Helen walked in holding a drink. "Hi," she said.
"Joe, you remember Helen." Francoise said.
"How could I forget?" Joe said with a sigh.
"Joe." said Helen flatly.
Joe and her shook hands. "Helen," he said, and then turned to Francoise. "Good shake, good shake. So, uh, who exactly are we waiting for . . .?"
"Dr. Uberwo." Francoise answered.
". . . Dr. Uberwo. And is he--"
"She." Francoise corrected.
"She. Of course, she, uh, familiar with our current situation?" Joe asked.
"Yep, and she's very supportive." Francoise said, sounding older than she was.
"Okay, that's great," Joe said, and saw Helen holding out a cup of water. "No, I'm--" he saw her give the drink to Francoise. "Oh."
"Thanks," Francoise said.
Joe looked around a little and saw a surgical instrument of some sort. He picked up and started miming a duck, "Quack Quack."
"Joe?" Francoise said. "That opens my--" she was cut off by a squeak of horror from Joe as he dropped it.
Scene Josh's office
"Josh?"Marissa said,opening the door to his counselling office.
"C'mon in."said Josh,motioning her in.
"Are you sure?"
"Yeah! It's fine, it's fine. Rin's gonna be here for hours."
"Huh!"said the little girl on the couch
"So, how ya doin'?"
"I'm- uh- I'm okay... You look great!" Marissa stuttered
"Yeah, well.."
"Mr. McGallahan, Lillian Hale's crying."said his assistant,over the intercom.
" Be right there. Be back in a sec."
Rin began to stare at Marissa as Josh left.
"I dumped him." Marissa said.
"Okay."Rin whispered.
Scene: Francoise's OB/GYN, they're talking about how this is going to work.
"So, um, how's this going to work? Y'know, with us? Y'know, when, like, important decisions have to be made." Joe said.
"Hm, give me a 'for instance'." Francoise said.
"Well, uh, hm, I don't know. Like, uh, um, the baby's name?" Joe said.
"Marion-" Francoise said.
"Marion!"
"If it's a boy, Marion. If it's a girl, Daisy."
Joe paused. ". . . As in Duck?"
"As in my Grandmother." Francoise corrected.
"Still, you say Daisy, you hear Duck. What about, um, Abby?" Joe asked.
"Abby . . . " said Francoise, thinking about it.
"We agreed on Daisy." Helen interupted.
"It's funny, really. We agreed we'd spend the rest of our lives together. Things change, roll with the punches. I believe Abby's on the table. . .?"
Scene: Barry's office
"Sorry about that. So. What have you been up to?" said Josh,entering the room
"Oh, not much. I-I got a job."Marissa said.
"Oh, that's great."
Why are- why are you so...big?" Marissa asked,looking at Josh's waistline.
"Oh, I, uh- I went to that dinner we were gonna have."
"Oh no. You went to our dinner alone?"
"No. I went with, uh.. Now, this may hurt.
"Me!" Rin exclaimed.
"No! I went with Ukyo.
"Ukyo! My best friend, Ukyo!"
"Yeah, well, uh, we're kind of a thing now."
"Oh! Well, um.. You've got plugs!" Marissa cried,grabbing his forehead.
"Careful! They haven't quite taken yet."
"And you've got lenses! But you hate sticking your finger in your eye!"
"Not for her. Listen, I really wanted to thank you."
"Okay.."
"See, about a month ago, I wanted to hurt you. More than I've ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life. And I'm a junior counselor."
"Wow."
"You know, you were right? I mean, I thought we were happy. We weren't happy. But with Ukyo , now I'm happy. Spit."
"What?"
"Me." Rin spat out her gum.
"Anyway, um, I guess this belongs to you. And thank you for giving it to me."Marissa fished the bracelet out of her pocket.
"Well, thank you for giving it back."
"Hello!"Rinn yelled as Marissa and Josh gazed at eachother.
Scene: Francoise's OB/GYN, they're still arguing about what to name the baby.
"Oh, please!" Helen exclaimed. "What's wrong with Susan?"
"Susan Lesleh?" said Joe. "I don't think so."
"Hello?" Francoise sighed. "It's not gonna be Susan Lesleh."
"Thank you!" said Joe greatfully.
"No, I mean it's not Lesleh." Francoise said.
Joe stared. "What, it's gonna be Susan Arnoul?" he asked.
Francoise paused. "No, actually, um, we talked about Susan Arnoul-Twilight."
"Wait a minute! Why is SHE going to be in the title?" Joe exclaimed, pointing to Helen.
"It's my baby, too." Helen said calmly.
"Oh, it's funny really. I don't remember you making any sperm." Joe shot back.
"Yeah, and that's such a challenge!" Helen answered sarcastically.
"Alright you two, stop it!" Francoise yelled, causing them both to shut up.
"No no no, she gets credit, I want to be in there too." Joe said stubbornly as he crossed his arms.
"Joe," said Francoise. "You're not actually thinking of Susan Aurnol-Twilight-Lesleh? Because I think that borders child abuse."
"Of course not. I'm suggesting Lesleh-Aurnol-Twilight . . ." Joe trailed off.
"Oh, no no no no no no no." Helen exclaimed. "You see what he's doing? He knows no one will want to say all those names, so they'll just wind up saying Lesleh, so he gets his way!"
"My way! How could this possibly be my way! How could where we are right now EVER be how I wanted my way to be! You know what I can't do this. I'll just--"
"Knock knock," Dr. Uberwo said, entering. "How are we today? A little nausea?"
"Yeah. Yeah, a little." everyone answered.
"Well, I was just wondering about the mother-to-be... but, thanks for sharing." she turned to Francoise. "Lie back."
"Uh, y'know what. I think I'm going to go. I don't think I can be part of this particular thing right now." said Joe. He turned to go, but the sonogram screen stopped him and he turned to see it. "Oh my god."
"Look at that." Helen said.
"I know." Francoise answered.
Scene: Cait Lin and Marissa's Dorm
"Well? Isn't that amazing?" sighed Joe.
"What are we supposed to be seeing here?" asked Duo.
"I dunno, but.. I think it's about to attack the Enterprise." said Inuyasha,cluelessly.
"You know, if you tilt your head to the left, and relax your eyes, it kinda looks like an old potato." said Irma,doing as she instructed.
"Then don't do that, alright?" Joe snapped.
"Okay!"
Joe walked over to his sister. "Whaddya think?"
"Mm-hmm." Cait Lin began to well up.
"Wh- are you welling up?"
"No."Cait Lin said shakily.
"You are, you're welling up."
"Am not!"
"You're gonna be an aunt."
"Oh shut up!" Cait Lin pushed him and began to cry.
"Hi,Ukyo. Hi, it-it's Marissa. Yeah, I'm fine. I-I saw Josh today. Oh, yeah, yeah he-he told me. No, no, it's okay. I hope you two are very happy, I really do. Oh, oh, and Ukyo, y'know, if-if everything works out, and you guys end up getting married and having kids- and everything- I just hope they have his old hairline and your old nose. Okay, I know it was a cheap shot, but I feel so much better now." Marissa said,slamming the phone down.
END