Disclaimer: I don't own EVA. If the owners say to, I'll take this story offline. Thanks.
Folded Wings
By Random1377
Chapter 3
Kaji stretched languidly, yawning so hard that something in his jaw gave a loud pop. It was very late at night, but Kaji had a lot of work ahead of him. Since had found the truth of the Marduk report, everything was starting to fall into place. It was slow going, but he felt sure that he would have concrete answers very soon.
Too bad I couldn't get Rei talking that day, he thought, rising from his computer chair and walking over to his fridge to pour himself a drink. I haven't seen much of her since then. She seems to be preoccupied lately… heh, I wonder if she's still thinking about that little bird analogy…
Dealing with women was one of Kaji's strong suits, and though Rei would never know it… the analogy of the bird and the nest was one he had used several times before – never with women that knew each other, oh no, it would not do to have them talking and finding out that he only had a few different approaches.
But the bird concept was one he was very proud of.
…it had gotten him into at least three beds he could think of offhand.
"You gotta feel sorry for the kid, though," he mused, dropping ice cubes into a small tumbler full of bourbon, "raised like a recluse, cut off from kids her own age until this year… no wonder she's an emotional train wreck."
Shrugging, Kaji decided it was time to take a break. Walking back to his laptop, he saved his work – in a removable flash drive, of course – and shut it down, pocketing the memory stick and walking over to his couch to settle in with a comfortable sigh.
He was halfway through his bourbon when the doorbell rang.
Hmm, he thought, glancing at the clock with an arched eyebrow, don't suppose there's any chance that could be female companionship, now is there?
Though this idea was rather appealing, it seemed rather unlikely… so while he carried his bourbon in one hand, his other was soon filled with the comforting weight of a .45 longslide – his personal favorite for home defense.
"Coming," he sang merrily, approaching the door from the side rather than head-on, in case whoever was on the other side decided to fill it full of holes. Reaching the door without incident, Kaji pressed his eye up to the spy hole, frowning as he found the hallway empty. He blinked, though, as the knock was repeated, adjusting his view so he was looking down and finding himself staring at a mass of neatly combed blue hair.
"Well I'll be…"
Clicking on the safety, Kaji slipped heavy firearm into the back of his pants and covered it with his shirt.
"Good evening, Mister Kaji," Rei said, giving him a formal bow as he pulled the door open to greet her, "are you well?"
"Er, I'm not too bad," Kaji said, gesturing the girl into his apartment. "Nice umm… nice coat…"
Rei said nothing, leaving Kaji to wonder why the girl was dressed in a long, tan trench coat as she gazed around his apartment, taking in her surroundings.
In spite of the late hour, this move did not go unnoticed by Kaji.
Uh oh, he thought, returning to his couch and regarding the girl as she focused on him, it seems I've started something I shouldn't have started…
He had no idea.
"I have considered what you told me over dinner."
"So I gathered," Kaji said easily, taking a small sip of his drink and setting it on his coffee table. "I'm… guessing that you came all the way over here to tell me more than that, though… am I right?"
"Yes…"
Kaji gestured for her to take a seat. "Please," he said lightly, "enlighten me."
Rei remained on her feet.
"As you suggested, I have taken some time to contemplate my place in the world, as well as my interactions with those around me, and I believe that you are correct… I am confined to the life that I lead by fear and uncertainty of the unknown."
"Rei, I-"
"Please… let me finish."
"…alright."
"In contemplating this… situation, I believe that that I know how I can break free of this mold that confines me. It is as you said – I was afraid of what may happen should I leave the comfort of my normal routine, but on observing those around me in their relationships and interactions, I have realized that I may still fulfill my obligations while enjoying what life has to offer."
"That's… pretty profound," Kaji admitted.
Damn, he thought, I should have her write my pickup lines – girl's got a way with words when you finally get her to talk.
Rei, though, seemed like she had more than talk on her mind.
Slowly, she began unbuttoning the long coat, keeping her eyes on Kaji's as she worked.
"Whoa," he said quickly, "Rei, what are you doing?"
Rei met his gaze steadily, letting her arms fall to her sides and allowing the coat to slip off of her shoulders, revealing her naked body underneath.
"Spreading my wings…"
Kaji averted his eyes. "This isn't really what I meant, Rei," he whispered. "You should go home before…"
He trailed off as Rei took a step forward and set her hand on top of his, her eyes fixed on her own knuckles as she murmured, "If a bird cannot fly… her parents will leave her to die. That is the way of the world. No matter how safe the nest, it will eventually be left. I cannot… I will not allow fear to lead me any longer, Mister Kaji. If I do not spread my wings now, I will never have the courage again. Help me fly."
Letting out a long sigh, Kaji leaned forward, reaching down and grasped the coat firmly in his hands. Slowly, he drew it up her lithe body, gazing into her eyes until she was covered once more, then rising to his feet and wrapping his arms around her to pull her close to him.
"There's more than one way to fly, Rei," he said quietly as she awkwardly returned his embrace. "This isn't right for you and me."
"I see," Rei said softly, "forgive me. I was under the impression that, since you showed concern for my wellbeing… that you cared for me."
Kaji leaned back, touching his lips lightly to the confused teen's temple. "I do care for you," he said simply, "that's why I can't do this."
"…I don't understand."
"It's complicated," Kaji admitted, nodding as Rei stared up into his eyes. "But please believe that sleeping with me would not make you happy."
Bowing her head, Rei replied, "Then what will, Mister Kaji? The Commander sees me as his tool… Ikari fears me – I saw that when I attempted to speak to him the other day… the Second, and Doctor Akagi, despise me… all others disregard me. Where, then, may I seek comfort? Who am I to come to, should I feel afraid?" Her voice lowered to a mere whisper as she concluded, "Who, on this Earth… may I love…? Love is what makes the world go around – that is the saying, correct? Where is my love to be found, Mister Kaji…?"
Silence reigned for a moment as Kaji considered the question… knowing he could never answer it properly.
Finally, he rubbed his face with one hand, using the other to grab Rei's wrist.
"Come with me."
Obediently, Rei followed him into the bedroom, saying nothing as he led her to the side of the bed and took her by the shoulders, guiding her to sit on the edge of his mattress.
"Now," Kaji said quietly, "tell me what you feel. Not what you think… just what you feel."
Rei closed her eyes as the man gently touched the side of her face, cradling her cheek in the palm of his hand. "Warmth," she murmured, tilting her head slightly to allow for more contact.
"And now?"
Kaji felt more than heard the sharp intake of breath as he eased the front of Rei's coat open and softly caressed a different part of her body.
"Pleasure."
The breath froze in the First Child's lungs, though, as Kaji moved his hand up, his powerful fingers wrapping unhesitatingly around her slender neck, encompassing it almost completely.
"Now…?"
"…fear."
Slowly, Rei opened her eyes, looking up into Kaji's face as he stared down at her. "Fear one second," he whispered, pulling his hand back and gently running his fingers over her fragile throat, "pleasure the next." He held his hand up, showing her the palm. "It's the same hand, Rei… all that dictates what it makes you feel is my will. Being close to people isn't all it seems – sometimes we hurt each other without even knowing it… and I'm one of the worst people for that, believe me."
Kneeling at the side of the bed, Kaji pulled Rei's coat tighter around her slim body, taking her hands lightly in his and peering earnestly into her deep red eyes. "I do care about you," he said bluntly, "even though we haven't interacted all that much, I've still gotten to know quite a bit about you, and I really do like you, Rei… but I'm not the kind of person that can be here for you every day, and welcome you home, and ask how your day was, and be intimate with you. I'm just no good at those kinds of things – ask Katsuragi… she had to run off to some other guy, even though I was ready to promise her everything."
As he drew a breath to continue, Rei spoke.
"Let me stay here."
Kaji scrubbed a hand over his face, glancing at the clock and wondering why he was trying to explain intimacy to an emotionally stunted teenager at one-forty-five in the morning. "I don't think I have a choice," he sighed. "I'm surprised you didn't get raped and murdered on the way over here in that getup – God only knows if you'll be as lucky on the way home." Rising to his feet, he concluded, "The bed's pretty big, so you should have plenty of room. I'll sleep in the living room, and drive you home in the morning."
As he turned to leave, Rei's hand slowly reached out and touched his.
"I mean I want to stay… here…" she whispered clearly. "I do not wish to be alone anymore, Mister Kaji. You are the only one I am comfortable enough with to ask this of."
A faint smile appeared at the corners of Kaji's lips as he imagined what kind of expression the Commander's face would have if he could hear his most prized possession asking to live with a man she hardly knew. "I don't think that would work out," he said gently, "now get some sleep."
Rei continued to hold his hand.
"I do not often say please," she said quietly – her tone indicating that this was simple fact, "but I am fully prepared to beg, Mister Kaji. I will kneel, if that will please you."
"No," Kaji said quickly, putting a hand on her shoulder as she started to rise to her feet, "No, don't kneel, don't beg – God, don't beg! Umm… huh…" he rubbed his chin, trying to decide what to do next. "Look," he said carefully, "it's late… I'm tired, you're tired. Let's talk about this in the morning, alright? Sleep here tonight, and we'll discuss more in the morning."
Rei considered this for a moment before finally releasing Kaji's hand. "I…"
With sudden understanding, Kaji murmured, "You've never said thank you, have you…?"
Averting her eyes, Rei shook her head. "Once," she said quietly. "Only once."
Abruptly, Kaji clapped hands, making Rei jump slightly as he boomed, "Well if you stay here, you'll need to say it more – I like feeling like I'm appreciated!" Grinning broadly to break the somber mood, he added, "And you should smile sometimes… even if you don't stay here. If you can smile, things have a way of feeling a lot better than they are."
"I will… try."
Rolling his eyes, Kaji muttered, "Hopeless. Fine, I'm going to bed. Sleep well, Rei, I'll see you in the morning."
"…Mister Kaji?"
"Hmm?"
"Th-thank you."
"You're welcome," Kaji said seriously, resting his hand lightly on the top of the girl's bowed head. "It must be hard for you even being here… I admire you, Rei."
To this, Rei had no reply, though Kaji noticed that her cheeks were tinged with a faint hint of rose.
"Sleep well."
"Mister Kaji?"
"Hmm?"
"…never mind."
Giving her head a gentle pat, Kaji slipped out of the room, closing the door behind him and leaning against it with a weary sigh. Tomorrow, he decided, was going to be a long day. There was no way the First Child – of all people – could live with a full-time spy.
It just would not work out.
Imagine if she accidentally stumbled on some well-hidden information, or got curious about where he was going late one night? Granted, having this particular Child in his house, where he could get close to her and earn enough confidences for her to divulge any secrets she might have, was tempting… but the risks were simply too great. She would have to go.
Kaji yawned, rubbing his bleary eyes.
Tomorrow… he would let her down tomorrow.
Continued…
Author's notes: now… it gets complicated…
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