Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 25

"Now I know I don't have to tell you all why you're here, do I?"

Shinji, Rei, and Asuka all shook their heads, glancing down the table to where Misato stood pacing back and forth in front of the debriefing room's whiteboard. All were dressed in civilian clothes, except for Misato, who was clad in her full, dress uniform.

"First of all," she said calmly, "I will let you all know that Touji has calmed down, and should be released from observation within the next forty-eight hours." She stopped pacing and turned her full attention on Asuka. "He will also be released from active duty at NERV," she whispered, "leaving the position for Unit 02's pilot open."

"You're telling me this… why?" Asuka wondered, giving Misato a bland stare.

Misato pursed her lips, refusing to be intimidated by the girl's currently-amber eyes – a shade that the operations director found very unnerving. "Just because it's that time of the month doesn't give you the right to be a robo-bitch," she said flatly. "What I'm saying here is that you're back on the roster, pending the discovery of the Fifth Child."

This caught the Second's attention, making her sit forward in her seat and reach out with her left hand, unconsciously grabbing Shinji's shirtsleeve. "Wait, wait," she said, holding up her free hand, "back up… I thought you people said my synch ratio was too low to pilot?"

"No," Misato corrected, "we said it was too low for you to be an effective pilot. Your last synch test showed you holding steady just barely above the activation threshold… and quite honestly, Ritsuko and I have serious reservations about your ability to move, let alone fight, so for the time being you will eat, breathe, and sleep thinking of nothing but synchronization theory and practical application of A-10 nerve sympathy stimulation."

Looking confused, Asuka said, "I've never seen anything in the manuals about synchronization theory and practical… whatever."

Misato smiled grimly. "That's because the documentation hasn't existed until now," she said. "Ritsuko's putting the last few touches on an experimental 'how-to' manual outlining ways to improve your synch ratio. Until now, it's always been believed that a person's synchronization levels were pre-determined, and only incremental play was possible… but you've shown that drastic changes can happen, so you will be our test case to see if we can create a training program to enhance a pilot's ratio." She glanced at Shinji, then Rei. "If the project is a success, you two will follow this program as well, maximizing your potential as pilots and increasing our chances in upcoming fights." Letting all of this sink in, she murmured, "Now are there any questions?"

Slowly, Shinji raised his hand. "Will… Touji's sister still be taken care of?"

Hesitating, Misato said, "It's under review right now. The Commander's opinion is that Touji violated his end of the agreement by refusing to pilot anymore… but I'm trying to convince him that Touji's sister needs our care and really, the injuries Touji himself has sustained while piloting for us more than justify continuing treatment for her."

"If there's anything I can do to help," Shinji said awkwardly, "I'll do it… just tell me."

Misato smiled. "Thank you, Shinji," she murmured, "if there is, I'll let you know."

After a moment of quiet, Asuka raised her hand.

"You said pending the discovery of the Fifth," she said when Misato motioned for her to speak. "What happens then?"

Meeting the girl's eyes, Misato quietly told her, "Then you will be pulled back off."

"What?" Asuka erupted, shooting to her feet and leveling a finger at the older woman. "You'll just keep using me until-"

"Until you can't be used anymore," Misato cut in. "Yeah, that's right – if you can't show us a stable synch ratio, you'll be out on your ass. What? Don't look so shocked. This is war, and we aim to win." She narrowed her eyes, walking up to tower over the bleach-blonde girl before softly concluding, "The only way you will be allowed to continue piloting is if you make yourself indispensable. This isn't a goddamn charity, little girl, this is a military unit… and if you can't yank yourself up by your bootstraps and prove to us that you can fight, you're useless to us. Is that clear?"

Asuka's nostrils flared, but she managed to keep herself from hitting Misato in the face. "Give me the damn papers and you'll have your stupid synch ratio."

Gesturing to the door, Misato whispered, "You know where Ritsuko's office is. She said she would have the first draft finished by the time I got done talking to you… and I'm definitely done talking to you."

Without another word, Asuka stalked out of the room.

For several moments, no one spoke. Finally, Misato turned to the remaining pilots. "You're both dismissed," she said evenly, "if there are no more questions."

Slowly, Shinji raised his hand. "Will she really be allowed to keep piloting if she gets her synch ratio up, Misato?"

A strange look passed over Misato's face before she calmly replied, "Of course, Shinji. Now if you two will excuse me, I need to get back to work."

The room fell silent as she gathered up her papers and made her exit.

Tentatively, Shinji snuck a glance at Rei, but quickly looked away as he found her looking directly at him. Damn, he thought wryly, I can't even make eye contact…

The two Children sat quietly for a moment, contemplating the fates of the other pilots they knew. Silence made the seconds feel like minutes to Shinji, causing him to put his hands in his lap and slowly clench and unclench them, finding that it was easier to focus on this simple, reflexive action than wonder what was going on in his enigmatic coworker's mind.

Coworker, he thought suddenly. Why did I think that? I'm… aren't we supposed to be going out? We've kissed, for God's sake! She's… supposed to be my girlfriend.

Girlfriend. This simple word echoed in his mind. Asuka had called him her boyfriend when they were in Kaji's room – and all but demanded that he commit himself to her, if he wanted to be intimate with her.

But I don't want that yet, he thought suddenly. Kensuke and Touji would say there's something wrong with me, I'm sure… but I… I can wait until I know I'm in love before…

Shinji's thoughts trailed off as Rei tentatively laid her fingertips on the back of his hand.

"May I… have some of your time?"

Blinking, Shinji looked up. "Huh?"

Rei looked steadily into his eyes for a moment before clarifying, "I would like to spend some time with you, if you would not mind. It has been… a while since I have been able to be close to you."

"Er," Shinji blushed, the word 'close' bringing to mind a rather vivid image of Asuka's body pressing back against his. "Ok… yeah, what umm, what did you want to do?"

Slowly, Rei moved her chair closer, leaning closer to rest her head on Shinji's shoulder before whispering simply, "I would like to be near you…"

"…ok."

And so they sat for several minutes, saying nothing and holding hands as if they had been together for years. Eventually… they began kissing, exchanging unhurried, gentle little pecks until Shinji closed his mouth over hers and tentatively eased his tongue past her lips, shivering faintly as he felt Rei's breath quicken against his cheek.

When they finally parted, breathless and flushed, Rei took both of Shinji's hands in hers.

"What is it?" Shinji asked, confused as Rei averted her eyes. "Was that… too fast?"

"No," Rei said softly, "there is something… I would like to tell you."

"Ok."

Rei leaned forward, resting her forehead on Shinji's shoulder as she whispered, "You care very deeply for her don't you?"

There was no need to clarify who 'she' was.

Nor was there any reason for Shinji to say yes or no – Rei already knew the answer.

"The Fifth has already been found, Shinji," she said. "Preparations are being made to expedite his delivery to NERV to take over the position of Unit 02's designated pilot."

"Wh-what?" Shinji gasped. "But… but Misato didn't say-"

"Major Katsuragi is unaware of this," Rei said softly, cutting him off. "It would be… bad if it was discovered that you knew, as it would be clear that I was the one who told you, so I must ask that you not tell anyone."

"Yeah, yeah of course," Shinji said quickly, "but… why tell Asuka that she can still pilot if she does all this… this crap?"

Rei shook her head. "It was not untrue," she said calmly. "If she can maintain a stable, combat-ready synchronization ratio, she will be retained as a Child."

Shinji felt faint.

"…that's so much pressure," he muttered, "she'll never be able to do it if she knows this."

"Which is why you cannot tell her."

"What?" Shinji exploded, "But if I don't, then-"

Meeting his eyes, Rei interrupted, "Souryu must not fail. I cannot assist her in this, as our… relationship is not a friendly one, nor may you tell her directly what must be done, for the reasons you yourself have already described."

Shinji looked desperate. "So what can I do?"

Sadly, Rei whispered, "I do not know, Shinji… soothe her rage, perhaps… answer her confusion with understanding… show her, rather than telling her, that you are willing to bear her burden with her. These are only ideas. All I know is that she must be retrained to open herself to EVA… or she will never pilot again."

"But that would kill her!" Shinji nearly sobbed. "She tries to hide it, but piloting is all that matters to her. If they take that away… if they take that away, she'll die."

"Yes," Rei murmured. "Therefore… you must prevent that."

Burying his face in his hands, Shinji groaned, "God, why did you tell me all this? I don't know what to do… and she's not even your friend – she hates you, and she's not just saying it, she really does… why are you trying to help her, Ayanami?"

Resting her hands on his shoulders, Rei leaned closer, putting her mouth next to his ear.

"If hurting a person I do not like will also hurt one that I do, then helping the person I dislike becomes the only option. I do not like this situation any more than you do, Shinji… but I will not – I cannot – stand idle and watch while you are hurt…"

Reaching out, Shinji blindly took her into his arms, pulling her close in absolute silence as a weight far heavier than the responsibility of piloting fell on his shoulders. It is one thing to be told, abstractly, that the whole world depends on you… it is quite another to be given the name face of a person close to you, without being told what, exactly, you have to do to save them.

Closing her eyes, Rei could only hold him as he wept.

( 0 0 0 )

"Mmm," Asuka yawned and stretched, licking her lips as she came into the kitchen. "I smell pancakes."

"Uh huh," Shinji replied, glancing over his shoulder for a moment before pouring more batter into the skillet. "You said you liked them, right?"

Asuka nodded, boldly wrapping her arms around his stomach and leaning over his shoulder. "Those look so damn good," she exclaimed. "My mouth is watering."

Shinji chuckled. "It's just a mix," he mused, pointing to the cardboard box on the counter. "Add water, stir, cook, serve."

"I'm sure it's harder than that," Asuka said. "I tried a few times and burned them to the pan. How do you tell when they're ready to flip?"

"Well," Shinji said, gesturing with his spatula, "see that one?"

"Yeah?"

"See how it has those little bubbles forming in the middle?"

"Yeah?"

"When the bubbles start popping, it's ready to turn over."

Asuka was duly impressed. "Ooo," she hummed, "you're so smart… in the kitchen. Too bad pancake cooking skills couldn't translate to our math test yesterday, eh Third Child?"

Shinji managed a weak laugh. "I guess." He hesitated for a moment, turning the pancakes over before whispering, "How's it going with that synch thing?"

Behind him, he could feel Asuka tense, though her voice was cool and level as she replied, "Oh, you know… lots of theories and big words. I'm working on it."

"Ah."

Pressing herself up against his back, Asuka flatly changed the subject.

"So have you given any thought to my offer?"

Shinji pursed his lips, frowning as he felt (through her exceeding closeness) that Asuka was only wearing a shirt and panties. "Are you… gonna wear contacts today?" he asked, changing the subject again to avoid having to answer.

"Probably go with the green ones today," Asuka said, nonchalantly rubbing her body against his back, "I might use the gold ones, though – they freaked Misato out big time, and-"

"I was thinking maybe you could just… not wear any today," Shinji blurted.

There was a moment of silence before Asuka murmured, "Oh? And why is that?"

Swallowing, Shinji replied, "Because… because you have really nice eyes, and-"

"Why are you trying to butter me up?" Asuka asked sharply. "I told you what you need to do if you want to sleep with me, Shinji – you know what you have to do."

"What if I don't want to be with you like that yet?"

Asuka's arms tightened around him for a moment.

"…you're saying you don't want me?"

"No," Shinji said quickly, "I do, really… but I was thinking… we should wait a while for that, you know? It's not like we have to rush-"

"I'll just do it with someone else then," Asuka cut in flatly. "I've been thinking of giving it to you this weekend… but if you're not 'ready' then I can just find another guy."

Shinji turned off the burner, slowly turning around to face the bleach-blonde girl.

"Don't you ever get tired of being so angry all the time?"

"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Asuka demanded. "You think I'm kidding? You think I won't go sleep with some stranger to prove my point?"

Licking his lips, Shinji forced himself to be calm as he whispered, "But what is your point? Since you can't pilot you'll… be a wh-"

Asuka pulled back and slapped him across the face with enough force to knock him against the stove, where his hand landed on the hot burner.

"How dare you?" she hissed, ignoring his groan of pain as he clutched his hand to his chest. "I'm offering you my virginity, and you're calling me a whore? Fuck you, Third Child! I don't need-"

"You're offering me your virginity," Shinji cut in, his voice heavy as his hand throbbed with pain, "but not your heart."

Throwing her hands in the air, Asuka said, "Oh here we go – can't have sex if you're not in love! God, have you been reading Misato's romance novels again? You sound like a movie of the goddamn week!"

Reaching out, Shinji put his burned hand on Asuka's face.

"Do you love me?"

"What the hell ar-"

"If you do… I'll sleep with you right now."

Asuka's eyes widened, her breath catching in her throat as Shinji slowly caressed her cheek.

"I'll tell Rei I belong to you," he went on, "and I'll never look at another girl for the rest of my life… if you love me."

"Y-you're crazy," Asuka gasped, stumbling back from his hand is if it was still burning. "It's just some stupid words. If you want to be with me, you'll do all that stuff anyw-"

"If you love me," Shinji cut in once more, "then I'm yours."

Thought her mouth worked, nothing came from Asuka's lips, and when Shinji took a step toward her, holding his hand out for her to take, she scurried back so fast she smashed her hip against the corner of the table, drawing a sharp gasp of pain from her too-dry throat.

"If you want my heart, it's yours for the taking," Shinji said awkwardly. "Just let me have yours too, or else… it's not right." Walking up to where Asuka was pinned against the table, he pressed a hand lightly against her chest and softly added, "Let… me… in…"

"G-Get away from me!"

Planting both hands in the middle of Shinji's chest, Asuka pushed – hard – sending him flying back into the fridge as she turned on her heel and dashed out of the kitchen, her eyes glittering with tears she no longer knew how to shed as made it to her room and slammed the door.

Slowly, Shinji pushed himself up from where he had slid onto the floor, rubbing his face with both hands and wincing at the pain this drew from his burned palm. Somehow, he felt that he had not done such a good job in helping Asuka open her heart. He had thought, perhaps, that if she got what she wanted… it might make her happy enough to really open up to him.

He knew… that she did not really want to have sex with him – that was just her weapon, her bribe to make him do what she wanted. But when confronted with the possibility that he might actually want her to love him, rather than just sleep with him, she had fled as if all the demons of Hell were on her heels.

"…couldn't do it," Shinji whispered, staring at his burned hand with dry, listless eyes. "I couldn't break through, Ayanami."

Not only that, he realized as he stared at his perfectly browned pancakes, but rather than saving her… he may have actually pushed her past the point of being savable.

And there was nothing he could do about it.

Continued…