From the previous chapter…
James would have also noticed the glare that Jamie gave him, instead of the soft glance towards Remus, as if all this was his fault. He gritted his teeth and walked into Lily's room boldly, as if he had some serious business to get down to. Once again, the mirror clicked its tongue rapidly as it silently watched the scenario taking place.
He slammed the door and nearly took its hinges off. He was about to shout into Lily's ears for being the deceitful person that she was and slap the senses out of her when he noticed her tiny body shaking uncontrollably. Was she crying now? James couldn't tell. And a moment ago, James could have sworn that he wouldn't have cared. Now, faced with such reality and truth of it all,
James couldn't help but feel sorry and sadness for her. He hated himself for giving in to her sobs so easily, hated himself for the weak personality he had in him, but absolutely loved himself that minute as he took the shaking Lily into his warm arms and soothing her by rubbing her lower back slowly. By then, he had noticed that Lily had already worn her 'mask', and that nearly had him flaring up once again. Nearly, but not quite, as he slowly and gently wiped the tears from her already tear-streaked cheeks.
James sighed inwardly, but after a while, smiled at the thought of what all this meant. All it meant was… game over.
Remus couldn't get his blush to stop even when the both of them had already walked halfway along the long and winding corridor. Jamie couldn't help but sneeze a few times as she caught the unexpected breeze. Remus, of course, noticed her slight discomfort and hesitated not once as he pulled her closer to him. What he thought was little warmth from him turned out to be the warmest hearth with the most soothing fire Jamie had ever seen.
The both of them stayed in their positions for God knows how long. Not that it was unpleasant, though. For two strangers huddled in that position, maybe. But for two people who felt the same way for each other, not so. Their backs were leaned against the wall which supported both their weights and Remus's arms were around Jamie's waist and Jamie was all but sitting on Remus's lap. It was heartwarming, no doubt.
Then Jamie suddenly turned around and faced Remus with their faces only inches apart. Remus was so glad and delighted that Jamie was going to initiate the kiss when Jamie suddenly spoke.
"Please don't tell anyone about what you saw today," she whispered softly.
Remus was quite disappointed about the kiss he expected to get but didn't get, but he nodded and promised anyway. Satisfied with that promise of Remus, Jamie started to turn back around when
Remus stopped her from moving.
"Oh, no you don't," he whispered, his breath sending tingling shivers down Jamie's spine as it blew upon her parted lips.
The kiss was thorough and satisfying. By the time they were done, Remus couldn't say that he was glad and delighted, though.
He was elated.
Your game to play, My price to pay
After Lily's sobs had subsided, she had refused to look at James, who was still stroking her fiery red hair absently, as if he didn't know that he was doing it until he came across a tangle and tugged at it with equal absence.
"Ouch!" Lily half-cried, too tired to shout out loud anyway.
"Sorry," James muttered half-heartedly. He, too, was too tired to manage a full apology, although he meant it.
Lily tried moving away form James's arms and the awkwardness hanging over the both of them, but James wouldn't let her budge a foot.
"J-James…" she started, but James hushed her.
"Listen… I won't tell anyone about today-" he said, and the reaction he got from Lily nearly cost him a chin, which she nearly broke in the hasty process of raising her head to look at James. Just to see if James were lying to her.
Lily cocked her head slowly, but was sure that she couldn't see any fakeness in his eyes, before she smiled uncertainly and gave James 'permission' to continue with his half-finished speech.
"- BUT," Lily sighed, knowing that there probably would never be an end to this torment, "I want you to promise me something."
Lily kept silent, not knowing what else to say, as she waited in anticipation to hear of the promise James spoke of. "I never want you to wear that horrid mask anymore."
Lily pulled back from his embrace forcefully to shout her denial.
"No?" James couldn't believe his ears. He swore that he would have boxed them himself if Lily hadn't repeated her 'no' once again, just to confirm his suspicions.
"Then I suppose I have to tell everyone about this. 'cause they're going to know, sooner or later, anyway." James knew that he was being cruel, but he seriously didn't want to let Lily continue with this façade anymore. He didn't think that there was anything shameful about her real and true self. It was as attractive as her fake self, except that the genuine one had no more barriers to it. Nothing to stop James from knowing the real Lily Evans.
Once again, Lily shouted her 'no'. James rolled his eyes and looked at Lily, forcing her to look back into his piercing blue eyes. Yet her own green ones were none the less as piercing as the blue oasis they faced.
"I- I will try," finally Lily compromised, for she wanted to get this thing over with.
James looked at Lily and said nothing. He raised his eyebrow and Lily raised hers at about the same angle. "Never mind," he whispered, and then he walked out of her room and out of the dormitory.
James wasn't sure whether he was disgusted or disappointed with Lily. He wasn't sure about what he felt anymore. As he rode on his broomstick at a speed no one dared call it 'leisurely', he thought about it hard and long. But as he realized the truth of it all, he gripped his broomstick harder, in realization of the reality that presented before him. He liked Lily too much to feel anything else but liking for her. No disgust nor disappointment. None to speak of. Sighing, he was about to come down for a smooth landing, when he heard a voice from behind him. He turned his broomstick to face the person he least expected to see and not to mention, his worst enemy and rival.
"What are you doing here, Kye?" he spat, this time, not hiding any true, genuine disgust.
His only answer was a true smirk and yet another genuine taunt.
"Probably not the same reason why you're up here for."
James rolled his eyes heavenward. "What the hell do you mean?"
Kye raised one of his perfectly sculptured eyebrows. "Touchy much?"
James chose to ignore him and proceeded to turn his broomstick to fly in the opposite direction when Kye gripped the end of his broomstick tightly, not caring whether he would fall if James would tug a little harder.
"What do you want now, huh? I don't have much time to deal with your nonsense."
Kye smirked once more, but didn't let go of James's broomstick.
"Good, 'cause I have no nonsense to give you."
Getting no reply from James, who wore his lips tight now, Kye continued. "Well, well… Potter got dumped, huh? By whom, then? By Miss Evans?"
James glared at him with full magnitude of a fire. "Shut the hell up, Bradford. Why don't you just leave me alone, so that you can answer your own questions in the future?"
That startled Kye a bit, but Kye kept his cool and let go of James's broomstick. He smirked all the way, though, as he watched James glide down through the now tense air and alight safely on the sand pitch, where he now stood and glared at Kye for awhile before leaving the pitch.
Lily's mine; she'll always be. And I don't give a shit about who you really are, Potter. No one takes whatever I deem fit as mine. And mine alone.
"So… what happened after Remus and I left?" Jamie asked, now, better from her cold. She wondered if it was due to the kiss previously…
"Ah… I don't know, Jamie… James said that he wanted me to 'remove my mask'. He said it was horrid and implying that I should really be my true self, and not what I'm pretending. But I'm not really pretending, right, Jamie? I mean, yeah, my clothes and my looks… but then, my character seems to be the same, huh? Don't you think so? Plus, if I 'remove my mask', then everyone would despise me for who I am, for WHAT I am. And then, even if I continue to be the first in our level, everyone would be thinking that I might be smart, but I'm ugly and worthless through out. What think you of that, huh, Jamie?"
Jamie blinked. Once. Then twice; before Lily's continuous words made sense to her. Lily had never blabbered like that. Much, anyway. And when she did, Jamie knew that she must really be sick from worrying.
"Ah… well… don't think about it too much, all right? All's well will end well, Lils." Jamie figured that this would be the safest answer of all, not too many lies and not too much contradiction anyway. Plus, Jamie had hoped that calling Lily by her childhood nickname would soften Lily's mood at this time.
Lily nodded slowly, while settling herself down into her bed. Jamie was about to leave the room when Lily asked for the God knows how many times whether Remus really promised that he wouldn't tell anyone about today's 'incident'. Jamie sighed inwardly while nodding, reassuring Lily. Remus had indeed promised Jamie that he wouldn't tell anyone about today, not even Sirius, his best friend next to James, especially not Sirius, Jamie added silently to herself. Who knows what Sirius would do if he knew of the truth? Jamie doubted that even God knew. And with that thought, it brought another sigh to Jamie's lips.
The next day, Remus sneezed as he walked with the other three Marauders to Transfiguration class.
"You all right there, Moony?" Sirius all but called out, even though he was just beside Remus.
Remus glared at Sirius for the commotion he always seemed to cause wherever he was. "Can you please shut up for a change, Sirius?" he muttered, meaning every word of it.
"Aw, come on, you don't mean that," Sirius laughed.
That got him another glare from Remus. "The hell I don't." And that, only got him a harder and louder laughter from Sirius.
Peter rolled his eyes while looking over at James, whose face right now seemed devoid of emotion.
"You all right?" Peter asked James softly, while trying to quiet down the 'scene' that Remus and Sirius were making.
James forced a smile and nodded, as he continued looking forward, face expressionless.
Sirius finally turned his attention away from Remus. Thanks to everyone alive and dead for it, Remus thought, as he sneezed again. But he wasn't regretting any moment of his sneezing. He had probably caught the cold from Jamie… but what else is there to say, except that the kiss was worth everything Remus was going through right now.
"What's the matter with ya, lil' old Jamsie-poo?" Sirius asked, with a fake Southern accent that everyone, including James, winced at.
Peter rolled his eyes, and asked Sirius to quit his nonsense, but all Sirius seemed to think was that it would charm the ladies. He attempted to prove it, but 'twas too unfortunate that the only lady who came their way was Jamie. Jamie Kincaid, who right now, was madly in love with Remus Lupin, his best bud. But of course, Sirius didn't know it, yet. Remus hadn't made it official. Yet.
So as Jamie walked towards them and set Remus with a shy glance that made his heartbeat go faster, his mind devoid of any other thoughts than the yesterday's kiss.
"Hiya, dahhhhling. What d' ya haf fer me, m' dear? A kiss, mayhap?" And Sirius bent his head down before Remus could stop him with a box on his ears. Remus couldn't contain his laughter afterwards though, when Jamie smacked the side of Sirius's head. With gusto, at that.
"What the hell is the matter with you, Sirius?" Jamie laughed at Sirius's now pouting face, as he rubbed the side of his head consciously.
"Humph," was all he said, which got another smile from Jamie as she carefully patted Sirius's shoulder, to show that she meant no harm. Sirius, at this point, laughed.
Jamie then turned her full attention to James. Her full glare, to be more specific.
"Professor Snare wants me to tell you that today, after classes, you will meet him in the greenhouses for some Herbology stuff," she somewhat commanded James, though her voice was flat, without any emotion to speak of.
But emotion was what all four Marauders got when Remus broke the silence with a sneeze. Remus smiled sheepishly as he saw all four heads turn towards his direction.
Jamie was the first person to recover from the silence. "Come, let's go," she said, with so much gentleness that Sirius couldn't believe his ears. Then, Jamie left with Remus, without Remus saying anything that sounded remotely like a 'goodbye' as the both of them linked arms and walked down the rest of the corridor before they turned in the other direction, towards the hospital ward. In fact, Remus looked as if he was floating down the hallway.
The expression on Sirius's face was quite funny, as it switched from an amused look, to a dark glare, then back to the amused look.
The three of them continued walking slowly and quietly, when suddenly Sirius burst out, "See? So that was why Miss Kincaid wouldn't accept my gracious kiss. I haven't lost my touch, after all!" And with that, he blew a kiss to two nearby Hufflepuff girls whom they had never spoken to. And the two girls, in return, giggled happily and stopped in their tracks to blatantly ogle at Sirius as the Marauders, except Remus, passed them by slowly.
In class, later, Sirius, after getting rather sick and tired of Jamie and Remus passing shy glances to each other, did his own share of note-passing. He scribbled quickly with his exquisite feather quill, while trying to tone down the voice of the dumb Transfiguration teacher.
"Psst." He whispered to James as he passed a note of his to him.
James nearly snapped his neck as he sat up straight from watching Lily all this time and read the note that Sirius passed to him, taking careful attention to the teacher at the same time.
James rolled his eyes as whatever it was that Sirius wrote registered in his now half-blocked mind. Maybe that was why he was responding slowly to everything else today. The note read:
Jamsie-poo~
How 'bout a nice game of Quidditch in 'ze pitches after classes, huh? Vhat 'zink you of 'zat?
'ze Charmer
Another rolling of James's eyes followed as he read Sirius's ridiculous endearments once more. And with that, he returned Sirius's note with a short reply of his.
Well, 'ze Charmer, I don't think you heard what Jamie told us this morning. I am supposed to meet Snare in the greenhouses after classes today. Have you left your mind somewhere in the dorm room? Oops. I forgot. You don't have a mind to start with.
JAMES HAROLD POTTER
Sirius had only laughed at the way James's sarcasm had placed itself. He had already forgotten that he was in the middle of a class when he had laughed out loud. He only realized it when everyone turned their heads towards him, unfortunately, that also included the head of the teacher.
"What, pray tell, is so funny, Mister Black? The fact that I just repeated a history of a great magician or the fact that you don't believe it?"
"Ah, well, you see, I'm sorry, Professor Lafleur. But I was recalling another history of my own."
Professor Lafleur raised one of her golden eyebrows. "And what might that be?" But before Sirius could speak further, she waved her hand, as if to dismiss the subject. "Never mind, Mister Black. Just sit down." James would have smiled at the look of despair on the professor's face, if not for the seriousness of the issue.
Sirius obviously didn't care about the seriousness, though. He had simply smiled and said, "Sure thing," in a rather loud voice, as he sat down in his seat, while managing a perfectly straight face.
As the professor's voice continued droning on and on, Sirius quickly scribbled back to James's reply.
'JAMES HAROLD POTTER,'
How could u get ur own name wrong. It's supposed to be 'JAMIE HELGA POTTY'. Now u know y I call u Jamsie-poo sometimes. Btw (by the way), how come you never ask some one else to do the dirty jobs for u? u know u r THE most popular guy in almost the entire school. Well, of course, with the exception of me.
Since u dun seem 2 like
'ze Charmer… that's too bad, lil' ol' Jamsie-poo.
James was about to return another one of sarcastic remarks when one of Sirius's phrases struck him with a different meaning. He read through the phrase 'how come u never ask some one else to do the dirty jobs for u?', and silently praised Sirius for giving him a totally new idea, a totally new direction to follow, so he wouldn't be as lost as he was before. So he crumpled the note, indicating the end of their little chat. Sirius looked a wee bit disappointed, but his face turned into a look of pure humor as he mouthed the words, 'no fun', to James, who in return smiled broadly and quickly, before the professor caught the two of them talking again. He certainly didn't need any more detentions coming at him, especially not when he has finally sorted some thing through.
James looked high and low for Lily after classes and after he had met Professor Snare to discuss some stupid and dumb Herbology stuff. Seemed to the professor that James wasn't paying much attention in his classes and that he didn't want to have James falling in his grades… yada yada yada… James had totally lost whatever time he had planned beforehand to meet Lily.
It was a rather embarrassing search, though. He met Sirius and Peter along the hallway to Lily's dorm room and Sirius called out for James in a loud voice. So loud that everyone nearby who hadn't turned their heads towards them for attention turned now, so see what the commotion was about. The most embarrassing thing was Sirius had called James in a most sickening way.
"Oh, there he is! Oh Jamsie-poo! Jamie!" James stopped in his tracks and wished that his face wasn't practically glowing like it was. He rubbed his left temple, which he found was throbbing, slowly. One day, he just might grow crazy with all that name-calling of Sirius. One day. This day, however, as soon as he did his business, he would definitely cut Sirius's tongue out. That is, James was pretty sure that Sirius had only one tongue. With all that calling, James had sometimes wondered whether Sirius had five tongues instead of just one.
"Jamie!" Sirius called out once again, even when James was quite within hearing distance. He sighed as he met Sirius halfway, unable to take anymore of his nicknames echoing through the corridor.
"Have you two seen Lily?"
Sirius raised his eyebrow suspiciously, as if to inquire why James was looking for her. Fortunately for James, Peter opened his mouth to speak first. This was really one of the few times when he was actually grateful to the rather timid little guy. (A/N: timid? *snorts* Yeah, right. Voldemort sure trained him well, then.)
"No. Have you seen Remus?"
James shook his head and bid the two of them farewell quickly, before Sirius could ask him for any information James didn't feel like giving then. Maybe not ever, not to Sirius anyway.
Afterwards, he did find Remus; caught him in embarrassing act part two. He was kissing, no, maybe snogging, Jamie in front of her dorm room. James rolled his eyes and cleared his throat. The both of them broke apart so quickly that Jamie almost hit her head against the wall behind her, which was, no doubt, supporting her weight during and after their little snogging session. Remus, James knew, was quite a kisser. All four of them were, actually, well, except Peter. (A/N: you bet!)
Jamie straightened her robes while Remus, trying to hide his chagrin, brushed imaginary lint off his dark blue robes, which James noticed that he had changed into. No doubt to bring out the blue in his eyes further, just to impress Jamie.
"Lily?" Jamie repeated. James nodded and heard Jamie said that she wasn't in the room and was probably in the library doing research. Then he left the two of them with an embarrassed smile, as if he was finally realizing that he had intruded into something private.
Remus was leaning in towards Jamie again when Jamie suddenly voiced her thoughts out loud.
"You know… just now… when we were – ah – kissing…" she felt a blush creep up her cheeks. "… I thought I heard someone call my name."
Remus tilted his head to one side. "Hmm?"
"Yeah. It sounded like Sirius… though it couldn't possible be him…" Jamie's voice trailed off as she saw the corners of Remus's mouth curl themselves into a smile.
"Never mind," Jamie whispered against Remus's mouth.
James finally found Lily in the library, doing research, just like what Jamie said. She looked so pretty, her silhouette soft as it painted itself against the background of equally soft candlelight from the lamp. It was rather dark, and James guessed that only Lily and the librarian were left in the library. After all, Lily was the only one who was so hardworking. Though James couldn't help but think bitterly whether all the studying Lily does is just for show.
James, turning his attention from his bitter thoughts to Lily, he saw that Lily kept pushing a wild strand of her red hair out of her vision. The action was repetitive and James couldn't help but smile at the look of frustration on Lily's face every time she pushed it back behind her ear. But then, James had another bitter thought arising in his mind. Maybe this is really what she is… not that sweet, demure or docile girl every one knows her to be…
He shook his head forcefully, as if to remind him to get back to his business. So he walked over to Lily, who was now squinting closely at the rather tiny text in the book.
"Mayhap you need glasses?" James couldn't help the bitter edge in his voice.
Lily swerved sharply at the sound of James's bitter and hard voice.
"W-what are you doing here?"
Ignoring her question, James proceeded with another sarcastic and cold remark of his. What was the blasted matter with him? he thought remorsefully. He knew he was hurting Lily as he saw how Lily tried painfully to keep her emotions in check.
Then her own voice turned out to have its own thorns.
"If you're here to give me sarcastic and stupid remarks like those, then I suggest you get out of my sight."
James was slightly taken aback with her new tone, but he didn't let it show.
"I- Sorry. I just wanted you to do me a favor."
Lily raised her eyebrow.
"What is it?"
"I want you to – ah - " James couldn't believe it. He actually didn't think about it before he came to meet her.
"Well?" Lily tapped her right foot impatiently. James did his own share of eyebrow raising. Oh well, at least Lily was acting more like herself. Too bad he was her only audience.
"- I want you to help me do our homework for today."
Lily's jaw dropped open.
"W-What?!" she half-shouted, forgetting that she was in the library. Lucky for her, the librarian, Madam AppleBy, had a soft spot for her, so she didn't attempt to hush her.
"What?" Lily whispered again, with a look of pure disbelief on her horror-stricken face.
"What's wrong?" James hoped he had at least managed a half innocent look on his own face.
Lily looked at him as though he was mad and deserved a place in St Mungo's.
"Well, let me see… there are homework for Transfiguration, Charms, Defense Against Dark Arts, Muggle Studies, Arithmetic and Astronomy. Oh, right. You don't take Muggle Studies and Arithmetic… but that's still an awful lot!" she exclaimed softly.
James seemed to ponder over it for awhile. Well… it did seem too much now. So he compromised and asked Lily to do the Transfiguration homework first, since it needed to be handed in tomorrow.
"And the others don't?"
James shrugged indifferently. "They can wait. I can hand in Charms and Defense Against Dark Arts homework the day after tomorrow."
Lily looked as though she wanted so much to refuse his 'offer', but she was a smart girl, if not brilliant. She knew what refusing it would do to her. Nothing good for James Potter, but definitely everything bad for herself.
"Oh, all right." She said, while starting to pack up.
James grabbed her wrist tenderly, as if it was made of fragile glass and it might break any time. Then when Lily looked at him with surprise in her eyes, he tightened his hold and asked her in what he hoped was a cold voice where she was going.
"I'm going to pack up and leave. What else does it look like I'm doing?" Lily gave him a good frown to let him know what she thought of his sudden attitude and strength change.
"Why? Just stay and finish the, ah, stuff I asked you to do." Hell, James couldn't even remember what he had asked Lily to do.
"The library's closing." Lily spat it out as if it was the most obvious thing in the whole wide world.
James let go of her wrist slowly as he whispered, "Not now." Then, as if confirming Lily's suspicions, he went to the librarian who was about to leave and ask them to leave as well. He talked to the librarian in whispers that Lily couldn't possibly know what the both of them were talking about. Then, after a few minutes, Lily could see Madam AppleBy nod her head and left the library… leaving James and Lily alone… in the big library.
James smiled as he approached a shocked looking Lily.
"Don't look so surprised. I just merely asked her to have some rest earlier. That we needed to finish some work the professors asked us to do."
All that Lily was sigh as she slumped back in her seat and started taking out her Transfiguration homework and the textbooks. This was going to be a long night.