"Were you going to say goodbye?"
Harry sighed again, "I don't know, Ginny."
"Oh." Ginny looked into his emerald eyes. It was the first time in a long time that they had been able to meet one another's eyes. So much had happened, so much had gone wrong. Harry didn't even blame her anymore, but the pain and grief was still there. And this is what kept him from telling her everything she needed to hear. Everything he wanted to say.
"Ginny." He said walking toward the girl, touching her hand. Ginny winced, almost in pain at his touch. Her guilt consumed her so much that she felt she didn't deserve it. "I'm sorry."
Ginny gave a small smile, "Me too, Harry. Me too." And pulled away from his hand, walking out the room.
Watching her walk away was the hardest thing Harry had ever done in his eighteen years of life.
Chapter 5"It's because of her, isn't it?"
"What?" Harry asked, still holding Hermione's letter. Drake had interrupted his thoughts.
"You won't call because of her."
"Who?"
"Who? Shit, you know who the hell I am talking about. You're meeting Ron and Hermione, you don't even have to see Ginny."
"I know." Harry said softly.
"But?"
"But she is only one I want to see." Harry whispered.
"Damn. Even after all of these years? After all that happened? You do still love her don't you?"
Harry nodded. For the first time admitting it to himself.
Drake smiled, "Well then, that's that."
"That's what?"
"You've finally admitted it, now what are you going to do?"
Harry groaned. "There's not much I can do. Even if I still have feelings for her, it doesn't mean I can forget everything – "
"It wasn't her fault." Drake quickly interrupted.
"I know! I know that. But she knew she was… and she still…"
"Still what? Saved your life?"
"Yes."
"If she hadn't of come between you and the curse, you would have died, Harry."
"She shouldn't have been there! I told her not come. And if I had known…"
"You didn't know!"
"But she did! She knew…she knew. She was carrying my child, Drake. The only thing I have ever wanted is a family. And she knew that. She knew she was pregnant and she still came! And when she came between the Avada Kedavra curse and me… I thought she had died."
"I know. I still don't think most of her family knows how she really survived it."
"Well, who wants to tell your family that you were pregnant at 16? And that it was the baby who died instead of you when hit by an unforgivable by an evil dark lord? God, we were so young and stupid." Harry bitterly spat.
"I agree."
"She chose, Drake. She chose me over our child. I wanted so hard to be able to just get over that. But it was so different after that."
"And yet, you still love her."
"How could I not love her?" Harry whispered.
Drake hugged his friend. "You have had more than your fair share of shit in your life, Harry Potter. Why don't you see if you can be happy once and for all?"
"Happy? Is there such a thing?" Harry sarcastically replied. "No. I treated her terrible. Like crap. She would never love me again. Plus who knows? She's probably married and has a few kids…" Harry stopped at that thought, the idea of Ginny having children was very unpleasant.
"Well… I think she was seeing Neville for a while but I think that's been put on hold. She's a healer at St. Mungo's. I hear she's pretty good at it too. Still living at the Burrow though. From what I hear, Molly and Arthur have kept a pretty tight reign on her. Very overprotective."
"Who can blame them? After what she's gone through? How do you know all of this anyway?"
"You know I have my sources. The wizarding world loves gossip and Pansy loves it more than anyone else. Our weekly lunches are nothing more than her telling me everything about everyone. You should come some time. They're fun." Drake suggested.
Harry ignored the invitation. The idea of lunching with Pansy was not appealing. She was still a bit of a stuck up twit. She had married some high level Ministry wizard and had two small children. She knew her husband would be very upset with her weekly outings to muggle London to see an old boyfriend but it wasn't really like that. Drake and Pansy had been each other's firsts but the romantic attachment was tenuous at best. They were more best friends than lovers in school anyway and she could not give up that relationship for anyone. Even if Drake kept secrets and never let her visit his flat. Harry was sure she suspected he was living with some bloke and just couldn't admit it to her.
Being mistaken for Drake's lover was not an uncommon occurrence especially since both men were financially well off enough not to need a flat mate and because Drake was very affectionate with Harry. But those friends who knew them well enough, knew nothing was going on. Each man had an endless supply of lovers going in and out of their lives. Well… Drake more than Harry. It seemed without the aid of drugs to forget Ginny, Harry found it hard to be interested in anyone else. Which judging by the inordinate amount of redheads that Harry brought home, it was no surprise to Draco that Harry still had feelings for Ginny Weasley.
"Well?" Drake demanded.
"Well what?" Harry asked confused, realizing he had been lost in his thoughts again. He was thinking about her.
"Why don't you contact her? You'll never know if you don't try. And you guys at least owe to yourselves to try to put your resolve things a bit. Don't you think? Resolution is good."
"Yes. I guess… but so damn hard, you know? I'd hate walking back into her life and making it worse for her. Plus this isn't about her…it's about Ron and Hermione. What should I do about them?"
"Hmmm. I think maybe I should go to St. Mungo's. Invite Ginny to dinner."
"What!"
"Listen, Harry, you need this. You need to let her know you don't hate her at least."
"I've never hated her. Why would I hate her? What do you know, Drake?" Harry demanded.
"Nothing, Harry. It's just – just, when Pansy talks about Ginny, I get the feeling she has a tough time at it, you know? Maybe you can help her. And help yourself. Ron and Hermione can wait. If you're seriously considering making contact with them, you should contact Ginny first. You owe that to her."
Harry groaned. He knew Drake was right. But he was so damn confused. Did he even want to contact any of them? Why did he care about them so much anyway? Because they have always been there for you… because they are your friends. It would be better if he just stayed away. He thought of the last time he saw them all as he left. They didn't understand why he had to "get away" but they let him go. They probably thought he'd be gone a few months and come back…
But he couldn't. Live in that world again. Ever. Especially without his power. God, he missed the feeling as the power coursed through his veins. He was absolutely terrified of the power, but the euphoria and the pure adrenalin it caused was better than any high any drug could manage.
"No."
"No what?"
"No, I'm not calling Hermione… you're not inviting Ginny anywhere. No. I don't want to go back. It was just a thought." Harry sighed.
Drake knew he couldn't argue with his friend. Harry had come so far. He had even published an amazing novel. He was getting on with his life. But maybe it was too soon to open old wounds. "Someday you'll have too, Harry, you'll have to face them."
Harry looked up at his friend. Drake was startled at the intensity and the pain that shone through Harry's emerald eyes. "I know. Drake… I know. But not today, okay?"