Disclaimer: see chapter 1.

Folded Wings

By Random1377

Chapter 28

Rei leaned against one of the corridor walls near the men's locker room, taking in slow, even breaths as she tried to regain her composure. As she had been trying to find Shinji, a jumbled mass of images and thoughts had hit her like a bomb, making her weak in the knees and forcing her to stand still until the feeling had passed.

Some of the haziness of the past three months had been lifted, but in all honesty, it had not been much. She could remember, for example, why she was living in Mister Kaji's apartment… but what they had talked about, or why the man had left, she could not quite recall. There was a vague recollection of Major Katsuragi's enraged face tied to her most recent memories of the apartment, but why she was angry, or what she had done to express her anger, were lost to Rei.

Hikari, she thought rubbing her forehead with one hand as she finally pushed away from the wall. Why does her name make my face warm? It is the same with Shinji, as well as Mister Kaji. Why… must I experience this? I no longer no myself, nor-

"Miss Ayanami? Are you alright?"

Looking up, Rei found herself staring into another set of red eyes.

Like a hammer, another memory hit her, Souryu's shrill voice screaming, "That's what's different about us, you know. You told Shinji you're replicable – but I'm not, goddamn it… and I know it," in her mind so vividly that Rei nearly looked around for the girl.

Blinking, she realized that the person in front of her was not the Second – and was not even a girl. "Who are you?"

The boy smiled soothingly. "Kaworu Nagisa."

"Who are you really?"

This was not what Rei had meant to say. The question she had been meaning to ask was, 'Why are you here?' but somewhere along the way, the message got scrambled.

Kaworu simply smiled.

"I believe you know."

Rei stared into the boy's eyes for a long moment, memories of the past three months struggling to be heard over memories far, far older – memories not truly hers, yet belonging to no one else. Memories of a time she had never known yet ached to recall.

And where her own memories were hazy, these were absolutely blackened. Only in seeing herself reflected in Kaworu's eyes did she even have an inkling that they existed.

"Destroyer."

Waving a hand, Kaworu murmured, "Please, don't be so dramatic. We're the same, you and I… vessels to carry the Chosen. Shells with nothing to hold save the tiny, fragmentary lives we carve out for ourselves. To say I am a destroyer is to say it of yourself, Miss Ayanami, and from what Shinji tells me, you are far from being that."

Gazing intently into his eyes, Rei only had one question.

"You know Shinji…?"

"Admittedly not very well," Kaworu said. "I met him only recently, you see, though I do feel as if we have a certain… bond, I suppose, as if we were destined to meet one another."

Rei's thoughts were absolutely clamoring. Destined, she thought, latching onto the most recent memory of Shinji that she could. You do not deny that you are here to destroy that which I hold dear. Therefore, if I am destined to be a destroyer as well… perhaps…

Kaworu leaned closer as Rei whispered something too quiet for him to hear. "What was that?"

"If we are the same," Rei said quietly, her arms slowly rising from her sides as she stared into the newcomer's eyes, "then you too, are replicable…"

Kaworu made no move to stop her as she reached out and wrapped both hands around his slender throat.

"…correct?"

( 0 0 0 )

"Rei?" Shinji knocked a second time, noticing with a certain lack of surprise that the door to Kaji's apartment was slightly ajar. "Rei, are you here?"

Even if you are, he thought, why am I here? We're not… as close as we were, right? You can barely remember what happened, so why…

He shook his head, letting the thought go as being irrelevant.

Besides, he already knew the answer. Some boyfriend, he thought, pushing the door open to see if the girl was inside. Asuka's missing, Touji's been moved – along with half of the school… you're the only one I can still talk to… so I'm running to you, even though you're the one who's hurt worst…

Misato, of course, was unreachable – especially since the day he had seen Rei in the hospital. She had gone to NERV that night to discuss something with Ritsuko, but when she returned, she refused to look him in the eyes… and they hadn't talked much since.

I had a missed call from Ritsuko that night, he thought suddenly, peering into the dimly lit apartment. I wonder what she wanted to talk about? She doesn't answer her phone, and I haven't seen her for a couple of days. Well, I guess if it's important, she'll call back…

Blissfully ignorant of the events that had transpired in the clone storage facility, Shinji chalked it up as another synch test or small question on the last angel fight.

"Rei," he called, "why are you just sitting there in the dark?"

Situated at the kitchen table, Rei did not look up. "It is… more relaxing," she said slowly, staring intently at her hands. "In the dark, there is less danger of seeing something that will make my memories overwhelm me."

"Oh," Shinji mumbled, feeling very useless. "Umm, do you mind if I come in?"

"No," Rei replied. "I would like that."

"Ok."

Moving into the eerily silent apartment, Shinji made his way over to the table, nearly falling over the couch's footstool and cursing as he crouched down to rub his shin. Finally reaching her, he took the seat on the opposite side of the table, glancing down to find that her hands were not empty, as he had first thought, but that each palm held a small, glittering object.

"What are you doing, Rei?" he asked softly, squinting in the low light to figure out what she was holding.

"Considering," was Rei's quiet reply.

"Considering what?"

"…what meaning these hold."

Clearing his throat, Shinji said, "Can I see them? Maybe I can help."

Rei extended her hands, showing a watch in one, and what looked like a necklace on a piece of paper in the other. "The watch was a gift from the Commander," she said by way of explanation. "He gave it to me to ensure that I was always on time, but it seems to have been broken. I do not remember how."

Examining the timepiece, Shinji noticed that the hands were frozen at exactly 10:10, the time every watch in every store he had ever seen was set to when you first bought it. That's… kinda weird, he thought, looking to the other hand.

"And what's that?"

Rei followed his gaze. "A necklace."

"Oh."

"There was a note with it."

"Well, let me see."

Shinji took the small, carefully folded note from Rei's hand and read it out loud.

"I know you like to be direct and to the point," he announced slowly, "so I will do the same. I cannot apologize properly for the way I treated you, but I know I cannot leave things the way they are, so I will give you this. It was my mother's, and it meant the world to her. If I see you wearing it, someday, I will know that you have forgiven me, or at least, that you understand why I said the things that I said. I don't know what else to say, so I'll just stop here. I'll be hoping to see it around your neck, Rei. Please forgive me."

Shinji turned the note over, examining the back for a moment.

"It's not signed…"

Rei nodded.

"Do you… have any idea who it might be from…?"

Rei slowly shook her head.

"Can I see it?"

When Rei said nothing, Shinji reached out and plucked item from Rei's hand. Holding it up, he frowned, finding himself staring at a small, silver cross dangling from a sturdy steel chain. It was old, and clearly well used, but whoever had owned it last had polished it until it shone, and when Shinji twisted it just right, it caught the dim light and sparkled brightly.

"Are you going to wear it?" he asked softly, holding the pendant out to Rei.

She did not take it.

"I do not know who it is from," Rei said softly. "Perhaps… I have not forgiven them."

Shinji laughed softly. "If you can't even remember being mad at anyone, how can you say you haven't forgiven them?" When Rei offered no reply, Shinji rose to his feet and walked around the table. "Here," he said softly, "I'll help."

Rei tilted her head forward as Shinji held the pendant in front of her eyes, allowing him to drape the chain around her neck and fasten it in place.

"There," Shinji said quietly. "Let's see how it looks."

Moving around to stand in front of her, he nodded, giving her an encouraging smile.

"It looks beautiful, Rei."

"What good-"

Shinji leaned forward curiously as Rei cut herself off. "Hm?"

"What good does it do to spread your wings if they are immediately broken or torn from you?" Rei asked, looking up at Shinji with wide, shining eyes. "Tell me… please. I feel that I have… striven so hard, given so much – and I am no further than when I began. I cannot remember the simplest of things… even when I look at you, I can only remember half of what I know I should feel. Ikari… Shinji… please tell me where I belong… please tell me that I haven't failed… please…"

She closed her eyes as Shinji laid his hand on top of her head.

Please…

A shiver ran down her spine as Shinji kissed her gently on the lips. For the first time…for the hundredth time…Rei no longer knew.

"Why… did you do that?" she whispered, touching her lips as Shinji pulled away. "Are we… intimate?"

Shinji's face was so sad that Rei thought she had said something wrong.

"Only if you want to be…"

"I… don't know if I do."

Nodding, Shinji murmured, "Will you let me know when you're sure?"

"Yes."

Shinji hesitated.

"…do you remember where I live?"

It was a basic question, but still, Rei had to think about it for a moment, her cheeks flushing slightly as she finally nodded. "To a point," she said slowly, "everything is clear. I remember everything until… something happened with Mister Kaji and I. The events beyond that are…hazy. Sometimes, I remember little things… but most of the last three months are lost to me."

"Don't push yourself," Shinji recommended. "I don't know if I can help in any way, but if I can, just let me know."

"Thank you."

"Sure."

Resisting the urge to give her another kiss, Shinji straightened and made his way towards the door.

"Shinji?"

"Yeah?"

"…will you stay awhile?"

Smiling sadly, Shinji nodded and walked back over to the table, sitting across from Rei and taking her hand in his.

"Sure, Rei," he said softly, wishing he could meet her confused and uncertain eyes. "I'll stay as long as you need me to."

To be concluded…