A/N: This WAS originally gonna be a one-shot... but then all of the reviews I got asked for some more, so I thought: What the heck?
So, here it is! Ta-da! The second, infamous chapter of Horses! Well... possibly slightly... heard of... once before... maybe? Laharl's POV this time... I'm thinking of interchanging between them for each one!
-Warriors King- Thank you so much for the fave! -sparkles- If that won't inspire a girl, then that means I'm really, really lazy, lol... So, seeing as I'm updating, that sort of means I'm not... Thanks again so much for the support! I really hope this chapter lives up to your expectations!
-Knight 2- You're totally right... there's such a lack of Laharl and Etna on here that I felt it was my duty as a self-proclaimed author to right this terrible wrong... or something... Anyways, you asked for it, so here's another chapter! Yay!
-Bella- Thanks so much for such a detailed review, and thanks for noticing how Etna seemed to be far more articulate in her own head! I hope it doesn't seem too out of character, but I got the impression from the game that she was always really paranoid about anyone finding out her deepest, darkest thoughts and secrets, and so perhaps wasn't even completely honest with her diary. Hence, inside she is rainbows, lollipops and sunshine! Well... not really... she's still pretty violent and weird, but I thought I'd like to show a softer side... Much like I'm trying to portray a Laharl with a functioning brain in this chapter! Whoa this is long... Sorry 'bout that... Enjoy the chapter!
-Dark Drow- My first review! -cheers- Thank you so much, and thank you even more for liking it! I've decided to continue this, even if I did post the fic as a one-shot, because I've got such lovely feedback asking for more! So here you are! Another chapter! Woo!
Chapter Two: Sons of the Fathers
Although I'd like to state in advance that I'm being completely hypothetical here, I'm beginning to think that the twenty-hour workdays are beginning to have rather adverse effects on my vassals' mental well-being.
Judging by the way Etna's looking at me, much like a rabid dog would eye up the trouser-clad limb of a post-demon, I'd have to conclude, after a short period of deliberation, of course, that she'd well and truly snapped.
Chuckling malevolently at my majestically witty play on words, for Overlords are nothing if not regal masters of comedic genius, I noticed the angel-trainee attempting to employ a level of stealth and subterfuge her gangly, uncoordinated limbs never had a hope in hell of achieving.
The redhead pivoted moodily to face the new occupant of my short attention span and growled half-heartedly, tugging at one of the skulls pierced through an earlobe as she flounced huffily from the room. My cackling rose in pitch and volume at their feeble efforts to bypass, ignore and effectively one-up the Overlord himself!
It does have such a nice ring to it: Overlord… uncontested, magnificent, iniquitous Overlord… who just happens to occupy the number one spot on Etna's hit-list at this particular moment in time.
I almost choked on my guffaws as my eyes quickly scanned the throne room for potential booby-traps, before getting distracted by a stray: "Nin nin nin!"
Analysing the Love Freak with no small amount of concern, seeing as that sort of behaviour could easily become a contagious epidemic if left unchecked; I sighed as her stupidly adorable buckled shoes, which she seemed to polish religiously if the near-blinding shine glinting from their tastelessly laminated surfaces served as any indication, collided with the expensively carpeted flooring with a soft, scuffing thud. When she added her own sound effect, as seemed to be a mandatory obligation whenever the ditzy angel was involved, I retracted my earlier thought of a theoretically imposed quarantine in favour of fully committing the mad-woman.
"Geez… you just… keep laughing and laughing…" She muttered in an exasperated form of fascination. I hadn't expected a mere goodie-two-shoes -and not even a fully fledged member of the Angelic Host at that- to understand the busy schedule of the ultimate Devil among demons, seeing as the brains of all inferior, love-based cretins were ill-equipped to process that an Overlord must perfect his bone-chilling, triumphantly evil laugh if he ever wished to succeed in fulfilling the responsibilities bestowed upon him by his executive powers in office. Then again, using the term 'office' would lend itself to supposing that my views and policies were democratic, and like that was gonna happen any time soon… Talking in the third person, however, was something I could manage quite comfortably.
I was about to enlighten the dumbfounded angel on all facets of my superiority, but then my flame-haired vassal re-entered the throne room, smiling beatifically as if she had not a care in the world, which contrasted so much with her earlier attitude that I wiled away a brief moment pondering on whether or not she was bipolar.
The look in her eyes clashed with the emotions held in the curve of her mouth, as those crimson orbs were delightedly informing me that if I didn't do right by her, and pretty damned soon, she'd hog-tie me to a spit and turn me slowly over the lava-pit until extra-crispy.
I may be a supreme being, but I'm not as brainless a fool as to give the Love Freak a run for her Hel. I had hoped, in a desperate manner, bordering on pathetic, that the smirking demon had forgiven me after our merry little 'escapade' earlier this morning, but alas, she was homicidal as ever, and had Prinny detonation down to a science.
"Oh Priiiince," She purred, in that slightly threatening manner that I never pick up on because my head suddenly feels as if it's been wrapped in cotton-candy. I've never really entertained the possible ramifications of just WHY the contents of my skull sprout proverbial hearts and flowers, and when I say hearts and flowers I mean… er… swords! Swords are safe and unadventurous, right? Gotta love those swords…
I really, really wish that she'd stop using that breathy, whiny, pleading tone with me, although I'm quite sure if I asked -I mean ordered- her to stop, she'd probably turn on the 'voice' far more frequently, and up the voltage with the 'puppy-face' as well.
"Whazzat?" I asked suddenly, realising that Flonne's blue eyes were flashing with righteous fire, which never usually boded well for me. Etna herself was still smiling innocently, which; if possible, put me more on edge than the Love Freak's inner machinations.
"I said: I've got a job for ya!" Etna chirped exuberantly, seemingly amused at my inattentive fuzzy-headedness. After exhausting all options for the sudden, slightly creepy change in her behaviour, again including possible schizophrenia, I determined that the redhead was messing with my mind, in a way that only Etna could pull off, seeing as Flonne's gifts lay in unintentionally taxing my brain to the point that it melted and ran viscously out of my ears. Unless that reaction was, in fact, a hallucinatory escape from listening to the blonde, but that's far too cerebral and complex to be dealing with right now cos Etna's talking again and I'm already only living on borrowed patience.
"You should call me 'Your Highness', seeing as I'M the Overlord now!" I interrupted smugly, tilting my head and flashing a toothy smile as I flung my legs over one of the arms of my throne, reclining arrogantly whilst interlocking my fingers behind my head. MY throne… a demon could get used to all these personal pronouns…
She bowed her head in a mocking show of false respect as Flonne barely concealed a long-suffering groan, and I'm relatively certain that I heard them both simultaneously mutter something along the lines of: "For the love of…" but then the respective tirades were cut-off as the angel-trainee realised she was about to say a 'swear', as she so irritatingly described the expletives, and so began a lengthy, flailing performance of wailing repentance, which amused me for all of five seconds before it began to grate on my nerves and overall sanity.
"Prince, Prince, Prince…" Etna clucked disapprovingly; a smirk studded with pointed teeth out in full force, most likely at the thought of disobeying me, knowing my luck. "Why d'ya have to get so hung up on the MINOR details?" She asked mischievously, deliberately adding fuel to my steadily simmering rage. Within seconds, I'd reached boiling point, and there was little other to do except explode.
"MINOR detail?" I fairly screeched. Unfortunately, the skilled oration was unable to carry the most, masculine, of my array of yells and bellows, which the wicked pair seemed to notice, what with the fact that they almost instantaneously began to laugh at me. "I'll have you know; that as your OVERLORD, I have dominion over your delicate little bodies and decomposing minds, though Celestia knows why I'd want to KEEP you! Oh… wait… I remember; I couldn't even pawn you off to Senator HEINRICH, and he thanked me profusely for a stick of GUM!" I shrieked in vexation, working my way through stages of relative indignant sentiment all the way up to soaring plateaus of ranting and raving in an entirely terrifying manner. Whoever mentions the inopportune detail that my voice rises by almost two octaves when I'm dishing out the righteous anger shall be fed to the Manticore… are we clear? Thought so…
Flonne sniffled slightly, whilst Etna merely bristled. I think I just might have missed out on that once in a lifetime opportunity to do right by her… bugger…
"What's the job?" I asked accommodatingly, back-pedalling furiously into the realms of submissive affability, pointedly ignoring the way the redhead's grip flexed on the shaft of her spear. "You want me to make it rain pepper on Earth so they can't stop sneezing? Or, do you want me to give human kids an addictive video game that will deprive them of their sleep?" I demanded excitedly, highly tempted to leap to my feet and clap in a manner of exuberance only Flonne should rightly be able to possess.
Then I realised that the schemes I had just forwarded weren't so much evil as they were… mind-numbingly lame… However, fortunately for my deflating ego, the angel-trainee was sporting an expression of such horror that it looked like I'd just declared war on Celestia.
Meanwhile, Etna merely quirked one magenta eyebrow with such force that it almost disappeared into her hairline as she shuffled slowly backwards; away from the crazies, no doubt.
"Uh… no…" She announced warily, as if waiting for the nightmare to evolve into some daft orgy of giant dancing bananas and musical numbers. "Aramis, you can come in now!" She called cheerily, replicating the manner of a wealthy heiress ringing a dainty little china bell in order to attract the presence and attention of her butler. I thanked all manner of beings far more long-lived than I that I wasn't that poor, abused butler. "Although I'll understand if you run far, far away instead…" She proceeded to mutter under her breath, so I reminded myself that it would probably be in my best safety-related interests to deign the vassal worthy of my complete, undivided attention. Hence, I peered over to the intricately carved, gold-leaf plated double doors with an action so overtly visible and expectant that it felt as if I'd given myself whiplash.
A small, sullen humanoid entered the lavish throne room, dragging his lumbering feet across my precious carpet before settling nervously behind his Mistress. In this case, ignorance would be preferable, if not downright blissful, to analysing the many facets of Etna's relationship with a petulant child that cowered behind her like a kicked puppy.
Of course, my mind mutinied against my common sense so I subtly sized up the little shrimp. Etna was an orphan, so I doubted she'd somehow acquired a long-lost family member, even if the resemblance between them was quite striking. My irrationality pounced on my scepticism eagerly, declaring that they were most likely third cousins, of Etna's aunt's grandchild, twice removed. Therefore, they were bound just close enough by blood ties for incest to still be sick and oh-so-wrong, but also separated far enough by familial obscurity for Etna to eventually get over me punting the petulant little midget out of my throne room and into a live volcano if he so much as dragged one sticky finger over one of the priceless vases I had worked so hard to steal.
"It's a toddler…" I stated flatly, feeling utterly confused and redundant. Did she want me to chop the little fellow into confetti and sprinkle HIM over the Earth?
"Oh please… you're the one acting like a child…" He snorted in return, condescension almost palpable in his tone, as if he were physically looking down on me; although that was physically impossible, seeing as he was like, a foot shorter than me, and I had leverage. Then I remembered that he'd just brutally mocked me. "I thought it was only the pretty ones that were supposed to be stupid?" He directed his question to Etna, who just hid a giggle behind a gloved hand. That confetti idea suddenly didn't seem half-bad…
"Who in the HELL do you think I am?" I screeched, steeling my features so I wouldn't pout. "I'll tell you, I'm OVERLO-"
"Now, now, Laharl… he's just a child…" Flonne interrupted smoothly and benevolently, flashing a megawatt smile to the little brat.
"Shut up, flat-chest, no one was talking to you." He pointed out snidely, before diving behind Etna again as the angel-trainee became so incensed a decorative potted plant spontaneously combusted.
"WHAT DID YOU SAY, YOU LITTLE SON-OF-A-?" She screamed, before regaining her mental faculties and unclenching her fists to brush some imaginary lint off her habit. "I mustn't…" She didn't sound convinced… "At times like this, love is the answer! With love, there is understanding!" She cheered, pepping herself up about as much as she creeped out the rest of us.
"Um, does she have a few screws loose or something?" The floppy-haired small person whispered conspiratorially. Given the way Flonne just twitched, I'm going to hazard a guess that she heard him.
I thought to myself… the little menace was rather amusing… in limited doses… and when his taunts were directed at other people…
"You've got some attitude, kid…" I decided, something alluding to slight fondness present in my tone. This was for Etna; she wouldn't appreciate it if I went with my gut-instinct and impaled the little bugger on one of her bunches and then timed how long it took her to notice the excess weight.
"Just like you, Prince…" She concluded affectionately, though I couldn't tell if she was being sarcastic or not… dammit…
"Right," I snorted derisively, playing it safe just in case she was insulting me; albeit in a round-about, cloak and dagger, way. "So… what's he got to do with this job?" I asked, internally chanting: Confetti over Earth, like a mantra.
"Oh… yeah!" She giggled, as if she'd actually forgotten as to why we'd convened here in the first place. Flonne's vapid nature must have devoured her brain when my back was turned… "His pets are missing." She stated, so I responded with an ineloquent, open-mouthed stare. What was I supposed to do about it? Give the little freak a cookie? I decided to voice this question in softer terms.
"… AND?"
"It's your job to look for them…" She elucidated, as if talking to a small, stupid child. I simply gaped by means of reply. The question: WHY? seemed to spring to mind, however, so I decided to go with it.
"Why would I, the Overlord, look for some stupid little brat's pets?" I demanded, sounding more like a kid who hasn't gotten his own way than a feared ruler of the Netherworld. "Ridiculous! Absolutely ridiculous!" When in doubt, repeat your arguments; over and over and over again. But then, I saw Etna's face fall, and I almost choked on the words. "Bring me something more fitting for my first task as Overlord!" I managed to force them out nonetheless, because, in hindsight, I'm really not the sharpest knife in the proverbial drawer.
"I… I refuse!" She bellowed; sounding far more confident and infuriated than I normally would have accredited her with. Then I realised she'd just defied me… I really wasn't very quick on the uptake that day… "It may seem ridiculous to you, but it's important to him!" She yelled; the rage and hurt still spurring her on, as Flonne and I foundered like fish out of water. "This is a perfect way to begin your rule as Overlord!" She paused suddenly, seemingly diminished once the ire had run its due course. "And if you don't do it, I'm never going to accept you in his stead…" She murmured, and it was like the clichéd epiphany, the palpable slap upside the head to get an anti-hero's ass in gear. I actually understood what she was asking of me…
"W… what are you getting so damned mad for? It's not like you!" I hedged desperately, trying to buy more time so I could spontaneously plan the little speech that would cast every residual image of my father out of her head, and replace them with memories of me…
"Answer me, Laharl! Are you going to do it or not?" Unfortunately, Etna was not the most patient of girls… or short-tempered demons… Oh sweet, decomposing zombie Jesus she called me by my name…
"I'll do it…" I replied softly, sincerely, and the resulting smile almost bisected her entire head. "I'll do it…" I reiterated, if only for my own infernal amount of pride; seeing as making myself sound petulant and coerced made me feel slightly better.
"I can't believe I had to touch a freakin' HORSE WEINER!" I groaned; rubbing my palms against my thighs with as much vigour as Flonne was able to deem wholesome, as if rubbing away layers of raw flesh would remove the taint of all that was horse-like and genitalia shaped. "I think I'm gonna be sick…" I concluded morosely, pouting sulkily at Etna as she began to laugh at something that really wasn't all that uproariously amusing.
"Heck, it wasn't THAT bad, was it Prince?" Etna asked, once her chuckles had subsided. "I mean… Aramis got his zombie-nation back… You got one person in all the Netherworld to respect you-"
"HEY!" I interrupted vehemently, as if the sheer loudness of my voice was meant to compel her into changing her argument.
"Ok, ok, fine… You ALMOST got what you wanted…" She rephrased, rewarding me with a saucy wink as I strived not to blush furiously.
"It was an unfortunate turn of phrase, is all!" I defended in the most puerile of all my manners, still in a state of shocked disbelief over inadvertently hinting that I was into boys AND children, all at the same damned time.
"Whatever you say, Your Majesty." She replied, although somehow the honorific still seemed to have been offered for no secondary purpose other than being cruelly sardonic.
"So… you forgive me… right?" I asked nervously, wondering if I was going to have to sleep with that knife under my pillow after all…
"For what?" She asked simply, treating me to a rare, genuine smile before prancing over to Flonne, where they began a truly harrowing argument over the Prinnies' secret transformation into a giant robot.
I grinned at their antics, tilting my face up to scan the skies for anything to ruin a somewhat perfect moment.
"GOOD MORNING NETHERWORLD!" She suddenly cried, mimicking the high-pitched squeal that had acted as her wakeup call this morning… Or, if we're going to be juvenile and pedantic, last night... It was one of those stupid, in between moments: four o'clock in the wee hours of either night or day. Night or day, the only thing that was for sure was that Etna was not best pleased. Heedless as always, I'd blundered on, showing off my best 'meteorological expert' voice as she clamped her threadbare pillow about her face in a valiant effort to either deafen or smother herself. "Today's going to be a bright, balmy ninety degrees in the Inferno; but watch out, there's a slight chance that there'll be a spot of rain…" She concluded, beaming maliciously as I wondered just why she had to recall that at now of all possible moments in time. She HAD forgiven me, right? Or was that just one of those feminine ploys to lull me into a false sense of security and…
The first eyeball hit me smack-dab between the eyes.