Disclaimer: see chapter 1.
Folded Wings
By Random1377
Chapter 22
"You should have a party."
Rei glanced up from where she was setting the table. "Pardon?"
"A party," Hikari said, surveying the contents of Rei's freezer and nodding to herself in satisfaction. "Your guardian left all this food when he moved out, right? You should use it up before it goes to waste. I mean, you're not gonna eat it, right? You don't like junk food, so you should have some people over to eat it for you."
Turning her attention back to the silverware she was aligning, Rei replied, "I do not think anyone would come if I had a party."
Hikari closed the freezer. "I would," she said brightly, "I mean, I am your girlfriend, after all."
To this, Rei said nothing. For some reason, since their conversation on the bench, Hikari had taken to calling herself Rei's girlfriend – and not just when they were alone. Such a strange habit, Rei mused, looking down at the neatly arranged place settings to make sure nothing was out of order. It is as if she is reversing her true feelings as a reminder that my affections are unwanted. She frowned slightly. I thought we had come to an understanding… but perhaps I was mistaken.
"Shinji would come," Hikari observed, stirring their dinner for a moment before turning the heat off. "And my sister Kodama could probably get off work – she's funny, you'd like her."
"Mm."
Rei stared down at the plate in front of her. Shinji, she mused, our kiss was so different.
When she had kissed Hikari, it had been electrifying and thrilling – a first experience to remember for years to come, and at first… Hikari had reciprocated. This detail was something that Rei was sure the other girl would never share, but she could not forget Hikari holding her close and letting her mouth open to ease her tongue into Rei's mouth.
She knew, now, that the other girl had been lost in the moment, but her reaction had been so much stronger than Shinji's.
Were her feelings for Shinji perhaps not as strong as she'd thought? Or had she already lost to another without even knowing it?
He mentioned Souryu several times when I visited him, she thought, bringing the plates to Hikari so the girl could serve their dinner. Perhaps… he has feelings for her as well?
Rei pondered this idea for a moment, taking her seat at the table and waiting for Hikari to do the same before digging in. In all honesty, she could not be upset if Shinji was involved with Asuka – not when she herself had tried to be intimate with both Hikari and Kaji.
In spite of this, she still felt an odd twinge in her stomach at the idea of the Second being close to Shinji.
"Thanks for the food," Hikari said, breaking her chopsticks apart and winking at Rei over the table, "darling."
Rei made no reply, bowing her head over her plate and starting to eat as she pondered the current situation. She had never formally invited Hikari over for dinner, but the class rep had wound up at her apartment almost every night for the past two weeks. Always bringing food with her to cook, and always helping with preparation and cleanup, but never once asking if it was ok.
Not that Rei minded the company – she still liked Hikari, after all, and eating with someone else was better than eating alone – but she could not understand why the brown-haired girl spent so much time with her.
"So you gonna do it?"
"Hm?"
"The party," Hikari clarified. "I checked in the pantry and there's nearly twenty bags of chips. Mister Kaji must have eaten like, a hundred times a day or something, because… oh, Rei, I'm sorry…"
Rei had set her chopsticks down and was pushing her chair away from the table.
"For what?" she asked calmly. "I'm just getting the drinks from the counter."
"O-oh," Hikari stammered, "I thought you were mad that I said… you know, his name…"
"Mister Kaji?" Rei murmured, waiting for Hikari's nod of confirmation. "I do not mind hearing it, Hikari. It is… a reminder, in a way. I would be unhappy if I forgot his kindness."
Hikari wet her lips. "He's the other one you liked, isn't he?"
They had discussed Rei's affections on a couple of occasions, but other than Shinji and her, Rei had never told Hikari who she liked. Rei had never avoided the question, but since Hikari had never asked her outright, it had never been spoken aloud.
Until now.
"Yes," Rei said simply, returning to the table with two glasses full of orange juice. "He was the first to suggest to me that that I might have value as a person… therefore he was the first I considered sexually attractive."
Hikari blushed. "And I was the second."
"Yes."
"…you get around."
Reclaiming her chopsticks, Rei said nothing, and for a while, they ate in silence.
Abruptly, Hikari set her chopsticks on the edge of her plate.
"Did you do it with him?"
Rei shook her head, chewing the food in her mouth and swallowing before murmuring, "No… he would not have me."
Hikari paled. "But you tried…?" she whispered hoarsely. "You did, didn't you? You tried to… to have…"
"Sex?"
The class rep recoiled as if Rei had suddenly thrown something dirty onto her plate, but when Rei simply continued eating, she slowly calmed down. "You shouldn't… do stuff like that, you know," Hikari said carefully, her tone indicating that maybe Rei didn't know these kinds of things.
"Stuff like what?" Rei wondered, cementing the idea in the other girl's head.
"S-sex," Hikari managed, having difficulty with the word. "That's grown-up stuff. I mean, at your age – our age, I mean, you sh-" she cut herself off, her eyes going wide as another thought occurred to her. "Would you… have slept with me if I'd wanted to?"
"Yes."
"Oh," Hikari whispered, her hand shaking as she reached for her orange juice and nearly slopping the drink all over the table. "Is that so…"
"Yes," Rei said evenly. "Sexual closeness is the next step past affection… and I like you."
Hikari stared at her plate for a long, long moment, pushing her food around with one chopstick as she considered Rei's words. "You know… that most people would think you're weird, right?" she said slowly, biting her bottom lip as Rei looked at her from across the table. "Most people think that, you know, doing that kind of stuff is for when you're older… and you've known your boyfriend, or girlfriend, whatever, for a while… why are you in such a hurry…?"
Rei looked unembarrassed as she replied, "Because I would like to experience closeness like that. I do not understand why anyone would willingly wait to express themselves physically simply because they have not met some undefined guideline or timeframe that no one is willing to declare or explain." She leaned a little closer to Hikari, tilting her head to the side and studying the other girl for a moment before speaking again. "My affection for you is the same as it was when I first realized that it was attraction that I felt. Waiting to make love to you as opposed to making love to you immediately would not change that."
"Ok first off, you're not going to be making love to me at all," Hikari said quickly. "Let's just get that out of the way right now. I know you're using it as an example, but, yeah, don't use me for it again, k? K. Now," she lifted her forefinger, "you're basing your conclusions off of what, a month's worth of experience? Two months? How do you know that you wouldn't like me more, or less, in a year?" She lifted a second finger. "Second, you're confusing gratitude with affection – with me and Mister Kaji. We were nice to you, so you like us, so you want to sleep with us… and it doesn't work that way, Rei, it just doesn't." She held up a third finger as Rei continued to stare at her. "Lastly… well, the way I was raised, sex should be important and special, not something you just do because you want to express your affection for someone – that's why you buy chocolates and give cards! If you expressed your affection for everyone you liked, do you know what that would make you in most people's eyes?"
"Hm?"
"A slut."
For the first time that Hikari could recall, Rei's face showed visible emotion, her brow wrinkling deeply as she blinked several times in rapid succession, her mouth compressing to a thin line as she stared down at her plate.
"Rei," Hikari said gently, reaching across the table and taking Rei's hand in hers, "it's ok to like someone – it's even ok to want to have sex with them… it's actually pretty common, believe me! There's a ton of guys up at school I've thought about doing it with, and if you ever tell anyone that, I'll call you a liar – but Rei," she squeezed the girl's hand tightly, "there's a difference between having a feeling and acting on it, and not every feeling is healthy or natural. Emotions are funny things – they can change… and if you do something like have sex because of something you felt, and your feelings change later… you'll really regret it, you know?"
Rei looked down at where Hikari's hand was holding hers, more confused than she had ever been in her entire life as she whispered, "I don't… understand this feeling…"
Hikari laughed weakly. "I'm not surprised," she said, "I just unloaded a whole bunch of my own ideas all over you without giving you a chance to talk back. Why don't you try to describe what you feel? Maybe it'll help you understand it."
For a moment, Rei said nothing, but when she finally lifted her eyes, Hikari nearly backed away from the intensity in them.
"I want to hurt you," Rei said simply. "It… I want to hit you for making me doubt myself, but I also…" she averted her eyes. "I also want to kiss you – very badly."
"Wow," Hikari whispered. "You really are confused, aren't you?" Slowly, she rose to her feet, keeping Rei's hand in hers as she came around the table and wrapped her free arm around the other girl's shoulders. "I don't want to be hit," she said softly, "and I don't want to be kissed by you anymore, Rei… so this is the best I can do for you."
Rei bowed her head as Hikari hugged her, resting her chin on the class rep's arm as Hikari pressed her cheek against Rei's head.
"You know what that feeling is?" she said softly. "When you love someone and hate them and you want to hurt them and kiss them and scream at them and laugh at them all at the same time?"
"What?"
Hikari held her tighter.
"…friendship."
( 0 0 0 )
Shinji collapsed onto his bed and stretched out as far as he could before letting his muscles relax and unleashing the deepest, longest sigh he could. It was over – two grueling days of tests and needle pokes to see if he was capable of piloting. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on your point of view) he passed with flying colors.
Lacing his hands behind his head, Shinji thought, Didn't see Asuka much, though.
Indeed, after waking to find himself alone once more, Shinji only saw Asuka once – and that was down the hall, where she was hounding Ritsuko's footsteps, her voice audible even from a hundred yards away as she demanded another shot at synching with Unit 02.
He still didn't know if she had succeeded in convincing the First Division head to give her a chance.
If anyone can bully her way into a retry, it's Asuka, he thought admiringly. I wonder if Langley means 'determination' in some language, because she never gives up on anything!
Shinji may not have held this opinion had he been present for Asuka's extraction from the entry plug, or witnessed the screaming and punching fit she had thrown when she was told her synch ratio was below ten percent and been forcibly taken from the test plug and suspended from active duty.
I still don't know who's going to pilot Unit 02.
He had asked Misato and Ritsuko both to reconsider letting Asuka try again, but both had said that the girl was unstable, and when he had pointed out that Unit 02 would not be able to fight, both had given him the exact same response.
"That matter has been addressed."
Somehow, this answer did not comfort him.
"Asuka should be home from school in a little while," he whispered. "Maybe I should make her something…"
Pushing up off of his bed, Shinji reached into his pocket to check his cell phone. He hissed in frustration as he found the screen flashing, 'One missed call,' along with a number he did not recognize.
He called his voice mail, but whoever had tried to reach him had not left a message.
"Well, guess I'll give them a call back," he mumbled, making his way into the kitchen as he hit redial. "Hello?" he said, leaning the phone against his shoulder as the connection was made. "I got a call from this number earlier…?"
"Ikari…?"
Shinji nearly dropped the phone. "Oh, Ayanami!" he exclaimed. "Rei, hi! I umm… where are you? I don't know this number."
"It is Mister Kaji's home phone," Rei explained quietly. "I… had a question to ask you."
"A question?" Shinji said. "Ok, what is it?"
There was a brief pause, during which Shinji was sure he could hear another voice whispering instructions to Rei on the other end of the line.
"If you are not too busy this weekend," Rei said, "I would like to know if you could come over to Mister Kaji's apartment to attend a party."
Shinji smiled. "A party, huh?" he said softly. "Is it someone's birthday?"
"No," Rei said calmly, "I simply… felt like having a party for those that I know."
She was so formal about things that Shinji's smile grew wider. It sounds like she's inviting me to move in.
"That sounds like fun," he said honestly. "Should I bring anything?"
There was another moment of silence, during which Shinji distinctly heard another female voice mutter, "No, we have tons of stuff – just tell him to bring some friends, if he wants to."
"No," Rei said, returning to the line a moment later, "we have enough items here… but please feel free to bring your friends, if you would like."
Shinji had to hold the phone away from his mouth as a chuckle escaped him. "S-sure, Rei," he said, pausing for a second before adding, "and tell Horaki I said hi."
"Ikari says-"
"Oh give me that!"
There was a brief scuffling sound.
"Hey Ikari."
"Miss Horaki," Shinji said politely, "good to hear your voice."
"Yours too," Hikari said honestly, "we were scared you weren't coming back." As if inspired, she suddenly added, "So Rei wanted to throw you a welcome home party."
Shinji was impressed by the girl's quick thinking. "Is that right?" he asked. "Well, why didn't she say so? Yeah, I'll definitely be there."
Hikari sounded pleased with herself. "Awesome," she proclaimed, "and see if Suzuhara and Aida want to come too."
"Well," Shinji said hesitantly, "I'll ask Aida, but I don't know what Touji's been up to – I haven't seen him since I woke up."
"Oh y-you haven't?" Hikari stammered. "Then I guess… no one's told you."
Shinji's good mood suddenly vanished. The angel, he thought suddenly, the angel took him over and he… no, she just asked me to invite him so he's not dead – so why is she so ser-
His thought was cut off as Hikari quietly informed him, "He's agreed to pilot if NERV keeps taking care of his sister. He's piloting Asuka's EVA."
Continued…
Note: I failed to acknowledge in the last chapter that Shinji comparing Asuka's look to Ritsuko's was MacBeth2001's idea. And yes, Asuka's makeover has a point, it just hasn't been fully revealed yet.